Polar opposites don't push away.
One of these days I'll get back to posting shit about my life but for now, another Esquire What I've Learned hackjob. This month, the American Man, as seen in snippets from several interviews of men over the past few years, with me taking over after a few words.
Fear is... the greatest motivator. Someone can truly want something but may never actually make a move on it until they think they'll lose the chance.
My father is... unlike me in alot of ways, but like me in a few very important ones. I don't drink beer, and I'm never going to be comfortable sitting around in just my shorts when company is over. However, after a few hours on the road, I imagine our minds wander the same way. He also taught me everything important I know about politics and humility.
My mother is... the Great American Mother so many writers try to capture. She is a fury, a force of nature, a nurturer, and possesses the sort of intellect that looks clean through bullshit. I got alot of my perspective from her, which gets me in more trouble than some who know her might think.
Tuesday is... a day of prophecy. With Monday behind us, we take stock of if the week is going to be worthwhile or not.
It's people... not the economy. I try to impress this fact on the people I speak with, but most of the time I'm sure it doesn't sink in. We live in an age where we treat people like the soulless, inhuman heralds of a faceless, heartless machine... and then wonder why they act like soulless inhumans when we ask for a loan or deferment.
Don't waste... a bad day. Capitalize on the bad day - seize the shitty day by not fighting it. If you know your day is about to go to hell and there's nothing to do about it, lean into the curve. Embrace the bad day.
After four hours... at a computer, I feel less than human.
Sex in a car... isn't good. But the idea of sex in a car is good. (This is the original line, untampered with because it is perfect)
I became a man... when I realized my parents weren't the safety net under my tightrope. They were under their own spotlights, doing their own balancing acts. And I had been jumping up and down on their tightrope for several years.
I had a client... ask me how to get her husband more involved in solving their financial issues. I nearly told her "I'm not a marriage counselor," but I realized at this point I may as well be. The situation we're in now is easily counted by debt and houses lost, but even those who manage to come out alive end up scarred.
I've learned... that overtipping the sandwich guy gets you excellent subs.
It is enough... to be amused by your own jokes. Don't waste your time trying to teach everyone the punchline if they didn't get it the first time around.
If a man... attempts to sympathize or analyze the sexism and discrimination women go through, he is patted on the hand for his effort like a three year old trying to help balance the checkbook. A woman can be accepted as an authority on men's issues.
Here's the one thing... I don't get, still: How did someone (or a group of someones) convince a major food chain that "flavor-dipped" did not sound completely disgusting?
To succeed as a father... you have to know that someday your kids are going to realize the things you said and did might have been overprotective or just plain incorrect, but it wasn't for lack of trying.
The bass player is... the guy I always try and be. I want to be in the back, inscrutable and keeping time. For the past few years, though, people have insisted I stand up front and sing.
If the neighborman... asks what I do, I tell him. I learned that saying you're from "around" and you do "all sorts of things" gets less funny and more worrisome the older you get.
My friends... probably wonder.
I am a man... and I can tell you this: it was an awful fucking lot of rivers to cross, ladies.
I gotta lose... my inhibition when it comes to going shirtless in public. If I can't beat that down, I'm going to probably have a heat stroke on my bike at some point this summer.
The worst part... of my day are those few points in the day where I need to stop working and get my mind off of it for a second, but no one is being interesting on the forums.
There's that line... that everyone says you shouldn't cross. I have a hard time seeing it, and everyone is in the habit of only pointing said line out after you've gotten a few miles past it.
We are all here... for each other's amusement to some degree.
The good guy... isn't wearing a nametag or cape, but I think you can tell it on his face. It's proper and nice to say you can't judge a book by its cover, but we all know a right bastard as soon as we lay eyes on him.
Survival has... a bad habit of becoming an acceptable standard of living once you've had to "just survive" for a little while.
It's been ten years... since I've lived in Liberty, but I miss it sometimes. It was always interesting to have an open door through which any number of people might wander at any given time of the day.
I should have... realized when I'm being flirted with more often. My inability to notice when this goes on has caused all sorts of uncomfortable situations.
We will reach... a moment when we're oversaturated with ourselves. We've all gotten our fifteen minutes, and now we're intent on seeing ourselves and everyone else under a 24 hour microscope. Our casual disregard for each other - our acceptance of the idea that other people aren't really people - is at a high, but it will get worse. Eventually, we'll grow bored with ourselves as a race, and then... someone will step in to make entertainment that only our lack of appreciation for each other will really allow. And I'm not talking about the crassness of watching aged rockers hit on strippers. It will be disgusting on a level we haven't seen, and there will be very few of us around who saw what came before to make a comparison.
