Fic: An Enduring Fate (4/?)
Title: An Enduring Fate (4/?)
Rating: NC-17 (Please note the change)
Pairings/Characters: Will/Rachel
Spoilers: Follows canon through A Very Glee Christmas; uses ideas from rest of season 2
Disclaimer: All things Glee belong to Ryan Murphy and Fox. I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: They say life is a series of starts and stops, for Will and Rachel that couldn't be more true.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
NEW: Chapter 4
A/N 1: Thank you everyone for your reviews. Please continue to let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is always welcome. :)
~~~~~
“Okay guys, you’ve all signed the pledge. I trust you not to do this again. No more alcohol, okay?” Will collected the contracts from his students as they nodded. He couldn’t believe they had done this. He was upset about the party, but more than that, he was upset that they actually brought it to school. They had been walking around drunk for days. How did they not understand that this jeopardized glee? And how did he not notice it?
Will took the last contract from Rachel and saw that she wouldn’t make eye contact. If he thought about it, he would realize that he was too angry with her, so it was probably a good thing. He couldn’t believe she would host a party and provide the alcohol. Logically, he knew it was probably Puck or someone who talked her into it. And he couldn’t really be mad about the party. He had hosted a few himself when he was her age. But it didn’t change the fact that she chose to drink during school.
“Okay, you can go for the day. Don’t forget our Saturday rehearsal tomorrow afternoon. We’ll be focusing on the numbers for Regionals.” Will walked over to the piano and packed away the contracts into his bag, as the group filed out. He heard her quiet voice before he realized she was standing across from him.
“I’m sorry.”
He looked up at her then and took her in. It was impossible for him to stay angry with her, but he did need her to know he was disappointed. “How could you do this Rachel?” he asked. “You know glee can be taken away at any moment.”
“I know,” she replied, somewhat petulantly, and it was the first time in a while he was reminded of her age. “It was only going to be one night. My dads have been out of town and Puck convinced me that it would be fun. I thought maybe the rest of the group would like me more if I did it. I’m not going to apologize for the party at my house. But I am sorry we brought it to school. I don’t really know why we did that.”
“Rach, you could have gotten hurt. Alcohol is new to you. You may not know what your body can handle yet.”
“I said I was sorry. And it’s not like you don’t drink.”
“I’m legally allowed to drink,” he argued.
But Rachel wouldn’t back down. “In fact, you got very drunk just the other night.”
That caused Will to pause. He didn’t tell her about that. “How did you know that?”
Rachel beamed at him, and he could tell she was glad that she now had the upper hand. “I may or may not have evidence in the form of a voicemail, from a call you made to me the night you hung out with Coach Beiste.”
He called her? “I don’t … remember calling you.”
Rachel looked at him with mock seriousness, “You need to be careful, Will. You may not know what your body can handle yet.”
He laughed at that. Sure she was throwing his words back at him and, usually, that would annoy him, but she was being so adorable about it. How could he be angry at her?
“So, what did I say?” he playfully asked, determined to let his earlier disappointment and worry go.
“Oh, it was very interesting. I’ll play it for you on the way to my house.”
“Your house? I thought you drove today?” he asked.
“I did … but I drank a little too much earlier and I think I’m still a little tipsy, so I was hoping you could give me a ride?”
Will sighed loudly, running a hand across his forehead and through his hair. “Rachel-”
“I know,” she interrupted. “I am sorry.”
He took a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s go.”
He turned to leave the classroom, as Rachel picked up her bag and followed him to his old, beat up car. He really needed to get a new one; this one wasn’t going to hold out much longer. They climbed in and he put the key the ignition, starting the car, but pausing before he pulled out of his space.
“I worry about you, Rachel.” He reached over and grabbed her smaller hand with his.
He felt her squeeze tightly. “I know. I just made a bad decision, a series of them really. But I won’t make them again; I promise.”
He breathed out, almost in relief, at her reassurance. “Thank you.”
As he pulled out of the school parking lot, Rachel leaned over and looked through her bag, sitting up only when she found her phone.
“So, can we listen to your drunk message now? It’s quiet entertaining,” she teased.
“Oh boy. Let’s hear it.” Will smiled, slightly nervous about what he might have said. Rachel didn’t seem upset though so it couldn’t be too bad, whatever it was.
He watched out of the corner of his eye as she dialed her voicemail and put the phone on speaker. He instantly regretted wanting to hear it.
“Heeey there sexy lady,” he heard himself slur. “There’s something I really, really want to say to you. I love the way you dress with your short, definitely inappropriate skirts. And those animal sweaters? They are the cutest things I’ve ever seen in my life. … Why don’t you put one on and come over here, and let’s just get crazy. Crazy together, rolling around in the hay, as I was just in some hay earlier tonight. Hey, and I rode a bull, and I was thinking of you and the things I am going to do to you...”
Rachel shut her phone off as the message ended. Will was trying to focus on the road in front of him. He could tell that her face was red. He was sure his was too. He couldn’t believe he had said those things to her. Granted, it was all true. He loved those skirts and her sweaters were adorable. And it was true that he thought often about all the things he wanted to do with her, but to actually say that to her was going too far. She wasn’t ready for that.
“Rach, I am so, so sorry. That was completely out-of-line.”
“I thought it was sweet.” She smiled shyly.
“Sweet?” How could she possibly think that was sweet?
“Yeah,” she said softly, “I mean, it’s sweet that you like how I dress and that you want me like that. No one has ever made me feel so wanted before.”
“Are you sure, Rach? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I’m sure. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable.” She paused and they sat in silence for a moment. “I’m just glad you weren’t so drunk that you called the wrong person. That would have been bad.”
“Well, you’re number one on my speed dial, so that’s hard to mess up.” He responded, without missing a beat, as he turned on to her street.
“I suppose … Wait. I’m on your speed dial? And I’m number one?”
“Yeah,” he said casually, “I talk to you more than anyone.”
“That’s so sweet. I love you.”
“I love you too,” he said as he came to a stop in front of her house.
“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said as she gathered her things.
He grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. He wanted to lean over and kiss her, but he knew he couldn’t, not here. “I’ll pick you up on my way.”
“Sounds good. Thanks.” She gave him a smile, as she opened the door and climbed out of his car. He watched as she entered her house before heading home.
~~~~~
Rehearsal on Saturday was long and exhausting, but for Rachel it was invigorating. This was what it was supposed to be like. Regionals was in exactly one week, and everyone was working really hard to make their set the best it could be.
After four hours in which they almost perfected ‘Sing’ and really progressed on Rachel and Mercedes’ duet, Mr. Schue dismissed them. This made Rachel happy. Except for the car ride yesterday, she hadn’t seen him outside of school since they had dinner more than a week ago. She was hoping to spend some time with him tonight. She knew it would be their last chance before Regionals. If they didn’t see each other tonight, they would have to wait for more than a week before they could again and that would be more than two weeks without being able to talk to Will.
