horoscopes
ARIES (March 21-April 19): You will probably have to reiterate an old
argument this week; you'll have to return to a familiar problem and reprise
a good fight you've fought before. For best results, don't betray any
peeved impatience. Act as if you're offering your reasonable appeal for
the very first time. On behalf of the universe, I apologize for sending you
this maddening test. History is threatening to repeat itself in a distinctly
unproductive way, and only your good-natured, enlightened use of force
can stop it.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Even if it's cold where you live, I highly
recommend that you spend quality time outdoors. Lovingly observe the
behavior of animals and familiarize yourself with the rhythms of the moon;
watch a river flow at night and take deep inhalations of the earth's aroma;
learn the names of the different kinds of clouds and trees; sing a song to
the sun. Simple acts of reverence like these will bring you into close
alignment with mysteriously beneficent forces. Your luck and intuition will
improve, as will your sense of timing. Why? The astrological omens say
that nature wants you to get to know her better so she can pour more of
her magic into you.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Last October I crammed all the fallen leaves
from my mulberry tree into a garbage can, which I then hauled to a spot
behind the garage and forgot about. Recently I rediscovered it. Though
the temperature outside was in the 40s, the leaves inside the can were
positively warm from the chemical changes going on as they rotted.
Believe it or not, I immediately thought of you, Gemini. Metaphorically
speaking, there is something similar going on in your life. The decay of the
old stuff that you shed a few months ago is now generating a lot of
energy. Can you somehow make use of it?
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Renowned German philosopher Arthur
Schopenhauer admired the not-very-famous aphorist G. C. Lichtenberg.
Schopenhauer referred to him as a "Selbstdenker," a German term for an
independent spirit who truly thinks for himself. Your assignment in the
coming weeks, Cancerian, is to aggressively cultivate your own skills as a
Selbstdenker. To get started, I suggest you temporarily suspend your
disbelief in ideas you've always considered exotic or outlandish, even as
you suspend your belief in your most unquestioned dogmas. During this
trial period, be skeptical about every influence you've regarded as
authoritative, especially the cynical and skeptical ones. Keep in mind
Lichtenberg's wise counsel: "The most dangerous of all falsehoods is a
slightly distorted truth."
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):?A giant Wal-Mart now stands within a mile of the
ancient Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuac?, Mexico. A KFC restaurant
emits a steady surge of fried chicken fumes very close to Egypt's Sphinx.
Meanwhile, near the most sacred place in your heart, Leo, there is a
mound of psychic garbage. You can't do anything about the desecration
of the first two places I mentioned, but you can about the third. I
recommend that you take care of this little problem in the coming week.
In addition to acts of cleansing and purification, I suggest you make a
ritual atonement or two.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The Nike swoosh is a trademark symbol that
has been imprinted on the subconscious minds of hordes of consumers,
helping the company suck hundreds of millions of dollars into its coffers.
A college student created it in 1971, charging Nike a mere $35. I think
you may be in a somewhat comparable position, Virgo: on the verge of
generating an idea or service or product that will ultimately yield bigger
results and have greater value than you can imagine right now. Don't
underestimate it; refuse to sell yourself short.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Joe Gibbs captured three Super Bowl victories
as coach of football's Washington Redskins and won the Daytona 500 and
Winston Cup as the owner of a NASCAR racing team. He has
demonstrated considerable expertise in rousing the drive for excellence in
his employees. According to him, there are three main things that
motivate people in any business: fear, money, and sugar. What's your
current proportion of each of those, Libra? The coming months will be an
excellent time for you to revise your formula. Start now. Take both subtle
and drastic steps to cut back on your levels of fear and pump up your
levels of sugar.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Around the age of 17, students in Denmark
take a standardized test that determines their educational fate and,
ultimately, their career path. In an article in *National Geographic,*
raconteur Garrison Keillor noted that teens who earn the very highest
scores are eligible for the most prestigious occupations in Danish society:
doctor, psychologist, and midwife. I urge you to remember the latter fact
throughout 2005, Scorpio, because it will serve as a mnemonic device for
my big prediction, which goes as follows: You will grow smarter in the
coming year whenever you cultivate your power to heal, whenever you
expand your understanding of the nature of the soul, and whenever you
help birth the dormant potential in yourself and those you love.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "You can be the most intelligent, well-
read, diligent person in the world and work at your poetry for 20 years
and still be no good at it." That's what poet August Kleinzahler told the
*East Bay Express.* He discourages his students from becoming poets; he
says it's not so much a career as a disease. On the other hand,
Sagittarius, I'd like to remind you that most other pursuits do reward hard
work and dogged devotion. And it's a perfect moment for you to
meditate on that fact, since you now have extraordinary power to make
long-term commitments to good intentions. Is there any labor of love that
the ambitious part of you can imagine spending the next 10 years
perfecting?
