GLEE: Darkest Before the Dawn

[jooseboxx]

Title: Darkest Before the Dawn [part two]
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money. No affiliation.



"You can just do that?" Kurt asks him the following day, after dinner and both Puck and Finn have been acting like the last five weeks hadn't happened the way they had. "You can just pretend he didn't shut you out?" Puck just shrugs.

"Well, I have done some fucked up shit to him too." Like getting his girlfriend pregnant, making out with the next one, pretty much their whole Freshman year being a cockblock. It's not like Puck really has the room to be an ass about this. "It's like when you and Mercedes bitch about clothes, you take a break and then brush it off."

"Yes, but when we do that we don't take a break for three weeks and pretty much tell every one of our friends that they have to choose one or the other."

"What?" Noah wasn't sure what that meant, really. He knew that Finn did some really weird stuff when they had their 'spats' as his mother used to call them, but his stuff was always way less attention grabbing than Puck's so it had never really been brought up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, Finn is my step-brother, and he's a great guy and everything. But when you quit glee he pretty much delivered the ultimatum that we were either in glee and his friends, or your friend and not part of glee." Suddenly there was a whole lot more behind Artie's 'glee sticks together' comment -although Puck was pretty sure that was still a dig at him.

"Wait so, I was actually phased out?" He wasn't about to admit it to anyone really, but it had sort of stung at the time that not one of them had even tried to talk to him. He had sort of expected the anger from Santana at first, and then she'd cool down and call him a pussy after climbing into his room one night and totally commandeering his television to watch Jersey Shore even though she hated it. Or Quinn to do that annoying but somewhat endearing in a really underhanded kind of way comforting thing she tried to do; like when she tried to find out the problem and fix it, even if she was part of the problem herself. Not even Rachel got her nose in there. Mike and Sam just rolling with it was just a little brutal, because he not only got stone walled in the hallway but in football too, which sucked.

"Yeah, sorry, but at that point-"

"Nationals, I know."

"You should let us tell them."

"You've already told Aretha and Berry. Are you telling me they haven't told the rest of glee yet?"

"We are capable of keeping a secret for a few weeks, you know. But really, if they knew, well, you'd be surprised as how many of us were irritated with Finn's little power play." So, Puck just says whatever and tells Kurt to tell whoever. It can't be that bad, right? What was the worst that could happen?

The answer to that came first thing in the morning when Santana slapped him, called him an idiot and then hugged him in front of the entire student body -or just the ones in the hall at the time. Her change in moods were horrifyingly sudden these days. "God, you are such an idiot, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Out of everyone, Santana knows the most about his home life. She was the only person he never worried about because she understood it all just as well. Lime Heights Adjacent was just as bad as Lima Heights. "Why the fuck wouldn't you come to me? No, never mind, you wouldn't go to anyone you're so thick skulled. How's the kid doing? She need her Auntie San?"

The first time Santana had met Sarah, it surprised Puck just how well San got on with the girl -who had been six at the time. But Santana was around so much that first year that Sarah just took to calling her Auntie San. It was a little weird, but totally better than Sarah adopting San as a surrogate sister. And that's sort of okay, because Santana is just as badass as him and Sarah isn't learning all that chick flick stuff like if she was spending time around Rachel all the time. Santana promises to take Sarah out at the weekend, just them girls and Puck's pretty sure that Sarah will flip when she finds out. Sarah particularly idolises Santana's style, so Puck gives San a hundred bucks he's got and tells her not to go crazy on one thing and try spread it out. It means Sarah will have her summer shit and he won't need to go shopping with her for a while.

The rest of the day makes him hate Finn a little if he's honest. Because after Santana's little display (and apparently she didn't ignore him because of Finn's ultimatum, but because he was a douche and just left her with those losers -the ones she secretly likes) the rest of the club just sort of breaks formation. Mike and Sam ask him if he wants to come over for a video game night, Quinn offers him babysitting services, because Sarah sort of likes Quinn from when she lived with them, Lauren tries to apologise but Puck's just a little over that whole shit and he doesn't really care when she tells him she's quitting glee anyway.

Artie makes him realise just what kind of position Finn put these guys in, when he wheels up with Tina, looking just a little like he did when Puck heard about him and Brittany splitting up. "Hey, um, I know that we've missed a lot, but I was just, I mean, if you want, I'll help you with geometry." Now, Puck might not be the sharpest tool in the box, or y'know, all that good at reading people and how they feel and being sensitive or whatever. But it's plain to see that Artie feels like shit about ditching Puck and his academic studies when he knew how serious they were.