She waited until everyone filed out of the auditorium and she smiled to herself as she realized this had become their thing, waiting around until the others left so they could talk.
“That went well,” Will stated, as he walked down the aisle, and sat next to her on the edge of the stage.
“Yeah, I’m really happy with how far along we are. We’re going to put up a good fight,” she agreed, before rushing to ask, “So, what are we doing tonight?”
Will’s eyes widened at her question. “I didn’t realize we were doing anything.”
“Well, we haven’t discussed it but we haven’t seen each other in over a week. I know we won’t be able to hang out this week and next weekend is Regionals … I just thought we could spend tonight with each other.”
His expression softened at her explanation. “You know I want to Rachel. I miss seeing you too, but with all the extra rehearsals for Regionals, I’ve fallen behind on actual work. I’ve got midterms and papers that I really need to grade. I’m sorry. As soon as we get through Regionals, we’ll be able to see each other more.”
“But after Regionals is Nationals. How are we going to have more time if we have to work even harder for Nationals?”
“We’ll find a way, Rach.” He was trying to reassure her but it wasn’t working. She didn’t like this. She wanted to spend every second she could with him.
“Well let’s find a way tonight. I’m not saying we need to do anything special, but I want to spend time with you … Look, I have a paper that I really do need to write. Maybe I could work on that, while you grade your papers?” She asked, hopefully. She really didn’t care what they were doing. She just wanted to be in the same space with him for a while.
She saw him smile at her suggestion, and she knew she had him. “That sounds perfect, Rach.”
~~~~~
Rachel arrived at Will’s apartment about 45 minutes after he did. She had gone home to shower, change and gather the books she would need, as well as her laptop.
Will was just getting out his papers to grade. He had really fallen behind. Stacks covered half of the coffee table in front of him, divided first by class and then separated into midterms and essays. He sat back on the couch, sinking into the cushions and sighed. He could really use a beer right now to help him unwind. But no, he had promised his students that he would abstain from alcohol if they did; he had promised Rachel. And besides, if Rachel was going to be around tonight, it was probably best that he keep to his word. That embarrassing voicemail was still fresh in his mind, and he didn’t care if she thought it was sweet; it was wrong.
He heard the soft knock and smiled. He quickly got off the couch and jogged to the door. When he opened it, he was taken aback by her beauty. She was always beautiful but tonight she was dressed very casually in grey sweats and a pink t-shirt; her hair was pulled up and she looked like she was ready to study. He smiled at how comfortable she was, being around him like this. He was glad their relationship was strong enough that everything didn’t have to be dinner and movies and romance and that they were perfectly content just being with the other.
He stepped aside, allowing her to enter his apartment. She was about to speak but he closed the door, turned towards her and, taking her face in his hands, kissed her deeply. As he pulled back, they were both smiling.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly. “Are you ready to work?”
One hand was still on her face, and he brushed his thumb along her cheek before taking her bag from her shoulder. “I sure am; I was just getting started.”
“Good,” she responded, “I’m going to get some juice. Do you want anything?”
He watched her retreat to his kitchen as he laid her bag on the couch and sat back down in front of the papers. “I’m good. Thanks.”
They settled in quickly. Will was sitting on the couch, a stack of papers in his lap. Rachel sat on the floor between the couch and his coffee table, with her laptop sitting on the table and books surrounding her on the floor. He was enjoying this, just working in silence with Rachel by his side. He was struck by the domesticity of this scene and realized at that moment how much he missed it.
She sighed deeply then, and he watched as she reached for her bag, pulling out another book and rifling through it until she found what she needed. She then placed the open book in her lap and continued her furious typing. She was so cute when she was this focused.
“What?” she asked softly. She didn’t look at him; she just kept typing. He saw her smile before turning back to his midterms.
“Nothing,” he replied, as he reached for his grade book. As he was entering the marks for his second stack, he felt the couch shift under her weight.
She was staring at him now. “What?” He playfully repeated. She smiled again but he could tell she had a serious question. He placed his papers in his grade book and laid them on the end table before giving her his full attention. Her body was turned towards him but she was sitting on the other end of the couch.
She observed him a moment before speaking. “Why did you decide to become a teacher?”
Her question threw him a little and to be honest, he wasn’t quite sure how to answer. He had many reasons for becoming a teacher and none of them were all that inspiring, but the reasons he stayed surely made up for that.
She was still staring at him - waiting for his response - and he sensed it was more than her wanting to know why. “What’s going on, Rach?”
She ducked her head and shrugged slightly. “I’ve just been thinking about what I would do if I couldn’t be on Broadway.”
Will’s eyes widened at that. He didn’t realize she was thinking about a back-up plan. It was smart of her, but he never thought it necessary. He had no doubt she would make it. “You want to be a teacher?”
He knew the surprise in his voice was evident, and she hesitated before responding. “I don’t know … I feel like I should have a plan, you know?” He nodded his agreement. “So, why did you become a teacher?”
He took a deep breath. It wasn’t really anything he ever talked about. He wasn’t sure he could explain it, but he would try.
“It was several things, Rach. None of them the reasons they should be. I went to college in-state, and I actually studied finance. My major was accounting. But I didn’t want to give up singing completely, so I minored in musical theater. And Spanish … well, it was something my adviser said would be helpful, and I always liked it in high school.” He paused a moment, remembering the kid he used to be.
“I had dreams of going to New York after graduation, of trying to make it on Broadway. But I didn’t really have the confidence, and I was afraid of failing. Then there was Terri. We were engaged at that point, and she had … expectations. She wanted a husband that would support her and be around every night and cater to her needs; and being a struggling actor would not allow for that,” he sighed, as he remembered the fights.
“She wanted me to work at a bank or an accounting firm, something that would bring in the big bucks. But I really couldn’t see myself in any of those jobs. I hated accounting. Much to Terri’s displeasure, I found myself thinking about Spanish. I enjoyed the language and learning more about the cultures that speak it. So I started looking for ways to use that and the Spanish teacher at McKinley happened to just retire. I applied and that’s how I became a teacher.”
It wasn’t for the reasons one should and he was a bit ashamed of that. He watched as she scooted closer to him; he hadn’t really made eye contact with her during all of it, but he couldn’t help feeling this was good. He never talked to anyone like this; but with her, it was easier that he expected it to be.
“Why did you stay? I mean, you’re not with Terri anymore. It’s not too late for you to go to New York.”
He reached for her hand, holding it gently in his.
“My students. I may not have gotten into it for them, but it’s why I’ve stayed. Seeing them grow, graduating and starting their lives, having a small part in that … There are some students,” he squeezed her hand at this, “that excel at everything they do and are working so hard to … become someone amazing. And to be able to be there for them and push them to not give up, it’s very rewarding.
