Wake up and face me.
Things aren't all that bad. I have a job I have a pretty enviable amount of freedom in. I have a nice home that, if I so chose, I could punch a hole in a wall or put up completely new cabinets. I have my own car. I have the respect and admiration of bigots, drunks, and sexists everywhere. So, as the wise man once asked, "y so srs?"
I have a history of seeing the bad side of things. Even when I was generally considered the cheerful, careless little bastard in high school, I was always acutely aware of the grinding bullshit that was killing everyone around me. Eventually it just felt like I was being an asshole, really - why do I get to smirk and flip coins while the world was burning around me? I guess what started off as an academic question has turned into something of a fascination with wondering just how bad it might get. I dunno why that's been sticking in my head the past few days. I talked to a friend a bit recently and he mentioned I had a tendency to look around the room like I was expecting something to happen all the time. I asked him what did it seem like I was expecting, to which he just shrugged and said "Nothing good." I'm not really a pessimist, I don't think I could have made it this far if I had seen the shit I have and not been pretty optimistic at the core. I just think that maybe most people tend to have two levels of awareness - what they know will likely happen, and what they know and hope might happen.
Speaking of hope, tomorrow we're going to see something I honestly didn't imagine we'd see without a political or literal bloodbath - the end of Bush's time in the White House. It's sort've a double whammy of what I'm trying to get a fix on above - it feels like a trap (insert SW image macros here). I mean the political team that showed absolutely no class, no conscience, and no limits when it came to holding the big chair with both gnarled hooves is just gonna walk away? Really? I was honestly expecting a "sudden" turn of events in Iraq that would give them the traction to say we'd have to postpone elections... or... something else equally paranoid. I guess it's something else that's hard to describe. I'm not a big fan of Obama (I'd rather not get started on the ten day concert and sideshow that this swearing in has become), but seeing someone else just come through and knock over the Bush Team feels a bit easy. I didn't honestly expect like a military coup or anything stupid, just more of a fight, I guess.
Let's see, what else is just pissing me off, while I'm here? Guild politics, as always, remain a source of frustration and genuine surprise. It's sometimes a thing that I just want to step back from and observe, National Geographic style. If I wasn't in the middle of this shit, I could just grab my chin and nod thoughtfully at the unusual behavior of the North American Raider in his natural habitat. I think I've gotten past the point where I'm asking myself "ugh why the fuck am I doing this?" like I was halfway through TBC. Now it's more to the effect of "ugh why the fuck are you doing that?"
I've had the time/energy to start working out and biking regularly again, so that's been a little better. That GH drum set has also been a godsend - it's about as frustrating to learn as the guitar was, but in this case I'm already beating the fuck out of something, so tension in --> tension out. It's pretty theraputic, and I highly the fuck recommend it for anyone who has realized that they have trouble dealing with problems they can't punch.
I guess that's enough for now. I picked up a new laptop last weekend because the Saucetop finally died. This one has a built in webcam, so I might just join 2007 and do this shit by video. It feels a little stilted and calculated when I write this kind of stuff out - I find myself editing just how frustrated or meandering I get. But maybe that's for the best.
Sometime this week there's a few thorns in my side I need to get around to plucking.
Go ahead and play dead, I know that you can hear this.
Go ahead and play dead. Why can't you turn and face me?
You fucking disappoint me. Maybe you're better off this way.
I have a history of seeing the bad side of things. Even when I was generally considered the cheerful, careless little bastard in high school, I was always acutely aware of the grinding bullshit that was killing everyone around me. Eventually it just felt like I was being an asshole, really - why do I get to smirk and flip coins while the world was burning around me? I guess what started off as an academic question has turned into something of a fascination with wondering just how bad it might get. I dunno why that's been sticking in my head the past few days. I talked to a friend a bit recently and he mentioned I had a tendency to look around the room like I was expecting something to happen all the time. I asked him what did it seem like I was expecting, to which he just shrugged and said "Nothing good." I'm not really a pessimist, I don't think I could have made it this far if I had seen the shit I have and not been pretty optimistic at the core. I just think that maybe most people tend to have two levels of awareness - what they know will likely happen, and what they know and hope might happen.
Speaking of hope, tomorrow we're going to see something I honestly didn't imagine we'd see without a political or literal bloodbath - the end of Bush's time in the White House. It's sort've a double whammy of what I'm trying to get a fix on above - it feels like a trap (insert SW image macros here). I mean the political team that showed absolutely no class, no conscience, and no limits when it came to holding the big chair with both gnarled hooves is just gonna walk away? Really? I was honestly expecting a "sudden" turn of events in Iraq that would give them the traction to say we'd have to postpone elections... or... something else equally paranoid. I guess it's something else that's hard to describe. I'm not a big fan of Obama (I'd rather not get started on the ten day concert and sideshow that this swearing in has become), but seeing someone else just come through and knock over the Bush Team feels a bit easy. I didn't honestly expect like a military coup or anything stupid, just more of a fight, I guess.
Let's see, what else is just pissing me off, while I'm here? Guild politics, as always, remain a source of frustration and genuine surprise. It's sometimes a thing that I just want to step back from and observe, National Geographic style. If I wasn't in the middle of this shit, I could just grab my chin and nod thoughtfully at the unusual behavior of the North American Raider in his natural habitat. I think I've gotten past the point where I'm asking myself "ugh why the fuck am I doing this?" like I was halfway through TBC. Now it's more to the effect of "ugh why the fuck are you doing that?"
I've had the time/energy to start working out and biking regularly again, so that's been a little better. That GH drum set has also been a godsend - it's about as frustrating to learn as the guitar was, but in this case I'm already beating the fuck out of something, so tension in --> tension out. It's pretty theraputic, and I highly the fuck recommend it for anyone who has realized that they have trouble dealing with problems they can't punch.
I guess that's enough for now. I picked up a new laptop last weekend because the Saucetop finally died. This one has a built in webcam, so I might just join 2007 and do this shit by video. It feels a little stilted and calculated when I write this kind of stuff out - I find myself editing just how frustrated or meandering I get. But maybe that's for the best.
Sometime this week there's a few thorns in my side I need to get around to plucking.
Go ahead and play dead, I know that you can hear this.
Go ahead and play dead. Why can't you turn and face me?
You fucking disappoint me. Maybe you're better off this way.