Catching up...
Wow I haven't updated in a while on here. I apologize...I have cheated on my LiveJournal with Xanga. But I'm back and from now on I will attempt to keep you posted to the best of my ability. I think I'm going to cpoy and paste my Xanga entries from the past week to catch you up. Cara, this is for you. :)
The Sunday I got home - "This weekend has been amazing. I got back to Fayetteville on Thursday night, went to see a few friends and then headed to Rogers to hang out with Robyn. We went to Kennedy to meet one of her friends and happened to see Ravonne and Katie Sanabria! I was so excited! So we all hung out and talked until we got kicked out. Then I spent the night at Robyn's house and we stayed up talking until 5 am. Oh it's so good to be back. So we got up at 1 in the afternoon because her mom woke us up and I headed back here. My roommate moved out, so I'm working on moving my stuff over to the window side of the room. I met everyone up at the BCM to leave for the leadership conference. Oh I've missed you all SO much! There were people that I didn't even realized that I had missed so much until I got back and saw them. The conference was amazing. God spoke to me so much last night and today. But I didn't just learn from the conference...the girls in my room stayed up talking really late and I mostly listened. They were just talking about seeking God in a decision and just listening to their godly counsel was amazing. I am so blessed to have godly girls to look up to and learn from. Today God really worked on my heart. There were definitely some "closets" I was holding on to. Now I feel like I have a new start and I'm learning how to let go of the approval of those that I'm close to. I was just reminded of how much God loves me and that that is enough. Tonight a huge group went to see "Glory Road". The regular showing was sold out so we had to kill a couple of hours before the late show. Barnes and Noble seemed like the best choice. That was the most fun waste of two hours I've had in a long time. It was great hanging out with new friends and catching up with the old ones...and just laughing. I haven't REALLY laughed in a while. The movie was good even though I didn't watch half of it because I was feeling pretty sick and I had to cover my eyes to keep from getting motion sickness....weird I know. But anyway, I need to get some sleep so I can get better. I love Fayetteville. I'm so glad I'm back. I've missed you."
Wednesday - "I skipped class yesterday to take a shower. And I'm not talking my first class. Went to my first, skipped my second and came back and took a shower. Haha.
Is it bad to think of taking a nap as a productive afternoon?
So many emotions...."
Friday - "So my makeup isn't spectacular. And I don't have a lot of cute clothes. Sometimes I oversleep and don't wear makeup. My favorite outfit is jeans, a t-shirt, and flipflops. But I like dressing up. That's just who I am. I will never be the girl who always looks nice. I'll never be gorgeous or have great hair or buy $100 jeans. It just isn't me. So why can I not accept that?
All of the things I want to say just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words...you've got my head spinning. I don't know where to go from here.
I want to be a woman after God's own heart. I want to know Him and feel when His heart beats. I want to have passion for Him. I want to be so close to God...and I'm not there. I want to have earth-shattering faith. But my weaknesses keep getting in the way. I want so badly to be loved and accepted and noticed. But I know You are enough. I want to be the best. But I know Your power is made perfect in my weakness. I want to be beautiful. But I know You love me too much to see me in any other way. I'm scared. My heart longs to follow Him but it's so scary to say "OK God, You can have it all. Burn away all that I am and make something beautiful from the ashes of my life." But here goes...
He must become greater...I must become less. John 3:30"
(See next entry) :)
The Sunday I got home - "This weekend has been amazing. I got back to Fayetteville on Thursday night, went to see a few friends and then headed to Rogers to hang out with Robyn. We went to Kennedy to meet one of her friends and happened to see Ravonne and Katie Sanabria! I was so excited! So we all hung out and talked until we got kicked out. Then I spent the night at Robyn's house and we stayed up talking until 5 am. Oh it's so good to be back. So we got up at 1 in the afternoon because her mom woke us up and I headed back here. My roommate moved out, so I'm working on moving my stuff over to the window side of the room. I met everyone up at the BCM to leave for the leadership conference. Oh I've missed you all SO much! There were people that I didn't even realized that I had missed so much until I got back and saw them. The conference was amazing. God spoke to me so much last night and today. But I didn't just learn from the conference...the girls in my room stayed up talking really late and I mostly listened. They were just talking about seeking God in a decision and just listening to their godly counsel was amazing. I am so blessed to have godly girls to look up to and learn from. Today God really worked on my heart. There were definitely some "closets" I was holding on to. Now I feel like I have a new start and I'm learning how to let go of the approval of those that I'm close to. I was just reminded of how much God loves me and that that is enough. Tonight a huge group went to see "Glory Road". The regular showing was sold out so we had to kill a couple of hours before the late show. Barnes and Noble seemed like the best choice. That was the most fun waste of two hours I've had in a long time. It was great hanging out with new friends and catching up with the old ones...and just laughing. I haven't REALLY laughed in a while. The movie was good even though I didn't watch half of it because I was feeling pretty sick and I had to cover my eyes to keep from getting motion sickness....weird I know. But anyway, I need to get some sleep so I can get better. I love Fayetteville. I'm so glad I'm back. I've missed you."
Wednesday - "I skipped class yesterday to take a shower. And I'm not talking my first class. Went to my first, skipped my second and came back and took a shower. Haha.
Is it bad to think of taking a nap as a productive afternoon?
So many emotions...."
Friday - "So my makeup isn't spectacular. And I don't have a lot of cute clothes. Sometimes I oversleep and don't wear makeup. My favorite outfit is jeans, a t-shirt, and flipflops. But I like dressing up. That's just who I am. I will never be the girl who always looks nice. I'll never be gorgeous or have great hair or buy $100 jeans. It just isn't me. So why can I not accept that?
All of the things I want to say just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words...you've got my head spinning. I don't know where to go from here.
I want to be a woman after God's own heart. I want to know Him and feel when His heart beats. I want to have passion for Him. I want to be so close to God...and I'm not there. I want to have earth-shattering faith. But my weaknesses keep getting in the way. I want so badly to be loved and accepted and noticed. But I know You are enough. I want to be the best. But I know Your power is made perfect in my weakness. I want to be beautiful. But I know You love me too much to see me in any other way. I'm scared. My heart longs to follow Him but it's so scary to say "OK God, You can have it all. Burn away all that I am and make something beautiful from the ashes of my life." But here goes...
He must become greater...I must become less. John 3:30"
(See next entry) :)