A Guide to the Evolutionist Conspiracy, by Jeb Thurmond
Edit: He is joking. He's, in fact, a very funny man on a very funny board made specifically for the purpose of pretending to be Chrsitian.
I dunno if this guy, Jeb, is joking or not, but his forum is bananas. For all backsliders, non-Christians or Kevin Frasures, or any Christians who are not in fact insane beyond what I would consider safe for exposure to the public, you may want to click here to visit this post on the forum this writer created. The man blatantly contradicts himself and sidesteps the logically sound refutations of others while calling them "homers" in what I see as true O'Reilly fashion. He changes the avatars and forum statuses of anti-Jeb members to things like Witch and Heathen and Hellbound. He may, in fact, be a borderline comedic genius (ie, BigSexyShaq), just meticulously composing these asshole-flavoured bullshit posts for the sake masturbating his own sense of humour through the avenue of e-performance art. Some bite in the form of agreeing with him and cheering him on. Some bite in the form angrily refuting his posts and illustrating his self-sabotaging logic format. In reading the following post in its entirety, I really am forced to believe he's pulling everyone's chain.... but that a lot of devotion to chain-pulling.
Please read this. It'll enrich your day, possibly your whole life.
Definitely your whole life.
A guide to the evolutionist conspiracy
Based on the research of Bob Riggins, Science Academy of South Texas
A list of groups in league with the anti-morality evilutionist conspiracy.
The following groups of people CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Do not read anything they write, or use any device that they have invented.
(In no particular order: )
Geologists
Even before Darwin, it was geologists who began to claim that the Earthis older than 6004 years. And modern geology stubbornly refuses toyield up its hidden proof of a universal flood, or the recent andcoeval existence of all creatures, living and extinct.
Physicists
Invented all sorts of laws, like decay rates of isotopes, thenon-decaying speed of light, the refraction of light to producerainbows, etc., all of which disagree with the the Book of Genesis. Andto add insult to injury, physicists can't seem to see the truth thatevolution violates the Second Law of Thermodynamics --a fact that everygood creationist knows, even without a degree in physics!
Defenders of the Scientific Method and peer review
Every heard of creation scientists engaging in peer review? Or acreation scientist being celebrated for proving another creationscientist wrong? Of course not - REAL science is based on finding thefacts in the bible and then looking for evidence to back it up, notfinding evidence and then coming to a conclusion. Yet the enemies opfmorality still claim that the "scientific method" is a legitimatelifestyle choice.
Zoologists
The Bible says bats are birds. (Leviticus 11:13, 11:19) Lying zoologists claim they are rodents.
Brain surgeons
The New Testement states clearly that the mind is in the heart. (Esther 6:6, Proverbs 23:7, Isaiah 10:7, Matt 9:4) People who claim the brain is used for thinking are plainly and simply anti-biblical.
Astronomers and anyone who talks about "stars"
The Book of revelations states that stars are little things which can fall to earth. (Revelations 1:16, 6:13, 8:10, 9:1, 12:4) Astronomers made up lies about them being bigger than earth and far away.
Geophysicists and their Plate Tectonics
South America and Africa match like perfect puzzle pieces because Godthought they looked prettier than that. This whole continents moving afew inches every year more millions of years denies the Biblican truththat the world is 6004 years old.
Propagandists of Original Thought
Creationism is about believing without question a particularinterpretation of scripture. Indeed, in a belief system of that nature,any questioning or original thought about the revealed knowledge is notonly incorrect, it is sinful. (In the anti-American world of science,on the other hand, questioning and testing of accepted or authoritativebeliefs is the method--it's what you're supposed to do. No wonderscientists are known to cook and eat fetuses they pick up drive-throughat Planned Parenthood clinics.)
Mathematics teachers and other believers in Pi
In the Bible Pi is a neat 3 (reflecting the trinity, no doubt) whilemath teachers believe it is an ugly, messy 3.14159. Despite some legalattempts in some state legislatures to return it to the divine purityof 3, pi has hardened its heart and refused to conform to thebiblically prescribed norm.
Believers in Micro-organisms
Mircoscoptic creatures are never mentioned in the Bible at all, so weare forced to do a lot of rewriting of Genesis to account for their dayof creation, and their presence or absence on the Ark.
Believers in the Ice Ages
They have to have occurred since the Flood, since the surface of theEarth was reworked by the Flood (to create, for instance, the GrandCanyon practically overnight), which would have messed up all thosemarks of glaciers on the landscape. That means mile-thick ice sheetshad to advance and retreat again and again, across half the NorthernHemisphere, with the speed of freight trains, but without this miraclebeing recorded in the Bible.
I say it's easier just to deny that Ice Ages ever happened.
Meterologists and weathermen and pilots
The Bible clearly states that the sky is a solid dome, a "firmament,"which was firm enough to separate waters above it from those below onthe Earth. By Noah's time it was still solid enough to have windows init that had to be opened to let the rain through. I think thatfalse-Christians that spite on Gid's face by calling it "poeticmetaphor" have given in to the godless materialists! The Bible reallyis literal, in the true sense of the word. The sky was a hard firmamentwith windows in it-and anybody who says different is a mealy-mouthedevolution-sympathizer.
