An Open Call....
In no way am I trying to "defend" any of my writing. I am honestly and sincerely trying to reach out to an audience to see what your thoughts are. I do not know what to expect but I do hope it fosters open communication and not mud slinging.
It is always harder to stand up to face criticism in any form than it is to respond to it with violence or anger. This is probably just down to human nature. Over the years of writing various things on the internet I have come to see that nearly every person I have ever met will not mind one bit if I write something about them that they feel is positive or glowing. There would not be one complaint. Not one cry of “this is private” or “leave me out of your writing” or “leave me alone.” If I see things the way the see things then we are the best of friends.
If though, I write something, that is less than positive or that sees the world in a different way, well, then my friend, we are no longer friends. I suppose it is not possible for two people to be friends and see things differently. I suppose it is not possible for me to have one set of emotions and thoughts about an experience and for you to have another different set of thoughts and emotions. If what I say at all seems to question you or put you in doubt then there is nothing but trouble ahead. This has finally come home in my head after the last 24 hours. Why this seemingly simple concept has eluded me until now, I cannot say. Ignorance is bliss I guess.
What if someone questioned me? What if someone remembered an event slightly differently than I did but was still honest with there own recollection of the event. What if that memory painted me in a picture less than perfect or saintly? What if somebody described something less than fully and so perhaps in this fragmented view I came across as hollow? How would I react?
I am trying to remember this ever happening. I do remember once a parody I read that was about me. I laughed. I remember reading some posts that disagreed with me politically and I was intrigued. And of course there are the times when people have attacked my writing. Which I have an uneven record I would say of responses. At times, I have responded with anger and frustration. Other times with humility. I think it largely depends on two things, one, how will constructed was the criticism of my writing and how well do I know this person. I am much more likely to be humble if I know you or if your literary criticism has more depth than “this sucks.” I would like to imagine that I could see that people could in fact have different thoughts and ideas and their memories are colored by their own personality. I'd like to think that even if I disagreed with a few points or felt I was not shown in the best of light that I could still act without anger or violence. No particular writing comes to mind that perfectly fits this bill (perhaps I am not worthy to be written about…)but then again if I didn't take it too seriously I probably wouldn't have a vivid memory of it.
Let’s be clear though about what I have written. I did not lie. I spoke the truth as far as I knew it to be. I did not call anyone any foul or disgusting names. I did not say for example “My friend Bill is a real asshole.” Or say for example “That girl Jessica is a terrible slut.” I simply told of my thoughts, feelings and memories. Some perhaps did not leave certain individuals in the best of light. Some I openly questioned their motives or frame of mind. In some cases I might have not fully told every detail and so what was left might have left an impression of someone as less than what you might consider ideal.
I am asking, is it out of line for me to do so? As a human? As a “friend”? If we were friends can I not question your motives? Can I not wonder about your state of mind? Can I not possibly remember an event in which you did something that someone else may not like? Is friendship a secret pact in which we solemnly promise to say only 100% positive things about each other and deny all things and memories in which one or both of us may not be seen as “perfect”?
I am asking for your criticism. I am asking for you to tell me what you think. Tell me where I have wronged and why.
It is easy to run away from an issue. It is much harder to face criticism with as open as a mind as you can possibly have. Introspection. Reflection. These are the keys (I believe anyway) to a more productive and successful life. I am willing to agree that I have a lot to learn. I am willing to agree that I make mistakes. I am willing to agree that I am not always very “considerate” of other peoples feelings and thoughts.
And honestly, I think that might be the root of it all. By writing about only my feelings, thoughts and memories am I being considerate to other peoples thoughts, feelings and memories? Probably not.
And perhaps as a friend I should be. And if I were to point at something and say “yes, there is the mistake” - I think that would be it.
Too often I think of things only from one perspective and that is mine. Many people have said that they love my writing because it is intimate and personal. It is what is going on inside my head (and heart and soul if you like). This seems perfectly acceptable until they are part of my life and end up on the page. Then suddenly, it is no longer acceptable. I have now said too much, revealed too much.
I don’t know what the right answer is at the end of the day. Change what I write about? Censure myself during my writing? Don’t have friends?
I am of course, very interested in any feedback you give me. What are your thoughts and opinions. Most especially from people like murnkay, ninyah, pinko_asshead, thawaltzingfool, porcelain72 (who dropped me as a friend probably a year ago - but if she gets around to reading this and forming some sort of opinion...that would be cool).