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your symbol for the week is a sparrow
flying low to the ground. Not an eagle soaring high over the treetops, not
a hawk gliding on updrafts, but a small, humble bird whizzing along just
inches above the turf. In other words, Capricorn, seek transcendence even
as you remain down to earth. Be light, airy, and swift, but don't put
yourself above the fray. Declare your independence from the more
oppressive aspects of the law of gravity, but stay near the same level as
the heavy, plodding creatures.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "I can't find nobody as crazy as me,"
mourns bluegrass singer Alison Kraus in her song, "Crazy as Me." You may
have had that thought yourself on occasion, Aquarius, especially lately.
But you don't have to feel that way anymore. More than one unusual
character is hovering at the outskirts of your world. Say the word, and
they will venture closer, raising your level of unpredictable experiences.
That would mostly be a good thing, though not completely free of
harrowing brushes with comic weirdness. Your watchword for the coming
weeks comes from another singer, Thalia Zedek: "Trust not
those...without some touch of madness."
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's time for your coming out party, Pisces.
Please schedule this tenderly shocking passage for sometime in the next
three weeks: your emergence from the shadows, your escape from the
past, your repudiation of volunteer slavery, your graduation from the
amateur ranks, or your liberation from a persona that doesn't suit you any
more. Do it with a sly and artful ritual of transgression or do it with an
exuberant burst of joyful release, but do it. The future is calling you too
loudly to resist any longer.
argument this week; you'll have to return to a familiar problem and reprise
a good fight you've fought before. For best results, don't betray any
peeved impatience. Act as if you're offering your reasonable appeal for
the very first time. On behalf of the universe, I apologize for sending you
this maddening test. History is threatening to repeat itself in a distinctly
unproductive way, and only your good-natured, enlightened use of force
can stop it.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Even if it's cold where you live, I highly
recommend that you spend quality time outdoors. Lovingly observe the
behavior of animals and familiarize yourself with the rhythms of the moon;
watch a river flow at night and take deep inhalations of the earth's aroma;
learn the names of the different kinds of clouds and trees; sing a song to
the sun. Simple acts of reverence like these will bring you into close
alignment with mysteriously beneficent forces. Your luck and intuition will
improve, as will your sense of timing. Why? The astrological omens say
that nature wants you to get to know her better so she can pour more of
her magic into you.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Last October I crammed all the fallen leaves
from my mulberry tree into a garbage can, which I then hauled to a spot
behind the garage and forgot about. Recently I rediscovered it. Though
the temperature outside was in the 40s, the leaves inside the can were
positively warm from the chemical changes going on as they rotted.
Believe it or not, I immediately thought of you, Gemini. Metaphorically
speaking, there is something similar going on in your life. The decay of the
old stuff that you shed a few months ago is now generating a lot of
energy. Can you somehow make use of it?
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Renowned German philosopher Arthur
Schopenhauer admired the not-very-famous aphorist G. C. Lichtenberg.
Schopenhauer referred to him as a "Selbstdenker," a German term for an
independent spirit who truly thinks for himself. Your assignment in the
coming weeks, Cancerian, is to aggressively cultivate your own skills as a
Selbstdenker. To get started, I suggest you temporarily suspend your
disbelief in ideas you've always considered exotic or outlandish, even as
you suspend your belief in your most unquestioned dogmas. During this
trial period, be skeptical about every influence you've regarded as
authoritative, especially the cynical and skeptical ones. Keep in mind
Lichtenberg's wise counsel: "The most dangerous of all falsehoods is a
slightly distorted truth."