Peleontologists and anyone who Digs up Fossils
First of all, extinct creatures don't exist in our perfect Creation,since their very extinction implies that they were not so perfect. Andthere are so darn many of them, of so many different kinds. Here aresome creation-scientific explanations of what fossils are and how theygot there:
o Dinosaurs were too big to go on the Ark, so they got buried in the mud of the Flood.
o Extinct creatures were on the Ark. They died out later.
o Fossils never were animals. They're a hoax by Satan and/or materialistic science.
o Fossils never were animals. They're a hoax by God to test your faith.
Believers in DNA
How convientent that this "science" would turn up and confirmpredictions of relationships made by evolutionary theory perfectly. Andwhat a dirty trick to have human DNA fit right into the distribution,right next door to the chimps'! Obviously a hoax.
According to believers in DNA, the ultimate blueprint for buildingentire human beings turns out to be just plain chemicals, with nothingmagical or even particularly unusual that sets humans aside from otherliving things. And those geneticists can even tinker with the stuff,and build new creatures. They can replace defective genes in people,thwarting God's will that people be crippled and die. I'm suresomething was put into Leviticus to forbid such ungodliness, we justhaven't managed to find and interpret it yet.
Police who won't arrest evil-utionists
Everyone knows that belief in evolution destroys their faith in theBible, so naturally they have no moral guide and no fear of eternaldamnation, and since they think we came from monkeys, they seeourselves as animals with no eternal souls. In short, they've managedto cover all their crimes up. People belive in evolution in Europe, andwe all know how that entire continent has collapsed into a barbarismthat makes the fall of Rome look like peanuts.
False creationist scientists
Old-Earthers and Multiple-Catastrophists have given in to "liberal" (ifnot to say Satanic) influences. Some years there are multipleArk-hunting expeditions to Turkey, and often both of them areobstructing the progress of true Bible science.
Best way to tell a real creation scientist from a false one: ask themif they've ever read the Bible all the way through, cover-to-cover. 97%of the time the answer will be no. They're sure every word is literallytrue, and the divine message of God, but somehow they've never quitefound the time to actually read the thing. Are you willing to put yoursoul in the hands of such people?
Doctors who deal with Ribs
We know, on good authority (by creationists, whose scientific authorityis the Bible, and what could be more authoritative?), that men have oneless rib than women, because one of Adam's ribs was removed to moldinto Eve. However, we generally become confused upon being asked ifthat means one less pair of ribs, or just one rib missing from oneside. The reason we don't know is because liberal-bias doctors havebeen hiding this information from us.
People who belive in Viruses
In the first place, nothing even remotely like them is even remotelyalluded to in either Testament. About the only biblical disease isleprosy and the Bible does not say it was cause by any sort of socalled "micro-organism". Egyptian cattle suffered a "murrain"-- with nocause other than a divine curse. Then there are the "emerods"(hemorrhoids) with which God afflicted some folks he was miffed at.
Two solid creation science facts to remember:
o The Devil created viruses.
o Viruses are not in the Bible because they are "imperfect."
But the really disturbing thing about these so-called "viruses" is thatthey occupy the twilight zone between living and dead, a zone that doesnot exist in a creation in which creatures were "given life," or have"the breath of life." Can they be alive if they don't move, breathe,eat, excrete, or metabolize at all, and can even be crystallized, likeother non-living chemicals? Can they be dead if they can self-replicate(reproduce) using the same basic methods as other living things,parasitize other creatures, and are made of nearly the same proteinsand nucleic acids as we are? Sounds like a hoax to me!
People who study Insects
These heathens claim that bugs have so many generations of nasty babiesso often that in just a few years they can evolve. Those ugly bollweevils, for instance, develop resistance to pesticides; and thosefilthy peppered moths in England (Darwin's home--coincidence? I don'tthink so.) change the shade of their camouflage. Evolutionists want tocall those piddlin' changes "evolution"--which just shows that theydon't even know what the term means. So we creationists have to tellthem that "evolution" means apes popping out human babies. You'd thinkthem evil-utionists'd have that straight by now.
Paleontologists
Creationists investigators keep discovering human footprints in thesame strata as dinosaur bones or footprints, and the liberal-biaspaleontologists keep deny it.
People who belive in Craters
Few things are eviler than scientists that invented all those peskyasteroid craters which are supposedly found all over the planet,throughout all geological strata. The Bible is silent on suchdevastating impacts as Meteor Crater in Arizona, the Ring Lakes inQuebec, and that biggie that they claim dusted off the dinosaurs andcreated all that my beautiful beachfront property on the Yucatanpeninsula. Scientists even clain there was a "Chicxulub event" creatinga 170 km crater, which had to have caused worldwide devastation, andthus would have at least been noted in passing by some biblicalpatriarch or another. In short, those "craters" are typical frauds.
People who Believe in Other Planets and the Moon Landing Hoax
Anybody notice that, rather convieniently for the gay-marryers, in thelast few years astronomers, have begun to discover other planets aroundother suns (over 100 supposedly located so far) ? And they even claimthat several of those solar systems are at several of the stages ofplanetary-system evolution hypothesized for the evolution of our ownsystem?
There is not one line in the scientifically accurate Bible whichacknowledge that there are other worlds. In fact, the Bible clearlystates the the moon is nothing but a "lesser light" hung in the sky. (Genesis 1:16)If it was possible to walk on the moon, the bible would say so. ClearlyNASA was a typical waste of tax dollars, the money was obviously sentto pay black women to breed more.
