I'm so whiney I'd hate myself so much if I wasn't me..
Exam results are out, along with the huge N next to my probability math subject. No surprises there considering I knew I'd failed the minute I stepped out of the exam, but somehow having weeks to become comfortable with imminent failure doesn't soften the blow on actually seeing the results.
Wish I had never taken on this stupid subject. God, I'm being so pedantic and whiney and I'm sure people will want to slap me out of this mood and shout things like well at least you get an education, but failing this has really not done any favours for my overall report card. Not sure what I'll say if I ever go into a job interview and they ask why I failed the subject horribly, because seriously, this is the worst mark I have ever gotten for anything in my entire life. Worse than that time in high school when I wanted to drop out of my Specialist Math class but they wouldn't let me so I had to purposely fail my tests and not do my homework.
I know that on a grand scale of things, having to come back to university for another year probably won't make much of a difference in a 40 year career. But what if I end up working at a second rate consulting firm because I didn't land that interview at some supermegaawesome company because they thought I was a delinquent after looking at my marks? So really, it's like some weird butterfly effect. And OHMYGOD I can't believe I'm actually being this annoying but I just can't stop caring.
It makes me feel horrible that my parents might think that I don't try hard enough because I'm given everything on a silver platter, and then they'll probably think that's it's because they didn't raise me right or some rubbish like that. I can't figure out how to tell them that university is hard and it's not that I'm not capable of passing, it's just that this one time everything was due at once and I didn't really sleep for a week and life fucking hated me. But it all ends up sounding like an excuse when really it's just my fault that I failed.
Wish I had never taken on this stupid subject. God, I'm being so pedantic and whiney and I'm sure people will want to slap me out of this mood and shout things like well at least you get an education, but failing this has really not done any favours for my overall report card. Not sure what I'll say if I ever go into a job interview and they ask why I failed the subject horribly, because seriously, this is the worst mark I have ever gotten for anything in my entire life. Worse than that time in high school when I wanted to drop out of my Specialist Math class but they wouldn't let me so I had to purposely fail my tests and not do my homework.
I know that on a grand scale of things, having to come back to university for another year probably won't make much of a difference in a 40 year career. But what if I end up working at a second rate consulting firm because I didn't land that interview at some supermegaawesome company because they thought I was a delinquent after looking at my marks? So really, it's like some weird butterfly effect. And OHMYGOD I can't believe I'm actually being this annoying but I just can't stop caring.
It makes me feel horrible that my parents might think that I don't try hard enough because I'm given everything on a silver platter, and then they'll probably think that's it's because they didn't raise me right or some rubbish like that. I can't figure out how to tell them that university is hard and it's not that I'm not capable of passing, it's just that this one time everything was due at once and I didn't really sleep for a week and life fucking hated me. But it all ends up sounding like an excuse when really it's just my fault that I failed.