“And then…then there are those students who are struggling or who may not care, and that’s when I feel I’m at my best. And that maybe, I ended up a teacher for them. I can push them harder, open up their world, provide the encouragement their family may not … care. There are a couple of them in glee. And to be able to reach them, to see them apply themselves and grow into young adults, it’s just … it makes it all worth it.”
She was smiling when he finished, and he was sure she didn’t expect all that from him but she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him softly.
“You’re amazing,” she said with wonder. And it was something he needed to hear. He didn’t realize how much he needed to hear it.
He leaned in to kiss her again and she deepened it, throwing her leg over his lap to straddle him. His arms automatically wrapped around her, his hands running up and down her back and pulling her close. He slid his tongue in her mouth and let his duel with hers. He could taste the orange juice she had been drinking. She moaned into his mouth before pulling back.
“Okay,” she said, as she started to climb off him, “break time over!”
He laughed as he sat back in her spot on the floor and reached for her book. He reached for his next stack of papers but suddenly his mind started drifting. When was the fall out going to happen? This was going too well, and by all standards, it shouldn’t be. These thoughts had been happening every now and then since they started this relationship. He didn’t regret it though. He was the happiest he had been and a long time, and he knew she was happy too. That’s what mattered here. Still this was too easy; the other shoe had to drop eventually.
~~~~~
The next week was a whirlwind of class and rehearsals, extra-long, extra-grueling rehearsals. They were ready, Rachel thought to herself. They were going to win this thing.
Backstage at Regionals was crazy. Everyone was running around and making last minute preparations. Despite her confidence, Rachel was nervous, really nervous. She sat at the makeup table, touching up, when she saw Will in the mirror. They made eye contact and he tilted his head towards the stage door, before walking in that direction. She made sure no one was around before following him out.
“Hi,” she said as the door closed behind her.
“Hi.” He was looking at her but she wasn’t sure what he was looking for.
“I’m fine,” she assured him.
“I know you are,” he nodded at her.
“Then why are we out here?”
“I just … wanted to tell you how proud I am of you, Rach. You’ve grown so much in this past year. And I know you are going to go out there and blow them away.”
She tried to hold back the tears. That’s what she needed. His words of support had settled the slight fear she had felt. She reached for his hand, standing on her toes to kiss him softly.
“Thank you,” she said before she turned towards the door and they returned inside.
Rachel gave him another smile before walking to her spot for her entrance.
“Why were you outside with Mr. Schue?” Crap. It was Mercedes.
“Oh. He, um, he was just trying to calm my nerves. I was hyperventilating a bit. That’s all.” It was a little rushed. It was obvious she was lying but Rachel kept her eyes focused in front of her, hoping Mercedes wouldn’t push.
“Mmmhmm.” She heard before the first note of their duet played. She needed to focus. She could deal with Mercedes later.
Their performance went by fast, the nerves settled completely as she stepped out into the spotlight. As she was standing on the stage waiting for them to announce the winner, all she could feel was Will’s hand in hers, squeezing tightly. When they announced that the Warblers had won, it took everything inside her not to break down. They were all silent. She was happy for Kurt, of course, and she smiled as she saw him jumping up and down, being hugged by Blaine. But she also felt the jealousy running through her. If they had won, she would be able to hug Will right now under the guise of celebration, and she really needed his arms around her.
They lost. She couldn’t believe it. They lost Regionals. This was supposed to be their year. They had all worked so hard. She had been perfect; they were perfect. Why wasn’t that good enough?
She felt Will drop her hand and pat her upper back. She looked up at him; he looked sad but he was still smiling. There was some good news. They came in second place; at least the club would survive this lost.
The bus ride back was quiet and somber. They felt defeated. And to top it all off, she wouldn’t get to see Will tonight. It would be too late by the time they got back.
As they got closer to the school, she watched as Mr. Schue stood and faced them, a smile on his face. “I’m so proud of you guys,” he started. “That was a fantastic performance. You should all be proud and happy for Kurt. And you should be proud and happy for us. You placed second! You’ve helped make this club permanent. And we are going to come back next year and we’re going to take it all. I have no doubts.
“So, I know it’s disappointing, but let’s be happy this isn’t the end. And let’s resolve to work even harder, starting on Monday. I still want us to have rehearsals and get started early for next year.”
He paused and Rachel looked around. The group was a little brighter; some even looked excited about continuing rehearsals.
“So, what do you say? Are you guys with me?”
A quiet chorus of “yes” came from the group.
“Is that the best you can do?” Mr. Schue teased. “I asked if you were with me!”
“YES!” An even louder chorus sounded, followed by laughter. Rachel couldn’t take her eyes off of Will. She thought back to what he said about being a teacher, about why he stayed. He really was amazing. He inspired her with how much he cared, how he never gave up.
~~~~~
Rehearsals the next few weeks were more low-key. They were about having fun and not focusing on competition. Rachel was glad for that because it meant that she and Will were able to see each other more. Most days, she went to his apartment after glee. She would tell her dads that she was hanging out with Mercedes or helping Sam with his siblings; but really, she would be with Will. They would cook dinner together or watch TV. Some days, he helped her study. Other days, they would just sit on his couch and talk. Most night would end in a make-out session.
For Rachel, things were progressing quite nicely in that arena. Their make-out sessions were always heated but now their hands were starting to wander and both were getting bolder. Some days, she would be straddling him as he sat back on the couch, her hands under his shirt tracing the muscles that were there. He had the most amazing abs. And he would kiss her as if she was air, and he needed her to live. He made her feel so desirable.
Other days, they lay on the couch, Will holding himself above her. He’d bury his face in her neck, nibbling, licking, sucking on the skin he found there. The last few times, he would press against her and she could feel how hard he was. She didn’t mind though. She didn’t tense up the way she had the first couple of times she had felt him. She was much more comfortable now. In fact, she loved how it felt as he would rock against her, pressing into her. In the movement, her skirt would ruffle up and her panties would be exposed to him. She was nervous the first time that he would touch her or remove them, but he didn’t. He never did. He just pressed against her strategically and it felt good, with his jeans and the hard bulge beneath them rubbing against her in just the right way. She’d get so wet; her panties would be soaked. And they’d moan together and he’d kiss her deeply. She had never felt so good.
The night before, he had gotten her out of her shirt and bra. He looked at her like she was the sexiest person he had ever seen, and she knew she was almost ready for all of it, with him. She took off his shirt too and stared at his sculpted chest until he leaned down and took one of her peaks in his mouth. She moaned loudly and he started to rub against her. He was wearing light grey sweats this time and it was a different feeling from the jeans, but it still felt amazing.
