The Contemplative Life

[jpb4444]

I am satisfied. Sure there are things that I wish were different, and yes, I want to do a lot of things that am not able to do at the moment, but I am filled with an inexplicable sense of satisfaction. I have used the analogy before but I feel as if I have just come out of a dream. My mind is clearing and I finally understand where I am, what is happening, and what has happened. this does not mean that I have had some deep feeling of understanding but that I can at least see my direction. I feel like I can handle a lot of things that would just recently have felt overwhelming. I am ready for whatever is thrown at me. I don't know what I should do right now. Sitting here writing doesn't feel right. Going out doesn't feel right. Sitting in my room doesn't feel right. I think there are only two things that go through my mind that would feel "right." Spending time with a close friend or with my closest friend, Christ. I feel renewed at the moment. I am not sure what exactly makes me feel this way because today has been anything but remarkable but perhaps that is my problem. Too often I am looking for something remarkable to prove something. Often times, proof is found in everyday life. Are my expectations too high at times? I suppose it is possible but I seriously doubt that is the problem. I believe the problem is that I take everyday life for granted and only dwell on the big things. I am only satisfied when something significant is occurring. I think I have realized this and I am ready to come back down to earth and live here. I know that too often I cast God aside because I got caught up in doing everything else. I need to remedy that. I cannot do it on my own. I must realize it, work towards fixing it, and acknowledge that I cannot handle it on my own. I must let Christ help me. I must acknowledge I need it.
On a similar note, the movie Annapolis is amazing. Maybe I found it amazing because I wanted to go to the Naval Academy. Nevertheless, it is still a great movie. If you get a chance, see it. I suppose it could be considered more of a guy movie but it has its romance. Give it a chance and look for its "redemptive value" as Mr. Boyer would say. It definitely exists.
Time to go spend some time by myself. Outta here.