I'll stand by you.....
I'll Stand By You - what beautiful words to hear and to say....
Its been a rough road this last year.... no I'm not perfect, no i did n't do everything right or when I should have...but knowing that when you give all for what you believe it regardless of the outcome - well, that a beautiful thing too.
I am not bitter. I am not hateful. I am sad though. I lose a lot in the outcome of it all. I lose a second family, who I have come to respect and care about despite what they may be told or forced to believe. I lose a daughter who I love and have loved and still love as though I was the one who gave birth to her. I lose many wonderful friends who the laughter and smiles I had come to depend on.
BUT...
I gained a few things too. I gained a new sense of respect for myself. I have gained a few new friends in the process. I gained new respect from those I work with. AND above all I gained some of myself back. I bent over backward to be everything to all people and lost myself in the long run.
Today something happened that made me realize why I am here. My liitle boy looked at me and said "mommy is pretty". I have never told him to say that. I was in tears. After losing 101lbs, grew my hair out a little more and learned to smile through the tears, my son saw the inner me - the me that needed to come out and until that moment, it stayed hidden. I walked through the rest of my grocery shopping with my head held high and a smile from ear to ear. To be honest, it is one thing to hear it from others. It is another TOTALLY different feeling to hear it from a child - who smiles and giggles when they they say it... and even if they dont quite know what it means, the innocence that comes with it melt sthe heart.
It doesn' matter the past anymore. The good things will always be remembered. the bad will always fade away. BUT the love that my little boy has for me, well, thats all I will ever need. He will stand by me. I will stand by him. One day, others will do the same. But most of all, maybe, one day, some will come to realize the special person that I truly am and just want to be my friend.
For those that have stood by me - Thank you is NEVER going to be enough.
For those that have stood by Joshua - Thank you. He will know as he grows who loves him :o)
Just thinkin :o)