He was lavishing attention on her breasts as he was thrusting against her. She was getting close, to what she wasn’t sure, but she wanted to feel him even more. She thrust her hips up to meet him and he moaned her name loudly. She liked having this power over him. She looked down between them and saw that his grey sweats were darker in the front. She did that. She was so wet that she could see herself on his pants. He began to rub against her more insistently; the pressure was amazing. The pleasure was becoming too much for her and she was moaning loudly now, as he was grunting above her. Then he stiffened, and she knew that he came. She looked down again and saw that a second wet spot joined the one she had made. It sent a thrill through her. They were mostly clothed and yet she was able to make him feel that good.
She was happy it wasn’t awkward afterwards like she thought it would be. He lay beside her, facing each other so they would fit. He just held her and kissed her lazily and it was perfect.
She was smiling to herself while remembering the night before and mindlessly moving through the choreography for their new number, when she felt Finn’s oversized hand slamming into her face. It was painful, really painful, and she didn’t even realize she was on the ground until she felt Will’s hands clutching her arms.
She looked back and saw Finn also kneeling next to her. He looked so worried. She wanted to tell him it wasn’t entirely his fault. Sure, he couldn’t dance and that definitely played a part, but she wasn’t paying attention. She was too focused on the way Will’s lips felt on her skin.
“Rachel?” Will’s voice broke through her thoughts.
“I’m bleeding.” And it hurt. She just wanted to curl up in his arms and cry.
“Okay everyone. That’s it for today. We’ll work on this again tomorrow.” She heard him dismiss the class, his hands still gripping her arms. Then he turned back towards her and she felt him trying to get her to stand. “Come on, Rach. I’ll take you to the doctor.”
“I can take her Mr. Schue.” She heard Finn offer.
“It’s okay, Finn. I’ve got her.” She smiled at that. She was glad Will was going to be there for her.
He dropped her off at home after the doctor’s appointment. As she lay on her bed, all she could think about was what the doctor had said to her. He said she may benefit from rhinoplasty. Sure, she had thought about fixing her nose many times before but she thought it could have negative effect on her singing voice and she didn’t want to damage that. But when the doctor told her that was a myth and it could possibly even help her voice, the idea of fixing her nose came back to her. She was surprised though that Will had argued with the doctor, saying it was still risky and unnecessary. She couldn’t help but wonder though what it would be like if she had a less noticeable nose, maybe one like Quinn’s. Maybe she could even get Quinn to help her out. It wouldn’t hurt to go to the consultation and get a better idea of what she could look like.
~~~~~
Will was surprised two days later when Rachel and Quinn stood in front of glee and Rachel told them all she was getting a nose job. She hadn’t said anything to him about it, and he didn’t realize she took what the doctor said to heart. She was a beautiful girl, so very beautiful; she shouldn’t be doing this. He watched as she pulled out pictures that showed what she would look like with Quinn’s nose. It was all happing in slow motion as the picture got passed to him.
“Rachel, that doesn’t even look like you,” he said harshly. Shit, he thought to himself. He didn’t mean to say that out loud, not in front of everyone. He took a deep breath, trying to rein in his emotions. He would talk to her later. He was happy though that he had decided to do the ‘Born This Way’ lesson. Rachel would definitely benefit from it.
That night as Rachel sat next to him on the couch, curled up in his arms, he thought about what she planned to do. She still hadn’t said anything to him about it. Why wasn’t she talking to him?
“Rachel, I don’t think you should do this.” She pulled back from him, looking at him with confusion. But he knew she was putting on a ruse. He didn’t understand why she was doing this. “The nose job, Rachel. I don’t want you to get it.”
She went from confused to angry as she pulled back even more. “You ‘don’t want me to get it’? I’m sorry; I didn’t realize you had a say in this.”
He sighed as he reached for her hand, “Rachel, you are beautiful. I just think that you might regret it if you do this. And there are risks.”
She pulled her hand out of his reach and stood. “You were there when the doctor said this could actually help me. It can improve my voice.”
“Your voice is already incredible! Honey, why are you really doing this? And why won’t you talk to me?”
“Because,” she yelled, “you’re supposed to support me! This is what I want. This will make me feel better about myself. This could help me with my career. You should try to understand that and support me!”
She started walking towards his door, picking up her bag on the way. He quickly got up and followed her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around to face him. He gently took her face in his and placed a light kiss on the nose he loved so much. “I am supporting you. I’m supporting the confident, beautiful Rachel, who wouldn’t let what other people say bring her down. I’m fighting for her; I’m supporting you against the insecure girl who is making a mistake.”
“Maybe all I am is the insecure girl. And if fixing my nose will help, then that’s what I’m doing.” She pulled out of his arms and walked out the door, closing it behind her.
Will placed his forehead against the door. He had said the wrong thing. He knew it the moment it was said but he didn’t know what else to do.
~~~~~
When the door shut behind her, Rachel leaned against it as the tears came. Why was he so against this? She was just getting her nose fixed a little. It wasn’t like she was changing who she was. She’d still be Rachel Berry, just a little more confident. She took a deep breath before walking out to her car. It would be okay. She’d go tomorrow after school and it would be done.
When she got home, she grabbed a snack and then went up to her room. Sitting at her desk, looking up the details of the surgery she was about to have, she couldn’t help but think about Will and what he said to her. He called her beautiful, several times. And he called her confident. He saw something in her that even she didn’t see. She tried not to let things get to her, but in reality they did. She just hid that from everyone. But he saw her for who she really was. He loved her, even with her flaws.
She closed her laptop and after changing into her pajamas, climbed into her bed. She was conflicted. She had been so sure earlier, but now she didn’t know what she wanted to do.
~~~~~
She woke up refreshed and sure of herself, of what she wanted. She needed to talk to Will but she had to get through the day first. She saw him a few times in the hall and in class. He looked like he wanted to talk to her but they couldn’t. Besides, she thought it might be best to wait.
After class, she slowly made her way to the auditorium. She was meant to be heading to the doctor, but she called that morning and canceled the appointment. When she woke up, she knew. She knew he was right and that this surgery would be a regret one day if she went through with it. He saw that before she did; he loved her that much. She had woken up that morning completely sure that she didn’t want to go through with it and completely sure of something else too, and she couldn’t wait to tell him.
She watched from the back of the auditorium for a moment. He was looking at everyone on stage, in their shirts, and she saw his disappointed sigh when he didn’t see her. She slowly walked towards the stage, interrupting them. The smile on his face was everything to her as she told them she had changed her mind and revealed her shirt.
As the performance began, she was watching in the wings with Will. She finally had some time alone with him.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered from his side.
“No, don’t be sorry. I could have handled this whole thing better.”
She reached for his hand. No one would see them right now. “No, Will. I should be thanking you. I didn’t go through with it because of what you said. Because of how it made me feel. You see me, who I really am. And with everything you said … I’ve never felt so loved before.”
“Rachel-”
“I’m ready, Will.” She watched his eyes widen as he realized what she was saying.