Arrogant Scientists in General
Your average creation scientist has almost an entire year of college,and clearly knows more about paleontology than Bakker or Horner orCurrie, knows more about the definition of evolution than Gould orDawkins, knows more about biology than Dobzhansky or Mayr, knows moreabout cosmology than Hawking, Kaku, or Witten, and more about humanfossils than Johanson or the Leakeys. He knows more true geology thangeologists, more physics than physicists, more astronomy thanastronomers--and more about everything than atheists like Asimov orSagan. Scientists deny this fact only out of pure arrogance.
Liberal-bias universities that hand out degrees and credentials to evolutionists.
True scientists (creationists) get their science degrees fromnon-accredited religious institutions rather than accredited schoolsand universities.
Just how useless are liberal-bias universities? Fifty bucks and anSASE, and you're a Ph.D., ready and qualified to refute evolution!Meanwhile stupid scientists spend far more on a far inferior education!
Chemists
Chemists, being somewhat familiar with how elements and moleculescombine and recombine non-randomly, haven't risen up as a body todeclare the chemical origin or subsequent evolution of life to be aflat-out impossibility. Now why do you suppose that is? Obvioslybecause they are part of the conspiracy to marry gays and forcechildren to view Janet Jackson's breasts.
Dendrochronologists
That means tree-ring counting. Dendrochronologists, by matchingpatterns in annual growth rings, claim they can establish a sequence inliving, dead, and long-dead trees in certain areas of the world. Thatcan be a very reliable dating technique for, say, a beam used in anancient shelter. But this archeological specialty is completely uselessand unreliable, since in some areas ring sequences extend back throughthe date of the Flood, showing no evidence of same, and indeed way pastthe 6004 years ago when God created the world.
Believers in Varves
According to scientists those are annual layers deposited in lake beds.In some places they are clearly distinguishable because of varyingcolors and compositions of materials deposited in different seasons.They claim it's they can see them form, over a few years, and that theyknow exactly what causes them and that they do, in fact, represent oneyear per layer. The problem, of course, is that there are lakes in theworld with many times the 6,000 annual varves that could have been laiddown since the Creation. That means the entire science is a fraud.
P.S. Annual ice layers in Greenland and elsewhere are also Satanic deceptions.
The Nobel Prize Committee
...Is completely blind to the enlightenment brought to the world bycreation scientists. Is that because creation science would overturn somany preconceived notions of the scientific establishment, with itsdeeply-rooted prejudice against all things Christian?
I would like to know, quite seriously, when the last time was that ANYbiblical-literalist-creationist won a Nobel prize in ANY field. Also,has anyone ever won for any work that patently supports a majorcreationist principle? Clearly the Nobel Prize Committee has a liberalbias!
People who collect Beetles
These bug-pinners claim God have a beetle fixation. They claim there'sover 50,000 species of them, but that's a lie because they would nothave fit on the ark.
British biologist, J.B.S. Haldane, on being asked what one couldconclude as to the nature of God from a study of his creation, Haldaneis said to have answered, "An inordinate fondness for beetles." He'sburning in hell.
People who belive in the efficacy of Science
Anything created by evilutionists and the scientific method isuntrustworthy. Don't trust medical science, computers, etc. etc. Onlytrust inventions invented by creation scientists, and devices thatoperate on laws of nature discovered by creation scientists.
Evolutionary biology manages to get it right when you want improvedcorn yields, or a vaccine ready for this year's flu strain, but thesethings will fall apart and backfire soon enough, because the onlytrustworthy way to discover and invent things is creation science.
People with Ambiguous Gender
Although Genesis tells us that God created Man and Woman, there aresome unfortunate folks around who are hermaphrodites or have ambiguousgenitalia. Hermaphrodites therefore are mass produced by evolutoniststo confuse believers.
Anyone who uses Insulin
According to scientists, the human insulin available for diabeticstoday is made by genetically engineered E. coli bacteria! What doesthat have to do with evolution? Real human genes were spliced intobacterial DNA using recombinant techniques, so the nasty germs nowchurn out authentic human insulin. Kind of sounds like the stuff thatmakes us human and the stuff that makes germs germy is the same kind ofstuff, and is almost as interchangeable as tinkertoys. Maybe it showsthat we're closely enough related to our own intestinal bacteria thatwe can stick a bit of human being into them without their mindingterribly. Sounds like a fraud! Obviously it is prayer that keepDiabetics alive, not this fraudulent "insulin", which can be bannedwith no ill effects.
Users of Big Numbers
Millions, billions, trillions... especially as applied to years,light-years, species, etc. God built the universe to a comfortablehuman scale. Claims of really big stretches of time, are particularilysatanic.
Lexicographers
Every dictionary I can lay my hands on defines Christian (n.) as "onewho professes belief in Jesus as the christ" or words to the sameeffect. Not a one of them defines Christian as "one who believes in theliteral truth of Genesis, especially as regards the creation and floodaccounts." (Who would have thought that the ranks of lexicographers hadbeen so infiltrated with atheists and satanists?)
Pope John Paul II
On October 7, 1996, in an address to the Pontifical Academy of Sciencesin Rome, he declared [the Church's] acceptance of evolution as ascientific fact, and noted that there is no war between religion andscience: "Consideration of the method used in diverse orders ofknowledge allows for the concordance of two points of view which seemirreconcilable. The science of observation describes with ever greaterprecision the multiple manifestations of life…" SATANIST!
