Japan why aren't you closer ;A;
First two weeks of school sucked! Talk about hitting the ground running and then faceplanting the first five minutes in. Holy hell these weekeneds were godsends. I only have three classes, but they're so much work! I'm in two upper divsion Japanese classes and then a class where I teach Japanese to little 4th graders. I'm excited for the challenge, I just hope it won't be too much.
On a different note, prepare for a rant, I had the most terrible and awful couple of days. Last week I confessed to the guy I liked that I really liked him. His reaction wasn't the one I wanted, nor expected, so I quickly had him forget the notion and try to continue being friends. This past week we've been trying to mend our now somewhat awkward relationship. I did my best to pretend nothing was wrong between us, but just as things were finally getting better...the bomb was dropped. He came over for a movie and pizza at our apartment (my best friend and I) and I thought things would go nicely.
No, not the case. He was all over my best friend. ALL OVER. I'm not even kidding. He was smacking her ass, holding her on the couch, holding her hand, and nuzzling (fucking nuzzling) her shoulder. I tried my hardest to ignore it and pretend I didn't notice it, but when the nuzzling thing happened, I kind of snapped. I made up a lie saying I needed to go charge my phone and on my way back to the living room I made a detour for the bathroom, turned on the faucet and started crying. I had the faucet on so they couldn't hear me (our apartment isn't that big), but they could have for all I know. When I couldn't stop crying, I went back to my room and texted my friend saying that I was feeling ill and was going to bed. I refused to answer anyone for the rest of the night.
He ended up staying the night cause he was somewhat drunk and I'm not a total bitch, so I took his keys away and forced him to stay. I may have been upset, but regardless, I do not tolerate drunk driving no matter who it is. In the morning, I didn't talk to my current/ex crush at all. I had a hair appointment at 11, so I made a point to be busy the entire time I was there. I think he got I was upset or mad at him because he didn't say anything either. That was probably one of the most tense moments of my life. While I was at my hair appointment, I had expected he would leave since my friend and I had things to do. When she texted me saying he hadn't left, I was kinda irratated. It didn't help that she was distressed about all the flirting he was doing. She was really uncomfortable about it and didn't like he was doing it. She knew I liked him and didn't approve of how he had rejected me (by using her). She tried to get him to leave but wouldn't, so we had to lie that we had something to do when I got home in order for him to leave. When he finally did, we both broke down because it was hurtful to me for him to do this to both me and my best friend, and she because she didn't want this to happen and saw how hurt I was.
Being two days since the initial shock of the incident, I'm still shaken up. I've been rather numb for the most part, but then I start crying without realizing it or become tight in the chest when I breathe. I don't know how to confront him about this because it's totally happening, but I"m not sure which way I want to go about it. We have an oral test in Japanese on Wednesday and it just so happens we're partners for it. I dont' want my grade to suffer for his ass-holeness so I have to suck it up till then.
But I find myself wanting him to hurt as much as I am. I want to yell and scream and hit him until he understands what he did to both me and my best friend. There's a rift here now because of what he did. And I don't think he gets that. He had told my best friend that the only reason why he hung out with me so much, was to be around her. WTF says that? Honestly?! I would have much prefered a flat out "no" instead of him dancing around this like a fucking drama. I never pegged him as the kind of guy that would do that, which is why I wanted to pursue him as a relationship. But apparently I was wrong and I can never attract a decent guy.
However...
I'm not the kind of person who can actually bring myself to yell and scream and someone just to make myself feel better. Sure, I would feel better about it, but at the same time, I'm hurting someone too. Might not be the same amount of hurt, but I can't bring myself to do that. Instead, I normally try to explain what I feel and that I'm upset but won't do anything about it, and leave it at that. I never feel like I've had "closure", but I know the person I'm talking to hasn't been hurt...extensively. Even though I will still hurt from what he did, I can't hurt him back just to make me feel better, no matter how much part of me wants to do it.
So, I have to suck it up and pretend everything is okay. And see how long I last this time around.