She smiled at him. “I’m ready.”
Rating: NC-17 (Please note the change)
Pairings/Characters: Will/Rachel
Spoilers: Follows canon through A Very Glee Christmas; uses ideas from rest of season 2
Disclaimer: All things Glee belong to Ryan Murphy and Fox. I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: They say life is a series of starts and stops, for Will and Rachel that couldn't be more true.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
NEW: Chapter 4
A/N 1: Thank you everyone for your reviews. Please continue to let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is always welcome. :)
~~~~~
“Okay guys, you’ve all signed the pledge. I trust you not to do this again. No more alcohol, okay?” Will collected the contracts from his students as they nodded. He couldn’t believe they had done this. He was upset about the party, but more than that, he was upset that they actually brought it to school. They had been walking around drunk for days. How did they not understand that this jeopardized glee? And how did he not notice it?
Will took the last contract from Rachel and saw that she wouldn’t make eye contact. If he thought about it, he would realize that he was too angry with her, so it was probably a good thing. He couldn’t believe she would host a party and provide the alcohol. Logically, he knew it was probably Puck or someone who talked her into it. And he couldn’t really be mad about the party. He had hosted a few himself when he was her age. But it didn’t change the fact that she chose to drink during school.
“Okay, you can go for the day. Don’t forget our Saturday rehearsal tomorrow afternoon. We’ll be focusing on the numbers for Regionals.” Will walked over to the piano and packed away the contracts into his bag, as the group filed out. He heard her quiet voice before he realized she was standing across from him.
“I’m sorry.”
He looked up at her then and took her in. It was impossible for him to stay angry with her, but he did need her to know he was disappointed. “How could you do this Rachel?” he asked. “You know glee can be taken away at any moment.”
“I know,” she replied, somewhat petulantly, and it was the first time in a while he was reminded of her age. “It was only going to be one night. My dads have been out of town and Puck convinced me that it would be fun. I thought maybe the rest of the group would like me more if I did it. I’m not going to apologize for the party at my house. But I am sorry we brought it to school. I don’t really know why we did that.”
“Rach, you could have gotten hurt. Alcohol is new to you. You may not know what your body can handle yet.”
“I said I was sorry. And it’s not like you don’t drink.”
“I’m legally allowed to drink,” he argued.
But Rachel wouldn’t back down. “In fact, you got very drunk just the other night.”
That caused Will to pause. He didn’t tell her about that. “How did you know that?”
Rachel beamed at him, and he could tell she was glad that she now had the upper hand. “I may or may not have evidence in the form of a voicemail, from a call you made to me the night you hung out with Coach Beiste.”
He called her? “I don’t … remember calling you.”
Rachel looked at him with mock seriousness, “You need to be careful, Will. You may not know what your body can handle yet.”
He laughed at that. Sure she was throwing his words back at him and, usually, that would annoy him, but she was being so adorable about it. How could he be angry at her?
“So, what did I say?” he playfully asked, determined to let his earlier disappointment and worry go.
“Oh, it was very interesting. I’ll play it for you on the way to my house.”
“Your house? I thought you drove today?” he asked.
“I did … but I drank a little too much earlier and I think I’m still a little tipsy, so I was hoping you could give me a ride?”
Will sighed loudly, running a hand across his forehead and through his hair. “Rachel-”
“I know,” she interrupted. “I am sorry.”
He took a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s go.”
He turned to leave the classroom, as Rachel picked up her bag and followed him to his old, beat up car. He really needed to get a new one; this one wasn’t going to hold out much longer. They climbed in and he put the key the ignition, starting the car, but pausing before he pulled out of his space.
“I worry about you, Rachel.” He reached over and grabbed her smaller hand with his.
He felt her squeeze tightly. “I know. I just made a bad decision, a series of them really. But I won’t make them again; I promise.”
He breathed out, almost in relief, at her reassurance. “Thank you.”
As he pulled out of the school parking lot, Rachel leaned over and looked through her bag, sitting up only when she found her phone.
“So, can we listen to your drunk message now? It’s quiet entertaining,” she teased.
“Oh boy. Let’s hear it.” Will smiled, slightly nervous about what he might have said. Rachel didn’t seem upset though so it couldn’t be too bad, whatever it was.
He watched out of the corner of his eye as she dialed her voicemail and put the phone on speaker. He instantly regretted wanting to hear it.
“Heeey there sexy lady,” he heard himself slur. “There’s something I really, really want to say to you. I love the way you dress with your short, definitely inappropriate skirts. And those animal sweaters? They are the cutest things I’ve ever seen in my life. … Why don’t you put one on and come over here, and let’s just get crazy. Crazy together, rolling around in the hay, as I was just in some hay earlier tonight. Hey, and I rode a bull, and I was thinking of you and the things I am going to do to you...”
Rachel shut her phone off as the message ended. Will was trying to focus on the road in front of him. He could tell that her face was red. He was sure his was too. He couldn’t believe he had said those things to her. Granted, it was all true. He loved those skirts and her sweaters were adorable. And it was true that he thought often about all the things he wanted to do with her, but to actually say that to her was going too far. She wasn’t ready for that.
“Rach, I am so, so sorry. That was completely out-of-line.”
“I thought it was sweet.” She smiled shyly.
“Sweet?” How could she possibly think that was sweet?
“Yeah,” she said softly, “I mean, it’s sweet that you like how I dress and that you want me like that. No one has ever made me feel so wanted before.”
“Are you sure, Rach? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I’m sure. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable.” She paused and they sat in silence for a moment. “I’m just glad you weren’t so drunk that you called the wrong person. That would have been bad.”
“Well, you’re number one on my speed dial, so that’s hard to mess up.” He responded, without missing a beat, as he turned on to her street.
“I suppose … Wait. I’m on your speed dial? And I’m number one?”
“Yeah,” he said casually, “I talk to you more than anyone.”
“That’s so sweet. I love you.”
“I love you too,” he said as he came to a stop in front of her house.
“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said as she gathered her things.
He grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. He wanted to lean over and kiss her, but he knew he couldn’t, not here. “I’ll pick you up on my way.”
“Sounds good. Thanks.” She gave him a smile, as she opened the door and climbed out of his car. He watched as she entered her house before heading home.
~~~~~
Rehearsal on Saturday was long and exhausting, but for Rachel it was invigorating. This was what it was supposed to be like. Regionals was in exactly one week, and everyone was working really hard to make their set the best it could be.
After four hours in which they almost perfected ‘Sing’ and really progressed on Rachel and Mercedes’ duet, Mr. Schue dismissed them. This made Rachel happy. Except for the car ride yesterday, she hadn’t seen him outside of school since they had dinner more than a week ago. She was hoping to spend some time with him tonight. She knew it would be their last chance before Regionals. If they didn’t see each other tonight, they would have to wait for more than a week before they could again and that would be more than two weeks without being able to talk to Will.
