An open letter to Carlito of the Dead Rising X360 Video Game
***Spoiler Alert***
If you ever plan on playing the Dead Rising Video Game, do not read this blog. But if you wanna read a funny blog about my frustration about that game...read on playa...
Mr. Carlito,
My name is Josh Olmstead, avid lover of zombie horror. I have spent many hours enjoying the Capcom (tm) video game Dead Rising, which has made my investment in the XBOX 360 (tm) console a very satisfying experience. Frank, Jessie, Isabela (of course), and Brad have lead me through an exciting story of a Willamette Mall full of the flesh-eating undead.
However, this letter is addressed to you, Mr. Carlito. I now lodge a formal complaint against you and your plans of Willamette-wide game-ending. At level 16, you killed me in the food court while I was attempting to help Brad. At level 18, you shot me in the Entrance plaza while I was again attempting to help Brad to kill you. At level 20, you shot Brad in the leg and he died of that wound because I couldn't complete the "medicine run" mission fast enough. At level 23, I couldn't defuse all of your time bombs because you kept throwing grenades and running me over with a frackin' UPS truck!!
I am now on my fifth run of this game after I couldn't beat the time bomb mission. I make these DEMANDS that you must follow in order to maximize my game-playing experience:
1. If I cut you with a katana, it should take less than 5 hits to kill you. If its a chainsaw, it should take less than 3. Hey, the comvicts in the Leisure Park came to, so should u.
2. If I kill u, it means you're dead. It dosen't mean ride a little gay bungie cord to the sky or drive away in a dumb UPS truck. It means u die.
3. Don't embarass me in front of my girlfriend. If I have to play 5 hours of the dumb time bomb mission, 'Lissa (tm) (eat your heart out, Fergie), should see me win. Hey, I turned down ur sister, Isabela, I figure you'd back off!!
Further game losses in the time bomb mission will result in my suing of capcom and your family. Just because you are a non-existent, digitally-rendered figment of Capcom's imagination does not mean I ain't serious!!
I'm coming for u!!!
Sincerely,
Josh
If you ever plan on playing the Dead Rising Video Game, do not read this blog. But if you wanna read a funny blog about my frustration about that game...read on playa...
Mr. Carlito,
My name is Josh Olmstead, avid lover of zombie horror. I have spent many hours enjoying the Capcom (tm) video game Dead Rising, which has made my investment in the XBOX 360 (tm) console a very satisfying experience. Frank, Jessie, Isabela (of course), and Brad have lead me through an exciting story of a Willamette Mall full of the flesh-eating undead.
However, this letter is addressed to you, Mr. Carlito. I now lodge a formal complaint against you and your plans of Willamette-wide game-ending. At level 16, you killed me in the food court while I was attempting to help Brad. At level 18, you shot me in the Entrance plaza while I was again attempting to help Brad to kill you. At level 20, you shot Brad in the leg and he died of that wound because I couldn't complete the "medicine run" mission fast enough. At level 23, I couldn't defuse all of your time bombs because you kept throwing grenades and running me over with a frackin' UPS truck!!
I am now on my fifth run of this game after I couldn't beat the time bomb mission. I make these DEMANDS that you must follow in order to maximize my game-playing experience:
1. If I cut you with a katana, it should take less than 5 hits to kill you. If its a chainsaw, it should take less than 3. Hey, the comvicts in the Leisure Park came to, so should u.
2. If I kill u, it means you're dead. It dosen't mean ride a little gay bungie cord to the sky or drive away in a dumb UPS truck. It means u die.
3. Don't embarass me in front of my girlfriend. If I have to play 5 hours of the dumb time bomb mission, 'Lissa (tm) (eat your heart out, Fergie), should see me win. Hey, I turned down ur sister, Isabela, I figure you'd back off!!
Further game losses in the time bomb mission will result in my suing of capcom and your family. Just because you are a non-existent, digitally-rendered figment of Capcom's imagination does not mean I ain't serious!!
I'm coming for u!!!
Sincerely,
Josh