I'm hoping this week goes better, but I doubt it since Valentine's Day is on Thursday and I really dislike Valentine's Day. I've never had a postive memory about it, but I'll save that story until it's actually here.
Cheers to hoping this week goes better!
On a different note, prepare for a rant, I had the most terrible and awful couple of days. Last week I confessed to the guy I liked that I really liked him. His reaction wasn't the one I wanted, nor expected, so I quickly had him forget the notion and try to continue being friends. This past week we've been trying to mend our now somewhat awkward relationship. I did my best to pretend nothing was wrong between us, but just as things were finally getting better...the bomb was dropped. He came over for a movie and pizza at our apartment (my best friend and I) and I thought things would go nicely.
No, not the case. He was all over my best friend. ALL OVER. I'm not even kidding. He was smacking her ass, holding her on the couch, holding her hand, and nuzzling (fucking nuzzling) her shoulder. I tried my hardest to ignore it and pretend I didn't notice it, but when the nuzzling thing happened, I kind of snapped. I made up a lie saying I needed to go charge my phone and on my way back to the living room I made a detour for the bathroom, turned on the faucet and started crying. I had the faucet on so they couldn't hear me (our apartment isn't that big), but they could have for all I know. When I couldn't stop crying, I went back to my room and texted my friend saying that I was feeling ill and was going to bed. I refused to answer anyone for the rest of the night.
He ended up staying the night cause he was somewhat drunk and I'm not a total bitch, so I took his keys away and forced him to stay. I may have been upset, but regardless, I do not tolerate drunk driving no matter who it is. In the morning, I didn't talk to my current/ex crush at all. I had a hair appointment at 11, so I made a point to be busy the entire time I was there. I think he got I was upset or mad at him because he didn't say anything either. That was probably one of the most tense moments of my life. While I was at my hair appointment, I had expected he would leave since my friend and I had things to do. When she texted me saying he hadn't left, I was kinda irratated. It didn't help that she was distressed about all the flirting he was doing. She was really uncomfortable about it and didn't like he was doing it. She knew I liked him and didn't approve of how he had rejected me (by using her). She tried to get him to leave but wouldn't, so we had to lie that we had something to do when I got home in order for him to leave. When he finally did, we both broke down because it was hurtful to me for him to do this to both me and my best friend, and she because she didn't want this to happen and saw how hurt I was.
Being two days since the initial shock of the incident, I'm still shaken up. I've been rather numb for the most part, but then I start crying without realizing it or become tight in the chest when I breathe. I don't know how to confront him about this because it's totally happening, but I"m not sure which way I want to go about it. We have an oral test in Japanese on Wednesday and it just so happens we're partners for it. I dont' want my grade to suffer for his ass-holeness so I have to suck it up till then.
But I find myself wanting him to hurt as much as I am. I want to yell and scream and hit him until he understands what he did to both me and my best friend. There's a rift here now because of what he did. And I don't think he gets that. He had told my best friend that the only reason why he hung out with me so much, was to be around her. WTF says that? Honestly?! I would have much prefered a flat out "no" instead of him dancing around this like a fucking drama. I never pegged him as the kind of guy that would do that, which is why I wanted to pursue him as a relationship. But apparently I was wrong and I can never attract a decent guy.
However...
I'm not the kind of person who can actually bring myself to yell and scream and someone just to make myself feel better. Sure, I would feel better about it, but at the same time, I'm hurting someone too. Might not be the same amount of hurt, but I can't bring myself to do that. Instead, I normally try to explain what I feel and that I'm upset but won't do anything about it, and leave it at that. I never feel like I've had "closure", but I know the person I'm talking to hasn't been hurt...extensively. Even though I will still hurt from what he did, I can't hurt him back just to make me feel better, no matter how much part of me wants to do it.
So, I have to suck it up and pretend everything is okay. And see how long I last this time around.
I'm hoping this week goes better, but I doubt it since Valentine's Day is on Thursday and I really dislike Valentine's Day. I've never had a postive memory about it, but I'll save that story until it's actually here.
Cheers to hoping this week goes better!