Digitized Natural Selection
Computer scientists claim that, in order to arrive at some good-enoughsolutions to some practically intractable problems teach a computer totry a bunch of random solutions. Most will be worthless or impractical.Some will work a little better than most others. The best ones areallowed to produce "offspring" with random modifications. Most of thesewon't be improvements, and many will be worse than the "parents." A fewmay be slightly better, however, and they will be allowed to reproducefor another "generation." Continue this for enough generations, and theend product will be a decent solution. It probably won't be thetheoretical best (a quality which couldn't be determined withoutsolving the original unsolvable problem), but it will be workable.
This is exactly analogous to natural selection, so of course it can't possibly work since random mutations can only be harmful.
Many R & D departments are thus using natural selection to design aircraft! Would you dare fly on one of those?
Astronomists
...in general. They're wrong about everything. Starting at least as farback as Ptolemy, astronomers have continued to describe the heavens interms that increasingly have nothing to do with Genesis. Things reallystarted to go to hell with Copernicus, Kepler, Galileo, and their ilk.Nowadays the things astronomers teach are so foreign to the Truth andinvolve such hard math that they're impossible to understand. I mean,come on-- the Big Bang, the speed of light, "light years," the sizes ofstars, billions of years-- it makes my head hurt. You want to knowwhat's in the sky? Read Genesis! Especially stay away from them"professors" who directly mock biblical Truth about the skies.
Animal breeders
People who try create new breeds of animals are attempting to engage insatanic evolutionism. They even claim to have evolved their own breeds,like poodles, for example. The truth is they just captured wild poodles.
Other Cultures
…like those damn Egyptians that didn't notice a world-wide Flood,though they were around at the time and had a liking for writingeverything down (they'd write down what people wore to parties, darnit, yet they fail to note a Flood that covered the entire Earth! Samewith the Asian Indians, and the Chinese, or any of the other culturesthat also possessed written histories, yet failed to note any of thecataclysmic acts of the Judaeo-Christian god.
People who believe that stars can be more than 6000 light-years away
Scientists claim that light from many stars takes more than 6000 yearsto get from the star to us. That's nonsense, of course, because thatstar did not exist more than 6000 years ago!
Ancient star-gazers were only a thousand or two years from the date ofcreation, thus the light from the stars farther away than 1000-2000light years could not have been seen. That means that all stars arecloser to the Earth than 1000 light years, and that measurementtechniques such as stellar parallax are just the devil's lies.
Satan's Rapid Deployment Force (SRDF)
Revealed At Last! SHOCKING PROOF that Satan is active in the world andworking to defeat creationism! Every time that we creationists bring upone of those impossible changes from one created kind to another(macroevolution), the SRDF gets to work and plants in the rocks someTrue fossils, carefully "aging" them and putting them in the "proper"strata so that paleontologists can find them in a few years. Thenthey're shoved in our faces as examples of the major transitions thatwe know to be impossible.
We said a hyena can't change into a whale. The SRDF gets to work andpresto! scientists are digging up Ambulocetus , Pakicetus ,Prozeuglodon, and a passle of others.
We knew damn well that no lizard ever sprouted wings and feathers, sothe SRDF made up those phony Archaeopteryx jobs that were just TOOperfect! I mean, teeth, bony tail, claws on the fingers, along withperfect flight feathers--come on! Since we absolutely wouldn't acceptsuch an obvious True, now they're throwing in a bunch of others invarious stages of birdness, like Protoavis , Sinornis , Hesperornis,and Ichthyornis .
They claimed we were all fish, then we grew legs and lungs and crawledout on land--what rot! Where are the transitions? Enter the SRDF, andnow we've got Eusthenopteron, Panderichtys, Acanthostega, andlabyrynthodonts.
And of course the highest priority mission of the SRDF is to "prove" that people are just improved apes (whereas Genesis 2:7tells us clearly that we are improved dirt). We keep telling them thatthere are "missing links" between apes and humans, and they keepfinding something to fill whatever gap we point out. After all, isn'tLucy (Australopithecus afarensis) just a little too convenient? Throwin A. ramidus and africanus and then H. habilis and erectus, and it'shard to find much of a gap anymore where a link could be missing.
Farmers
The Bible so clearly teaches, all of the earth was covered by seawaterfor 6 months, and lying farmers claim that salt makes soil infertile.Not only are we able to farm in places with no igneous rock today (andthus no real way to cover up any salt-tainted land), but we haverecords of farming happening pretty soon after the Flood, not the leastof which are recorded in Genesis.
People who belive in Lactose Intolerance
Scientists claim that people who can digest cow milk are mutants! Theysay that people that could handle drinking milk had that much morenutrition available to them, and through the process of naturalselection they thrived [and passed on the trait].
People who believe in Evolved Plagues and Pestilences
Consider AIDS, or DDT-resistant pests, or the common cold, orantibiotic-resistant superbugs: according to scientists they all evolvefast enough for us to see. They claim that the rapid evolution of theseorganisms has become an important medical and economic issue. Nonsense.God is sending more plagues because people are becoming more sinful.
Bad calendars
According to Gen. 1:14, the lights in the firmament are there "for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years."People who make calendars claim that the solar and sidereal years aredifferent. A proper calendar would have a nice clean 700-day year, sowe all know when the Sabbath is.