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):?A giant Wal-Mart now stands within a mile of the
ancient Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuac?, Mexico. A KFC restaurant
emits a steady surge of fried chicken fumes very close to Egypt's Sphinx.
Meanwhile, near the most sacred place in your heart, Leo, there is a
mound of psychic garbage. You can't do anything about the desecration
of the first two places I mentioned, but you can about the third. I
recommend that you take care of this little problem in the coming week.
In addition to acts of cleansing and purification, I suggest you make a
ritual atonement or two.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The Nike swoosh is a trademark symbol that
has been imprinted on the subconscious minds of hordes of consumers,
helping the company suck hundreds of millions of dollars into its coffers.
A college student created it in 1971, charging Nike a mere $35. I think
you may be in a somewhat comparable position, Virgo: on the verge of
generating an idea or service or product that will ultimately yield bigger
results and have greater value than you can imagine right now. Don't
underestimate it; refuse to sell yourself short.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Joe Gibbs captured three Super Bowl victories
as coach of football's Washington Redskins and won the Daytona 500 and
Winston Cup as the owner of a NASCAR racing team. He has
demonstrated considerable expertise in rousing the drive for excellence in
his employees. According to him, there are three main things that
motivate people in any business: fear, money, and sugar. What's your
current proportion of each of those, Libra? The coming months will be an
excellent time for you to revise your formula. Start now. Take both subtle
and drastic steps to cut back on your levels of fear and pump up your
levels of sugar.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Around the age of 17, students in Denmark
take a standardized test that determines their educational fate and,
ultimately, their career path. In an article in *National Geographic,*
raconteur Garrison Keillor noted that teens who earn the very highest
scores are eligible for the most prestigious occupations in Danish society:
doctor, psychologist, and midwife. I urge you to remember the latter fact
throughout 2005, Scorpio, because it will serve as a mnemonic device for
my big prediction, which goes as follows: You will grow smarter in the
coming year whenever you cultivate your power to heal, whenever you
expand your understanding of the nature of the soul, and whenever you
help birth the dormant potential in yourself and those you love.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "You can be the most intelligent, well-
read, diligent person in the world and work at your poetry for 20 years
and still be no good at it." That's what poet August Kleinzahler told the
*East Bay Express.* He discourages his students from becoming poets; he
says it's not so much a career as a disease. On the other hand,
Sagittarius, I'd like to remind you that most other pursuits do reward hard
work and dogged devotion. And it's a perfect moment for you to
meditate on that fact, since you now have extraordinary power to make
long-term commitments to good intentions. Is there any labor of love that
the ambitious part of you can imagine spending the next 10 years
perfecting?
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your symbol for the week is a sparrow
flying low to the ground. Not an eagle soaring high over the treetops, not
a hawk gliding on updrafts, but a small, humble bird whizzing along just
inches above the turf. In other words, Capricorn, seek transcendence even
as you remain down to earth. Be light, airy, and swift, but don't put
yourself above the fray. Declare your independence from the more
oppressive aspects of the law of gravity, but stay near the same level as
the heavy, plodding creatures.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "I can't find nobody as crazy as me,"
mourns bluegrass singer Alison Kraus in her song, "Crazy as Me." You may
have had that thought yourself on occasion, Aquarius, especially lately.
But you don't have to feel that way anymore. More than one unusual
character is hovering at the outskirts of your world. Say the word, and
they will venture closer, raising your level of unpredictable experiences.
That would mostly be a good thing, though not completely free of
harrowing brushes with comic weirdness. Your watchword for the coming
weeks comes from another singer, Thalia Zedek: "Trust not
those...without some touch of madness."
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's time for your coming out party, Pisces.
Please schedule this tenderly shocking passage for sometime in the next
three weeks: your emergence from the shadows, your escape from the
past, your repudiation of volunteer slavery, your graduation from the
amateur ranks, or your liberation from a persona that doesn't suit you any
more. Do it with a sly and artful ritual of transgression or do it with an
exuberant burst of joyful release, but do it. The future is calling you too
loudly to resist any longer.