Something for nothing.
Have you ever woken up one day to realize that you'd been involved in an abusive relationship with someone for years upon years and you had never noticed before?
The kind of abusive relationship where they'll constantly ignore you, forget about you, and generally have no interest in you or anything you do. They just talk to you when they're bored. They use you to entertain them. You're there to boost their ego. To send them gifts for their birthdays. To cheer them up and to give them advice. Your purpose is to be that emotional stone of stability for them, to constantly worry about their feelings and their moods, their health and their situation, their relationships and their future. To give them money when they're sick, and to never forget their birthday.
And in return, you get nothing to show for it but abuse. Your interactions with them have been one-sided the whole time. You give concern, you get ignored. You give gifts, you get 'thanks.' You help them with their medical bills and in return they ask you if it's okay if they spend it on stuff instead. At least they asked. But you don't get mad, you're too good a friend. They're in a bad mood. They're having a bad day. They didn't mean it like that, or maybe it was your fault after all.
It wasn't your fault.
They get pissed off and take it out on you. They find something you say. They find something you do. They take it, look at it, and blow it out of proportion so that they can bitch at you. Abuse you. Hurt you. Blame you. And push you away.
They push all their friends away.
It wasn't your fault. What you did wasn't wrong, what you said wasn't wrong, and nothing earned you what you got. You were a friend all those years. You helped and you gave, you invested your concern and your friendship, and you realize that it's never been reciprocated. Even when you were in need. Emotionally, physically, financially. What you did, what you said, it was just an excuse. An excuse for them to go ballistic. It makes them feel better. It makes them happy. It's the last thing you can do for your friend, because they don't want your dedication anymore. You've only got one purpose left to serve.
Punching bag.
Why, you wonder. How. You try to figure out what you did, how you did it. Didn't you apologize enough. Didn't you try hard enough. Didn't you do enough, change enough, say enough, and love enough to balance that terrible deed you didn't do? You can't figure out why. Or how. Or what even happened. My dear friend of years upon years would never do such a thing to me. That's where you find the key.
They've never been your friend.
It call comes together and you think and you think, and you try to remember. Didn't they give me something? ....no. Didn't they comfort me, once? ....no, I don't think so. Did they ever help me? No, can't say that either. Were they ever concerned about me? ...please. You disappeared for months after Katrina, having nearly lost your life, and all they wanted to know is if you had seen their newest journal post. They didn't even notice you were gone. And they -did- know where you lived. Didn't they remember your birthday? ...yes, but chose to ignore it. Well, you're sure there's at least one time, ONCE in all of those years you've had with them where they were a friend.
... but you can't remember when or what it was.
It's time to realize that that thing you're trying to remember doesn't exist. It's time to figure out that they aren't your friend and never have been. You've been theirs. And they've been using you.
No matter what they accuse you of doing to them, they can't back up a word. You can.
Move on. Go forward. Find some real friends and make sure the friends you have are friends to you, too. Relationships go two ways, and you don't get something for nothing.
The kind of abusive relationship where they'll constantly ignore you, forget about you, and generally have no interest in you or anything you do. They just talk to you when they're bored. They use you to entertain them. You're there to boost their ego. To send them gifts for their birthdays. To cheer them up and to give them advice. Your purpose is to be that emotional stone of stability for them, to constantly worry about their feelings and their moods, their health and their situation, their relationships and their future. To give them money when they're sick, and to never forget their birthday.
And in return, you get nothing to show for it but abuse. Your interactions with them have been one-sided the whole time. You give concern, you get ignored. You give gifts, you get 'thanks.' You help them with their medical bills and in return they ask you if it's okay if they spend it on stuff instead. At least they asked. But you don't get mad, you're too good a friend. They're in a bad mood. They're having a bad day. They didn't mean it like that, or maybe it was your fault after all.
It wasn't your fault.
They get pissed off and take it out on you. They find something you say. They find something you do. They take it, look at it, and blow it out of proportion so that they can bitch at you. Abuse you. Hurt you. Blame you. And push you away.
They push all their friends away.
It wasn't your fault. What you did wasn't wrong, what you said wasn't wrong, and nothing earned you what you got. You were a friend all those years. You helped and you gave, you invested your concern and your friendship, and you realize that it's never been reciprocated. Even when you were in need. Emotionally, physically, financially. What you did, what you said, it was just an excuse. An excuse for them to go ballistic. It makes them feel better. It makes them happy. It's the last thing you can do for your friend, because they don't want your dedication anymore. You've only got one purpose left to serve.
Punching bag.
Why, you wonder. How. You try to figure out what you did, how you did it. Didn't you apologize enough. Didn't you try hard enough. Didn't you do enough, change enough, say enough, and love enough to balance that terrible deed you didn't do? You can't figure out why. Or how. Or what even happened. My dear friend of years upon years would never do such a thing to me. That's where you find the key.
They've never been your friend.
It call comes together and you think and you think, and you try to remember. Didn't they give me something? ....no. Didn't they comfort me, once? ....no, I don't think so. Did they ever help me? No, can't say that either. Were they ever concerned about me? ...please. You disappeared for months after Katrina, having nearly lost your life, and all they wanted to know is if you had seen their newest journal post. They didn't even notice you were gone. And they -did- know where you lived. Didn't they remember your birthday? ...yes, but chose to ignore it. Well, you're sure there's at least one time, ONCE in all of those years you've had with them where they were a friend.
... but you can't remember when or what it was.
It's time to realize that that thing you're trying to remember doesn't exist. It's time to figure out that they aren't your friend and never have been. You've been theirs. And they've been using you.
No matter what they accuse you of doing to them, they can't back up a word. You can.
Move on. Go forward. Find some real friends and make sure the friends you have are friends to you, too. Relationships go two ways, and you don't get something for nothing.