(no subject)
I went to the T.O. Mall today to pick up my very first paycheck from Victoria's Secret. I did not expect to be solicited by an attractive Frenchman (he said something about Israel, but I maintain that he's French. I tell you he looked and sounded French.) named Elan. He sat me down at his kiosk, and did my makeup. I really was in a hurry, but I let him take his time, admiring his stubble and the hair on the backs of his hands. He had gorgeous eyes and broken English, which I adore (from foreigners). As he did my makeup I got the feeling that he found me attractive, first by his putting his hand on my leg (briefly), then by telling me how my eyes are beautiful and then blushing. When he asked me if I was going to buy anything, I asked him if the stand is always there, and he said, "Yes, but I'm not always here." I said I was sorry but I really had to go. "Do you want to...exchange phone numbairs?" And I smiled and complied, even though I had no intentions of really seeing him again, and even though if he does call, I will be embarassed at my mother's voice on the answering machine. Still I said yes, just to do it, because it's been so long. And this man, this REAL man actually found me attractive. Not only attractive, but a woman. A woman to be pursued. And he was a real man. Quite older than me (not above thirty) obviously, but that doesn't bother me. In fact, it makes it better.
So I walked out of the mall with a huge smile on my face, and my cheeks were rosey, but not just from the blush he had applied. For the past ten months, I've been living the married life. And it's not that it's bad, and it's not that I don't love Tyler immensely, but today reminded me what it feels like to be in the heat of it, the thick of young pursuit. Playing coy, flashing eyes, and ultimately winding up in bed together. In a way I miss it, though I have higher standards now.
It made me realize that Fernando was a whole year ago now. Fernando, my very first fuck-just-to-fuck, and my greatest lover ever. Fernando, the Latin Lover. I wondered how a Frenchman would be? I wondered how I would be, after so long of being out of the thick?
Makes my heart beat just a little faster.
So I walked out of the mall with a huge smile on my face, and my cheeks were rosey, but not just from the blush he had applied. For the past ten months, I've been living the married life. And it's not that it's bad, and it's not that I don't love Tyler immensely, but today reminded me what it feels like to be in the heat of it, the thick of young pursuit. Playing coy, flashing eyes, and ultimately winding up in bed together. In a way I miss it, though I have higher standards now.
It made me realize that Fernando was a whole year ago now. Fernando, my very first fuck-just-to-fuck, and my greatest lover ever. Fernando, the Latin Lover. I wondered how a Frenchman would be? I wondered how I would be, after so long of being out of the thick?
Makes my heart beat just a little faster.