Anyway, if I didn't mention you by name it is not because I value you any less. Please, anybody, everybody....
Let me have it.
It is always harder to stand up to face criticism in any form than it is to respond to it with violence or anger. This is probably just down to human nature. Over the years of writing various things on the internet I have come to see that nearly every person I have ever met will not mind one bit if I write something about them that they feel is positive or glowing. There would not be one complaint. Not one cry of “this is private” or “leave me out of your writing” or “leave me alone.” If I see things the way the see things then we are the best of friends.
If though, I write something, that is less than positive or that sees the world in a different way, well, then my friend, we are no longer friends. I suppose it is not possible for two people to be friends and see things differently. I suppose it is not possible for me to have one set of emotions and thoughts about an experience and for you to have another different set of thoughts and emotions. If what I say at all seems to question you or put you in doubt then there is nothing but trouble ahead. This has finally come home in my head after the last 24 hours. Why this seemingly simple concept has eluded me until now, I cannot say. Ignorance is bliss I guess.
What if someone questioned me? What if someone remembered an event slightly differently than I did but was still honest with there own recollection of the event. What if that memory painted me in a picture less than perfect or saintly? What if somebody described something less than fully and so perhaps in this fragmented view I came across as hollow? How would I react?
I am trying to remember this ever happening. I do remember once a parody I read that was about me. I laughed. I remember reading some posts that disagreed with me politically and I was intrigued. And of course there are the times when people have attacked my writing. Which I have an uneven record I would say of responses. At times, I have responded with anger and frustration. Other times with humility. I think it largely depends on two things, one, how will constructed was the criticism of my writing and how well do I know this person. I am much more likely to be humble if I know you or if your literary criticism has more depth than “this sucks.” I would like to imagine that I could see that people could in fact have different thoughts and ideas and their memories are colored by their own personality. I'd like to think that even if I disagreed with a few points or felt I was not shown in the best of light that I could still act without anger or violence. No particular writing comes to mind that perfectly fits this bill (perhaps I am not worthy to be written about…)but then again if I didn't take it too seriously I probably wouldn't have a vivid memory of it.
Let’s be clear though about what I have written. I did not lie. I spoke the truth as far as I knew it to be. I did not call anyone any foul or disgusting names. I did not say for example “My friend Bill is a real asshole.” Or say for example “That girl Jessica is a terrible slut.” I simply told of my thoughts, feelings and memories. Some perhaps did not leave certain individuals in the best of light. Some I openly questioned their motives or frame of mind. In some cases I might have not fully told every detail and so what was left might have left an impression of someone as less than what you might consider ideal.
I am asking, is it out of line for me to do so? As a human? As a “friend”? If we were friends can I not question your motives? Can I not wonder about your state of mind? Can I not possibly remember an event in which you did something that someone else may not like? Is friendship a secret pact in which we solemnly promise to say only 100% positive things about each other and deny all things and memories in which one or both of us may not be seen as “perfect”?
I am asking for your criticism. I am asking for you to tell me what you think. Tell me where I have wronged and why.
It is easy to run away from an issue. It is much harder to face criticism with as open as a mind as you can possibly have. Introspection. Reflection. These are the keys (I believe anyway) to a more productive and successful life. I am willing to agree that I have a lot to learn. I am willing to agree that I make mistakes. I am willing to agree that I am not always very “considerate” of other peoples feelings and thoughts.
And honestly, I think that might be the root of it all. By writing about only my feelings, thoughts and memories am I being considerate to other peoples thoughts, feelings and memories? Probably not.
And perhaps as a friend I should be. And if I were to point at something and say “yes, there is the mistake” - I think that would be it.
Too often I think of things only from one perspective and that is mine. Many people have said that they love my writing because it is intimate and personal. It is what is going on inside my head (and heart and soul if you like). This seems perfectly acceptable until they are part of my life and end up on the page. Then suddenly, it is no longer acceptable. I have now said too much, revealed too much.
I don’t know what the right answer is at the end of the day. Change what I write about? Censure myself during my writing? Don’t have friends?
I am of course, very interested in any feedback you give me. What are your thoughts and opinions. Most especially from people like murnkay, ninyah, pinko_asshead, thawaltzingfool, porcelain72 (who dropped me as a friend probably a year ago - but if she gets around to reading this and forming some sort of opinion...that would be cool).
Anyway, if I didn't mention you by name it is not because I value you any less. Please, anybody, everybody....
Let me have it.