Trigger is a little confused.

[jtrigger]

Knowing you have feelings for someone that you know you have no business being with is hard. I really am not in the mood to go through the same heartache I finally got over. I really, really hate it. I still have feelings for someone else, but that to is somewhat of a dead end, I think. She is the type of person though that if she doesn't date me, I would still like to approve of who she would date, because she's worth a lot to me, and to the group of friends we hang around with. My feelings for her are more than friendship, but still something very small, while the first person I speak of well the feelings are a lingering repercussion of holding in what I should have said about a year ago. Ahh, I feel like a whore today. I really need to get over the past, because it's going to keep me from a future, and I really don't want that. It's the first time in a little while where I didn't feel like a gentleman. Also what sucks is, I think I'm going to have to avoid the first person for a while, not because I'm mad at her or anything like that. It's my selfishness, and my knowing that it's time to look forward. I hope when she reads this, she'll understand because it is in no way a cut down to her by any means.

Yet at the same time with all this confusion (and exhaustion, working mornings and nights) I still find myself quite content and happy. Go figure, I'm growing as callused as my guitar hand. That or I'm turning into an asshole.

Trig