"That's cool, but I've sat all my geometry tests. I scrapped a pass grade." Artie just nods and Tina glares at him a little but hardly with any feeling behind it. "But you're good at the computer shit, right?" It's an olive branch. Yeah, Artie left him up a creak without a paddle when all he had to say was 'Finn doesn't want us hanging out with you' and Puck could've worked the study shit around that. He's fucking Puck for Christ sake, he could make it work. But the final computing exam for the year is coming up and even though Puck's dropping the class next year, he still needs to get a passing grade or he's fucked. Cramming sessions with Artie for two days? Totally might be the only way to save his ass.

"See, not as alone as you think." Kurt's being all smug in the kitchen, and Puck knows that it's not Kurt's fault, but ever since Sam and Mike sort of insinuated that he was welcome to their weekly game night again, Puck's been sort of holding back the anger.

"Yeah, you know what would've been great though? Knowing that five weeks ago." He grabs an apple and just leaves the room, going into his and Sarah's room and sprawling out over his bed. He's seriously pissed at Finn, and a little pissed at them too. Sure, they needed to not lose anyone else before Nationals, but the fact that they all seriously just cut him the hell out based on Finn's little diva moment. It fucking sucks. It was easier just believing that not one of them cared enough rather than knowing, once again, he came second to Finn fucking Hudson. And yeah, sometimes he's a complete asshole, but seriously, it's not like Finn's a fucking saint. There's a reason why they've been friends since they were kids.

"Okay, I'm sorry to just barge in," the fact that Kurt did just barge in sort of means he's not sorry at all, "but what the hell?"

Puck doesn't like having these moments, not at all. When he was nine and still getting through not having a dad, dealing with a baby sister and his mom calling him stupid names all the time, he had one break down in front of Finn that didn't really go all that well. He hates showing weakness for the sole reason that people don't expect it of him. It's like they believe he's just this hollow shell, that he doesn't care about anything, that things don't chip away, like rejection after rejection after rejection doesn't hurt. And Finn's constant echoing of 'I thought you didn't care' just always cemented that. Because if his best friend thought that, at age nine, then the whole world just sort of followed, didn't they.

"You think it's easy raising a fucking kid? All that bullshit people spewed about Beth, and why giving her up was for the best, and how I couldn't give her the life she deserved. Did any single one of you even think that I've already been raising a fucking kid? The support and the friendship and all that stupid 'lean on me' crap that was out there for Finn and Quinn, when we're trying to help make things easier for you, when everyone is in everyone else’s business and trying to help each other and not one of you notice that I'm fucking raising my little sister and working myself to exhaustion and trying not to fuck up at school and keeping up the God damn pretence that everything is okay when it isn't?" Kurt's just staring at him, like he's some other person or whatever. "Everyone constantly asks you if you're okay. They bent over backwards for Quinn, even when the truth came out. But," seriously, if Kurt tells anyone about this, Puck will have to kill himself. "I'd just really like to know if it's some stupid sense of duty, if I'm really that invisible that no one fucking noticed or if I should be the one going after Rachel's insane Broadway dream."

It's stupid, he sort of gets that. Because he's always put up the front that he can deal with these things, that he doesn't need help. Once in a while, Santana calls him on his bullshit and tries to help -but even that usually just leads them to bed, or a wall, or his truck, or the locker rooms. Finn's just oblivious to everything but his own world, he doesn't notice anything if it's not connected back to him so it's not really as if Noah ever really expected Finn to figure out that anything was wrong. But honestly, he'd been willing to answer the question, if one of them had just asked, just once, 'What's wrong?'. It just never came.

He doesn't hear anything out of Kurt and Puck just can't take it. He gets up, uses both hands on Kurt's shoulders to push him out of the room and then closes the door. He's got an hour before Carole comes home with Sarah so he can wallow for a while and not have to pretend that it doesn't hurt. Eventually it won't, that's what he's aiming for.

By the time dinner comes around, he's back to usual, the facade in place and his usual banter with Sarah blending everything until he forgets that he cares, because he doesn't need anyone and that's fine. Sarah does flip when he tells her that Santana's picking her up on Saturday morning if she's okay with missing soft ball this week. "Are you kidding? I'd give up soft ball. Well, maybe not give it up, but I'd totally move it to another day if San wanted to do it every weekend. Do you think she'll want to do it every weekend? Can I just always go shopping with Santana?"

"No, I don't have that much money."

"How do you have money? I mean, you're not still doing the 'pool cleaning' thing, right?" Finn and his big mouth, strike again. Sarah looks at him weird before turning in her seat as he continues eating, ignoring Finn's question and Kurt's elbow that just jammed into Finn's ribs.

"You know how when you're talking about Rachel and you do those finger quote things, that's when you're saying one thing but meaning another thing? And how Finn just did the finger quote thing. Is pool cleaning not really pool cleaning, cause you used to clean our pool and it looked exactly like pool cleaning." Thank God his sister isn't that savvy yet.