She waited until everyone filed out of the auditorium and she smiled to herself as she realized this had become their thing, waiting around until the others left so they could talk.
“That went well,” Will stated, as he walked down the aisle, and sat next to her on the edge of the stage.
“Yeah, I’m really happy with how far along we are. We’re going to put up a good fight,” she agreed, before rushing to ask, “So, what are we doing tonight?”
Will’s eyes widened at her question. “I didn’t realize we were doing anything.”
“Well, we haven’t discussed it but we haven’t seen each other in over a week. I know we won’t be able to hang out this week and next weekend is Regionals … I just thought we could spend tonight with each other.”
His expression softened at her explanation. “You know I want to Rachel. I miss seeing you too, but with all the extra rehearsals for Regionals, I’ve fallen behind on actual work. I’ve got midterms and papers that I really need to grade. I’m sorry. As soon as we get through Regionals, we’ll be able to see each other more.”
“But after Regionals is Nationals. How are we going to have more time if we have to work even harder for Nationals?”
“We’ll find a way, Rach.” He was trying to reassure her but it wasn’t working. She didn’t like this. She wanted to spend every second she could with him.
“Well let’s find a way tonight. I’m not saying we need to do anything special, but I want to spend time with you … Look, I have a paper that I really do need to write. Maybe I could work on that, while you grade your papers?” She asked, hopefully. She really didn’t care what they were doing. She just wanted to be in the same space with him for a while.
She saw him smile at her suggestion, and she knew she had him. “That sounds perfect, Rach.”
~~~~~
Rachel arrived at Will’s apartment about 45 minutes after he did. She had gone home to shower, change and gather the books she would need, as well as her laptop.
Will was just getting out his papers to grade. He had really fallen behind. Stacks covered half of the coffee table in front of him, divided first by class and then separated into midterms and essays. He sat back on the couch, sinking into the cushions and sighed. He could really use a beer right now to help him unwind. But no, he had promised his students that he would abstain from alcohol if they did; he had promised Rachel. And besides, if Rachel was going to be around tonight, it was probably best that he keep to his word. That embarrassing voicemail was still fresh in his mind, and he didn’t care if she thought it was sweet; it was wrong.
He heard the soft knock and smiled. He quickly got off the couch and jogged to the door. When he opened it, he was taken aback by her beauty. She was always beautiful but tonight she was dressed very casually in grey sweats and a pink t-shirt; her hair was pulled up and she looked like she was ready to study. He smiled at how comfortable she was, being around him like this. He was glad their relationship was strong enough that everything didn’t have to be dinner and movies and romance and that they were perfectly content just being with the other.
He stepped aside, allowing her to enter his apartment. She was about to speak but he closed the door, turned towards her and, taking her face in his hands, kissed her deeply. As he pulled back, they were both smiling.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly. “Are you ready to work?”
One hand was still on her face, and he brushed his thumb along her cheek before taking her bag from her shoulder. “I sure am; I was just getting started.”
“Good,” she responded, “I’m going to get some juice. Do you want anything?”
He watched her retreat to his kitchen as he laid her bag on the couch and sat back down in front of the papers. “I’m good. Thanks.”
They settled in quickly. Will was sitting on the couch, a stack of papers in his lap. Rachel sat on the floor between the couch and his coffee table, with her laptop sitting on the table and books surrounding her on the floor. He was enjoying this, just working in silence with Rachel by his side. He was struck by the domesticity of this scene and realized at that moment how much he missed it.
She sighed deeply then, and he watched as she reached for her bag, pulling out another book and rifling through it until she found what she needed. She then placed the open book in her lap and continued her furious typing. She was so cute when she was this focused.
“What?” she asked softly. She didn’t look at him; she just kept typing. He saw her smile before turning back to his midterms.
“Nothing,” he replied, as he reached for his grade book. As he was entering the marks for his second stack, he felt the couch shift under her weight.
She was staring at him now. “What?” He playfully repeated. She smiled again but he could tell she had a serious question. He placed his papers in his grade book and laid them on the end table before giving her his full attention. Her body was turned towards him but she was sitting on the other end of the couch.
She observed him a moment before speaking. “Why did you decide to become a teacher?”
Her question threw him a little and to be honest, he wasn’t quite sure how to answer. He had many reasons for becoming a teacher and none of them were all that inspiring, but the reasons he stayed surely made up for that.
She was still staring at him - waiting for his response - and he sensed it was more than her wanting to know why. “What’s going on, Rach?”
She ducked her head and shrugged slightly. “I’ve just been thinking about what I would do if I couldn’t be on Broadway.”
Will’s eyes widened at that. He didn’t realize she was thinking about a back-up plan. It was smart of her, but he never thought it necessary. He had no doubt she would make it. “You want to be a teacher?”
He knew the surprise in his voice was evident, and she hesitated before responding. “I don’t know … I feel like I should have a plan, you know?” He nodded his agreement. “So, why did you become a teacher?”
He took a deep breath. It wasn’t really anything he ever talked about. He wasn’t sure he could explain it, but he would try.
“It was several things, Rach. None of them the reasons they should be. I went to college in-state, and I actually studied finance. My major was accounting. But I didn’t want to give up singing completely, so I minored in musical theater. And Spanish … well, it was something my adviser said would be helpful, and I always liked it in high school.” He paused a moment, remembering the kid he used to be.
“I had dreams of going to New York after graduation, of trying to make it on Broadway. But I didn’t really have the confidence, and I was afraid of failing. Then there was Terri. We were engaged at that point, and she had … expectations. She wanted a husband that would support her and be around every night and cater to her needs; and being a struggling actor would not allow for that,” he sighed, as he remembered the fights.
“She wanted me to work at a bank or an accounting firm, something that would bring in the big bucks. But I really couldn’t see myself in any of those jobs. I hated accounting. Much to Terri’s displeasure, I found myself thinking about Spanish. I enjoyed the language and learning more about the cultures that speak it. So I started looking for ways to use that and the Spanish teacher at McKinley happened to just retire. I applied and that’s how I became a teacher.”
It wasn’t for the reasons one should and he was a bit ashamed of that. He watched as she scooted closer to him; he hadn’t really made eye contact with her during all of it, but he couldn’t help feeling this was good. He never talked to anyone like this; but with her, it was easier that he expected it to be.
“Why did you stay? I mean, you’re not with Terri anymore. It’s not too late for you to go to New York.”
He reached for her hand, holding it gently in his.
“My students. I may not have gotten into it for them, but it’s why I’ve stayed. Seeing them grow, graduating and starting their lives, having a small part in that … There are some students,” he squeezed her hand at this, “that excel at everything they do and are working so hard to … become someone amazing. And to be able to be there for them and push them to not give up, it’s very rewarding.