I dunno if this guy, Jeb, is joking or not, but his forum is bananas. For all backsliders, non-Christians or Kevin Frasures, or any Christians who are not in fact insane beyond what I would consider safe for exposure to the public, you may want to click here to visit this post on the forum this writer created. The man blatantly contradicts himself and sidesteps the logically sound refutations of others while calling them "homers" in what I see as true O'Reilly fashion. He changes the avatars and forum statuses of anti-Jeb members to things like Witch and Heathen and Hellbound. He may, in fact, be a borderline comedic genius (ie, BigSexyShaq), just meticulously composing these asshole-flavoured bullshit posts for the sake masturbating his own sense of humour through the avenue of e-performance art. Some bite in the form of agreeing with him and cheering him on. Some bite in the form angrily refuting his posts and illustrating his self-sabotaging logic format. In reading the following post in its entirety, I really am forced to believe he's pulling everyone's chain.... but that a lot of devotion to chain-pulling.
Please read this. It'll enrich your day, possibly your whole life.
Definitely your whole life.
A guide to the evolutionist conspiracy
Based on the research of Bob Riggins, Science Academy of South Texas
A list of groups in league with the anti-morality evilutionist conspiracy.
The following groups of people CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Do not read anything they write, or use any device that they have invented.
(In no particular order: )
Geologists
Even before Darwin, it was geologists who began to claim that the Earthis older than 6004 years. And modern geology stubbornly refuses toyield up its hidden proof of a universal flood, or the recent andcoeval existence of all creatures, living and extinct.
Physicists
Invented all sorts of laws, like decay rates of isotopes, thenon-decaying speed of light, the refraction of light to producerainbows, etc., all of which disagree with the the Book of Genesis. Andto add insult to injury, physicists can't seem to see the truth thatevolution violates the Second Law of Thermodynamics --a fact that everygood creationist knows, even without a degree in physics!
Defenders of the Scientific Method and peer review
Every heard of creation scientists engaging in peer review? Or acreation scientist being celebrated for proving another creationscientist wrong? Of course not - REAL science is based on finding thefacts in the bible and then looking for evidence to back it up, notfinding evidence and then coming to a conclusion. Yet the enemies opfmorality still claim that the "scientific method" is a legitimatelifestyle choice.
Zoologists
The Bible says bats are birds. (Leviticus 11:13, 11:19) Lying zoologists claim they are rodents.
Brain surgeons
The New Testement states clearly that the mind is in the heart. (Esther 6:6, Proverbs 23:7, Isaiah 10:7, Matt 9:4) People who claim the brain is used for thinking are plainly and simply anti-biblical.
Astronomers and anyone who talks about "stars"
The Book of revelations states that stars are little things which can fall to earth. (Revelations 1:16, 6:13, 8:10, 9:1, 12:4) Astronomers made up lies about them being bigger than earth and far away.
Geophysicists and their Plate Tectonics
South America and Africa match like perfect puzzle pieces because Godthought they looked prettier than that. This whole continents moving afew inches every year more millions of years denies the Biblican truththat the world is 6004 years old.
Propagandists of Original Thought
Creationism is about believing without question a particularinterpretation of scripture. Indeed, in a belief system of that nature,any questioning or original thought about the revealed knowledge is notonly incorrect, it is sinful. (In the anti-American world of science,on the other hand, questioning and testing of accepted or authoritativebeliefs is the method--it's what you're supposed to do. No wonderscientists are known to cook and eat fetuses they pick up drive-throughat Planned Parenthood clinics.)
Mathematics teachers and other believers in Pi
In the Bible Pi is a neat 3 (reflecting the trinity, no doubt) whilemath teachers believe it is an ugly, messy 3.14159. Despite some legalattempts in some state legislatures to return it to the divine purityof 3, pi has hardened its heart and refused to conform to thebiblically prescribed norm.
Believers in Micro-organisms
Mircoscoptic creatures are never mentioned in the Bible at all, so weare forced to do a lot of rewriting of Genesis to account for their dayof creation, and their presence or absence on the Ark.
Believers in the Ice Ages
They have to have occurred since the Flood, since the surface of theEarth was reworked by the Flood (to create, for instance, the GrandCanyon practically overnight), which would have messed up all thosemarks of glaciers on the landscape. That means mile-thick ice sheetshad to advance and retreat again and again, across half the NorthernHemisphere, with the speed of freight trains, but without this miraclebeing recorded in the Bible.
I say it's easier just to deny that Ice Ages ever happened.
Meterologists and weathermen and pilots
The Bible clearly states that the sky is a solid dome, a "firmament,"which was firm enough to separate waters above it from those below onthe Earth. By Noah's time it was still solid enough to have windows init that had to be opened to let the rain through. I think thatfalse-Christians that spite on Gid's face by calling it "poeticmetaphor" have given in to the godless materialists! The Bible reallyis literal, in the true sense of the word. The sky was a hard firmamentwith windows in it-and anybody who says different is a mealy-mouthedevolution-sympathizer.