"Pool cleaning is just pool cleaning and Finn is just an idiot." Sarah completely accepts that, even though Noah definitely feels Carole and Burt watching him. He wonders if he's under estimated Finn or something, if somehow Finn is actually some manipulative genius who works hard to portray this dense, douche of an idiot when really he's just plotting the slow and painful demise of everyone around him. It's scary how much it could make sense and just how plausible it is, especially when he pulls these moves. But honestly, Noah would hope that he would've noticed that shit years ago if it were the case.

Sarah darts off when she finishes, her new routine being to sit on the sofa with her glass of milk and watch the cartoon Avengers kick ass until Noah takes her next weekend to see the new Avengers movies (his sister being a comic book geek only makes him decide that she's not allow to meet Sam, just in case she decides to crush on him more than she crushes on Brittany). His routine is simply to wash the dishes and clear up after dinner, something that Kurt once tried to muscle in on and was promptly kicked out of the kitchen, because Noah needs it, to feel like he's at least giving something back. Except everyone doesn't leave after dinner like they usually do. Kurt and Finn do, although Kurt sends this look over his shoulder to Noah as he starts filling the sink with hot water and washing up liquid. He can feel the trepidation building at the back of his neck, the way his shoulders slowly start to tense, like he's just waiting for a fight to break out.

"Noah, sweetie, what did Finn mean by the pool cleaning comment?" He wonders again if Finn really is some kind of genius douche or not, even as he sighs and lowers the dishes into the water.

"It's nothing, Mrs H. Just some bullshit from last year." And the year before that.

"Don't you lie to me," Carole stands up and moves to stand beside him, her hand resting on his elbow while he stops what he's doing. "What did it mean?" It's impossible to really lie to them, because they fucking care and he doesn't want to have to lie at all, but Sarah's in the other room and he can hear Kurt and Finn on the stairs, even if they're trying to be quiet or whatever.

"I used to clean pools during the season. Sometimes it was more than cleaning the pool." For every five pools that he cleaned he probably 'serviced' three clients. Of course, people found out when Finn told Quinn and then Quinn told everyone, but the cougars were fairly discrete -they had to be, since most of them were married and all of them were aware that he was underage.

"Noah," Carole has this way of saying his name -kind of like Berry does, it just conveys everything in that one word.

"I slept with them for money, sometimes, occasionally. It was just to pay some bills and it wasn't like we could afford not to. It stopped after juvie though, I don't do that anymore. I don't." He literally hated the way Carole looked at him, the way it actually made him feel like dirt, like he was just the prostitute he'd basically let himself be for two years, all under the pretence of banging sex with hot ass older women.

"But, you, sweetie, you're too young." It was a relief that she didn't honestly mean to look at him like that, that it was probably the situation or whatever, but Puck just shrugged. "Mrs Wright? Mrs Oldman? Oh, do not tell me that Mrs Jones ever-"

"No, no. And no." There were a certain breed of cougars that paid him for sex, Carole's close knit group weren't like that. "It was, it was the- God, it was the well-off ones, you know? Trophy wives and stuff? The ones that had the big houses and the big money and the fake smiles? Oh, and Mr Campbell." He's actually feeling so low that he just fires it out like it'll make any difference. What does it matter anyway? When Burt and Carole find out all the shit he's done, all the shit that makes him the total ass that he is, they'll throw him out anyway, hopefully they'll keep Sarah so he doesn't fuck her up like he's fucked himself up and that'll be better for everyone.

But even while he's thinking it, Carole's wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him to rest his head on her shoulder while she clung to him tightly. He needs to stop letting his past cloud his judgements of these two amazing people, because Carole has been nothing but great to him, for years, even when he was being a little jerk-off. It didn't matter if she was offering this attempt at solace, Puck wasn't about to break and cry, not over the choices he'd made, not over the decisions he'd come to in order to make things work. The first time, with Mrs Campbell, it had simply been getting off. It'd been pretty cool and everything because she was pretty hot, and kind of young, and just bored. It was a rush. But when Mrs O'Neal came onto him, she slipped him an extra hundred, for 'services rendered' she said. Sure, it hadn't exactly been what he'd expected, but when Mrs O'Neal told him she'd recommended him to some of her friends, it was more work, right? And then they'd came onto him, and that was an extra hundred each time. So what, he banged cougars and got money, and yeah, it was prostitution but they didn't need to pick between water or heating, they could get a full grocery run, so he just kept doing it.

"No more of that, okay? None." Noah just nods against Carole's shoulder, and he wasn't really doing it anyway. Mr Campbell -the other half of Mrs Campbell, had freaked him right the hell out, and shortly after that he'd gotten drunk, drove into the store wall, had the ATM stuck in his windshield and then decked what he later found out was an off-duty cop. After that, he didn't really need 'underage prostitution' added onto his rap sheet.