“And then…then there are those students who are struggling or who may not care, and that’s when I feel I’m at my best. And that maybe, I ended up a teacher for them. I can push them harder, open up their world, provide the encouragement their family may not … care. There are a couple of them in glee. And to be able to reach them, to see them apply themselves and grow into young adults, it’s just … it makes it all worth it.”
She was smiling when he finished, and he was sure she didn’t expect all that from him but she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him softly.
“You’re amazing,” she said with wonder. And it was something he needed to hear. He didn’t realize how much he needed to hear it.
He leaned in to kiss her again and she deepened it, throwing her leg over his lap to straddle him. His arms automatically wrapped around her, his hands running up and down her back and pulling her close. He slid his tongue in her mouth and let his duel with hers. He could taste the orange juice she had been drinking. She moaned into his mouth before pulling back.
“Okay,” she said, as she started to climb off him, “break time over!”
He laughed as he sat back in her spot on the floor and reached for her book. He reached for his next stack of papers but suddenly his mind started drifting. When was the fall out going to happen? This was going too well, and by all standards, it shouldn’t be. These thoughts had been happening every now and then since they started this relationship. He didn’t regret it though. He was the happiest he had been and a long time, and he knew she was happy too. That’s what mattered here. Still this was too easy; the other shoe had to drop eventually.
~~~~~
The next week was a whirlwind of class and rehearsals, extra-long, extra-grueling rehearsals. They were ready, Rachel thought to herself. They were going to win this thing.
Backstage at Regionals was crazy. Everyone was running around and making last minute preparations. Despite her confidence, Rachel was nervous, really nervous. She sat at the makeup table, touching up, when she saw Will in the mirror. They made eye contact and he tilted his head towards the stage door, before walking in that direction. She made sure no one was around before following him out.
“Hi,” she said as the door closed behind her.
“Hi.” He was looking at her but she wasn’t sure what he was looking for.
“I’m fine,” she assured him.
“I know you are,” he nodded at her.
“Then why are we out here?”
“I just … wanted to tell you how proud I am of you, Rach. You’ve grown so much in this past year. And I know you are going to go out there and blow them away.”
She tried to hold back the tears. That’s what she needed. His words of support had settled the slight fear she had felt. She reached for his hand, standing on her toes to kiss him softly.
“Thank you,” she said before she turned towards the door and they returned inside.
Rachel gave him another smile before walking to her spot for her entrance.
“Why were you outside with Mr. Schue?” Crap. It was Mercedes.
“Oh. He, um, he was just trying to calm my nerves. I was hyperventilating a bit. That’s all.” It was a little rushed. It was obvious she was lying but Rachel kept her eyes focused in front of her, hoping Mercedes wouldn’t push.
“Mmmhmm.” She heard before the first note of their duet played. She needed to focus. She could deal with Mercedes later.
Their performance went by fast, the nerves settled completely as she stepped out into the spotlight. As she was standing on the stage waiting for them to announce the winner, all she could feel was Will’s hand in hers, squeezing tightly. When they announced that the Warblers had won, it took everything inside her not to break down. They were all silent. She was happy for Kurt, of course, and she smiled as she saw him jumping up and down, being hugged by Blaine. But she also felt the jealousy running through her. If they had won, she would be able to hug Will right now under the guise of celebration, and she really needed his arms around her.
They lost. She couldn’t believe it. They lost Regionals. This was supposed to be their year. They had all worked so hard. She had been perfect; they were perfect. Why wasn’t that good enough?
She felt Will drop her hand and pat her upper back. She looked up at him; he looked sad but he was still smiling. There was some good news. They came in second place; at least the club would survive this lost.
The bus ride back was quiet and somber. They felt defeated. And to top it all off, she wouldn’t get to see Will tonight. It would be too late by the time they got back.
As they got closer to the school, she watched as Mr. Schue stood and faced them, a smile on his face. “I’m so proud of you guys,” he started. “That was a fantastic performance. You should all be proud and happy for Kurt. And you should be proud and happy for us. You placed second! You’ve helped make this club permanent. And we are going to come back next year and we’re going to take it all. I have no doubts.
“So, I know it’s disappointing, but let’s be happy this isn’t the end. And let’s resolve to work even harder, starting on Monday. I still want us to have rehearsals and get started early for next year.”
He paused and Rachel looked around. The group was a little brighter; some even looked excited about continuing rehearsals.
“So, what do you say? Are you guys with me?”
A quiet chorus of “yes” came from the group.
“Is that the best you can do?” Mr. Schue teased. “I asked if you were with me!”
“YES!” An even louder chorus sounded, followed by laughter. Rachel couldn’t take her eyes off of Will. She thought back to what he said about being a teacher, about why he stayed. He really was amazing. He inspired her with how much he cared, how he never gave up.
~~~~~
Rehearsals the next few weeks were more low-key. They were about having fun and not focusing on competition. Rachel was glad for that because it meant that she and Will were able to see each other more. Most days, she went to his apartment after glee. She would tell her dads that she was hanging out with Mercedes or helping Sam with his siblings; but really, she would be with Will. They would cook dinner together or watch TV. Some days, he helped her study. Other days, they would just sit on his couch and talk. Most night would end in a make-out session.
For Rachel, things were progressing quite nicely in that arena. Their make-out sessions were always heated but now their hands were starting to wander and both were getting bolder. Some days, she would be straddling him as he sat back on the couch, her hands under his shirt tracing the muscles that were there. He had the most amazing abs. And he would kiss her as if she was air, and he needed her to live. He made her feel so desirable.
Other days, they lay on the couch, Will holding himself above her. He’d bury his face in her neck, nibbling, licking, sucking on the skin he found there. The last few times, he would press against her and she could feel how hard he was. She didn’t mind though. She didn’t tense up the way she had the first couple of times she had felt him. She was much more comfortable now. In fact, she loved how it felt as he would rock against her, pressing into her. In the movement, her skirt would ruffle up and her panties would be exposed to him. She was nervous the first time that he would touch her or remove them, but he didn’t. He never did. He just pressed against her strategically and it felt good, with his jeans and the hard bulge beneath them rubbing against her in just the right way. She’d get so wet; her panties would be soaked. And they’d moan together and he’d kiss her deeply. She had never felt so good.
The night before, he had gotten her out of her shirt and bra. He looked at her like she was the sexiest person he had ever seen, and she knew she was almost ready for all of it, with him. She took off his shirt too and stared at his sculpted chest until he leaned down and took one of her peaks in his mouth. She moaned loudly and he started to rub against her. He was wearing light grey sweats this time and it was a different feeling from the jeans, but it still felt amazing.
