I am the job.
Been a little hectic in the first few weeks for 2006 so far. Adjusting to not being at SBC is taking a little more effort than I had imagined - to borrow a phrase from yet another company I've worked for in the past, I can't seem to shake the SBC Taint. A few mornings these past weeks I've woken up and looked at the alarm clock and started freaking the fuck out, thinking that I was late for my shift in the call center. I'm starting to feel more like me, I suppose, but I'm going to have to deal with the fact I am not the same me that went into that four years of hell. I don't really see things as what that job made me, but instead on what it made me not. I'm not able to just not care about keeping my bills paid. I'm not the sort of person now to uncaringly meander for a few days without some sort of plan for work and play in place. I may never be that sort've mofukka again. It really bothers me because I used to see myself as a really flexible sort of fellow - one that could go with the flow and do whatever. Now it feels more and more that if people aren't going with my fucking flow, goddamnit, they best get the fuck off the water. It's an unreasonable impulse, and one I hate in other people, but there it is. I hope it fucking dies.
I don't know if my interest in L5R died because of how dark my attitude has been during the time I worked at SBC, because I've "grown up" and put aside "childish" things, the game just stopped being interesting, personal issues with AEG itself, or some combination of all of that, but it's pretty clear to me at this point I may never pick up another CCG deck ever again. When I first stopped falling out of the habit of playing, I'd look at new cards and complex thoughts would form in my mind - thoughts of deck possibilities, storyline intrigue, and the power to destroy all of the world with 40 green cards and 40 black cards, as well as the regret that I couldn't bring myself to the zen mindset of playing a competitive game with my constantly short temper and keeping it cool. Now I just think "oh hey that art is (insert favorable or disgusted opinion here)". I didn't expect to be playing cards forever... or maybe I did. I may have the time and creative energy again to start running rpg games, though.
The job at iPayDebt is going somewhat predictably. I was hired to pretty much fashion their "education program" from nothing, and they are a credit counseling company - something I have no business experience working in. I spent about a week and a half working up published materials and an outline for a spoken presentation when Joe (tha's mah boss) let me know it was going completely in the wrong direction. He had been trying to get out some informational material to me during this time, and though no fault of his own it was caught up in the delivery service, so it was sort've frustrating to receive these packages today and review them... only to find I could have been sitting on my hands for the past two weeks and be in the same spot I'm in now - having to start nearly completely over. We all knew it'd be a rocky start, though, and thankfully Joe is as understanding as he said he'd be. I've dealt with way too many people who described themselves and patient and whatnot only to find out they're actually smack-using deadline nazis with no connection to what you and I deem "the really real world".
Sadly, this setback means I won't be making it to what I had hoped was going to be my first foray back into the "Seth isn't shackled to an office by his work every weekend" world. Colson's tournament is this Saturday and I had hoped to make a road trip there just to kick back and shoot the shit, but I will be... shackled to my office by my work this weekend. I guess the comfort there is that I have chosen to be responsible and do this of my own volition instead of just putting it aside and working all day and night for the first few weekdays next week to get back on the schedule I want to be on.
Anywho, that's that for now.
I don't know if my interest in L5R died because of how dark my attitude has been during the time I worked at SBC, because I've "grown up" and put aside "childish" things, the game just stopped being interesting, personal issues with AEG itself, or some combination of all of that, but it's pretty clear to me at this point I may never pick up another CCG deck ever again. When I first stopped falling out of the habit of playing, I'd look at new cards and complex thoughts would form in my mind - thoughts of deck possibilities, storyline intrigue, and the power to destroy all of the world with 40 green cards and 40 black cards, as well as the regret that I couldn't bring myself to the zen mindset of playing a competitive game with my constantly short temper and keeping it cool. Now I just think "oh hey that art is (insert favorable or disgusted opinion here)". I didn't expect to be playing cards forever... or maybe I did. I may have the time and creative energy again to start running rpg games, though.
The job at iPayDebt is going somewhat predictably. I was hired to pretty much fashion their "education program" from nothing, and they are a credit counseling company - something I have no business experience working in. I spent about a week and a half working up published materials and an outline for a spoken presentation when Joe (tha's mah boss) let me know it was going completely in the wrong direction. He had been trying to get out some informational material to me during this time, and though no fault of his own it was caught up in the delivery service, so it was sort've frustrating to receive these packages today and review them... only to find I could have been sitting on my hands for the past two weeks and be in the same spot I'm in now - having to start nearly completely over. We all knew it'd be a rocky start, though, and thankfully Joe is as understanding as he said he'd be. I've dealt with way too many people who described themselves and patient and whatnot only to find out they're actually smack-using deadline nazis with no connection to what you and I deem "the really real world".
Sadly, this setback means I won't be making it to what I had hoped was going to be my first foray back into the "Seth isn't shackled to an office by his work every weekend" world. Colson's tournament is this Saturday and I had hoped to make a road trip there just to kick back and shoot the shit, but I will be... shackled to my office by my work this weekend. I guess the comfort there is that I have chosen to be responsible and do this of my own volition instead of just putting it aside and working all day and night for the first few weekdays next week to get back on the schedule I want to be on.
Anywho, that's that for now.