Its a fine, almost unnoticeable line.
I have this strong, sudden impulse to just give up on everything that I've been trying to keep together for a long time now and just... really let go and throw away all the yesterdays (eg stop expecting anything out of my friendships with _ and _ because they've obviously hit a plateau). Will it matter to me if everything that seems so important just falls apart? Maybe after I let go, they wouldn't seem so 'important' anymore (afterall, it is just a relative term right?) After all this time, I've struggled to deal with change and its wearing me thin down to the core, and its kinda pathetic, but I still cannot embrace change and I'm still living in the constant fear that someone important to me will eventually leave. As silly as it sounds, it always leaves me crippled.
People say that with every year, you learn something new about yourself that brings you closer to who you'll eventually become. In 2009, I learnt that I was a very indecisive person (hahaha oops must get rid of this bad habit) but on the bright side, I think I discovered how I am at the same time, very passion-driven. Through SYF and studying for HMP, I actually realised how much I'm willing to sacrifice and how I can push myself beyond the limits I'd set to achieve something that I want really badly. Also, I probably greaw stronger in 2009, after a series of unhappy events, I realised that you're in charge of your own happiness and while you can't control whatever life throws at you, you can control the way you feel, which leaves me with the most important takeaway of the year, "Negativity is like poison, stop it before it spreads or it will kill you."
With all that said, maybe I really should let nature take its course and keep an open heart when it comes to meeting new people. Its a new year, new decade, I don't really believe in all that jazz about "new year = new start" when you're still "you", but I do hope that I can make this year a more meaningful one than the previous few (eradicate flaws, discover passion, pursue interests while I still have the chance, be brave and open to new experiences) Hahaha perhaps its just because I hate that kind of "look back on your life with regrets" feeling, it really sucks more than anything else.
Most importantly, I seriously need to sleep before midnight.
People say that with every year, you learn something new about yourself that brings you closer to who you'll eventually become. In 2009, I learnt that I was a very indecisive person (hahaha oops must get rid of this bad habit) but on the bright side, I think I discovered how I am at the same time, very passion-driven. Through SYF and studying for HMP, I actually realised how much I'm willing to sacrifice and how I can push myself beyond the limits I'd set to achieve something that I want really badly. Also, I probably greaw stronger in 2009, after a series of unhappy events, I realised that you're in charge of your own happiness and while you can't control whatever life throws at you, you can control the way you feel, which leaves me with the most important takeaway of the year, "Negativity is like poison, stop it before it spreads or it will kill you."
With all that said, maybe I really should let nature take its course and keep an open heart when it comes to meeting new people. Its a new year, new decade, I don't really believe in all that jazz about "new year = new start" when you're still "you", but I do hope that I can make this year a more meaningful one than the previous few (eradicate flaws, discover passion, pursue interests while I still have the chance, be brave and open to new experiences) Hahaha perhaps its just because I hate that kind of "look back on your life with regrets" feeling, it really sucks more than anything else.
Most importantly, I seriously need to sleep before midnight.