I've been drinkin away
The part of the day
That I can't sleep away.
Fear is... the greatest motivator. Someone can truly want something but may never actually make a move on it until they think they'll lose the chance.
My father is... unlike me in alot of ways, but like me in a few very important ones. I don't drink beer, and I'm never going to be comfortable sitting around in just my shorts when company is over. However, after a few hours on the road, I imagine our minds wander the same way. He also taught me everything important I know about politics and humility.
My mother is... the Great American Mother so many writers try to capture. She is a fury, a force of nature, a nurturer, and possesses the sort of intellect that looks clean through bullshit. I got alot of my perspective from her, which gets me in more trouble than some who know her might think.
Tuesday is... a day of prophecy. With Monday behind us, we take stock of if the week is going to be worthwhile or not.
It's people... not the economy. I try to impress this fact on the people I speak with, but most of the time I'm sure it doesn't sink in. We live in an age where we treat people like the soulless, inhuman heralds of a faceless, heartless machine... and then wonder why they act like soulless inhumans when we ask for a loan or deferment.
Don't waste... a bad day. Capitalize on the bad day - seize the shitty day by not fighting it. If you know your day is about to go to hell and there's nothing to do about it, lean into the curve. Embrace the bad day.
After four hours... at a computer, I feel less than human.
Sex in a car... isn't good. But the idea of sex in a car is good. (This is the original line, untampered with because it is perfect)
I became a man... when I realized my parents weren't the safety net under my tightrope. They were under their own spotlights, doing their own balancing acts. And I had been jumping up and down on their tightrope for several years.
I had a client... ask me how to get her husband more involved in solving their financial issues. I nearly told her "I'm not a marriage counselor," but I realized at this point I may as well be. The situation we're in now is easily counted by debt and houses lost, but even those who manage to come out alive end up scarred.
I've learned... that overtipping the sandwich guy gets you excellent subs.
It is enough... to be amused by your own jokes. Don't waste your time trying to teach everyone the punchline if they didn't get it the first time around.
If a man... attempts to sympathize or analyze the sexism and discrimination women go through, he is patted on the hand for his effort like a three year old trying to help balance the checkbook. A woman can be accepted as an authority on men's issues.
Here's the one thing... I don't get, still: How did someone (or a group of someones) convince a major food chain that "flavor-dipped" did not sound completely disgusting?
To succeed as a father... you have to know that someday your kids are going to realize the things you said and did might have been overprotective or just plain incorrect, but it wasn't for lack of trying.
The bass player is... the guy I always try and be. I want to be in the back, inscrutable and keeping time. For the past few years, though, people have insisted I stand up front and sing.
If the neighborman... asks what I do, I tell him. I learned that saying you're from "around" and you do "all sorts of things" gets less funny and more worrisome the older you get.
My friends... probably wonder.
I am a man... and I can tell you this: it was an awful fucking lot of rivers to cross, ladies.
I gotta lose... my inhibition when it comes to going shirtless in public. If I can't beat that down, I'm going to probably have a heat stroke on my bike at some point this summer.
The worst part... of my day are those few points in the day where I need to stop working and get my mind off of it for a second, but no one is being interesting on the forums.
There's that line... that everyone says you shouldn't cross. I have a hard time seeing it, and everyone is in the habit of only pointing said line out after you've gotten a few miles past it.
We are all here... for each other's amusement to some degree.
The good guy... isn't wearing a nametag or cape, but I think you can tell it on his face. It's proper and nice to say you can't judge a book by its cover, but we all know a right bastard as soon as we lay eyes on him.
Survival has... a bad habit of becoming an acceptable standard of living once you've had to "just survive" for a little while.
It's been ten years... since I've lived in Liberty, but I miss it sometimes. It was always interesting to have an open door through which any number of people might wander at any given time of the day.
I should have... realized when I'm being flirted with more often. My inability to notice when this goes on has caused all sorts of uncomfortable situations.
We will reach... a moment when we're oversaturated with ourselves. We've all gotten our fifteen minutes, and now we're intent on seeing ourselves and everyone else under a 24 hour microscope. Our casual disregard for each other - our acceptance of the idea that other people aren't really people - is at a high, but it will get worse. Eventually, we'll grow bored with ourselves as a race, and then... someone will step in to make entertainment that only our lack of appreciation for each other will really allow. And I'm not talking about the crassness of watching aged rockers hit on strippers. It will be disgusting on a level we haven't seen, and there will be very few of us around who saw what came before to make a comparison.
I've been drinkin away
The part of the day
That I can't sleep away.