I am not really sure....
Well, I am not sure really why I am in the mood to write right now.. but I am, so I figured I'd run with it.
What do you do when you feel like you have come so far, yet when you look at your friends who have also changed... you just feel like you haven't? Maybe that doesn't make any sense at all, but it seems to me that no matter how hard I try to get my life back on track, the more it gets off. Sure... I am not with him anymore (Thank the Lord)... I have lost a little over 30 pounds, and I moved out.... but really, how come I still feel so far from being what I should be? How come I don't feel like being me is enough anymore?
I was around one of my best friends tonight. I love her, I really do, but lately - she just hasn't had time for me. Granted, we are all busy (me of all people) and I totally understand that... completely.. BUT... for the past couple of months when she would average about two weeks to return a phone call (or just not return it at all), and then she stopped wanting to meet up and hang out or whatever... I figured she was just busy with school, the infamous class that she is taking, and just life. Tonight, though, she kept talking about all of these different people that she has been hanging out with. How much fun she has has being around those people and "figuring out her place in the world." I get it, I do... but how come those people are so much better than me?
I know, maybe I am just a baby... but ya know... I am who I am, and before, that was always good enough. Whether or not she wanted t be who I am, or wanted the same things I do... we always listened and learned from each other - always supporting, never questioning. I love her, I really do.. it just worries me that me being who I am... isn't going to be good enough or interesting enough for her.
So now that I have complained.. what do I do? Of course, I won't say anything, I'll just hope it passes. Really, though, I'd love to say something... I'd love to just break down and ask her why I am not important to her, why our friendship isnt important to her, and truly.. why me just being the "Jeffersonville, IN girl who is attending college at IUS, and going to be a teacher in this area" isn't exciting enough. I know my place in the world... but what if my best friend doesn't like it? :(
Tomorrow is Turkey Day... YAYA! :)
What do you do when you feel like you have come so far, yet when you look at your friends who have also changed... you just feel like you haven't? Maybe that doesn't make any sense at all, but it seems to me that no matter how hard I try to get my life back on track, the more it gets off. Sure... I am not with him anymore (Thank the Lord)... I have lost a little over 30 pounds, and I moved out.... but really, how come I still feel so far from being what I should be? How come I don't feel like being me is enough anymore?
I was around one of my best friends tonight. I love her, I really do, but lately - she just hasn't had time for me. Granted, we are all busy (me of all people) and I totally understand that... completely.. BUT... for the past couple of months when she would average about two weeks to return a phone call (or just not return it at all), and then she stopped wanting to meet up and hang out or whatever... I figured she was just busy with school, the infamous class that she is taking, and just life. Tonight, though, she kept talking about all of these different people that she has been hanging out with. How much fun she has has being around those people and "figuring out her place in the world." I get it, I do... but how come those people are so much better than me?
I know, maybe I am just a baby... but ya know... I am who I am, and before, that was always good enough. Whether or not she wanted t be who I am, or wanted the same things I do... we always listened and learned from each other - always supporting, never questioning. I love her, I really do.. it just worries me that me being who I am... isn't going to be good enough or interesting enough for her.
So now that I have complained.. what do I do? Of course, I won't say anything, I'll just hope it passes. Really, though, I'd love to say something... I'd love to just break down and ask her why I am not important to her, why our friendship isnt important to her, and truly.. why me just being the "Jeffersonville, IN girl who is attending college at IUS, and going to be a teacher in this area" isn't exciting enough. I know my place in the world... but what if my best friend doesn't like it? :(
Tomorrow is Turkey Day... YAYA! :)