He was lavishing attention on her breasts as he was thrusting against her. She was getting close, to what she wasn’t sure, but she wanted to feel him even more. She thrust her hips up to meet him and he moaned her name loudly. She liked having this power over him. She looked down between them and saw that his grey sweats were darker in the front. She did that. She was so wet that she could see herself on his pants. He began to rub against her more insistently; the pressure was amazing. The pleasure was becoming too much for her and she was moaning loudly now, as he was grunting above her. Then he stiffened, and she knew that he came. She looked down again and saw that a second wet spot joined the one she had made. It sent a thrill through her. They were mostly clothed and yet she was able to make him feel that good.
She was happy it wasn’t awkward afterwards like she thought it would be. He lay beside her, facing each other so they would fit. He just held her and kissed her lazily and it was perfect.
She was smiling to herself while remembering the night before and mindlessly moving through the choreography for their new number, when she felt Finn’s oversized hand slamming into her face. It was painful, really painful, and she didn’t even realize she was on the ground until she felt Will’s hands clutching her arms.
She looked back and saw Finn also kneeling next to her. He looked so worried. She wanted to tell him it wasn’t entirely his fault. Sure, he couldn’t dance and that definitely played a part, but she wasn’t paying attention. She was too focused on the way Will’s lips felt on her skin.
“Rachel?” Will’s voice broke through her thoughts.
“I’m bleeding.” And it hurt. She just wanted to curl up in his arms and cry.
“Okay everyone. That’s it for today. We’ll work on this again tomorrow.” She heard him dismiss the class, his hands still gripping her arms. Then he turned back towards her and she felt him trying to get her to stand. “Come on, Rach. I’ll take you to the doctor.”
“I can take her Mr. Schue.” She heard Finn offer.
“It’s okay, Finn. I’ve got her.” She smiled at that. She was glad Will was going to be there for her.
He dropped her off at home after the doctor’s appointment. As she lay on her bed, all she could think about was what the doctor had said to her. He said she may benefit from rhinoplasty. Sure, she had thought about fixing her nose many times before but she thought it could have negative effect on her singing voice and she didn’t want to damage that. But when the doctor told her that was a myth and it could possibly even help her voice, the idea of fixing her nose came back to her. She was surprised though that Will had argued with the doctor, saying it was still risky and unnecessary. She couldn’t help but wonder though what it would be like if she had a less noticeable nose, maybe one like Quinn’s. Maybe she could even get Quinn to help her out. It wouldn’t hurt to go to the consultation and get a better idea of what she could look like.
~~~~~
Will was surprised two days later when Rachel and Quinn stood in front of glee and Rachel told them all she was getting a nose job. She hadn’t said anything to him about it, and he didn’t realize she took what the doctor said to heart. She was a beautiful girl, so very beautiful; she shouldn’t be doing this. He watched as she pulled out pictures that showed what she would look like with Quinn’s nose. It was all happing in slow motion as the picture got passed to him.
“Rachel, that doesn’t even look like you,” he said harshly. Shit, he thought to himself. He didn’t mean to say that out loud, not in front of everyone. He took a deep breath, trying to rein in his emotions. He would talk to her later. He was happy though that he had decided to do the ‘Born This Way’ lesson. Rachel would definitely benefit from it.
That night as Rachel sat next to him on the couch, curled up in his arms, he thought about what she planned to do. She still hadn’t said anything to him about it. Why wasn’t she talking to him?
“Rachel, I don’t think you should do this.” She pulled back from him, looking at him with confusion. But he knew she was putting on a ruse. He didn’t understand why she was doing this. “The nose job, Rachel. I don’t want you to get it.”
She went from confused to angry as she pulled back even more. “You ‘don’t want me to get it’? I’m sorry; I didn’t realize you had a say in this.”
He sighed as he reached for her hand, “Rachel, you are beautiful. I just think that you might regret it if you do this. And there are risks.”
She pulled her hand out of his reach and stood. “You were there when the doctor said this could actually help me. It can improve my voice.”
“Your voice is already incredible! Honey, why are you really doing this? And why won’t you talk to me?”
“Because,” she yelled, “you’re supposed to support me! This is what I want. This will make me feel better about myself. This could help me with my career. You should try to understand that and support me!”
She started walking towards his door, picking up her bag on the way. He quickly got up and followed her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around to face him. He gently took her face in his and placed a light kiss on the nose he loved so much. “I am supporting you. I’m supporting the confident, beautiful Rachel, who wouldn’t let what other people say bring her down. I’m fighting for her; I’m supporting you against the insecure girl who is making a mistake.”
“Maybe all I am is the insecure girl. And if fixing my nose will help, then that’s what I’m doing.” She pulled out of his arms and walked out the door, closing it behind her.
Will placed his forehead against the door. He had said the wrong thing. He knew it the moment it was said but he didn’t know what else to do.
~~~~~
When the door shut behind her, Rachel leaned against it as the tears came. Why was he so against this? She was just getting her nose fixed a little. It wasn’t like she was changing who she was. She’d still be Rachel Berry, just a little more confident. She took a deep breath before walking out to her car. It would be okay. She’d go tomorrow after school and it would be done.
When she got home, she grabbed a snack and then went up to her room. Sitting at her desk, looking up the details of the surgery she was about to have, she couldn’t help but think about Will and what he said to her. He called her beautiful, several times. And he called her confident. He saw something in her that even she didn’t see. She tried not to let things get to her, but in reality they did. She just hid that from everyone. But he saw her for who she really was. He loved her, even with her flaws.
She closed her laptop and after changing into her pajamas, climbed into her bed. She was conflicted. She had been so sure earlier, but now she didn’t know what she wanted to do.
~~~~~
She woke up refreshed and sure of herself, of what she wanted. She needed to talk to Will but she had to get through the day first. She saw him a few times in the hall and in class. He looked like he wanted to talk to her but they couldn’t. Besides, she thought it might be best to wait.
After class, she slowly made her way to the auditorium. She was meant to be heading to the doctor, but she called that morning and canceled the appointment. When she woke up, she knew. She knew he was right and that this surgery would be a regret one day if she went through with it. He saw that before she did; he loved her that much. She had woken up that morning completely sure that she didn’t want to go through with it and completely sure of something else too, and she couldn’t wait to tell him.
She watched from the back of the auditorium for a moment. He was looking at everyone on stage, in their shirts, and she saw his disappointed sigh when he didn’t see her. She slowly walked towards the stage, interrupting them. The smile on his face was everything to her as she told them she had changed her mind and revealed her shirt.
As the performance began, she was watching in the wings with Will. She finally had some time alone with him.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered from his side.
“No, don’t be sorry. I could have handled this whole thing better.”
She reached for his hand. No one would see them right now. “No, Will. I should be thanking you. I didn’t go through with it because of what you said. Because of how it made me feel. You see me, who I really am. And with everything you said … I’ve never felt so loved before.”
“Rachel-”
“I’m ready, Will.” She watched his eyes widen as he realized what she was saying.
She smiled at him. “I’m ready.”