tonight
tonight, i feel quite strongly, i received my first true calling in life. now don't get excited, it's not what you may think. but, amidst tears, frustrations, and wanderings through an empty parking lot and staring at the sky in true john slattery fashion, I believe God revealed to me what i need to do is not so foreign and strange after all. That i'm not quite as lost as I perceive myself to be.
he revealed to me (or, i finally allowed him to break through to me) that i should most probably teach next year. he didn't specify the length, or the place, or the subject of this idea, but merely that i should do it. as many of you know, this is exactly what i planned to do later in life, but only "when i was more ready." "after i had done some schooling and such." for who am i to teach? who am i to assume that i know enough to relay that information to others?
well, all that aside, so I feel now. because how can i say i will be better informed later? who am i to say that God does not want me to do it now? up to now it has been all confusion, pain, and struggle...this choice seems to full of peace that i am hesitant to give into it, lest i lose the struggles and pain i've been so holding on to lately.
but i will try. i think i may even disregard applying for grad schools for 2007. at least for now. i don't think i should put limits on this, at least for now.
who knows. but it's a huge step in this time for me, and it is about the most humbling and confusing and peaceful step i have taken recently. part of me feels like i've been taking steps this whole time, but have only now seen that i am actually on the path.
i do not understand. i admit it. at all. how can i possibly understand a non-dimensional God creating a dimension world out of nothing but love, and then constantly interacting with every creature in this world in remarkable and amazing ways?? how can we possibly understand a God such as this?
i even hesitate to say i believe, because belief without understanding is the very thing which science fights against. but part of me must admit. and it does. these eyes that used to find God in the comfort of my truck or car now find Him most present in my love for others and the wind in the air. these eyes that looked up at the stars with confusion, now look up at the stars with confusion and wonder! :)
i do not understand, but i will not deny what has occurred tonight. i know that if God wills it, He will open the doors.
peace
he revealed to me (or, i finally allowed him to break through to me) that i should most probably teach next year. he didn't specify the length, or the place, or the subject of this idea, but merely that i should do it. as many of you know, this is exactly what i planned to do later in life, but only "when i was more ready." "after i had done some schooling and such." for who am i to teach? who am i to assume that i know enough to relay that information to others?
well, all that aside, so I feel now. because how can i say i will be better informed later? who am i to say that God does not want me to do it now? up to now it has been all confusion, pain, and struggle...this choice seems to full of peace that i am hesitant to give into it, lest i lose the struggles and pain i've been so holding on to lately.
but i will try. i think i may even disregard applying for grad schools for 2007. at least for now. i don't think i should put limits on this, at least for now.
who knows. but it's a huge step in this time for me, and it is about the most humbling and confusing and peaceful step i have taken recently. part of me feels like i've been taking steps this whole time, but have only now seen that i am actually on the path.
i do not understand. i admit it. at all. how can i possibly understand a non-dimensional God creating a dimension world out of nothing but love, and then constantly interacting with every creature in this world in remarkable and amazing ways?? how can we possibly understand a God such as this?
i even hesitate to say i believe, because belief without understanding is the very thing which science fights against. but part of me must admit. and it does. these eyes that used to find God in the comfort of my truck or car now find Him most present in my love for others and the wind in the air. these eyes that looked up at the stars with confusion, now look up at the stars with confusion and wonder! :)
i do not understand, but i will not deny what has occurred tonight. i know that if God wills it, He will open the doors.
peace