The end.
I'm going to geek the fuck out for a moment.
In Rokugan, the Asian-themed fantasy setting for Legend of the Five Rings, there was a wise man called Shinsei, who helped the first generation of Rokugan banish a dark god who threatened to overcome them with his evil. A thousand years later, Shinsei was reincarnated and led a new generation of heroes to defeat the dark god again, then the little monk dissapeared after giving his advice to each of the surviving heroes. One in particular, a man named Toturi, had endured an immense trial of both body and spirit, as he was considered a traitor (and made ronin) by the Empire he eventually took a hand in saving. Toturi was a brilliant general, and was able to lead a ragtag band of ronin and even honorable warriors over time to control the main army that stood against the Dark God's forces. When Shinsei left, Toturi was named Emperor, but Shinsei told the new leader that "Victory is the greatest trap of all." It's something of a quick summary, but it's something I've been thinking about alot lately. Victory, even just the illusion of it, tends to be the hardest trap to recognize. Achievement of a goal can make you content, which is not neccessarily a bad thing until it blinds you to other roads that need to be taken or other challenges that need to be met. Sometimes achievement is the end, but I guess that's really goddamned rare. People evolve, life continues, and in most cases that I know of, other things that come along to tell you "HEY FUCKER", it's not the end. Keep fucking going.
The choice of course comes when you recognize that this change has come. Time to move on or time to sit and be content? Or... is it time to waffle and wonder and waffle waffle waffle... you see where this is going. I've been writing for AEG for some time now, and as I've recently mentioned to some other people: it's not going anywhere anymore. I never had any notions that they would hire me on full time and I stayed on for a long time because I enjoyed getting professional credit to my resume and knowing that by god these little words I'm makin is gonna get me paid. I don't feel like I've been a huge coward, hiding away from reality and clinging to the jobs from AEG as I feared what may lie beyond. I just never really thought about it long and hard, I guess. Now that I've taken the time to do so, there's no point for me to keep working for them. I have all the professional credit I need under my belt, and any work I do is just amounting to time I spend not working on my own projects. What's more, the strain of actually turning a hobby into a job has had the predictable effect of making me slowly hate that hobby. So because I think it's no longer worth it in any regard, it's done. I'm not convinced I'm going to crank out these books and set the world on fire with my fantastic r0xx0ring skills, but I think it'd be pretty goddamned stupid if I didn't take a few shots at it.
Funny but true, this little bit of introspection brought to you by... Nintendo of America! I was browsing Amazon.com to blow the $50 certificate Jed got me for my birthday, and I saw this limited edition onyx/silver GBA SP. It reminded me of a yin/yang, that amazingly overused symbol of balance and harmony and good, good beats. I thought to myself "I used to be pretty focused on keeping things balanced. I used to be pretty good at it. ... what the fuck happened to that?" And then all this. So now I have a silver/onyx GBA SP and one less job. Life, she is a funny bitch. So thank you, Nintendo, for bringing happiness and joy into my White McWhite life.
Huge fucking geek.
Anjin-san off.
In Rokugan, the Asian-themed fantasy setting for Legend of the Five Rings, there was a wise man called Shinsei, who helped the first generation of Rokugan banish a dark god who threatened to overcome them with his evil. A thousand years later, Shinsei was reincarnated and led a new generation of heroes to defeat the dark god again, then the little monk dissapeared after giving his advice to each of the surviving heroes. One in particular, a man named Toturi, had endured an immense trial of both body and spirit, as he was considered a traitor (and made ronin) by the Empire he eventually took a hand in saving. Toturi was a brilliant general, and was able to lead a ragtag band of ronin and even honorable warriors over time to control the main army that stood against the Dark God's forces. When Shinsei left, Toturi was named Emperor, but Shinsei told the new leader that "Victory is the greatest trap of all." It's something of a quick summary, but it's something I've been thinking about alot lately. Victory, even just the illusion of it, tends to be the hardest trap to recognize. Achievement of a goal can make you content, which is not neccessarily a bad thing until it blinds you to other roads that need to be taken or other challenges that need to be met. Sometimes achievement is the end, but I guess that's really goddamned rare. People evolve, life continues, and in most cases that I know of, other things that come along to tell you "HEY FUCKER", it's not the end. Keep fucking going.
The choice of course comes when you recognize that this change has come. Time to move on or time to sit and be content? Or... is it time to waffle and wonder and waffle waffle waffle... you see where this is going. I've been writing for AEG for some time now, and as I've recently mentioned to some other people: it's not going anywhere anymore. I never had any notions that they would hire me on full time and I stayed on for a long time because I enjoyed getting professional credit to my resume and knowing that by god these little words I'm makin is gonna get me paid. I don't feel like I've been a huge coward, hiding away from reality and clinging to the jobs from AEG as I feared what may lie beyond. I just never really thought about it long and hard, I guess. Now that I've taken the time to do so, there's no point for me to keep working for them. I have all the professional credit I need under my belt, and any work I do is just amounting to time I spend not working on my own projects. What's more, the strain of actually turning a hobby into a job has had the predictable effect of making me slowly hate that hobby. So because I think it's no longer worth it in any regard, it's done. I'm not convinced I'm going to crank out these books and set the world on fire with my fantastic r0xx0ring skills, but I think it'd be pretty goddamned stupid if I didn't take a few shots at it.
Funny but true, this little bit of introspection brought to you by... Nintendo of America! I was browsing Amazon.com to blow the $50 certificate Jed got me for my birthday, and I saw this limited edition onyx/silver GBA SP. It reminded me of a yin/yang, that amazingly overused symbol of balance and harmony and good, good beats. I thought to myself "I used to be pretty focused on keeping things balanced. I used to be pretty good at it. ... what the fuck happened to that?" And then all this. So now I have a silver/onyx GBA SP and one less job. Life, she is a funny bitch. So thank you, Nintendo, for bringing happiness and joy into my White McWhite life.
Huge fucking geek.
Anjin-san off.