write down what you think and hope it all makes sense
women are so funny..... we like to pretend that when someones out of our life, or the life of the person we're with that they dont matter. and we tell everyone, ALL TALK, that we're over them.... or that she doesnt matter to him. but in our heart of hearts we're fucking frightened little girls, wondering if the man we're with wants to be with someone from the past, or if the man that just left us really meant all the things he said... its weird b/c like, i cant stand thinking that some other girl is or was more important then me, and that's a bad habit i have, needing to be needed, it makes for a weird dynamic... i mean, hopefully i've found someone who does think i'm the most important, i'd just like to be reminded of it... and i dont mean like, i'm going to fool myself into thinking something, i mean like, someone who takes the time to let me know that they were thinking about me all day...its' the sappy romantic shit that i want, the picnic, love song by my window, big white horse story that i need, and yea, that's probably a little disney princess for my taste, but it's true. i mean, sometimes i'm crazy and i cant stand even seeing pictures of other girls, i think that means i have low self esteem, but how could i have low self esteem when i'm with one of the coolest guys i know. i love everything about him and yet, i'm so afraid that i'm not enough, it's fucked up man. like at any minute something could happen and that would change our entire future together... but i guess in the big scheme of things that could happen to nayone ralationship at any time at all............ it's a funny situation, being in love..... everythings great when you're not thinking about it, but being in a realationship is much more then being in love.. it's thinking not just for you, but for the person you're with , making plans to fit both schedules, counting them in when you're making your plans so if they're free they can go.... and the little love reminders , my personal one, is letters... i love mail, it makes me feel special, b/c someone took the time to write me a letter. maybe i put ot much in it, but i didnt know it was so hard. do i love him any less for not doing it, of course not, he's always got that smile to get him out of things (it's the truth!) .... but it's like, the "hey, i took care of dinner" "hey i washed the dishes" "hey i saw this and i thought of you so i picked it up for you" things that give your realationship the extra little boost of love it needs..... and i never really believed in that, b/c in past realationships i've let my man do whatever he wants, and that never ends up good, bc/ the lack of comunication.... but now that i care, i guess i care to much.... which is a good thing, b/c i didnt ever really think it was too possible to care abou someone so much that you just always wanna talk to them, or if something happens they're the first person you wanna tell, and you just wanna share everything with them, you're happiness and sucess and your sadness and failures..... i dont know, this is just a rant i guess..... i mean, i love the person i'm with, and this just came out of alot of realationship happenings that have been going on in mine and the other people around me's realationships.... whatever..... i suppose this doesnt make much sence.... and excuse the typos and misspellings, i dont really care enough to fix it......