numb
What the fuck is wrong with me. Why cant I be a normal fucking person? Ive been talking to this guy for months and because of that happened to me in the past, Im so scared to even meet him because I dont feel as though I am good enough for him, or anyone. Im literally so depressed right now I can barely see straight, all I keep thinking is I wish I had the courage to just kill myself and make everything better. People tell you, thats just an easy way out? Is it though? You have no idea whats going on in my head, You dont know the awful things I feel about myself. I look like a god damn whale, Im ugly. No one in their right mind would want to be with me. He says he does but I know once he sees me hes gonna hate me, I cant shake that feeling. He keeps telling me, we need to meet, we need to meet. Im terrified of being rejected and getting my heart broken AGAIN! He doesnt understand tho. No one in this world understands me. Sometimes I dont even understand myself. If anyone ever read this thing, theyd probably have me commited to a mental hospital. My problem is, Im looking to be loved, they say you cant love someone unless you love yourself. I cant stand to even look at myself most days. I deactivated my facebook. The voices in my head told me I had to, They also told me to dig my nails into my face and punch myself in the head. Way to go for being a fucking crazy person. I dont feel like typing anymore, I think I'll go stare blankly at my ceiling. bye...