Peleontologists and anyone who Digs up Fossils
First of all, extinct creatures don't exist in our perfect Creation,since their very extinction implies that they were not so perfect. Andthere are so darn many of them, of so many different kinds. Here aresome creation-scientific explanations of what fossils are and how theygot there:
o Dinosaurs were too big to go on the Ark, so they got buried in the mud of the Flood.
o Extinct creatures were on the Ark. They died out later.
o Fossils never were animals. They're a hoax by Satan and/or materialistic science.
o Fossils never were animals. They're a hoax by God to test your faith.
Believers in DNA
How convientent that this "science" would turn up and confirmpredictions of relationships made by evolutionary theory perfectly. Andwhat a dirty trick to have human DNA fit right into the distribution,right next door to the chimps'! Obviously a hoax.
According to believers in DNA, the ultimate blueprint for buildingentire human beings turns out to be just plain chemicals, with nothingmagical or even particularly unusual that sets humans aside from otherliving things. And those geneticists can even tinker with the stuff,and build new creatures. They can replace defective genes in people,thwarting God's will that people be crippled and die. I'm suresomething was put into Leviticus to forbid such ungodliness, we justhaven't managed to find and interpret it yet.
Police who won't arrest evil-utionists
Everyone knows that belief in evolution destroys their faith in theBible, so naturally they have no moral guide and no fear of eternaldamnation, and since they think we came from monkeys, they seeourselves as animals with no eternal souls. In short, they've managedto cover all their crimes up. People belive in evolution in Europe, andwe all know how that entire continent has collapsed into a barbarismthat makes the fall of Rome look like peanuts.
False creationist scientists
Old-Earthers and Multiple-Catastrophists have given in to "liberal" (ifnot to say Satanic) influences. Some years there are multipleArk-hunting expeditions to Turkey, and often both of them areobstructing the progress of true Bible science.
Best way to tell a real creation scientist from a false one: ask themif they've ever read the Bible all the way through, cover-to-cover. 97%of the time the answer will be no. They're sure every word is literallytrue, and the divine message of God, but somehow they've never quitefound the time to actually read the thing. Are you willing to put yoursoul in the hands of such people?
Doctors who deal with Ribs
We know, on good authority (by creationists, whose scientific authorityis the Bible, and what could be more authoritative?), that men have oneless rib than women, because one of Adam's ribs was removed to moldinto Eve. However, we generally become confused upon being asked ifthat means one less pair of ribs, or just one rib missing from oneside. The reason we don't know is because liberal-bias doctors havebeen hiding this information from us.
People who belive in Viruses
In the first place, nothing even remotely like them is even remotelyalluded to in either Testament. About the only biblical disease isleprosy and the Bible does not say it was cause by any sort of socalled "micro-organism". Egyptian cattle suffered a "murrain"-- with nocause other than a divine curse. Then there are the "emerods"(hemorrhoids) with which God afflicted some folks he was miffed at.
Two solid creation science facts to remember:
o The Devil created viruses.
o Viruses are not in the Bible because they are "imperfect."
But the really disturbing thing about these so-called "viruses" is thatthey occupy the twilight zone between living and dead, a zone that doesnot exist in a creation in which creatures were "given life," or have"the breath of life." Can they be alive if they don't move, breathe,eat, excrete, or metabolize at all, and can even be crystallized, likeother non-living chemicals? Can they be dead if they can self-replicate(reproduce) using the same basic methods as other living things,parasitize other creatures, and are made of nearly the same proteinsand nucleic acids as we are? Sounds like a hoax to me!
People who study Insects
These heathens claim that bugs have so many generations of nasty babiesso often that in just a few years they can evolve. Those ugly bollweevils, for instance, develop resistance to pesticides; and thosefilthy peppered moths in England (Darwin's home--coincidence? I don'tthink so.) change the shade of their camouflage. Evolutionists want tocall those piddlin' changes "evolution"--which just shows that theydon't even know what the term means. So we creationists have to tellthem that "evolution" means apes popping out human babies. You'd thinkthem evil-utionists'd have that straight by now.
Paleontologists
Creationists investigators keep discovering human footprints in thesame strata as dinosaur bones or footprints, and the liberal-biaspaleontologists keep deny it.
People who belive in Craters
Few things are eviler than scientists that invented all those peskyasteroid craters which are supposedly found all over the planet,throughout all geological strata. The Bible is silent on suchdevastating impacts as Meteor Crater in Arizona, the Ring Lakes inQuebec, and that biggie that they claim dusted off the dinosaurs andcreated all that my beautiful beachfront property on the Yucatanpeninsula. Scientists even clain there was a "Chicxulub event" creatinga 170 km crater, which had to have caused worldwide devastation, andthus would have at least been noted in passing by some biblicalpatriarch or another. In short, those "craters" are typical frauds.
People who Believe in Other Planets and the Moon Landing Hoax
Anybody notice that, rather convieniently for the gay-marryers, in thelast few years astronomers, have begun to discover other planets aroundother suns (over 100 supposedly located so far) ? And they even claimthat several of those solar systems are at several of the stages ofplanetary-system evolution hypothesized for the evolution of our ownsystem?
There is not one line in the scientifically accurate Bible whichacknowledge that there are other worlds. In fact, the Bible clearlystates the the moon is nothing but a "lesser light" hung in the sky. (Genesis 1:16)If it was possible to walk on the moon, the bible would say so. ClearlyNASA was a typical waste of tax dollars, the money was obviously sentto pay black women to breed more.
