(no subject)
So, I freaked out Sunday night. Not so much of a good thing, I guess. It was all about how I've been handling my life pretty poorly and the trouble it's been causing me. See, right about now my daily schedule goes about - Wake up, lay in bed for an hour, wander to work, work, come home, sit on computer and write, spend time with Kim, go to sleep. Every day. As much as I love having a job, I love Kim, and love writing professionally, I've got no time for me, as fucking gay as it sounds. I don't have a life outside of what others expect from me, and it's been pissing me off in little tiny bits that I've been ignoring until this past weekend.
What really irritates me is that Kim loves me, I love her, and there's this constant nag in the back of my head to break up with her because I don't want people around me. It's not a voice I listen to at all, nor does it constitute anything that I really feel, it just pisses me off that it's there. I never bothered to tell this to Kim because every time I try and say something that may have any way of being taken badly by her, she does so and gets upset at me. So it just made the whole Seth-made box complete and I flipped out about it finally.
Oi. I think it just sucks that I effectively have two full time jobs. Go figure.
A funny thing - I seem to be devolving. I've started playing muds again, rooting through my easten philosophy books again, trying to push people away again, and all sorts of other little things. I'm just sort of bouncing back and forth between wanting to live all alone for fucking ever and not wanting to deal with life by myself again. How exceptionally gay.
I think I'll feel better once the weight set gets here, or something.
Fuck if I know. I'm babbling in type, and people are pissing me off. Times like this make me want to snap my laptop over my knee and go live alone in the woods.
Anjin-san off.
What really irritates me is that Kim loves me, I love her, and there's this constant nag in the back of my head to break up with her because I don't want people around me. It's not a voice I listen to at all, nor does it constitute anything that I really feel, it just pisses me off that it's there. I never bothered to tell this to Kim because every time I try and say something that may have any way of being taken badly by her, she does so and gets upset at me. So it just made the whole Seth-made box complete and I flipped out about it finally.
Oi. I think it just sucks that I effectively have two full time jobs. Go figure.
A funny thing - I seem to be devolving. I've started playing muds again, rooting through my easten philosophy books again, trying to push people away again, and all sorts of other little things. I'm just sort of bouncing back and forth between wanting to live all alone for fucking ever and not wanting to deal with life by myself again. How exceptionally gay.
I think I'll feel better once the weight set gets here, or something.
Fuck if I know. I'm babbling in type, and people are pissing me off. Times like this make me want to snap my laptop over my knee and go live alone in the woods.
Anjin-san off.