I feel used.

[jouet_du_destin]

This is the first sunny day in Montreal in weeks. The weather is mocking my pain as everyone else celebrates a weekend morning and reprieve from the rain.

I on the other hand am nursing a ridiculous hangover. Having thrown up all the wine at some point last night, this morning's three hours of puking/crying on the bathroom floor was mostly stomach acid and possibly chunks of my broken heart pouring into the toilet. Also flushed was my recently re-discovered optimism and happiness. There is no reason to be happy with anything we do. For a while I really truly believed that it didn't matter how shitty everything got if you had someone there to share the fucked-upness with because all we could do in life is support each other. It was the only thought I could hold on to. He was all I was holding on to.

Now I've realized that no one can be trusted. There is no such thing as hope, only recklessness and sheer stupidity to believe that anyone, ever really cares at all. Despite what he may say, or what anyone may say, it was all full of shit. Where I went wrong was thinking that it was human nature to like someone and like being with them, when really it's all based on opportunism. Why work things out when you can just jump ship when something better comes along?

Just don't bother.