My meeting with Dr. White
So I finally had my meeting with Dr. White, yesterday. It was excellent (I overuse that word). It really was, though.
My stupid schoolgirl crush may have been obvious--especially to a profiler who may as well be considered psychic--but I did attempt to remain as focused and as-professional-as-a-student-can-be as possible, and I think I communicated well and appeared quite comfortable.
And I probably used a lot of run-on sentences.
I'm ecstatic, but it's not just due to my Dr. White-induced euphoria. I'm ecstatic because the meeting went far better than I thought it would have. At some point during our conversation, after I'd answered many of his questions and offered him information on various trends of my callers, Dr. White said four words that made me want to tear up with excitement, and though they weren't "Have dinner with me" or "I love you, Maria," they were "Let's write a book!"
Ahh!! Read that again!
I stopped and tried to hide my grin-y, childlike glee, and attempted to give him every opportunity to let me know that he really didn't believe it would be a good idea or worthwhile contribution to the study of sexual deviance, but he didn't back down! He said if I meticulously record the details of each caller (like I do) to the point at which I'd be able to say "callers from there midwest showed more interest in bondage" and further "those aged 18-24 preferred rope while those aged 25-31 favoured wire," (like I could) and gather enough to be able to chart it out clearly (something Dr. White could help me with!) this data would be something of interest and value to his kind.
A reason why what I hear from deviants is quite different from what people such as Dr. White hear from deviants is that I, for the most part, get only the raw fantasy, whereas someone in therapy or being evaluated for criminal prosecution will naturally cushion, backdrop, or qualify in whatever way his passions, painting pictures and explaining away (or not explaining at all) what it is that gets him off. A personality is projected during that kind of interaction. For me, I just hear without shame what the bare necessities are for achieving orgasm.
I naturally doubt my ability to actually pull this off, but if Dr. White actually meant it when he said "let's," I'm confident in his ability to bring out my ability. He seemed to really get into our conversation, asking all sorts of questions, both anticipated and not, and he made me look at a couple of things from a different perspective. I found myself murmuring, "I hadn't thought of that..." a few times. It also seemed like some of my opinions and assessments had impressed him.
I really am excited.
More details from the meeting to come [in a friends-only entry, most likely].