Arrogant Scientists in General
Your average creation scientist has almost an entire year of college,and clearly knows more about paleontology than Bakker or Horner orCurrie, knows more about the definition of evolution than Gould orDawkins, knows more about biology than Dobzhansky or Mayr, knows moreabout cosmology than Hawking, Kaku, or Witten, and more about humanfossils than Johanson or the Leakeys. He knows more true geology thangeologists, more physics than physicists, more astronomy thanastronomers--and more about everything than atheists like Asimov orSagan. Scientists deny this fact only out of pure arrogance.
Liberal-bias universities that hand out degrees and credentials to evolutionists.
True scientists (creationists) get their science degrees fromnon-accredited religious institutions rather than accredited schoolsand universities.
Just how useless are liberal-bias universities? Fifty bucks and anSASE, and you're a Ph.D., ready and qualified to refute evolution!Meanwhile stupid scientists spend far more on a far inferior education!
Chemists
Chemists, being somewhat familiar with how elements and moleculescombine and recombine non-randomly, haven't risen up as a body todeclare the chemical origin or subsequent evolution of life to be aflat-out impossibility. Now why do you suppose that is? Obvioslybecause they are part of the conspiracy to marry gays and forcechildren to view Janet Jackson's breasts.
Dendrochronologists
That means tree-ring counting. Dendrochronologists, by matchingpatterns in annual growth rings, claim they can establish a sequence inliving, dead, and long-dead trees in certain areas of the world. Thatcan be a very reliable dating technique for, say, a beam used in anancient shelter. But this archeological specialty is completely uselessand unreliable, since in some areas ring sequences extend back throughthe date of the Flood, showing no evidence of same, and indeed way pastthe 6004 years ago when God created the world.
Believers in Varves
According to scientists those are annual layers deposited in lake beds.In some places they are clearly distinguishable because of varyingcolors and compositions of materials deposited in different seasons.They claim it's they can see them form, over a few years, and that theyknow exactly what causes them and that they do, in fact, represent oneyear per layer. The problem, of course, is that there are lakes in theworld with many times the 6,000 annual varves that could have been laiddown since the Creation. That means the entire science is a fraud.
P.S. Annual ice layers in Greenland and elsewhere are also Satanic deceptions.
The Nobel Prize Committee
...Is completely blind to the enlightenment brought to the world bycreation scientists. Is that because creation science would overturn somany preconceived notions of the scientific establishment, with itsdeeply-rooted prejudice against all things Christian?
I would like to know, quite seriously, when the last time was that ANYbiblical-literalist-creationist won a Nobel prize in ANY field. Also,has anyone ever won for any work that patently supports a majorcreationist principle? Clearly the Nobel Prize Committee has a liberalbias!
People who collect Beetles
These bug-pinners claim God have a beetle fixation. They claim there'sover 50,000 species of them, but that's a lie because they would nothave fit on the ark.
British biologist, J.B.S. Haldane, on being asked what one couldconclude as to the nature of God from a study of his creation, Haldaneis said to have answered, "An inordinate fondness for beetles." He'sburning in hell.
People who belive in the efficacy of Science
Anything created by evilutionists and the scientific method isuntrustworthy. Don't trust medical science, computers, etc. etc. Onlytrust inventions invented by creation scientists, and devices thatoperate on laws of nature discovered by creation scientists.
Evolutionary biology manages to get it right when you want improvedcorn yields, or a vaccine ready for this year's flu strain, but thesethings will fall apart and backfire soon enough, because the onlytrustworthy way to discover and invent things is creation science.
People with Ambiguous Gender
Although Genesis tells us that God created Man and Woman, there aresome unfortunate folks around who are hermaphrodites or have ambiguousgenitalia. Hermaphrodites therefore are mass produced by evolutoniststo confuse believers.
Anyone who uses Insulin
According to scientists, the human insulin available for diabeticstoday is made by genetically engineered E. coli bacteria! What doesthat have to do with evolution? Real human genes were spliced intobacterial DNA using recombinant techniques, so the nasty germs nowchurn out authentic human insulin. Kind of sounds like the stuff thatmakes us human and the stuff that makes germs germy is the same kind ofstuff, and is almost as interchangeable as tinkertoys. Maybe it showsthat we're closely enough related to our own intestinal bacteria thatwe can stick a bit of human being into them without their mindingterribly. Sounds like a fraud! Obviously it is prayer that keepDiabetics alive, not this fraudulent "insulin", which can be bannedwith no ill effects.
Users of Big Numbers
Millions, billions, trillions... especially as applied to years,light-years, species, etc. God built the universe to a comfortablehuman scale. Claims of really big stretches of time, are particularilysatanic.
Lexicographers
Every dictionary I can lay my hands on defines Christian (n.) as "onewho professes belief in Jesus as the christ" or words to the sameeffect. Not a one of them defines Christian as "one who believes in theliteral truth of Genesis, especially as regards the creation and floodaccounts." (Who would have thought that the ranks of lexicographers hadbeen so infiltrated with atheists and satanists?)
Pope John Paul II
On October 7, 1996, in an address to the Pontifical Academy of Sciencesin Rome, he declared [the Church's] acceptance of evolution as ascientific fact, and noted that there is no war between religion andscience: "Consideration of the method used in diverse orders ofknowledge allows for the concordance of two points of view which seemirreconcilable. The science of observation describes with ever greaterprecision the multiple manifestations of life…" SATANIST!
