Calm and still yerning
I’m a little freaked about going to collage, working, and trying to do all the things that have to be done. Mostly it worries me that I wont have the time to be with the people I love most. But I am sure that God will take care of everything for me, and yet still….maybe its lack of faith but I sometimes I just wonder if I can do this all, if I can be someone who can fulfill his duties as a friend, husband (when the time comes husband), student, son, brother, mentor etc, ect. But I wont give up no matter how hard it is, I have come to far to give up know. Besides I WILLNOT let down all thoughs who put time, faith and hope in me, all thoughs who are not only counting on me but want me to sickseed, in short all of the people who love me. Collage is a big step for me I am not to sure what will happed and that is why I think I’m scared.
Lately I have hade to risk it all to push it to the max. I know how it sounds so please no one be upset, its that I feel that I must in order to see my frailties in everything from medical to spiritual areas of my life. The heat nearly kills me but I will not shudder for when I do I forget what must be done and that is this; rely on God. Simple as that I want to be able to FULLY rely on Him and I cant do that if I (that is ME) is still around. So that said it has become clear to me that I must die to be one with him and if you want the rest of the story behind that well…do not fear for it is never to late to ask!
Lately I have hade to risk it all to push it to the max. I know how it sounds so please no one be upset, its that I feel that I must in order to see my frailties in everything from medical to spiritual areas of my life. The heat nearly kills me but I will not shudder for when I do I forget what must be done and that is this; rely on God. Simple as that I want to be able to FULLY rely on Him and I cant do that if I (that is ME) is still around. So that said it has become clear to me that I must die to be one with him and if you want the rest of the story behind that well…do not fear for it is never to late to ask!