Digitized Natural Selection
Computer scientists claim that, in order to arrive at some good-enoughsolutions to some practically intractable problems teach a computer totry a bunch of random solutions. Most will be worthless or impractical.Some will work a little better than most others. The best ones areallowed to produce "offspring" with random modifications. Most of thesewon't be improvements, and many will be worse than the "parents." A fewmay be slightly better, however, and they will be allowed to reproducefor another "generation." Continue this for enough generations, and theend product will be a decent solution. It probably won't be thetheoretical best (a quality which couldn't be determined withoutsolving the original unsolvable problem), but it will be workable.
This is exactly analogous to natural selection, so of course it can't possibly work since random mutations can only be harmful.
Many R & D departments are thus using natural selection to design aircraft! Would you dare fly on one of those?
Astronomists
...in general. They're wrong about everything. Starting at least as farback as Ptolemy, astronomers have continued to describe the heavens interms that increasingly have nothing to do with Genesis. Things reallystarted to go to hell with Copernicus, Kepler, Galileo, and their ilk.Nowadays the things astronomers teach are so foreign to the Truth andinvolve such hard math that they're impossible to understand. I mean,come on-- the Big Bang, the speed of light, "light years," the sizes ofstars, billions of years-- it makes my head hurt. You want to knowwhat's in the sky? Read Genesis! Especially stay away from them"professors" who directly mock biblical Truth about the skies.
Animal breeders
People who try create new breeds of animals are attempting to engage insatanic evolutionism. They even claim to have evolved their own breeds,like poodles, for example. The truth is they just captured wild poodles.
Other Cultures
…like those damn Egyptians that didn't notice a world-wide Flood,though they were around at the time and had a liking for writingeverything down (they'd write down what people wore to parties, darnit, yet they fail to note a Flood that covered the entire Earth! Samewith the Asian Indians, and the Chinese, or any of the other culturesthat also possessed written histories, yet failed to note any of thecataclysmic acts of the Judaeo-Christian god.
People who believe that stars can be more than 6000 light-years away
Scientists claim that light from many stars takes more than 6000 yearsto get from the star to us. That's nonsense, of course, because thatstar did not exist more than 6000 years ago!
Ancient star-gazers were only a thousand or two years from the date ofcreation, thus the light from the stars farther away than 1000-2000light years could not have been seen. That means that all stars arecloser to the Earth than 1000 light years, and that measurementtechniques such as stellar parallax are just the devil's lies.
Satan's Rapid Deployment Force (SRDF)
Revealed At Last! SHOCKING PROOF that Satan is active in the world andworking to defeat creationism! Every time that we creationists bring upone of those impossible changes from one created kind to another(macroevolution), the SRDF gets to work and plants in the rocks someTrue fossils, carefully "aging" them and putting them in the "proper"strata so that paleontologists can find them in a few years. Thenthey're shoved in our faces as examples of the major transitions thatwe know to be impossible.
We said a hyena can't change into a whale. The SRDF gets to work andpresto! scientists are digging up Ambulocetus , Pakicetus ,Prozeuglodon, and a passle of others.
We knew damn well that no lizard ever sprouted wings and feathers, sothe SRDF made up those phony Archaeopteryx jobs that were just TOOperfect! I mean, teeth, bony tail, claws on the fingers, along withperfect flight feathers--come on! Since we absolutely wouldn't acceptsuch an obvious True, now they're throwing in a bunch of others invarious stages of birdness, like Protoavis , Sinornis , Hesperornis,and Ichthyornis .
They claimed we were all fish, then we grew legs and lungs and crawledout on land--what rot! Where are the transitions? Enter the SRDF, andnow we've got Eusthenopteron, Panderichtys, Acanthostega, andlabyrynthodonts.
And of course the highest priority mission of the SRDF is to "prove" that people are just improved apes (whereas Genesis 2:7tells us clearly that we are improved dirt). We keep telling them thatthere are "missing links" between apes and humans, and they keepfinding something to fill whatever gap we point out. After all, isn'tLucy (Australopithecus afarensis) just a little too convenient? Throwin A. ramidus and africanus and then H. habilis and erectus, and it'shard to find much of a gap anymore where a link could be missing.
Farmers
The Bible so clearly teaches, all of the earth was covered by seawaterfor 6 months, and lying farmers claim that salt makes soil infertile.Not only are we able to farm in places with no igneous rock today (andthus no real way to cover up any salt-tainted land), but we haverecords of farming happening pretty soon after the Flood, not the leastof which are recorded in Genesis.
People who belive in Lactose Intolerance
Scientists claim that people who can digest cow milk are mutants! Theysay that people that could handle drinking milk had that much morenutrition available to them, and through the process of naturalselection they thrived [and passed on the trait].
People who believe in Evolved Plagues and Pestilences
Consider AIDS, or DDT-resistant pests, or the common cold, orantibiotic-resistant superbugs: according to scientists they all evolvefast enough for us to see. They claim that the rapid evolution of theseorganisms has become an important medical and economic issue. Nonsense.God is sending more plagues because people are becoming more sinful.
Bad calendars
According to Gen. 1:14, the lights in the firmament are there "for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years."People who make calendars claim that the solar and sidereal years aredifferent. A proper calendar would have a nice clean 700-day year, sowe all know when the Sabbath is.