"I promise." Besides, he'd sort of started being decent friends with Berry after juvie, and she was all about that 'respecting himself' bullshit when he started dating Lauren and Rachel totally didn't approve of that somewhat masochistic relationship. Burt gives him this nod, telling him he starts in the garage on Monday, to come over after school and then they both let him get on with the dishes and think things through. He's just finishing up with Kurt sneaks back into the kitchen to sit at the table and watch him. Noah knows that he's there, but neither of them say anything at first. It's weird that he feels pretty much at ease with Kurt now, there's no tension or thick awkwardness over their history. It's just completely easy.

"Do you think he does it on purpose?" Noah leans against the sink, turning to look at Kurt, just sitting at the table quietly. "Like, does he think about the shit he says before he says it, or is it just some kind of word vomit?" It had been playing over in his mind, if Finn really understood what the hell he was saying. There were plenty of times when people Puck counted as friends called him a whore; Finn, Santana, Quinn, Mike, Rachel did it once when she was pissed off at him. Most people just seemed to attach those terms to him. Loser, whore, idiot, fuck-up. That was what he was, no one saw anything else.

"I think that sometimes Finn doesn't think before he speaks, he doesn't realise that what he's saying will hurt someone." Puck had heard about the things Finn had said the first time Burt and Carole tried to move in together, when they had their Gaga and Kiss week in glee. Really, if anyone understood just how bad Finn could be with his brain to mouth filter, it would probably be Berry and Hummel. "But every now and then, I wonder." Oh good, it wasn't just him. "He seems to, maybe subconsciously, just fixate on things." Noah wasn't sure what that meant, not really, beyond the fact that Kurt suggested that it wasn't purposely done, but like, some knee jerk reaction.

"What're you saying?" Kurt got up from the table, grabbing Noah's wrist and pulling him into the bedroom. A year ago, Noah would've kicked up a fuss about being dragged anywhere, two years ago, he wouldn't have been in the same area code as Hummel if he could avoid it. Weird how things changed.

"Here's the thing," Noah realised that they were doing this in here because Kurt was about to let the bitch out and Finn was going to get trashed. Usually, since Finn was his bro and all, he wouldn't be down with that. But there was some weird curiosity going on where he really wanted to know what Kurt honestly thought, now that his crush was like, dead and gone. "You living here? It cramps with Finn's style. Finn isn't used to sharing the space -with me, it's not so bad, I'm a glorified girl."

"Dude, don't-"

"No, really, it's true. In Finn's mind, I'm not competition for whatever. I'm effeminate, I like shopping and fashion, I dance and sing, I talk about hair with Carole and gossip with Mercedes. I'm not a guy’s guy." Noah was half frowning at this, because sure, it made some kind of sense, but he didn't really get why that made Kurt some sort of non-competition. "But you, well, you play football, just like Finn. You date girls, just like Finn. You play video games, just like Finn. You can talk sports with my dad, you butter up Carole just by listening to her talk about 'boring' stuff Finn doesn't care about. The fact that you want to work, that you struggle with Sarah but never complain, that you just have this whole other side that no one really saw." Noah starts to feel a little awkward, sitting on his bed listening to Kurt rhyme this all off. "Finn's threatened, he's like the alpha male getting bumped out of the pride by this new, better alpha, and he's feeling hostile. So he tries to cut you down without realising it."

And that, right there, that doesn't make sense. Because everyone likes Finn, he's Finn. He's the nice boy that helps little old ladies across the street, he's the dopey kid that tries to bake cupcakes in Home Ec and makes the microwave explode. He's the guy girls want to take home, the one they want to date, the one that even gay kids crush on. When it came down to it, everyone picked Finn, so what the hell was he worried about? Especially when it was his mom and step-dad. Did he seriously think he had to make Puck feel like shit in front of his little sister just to know that Carole and Burt were never going to like Puck more than Finn?

"This is so messed up." And he wasn't sure he understood it either; yeah, Puck had slept with Quinn and knocked her up, but he'd been trying to make up for that whole thing since it happened. He was willing to let Quinn lie about his daughter, he went weeks, months even, without seeing the sonogram that Finn fucking sang to. It was total bullshit, but he'd been willing if that was what they wanted, if Finn really wanted the little girl. It killed him a little at the time. "I can't even be a douche about this."

"Why not?"

"Because it's his family. Fucking hell. If it was a girl it'd be easy, but his mom and your dad, he's seriously threatened by that shit?" He sort of wonders what Finn would do if Burt or Carole weren't as great as they were, if he was kicked out because of Finn's little dig. He'd be homeless and jobless and really fucked over and did Finn even think about that? It was just as well that the combined forces of Hudson and Hummel made for world class epic or some shit like that.

"Can I ask you something?" Noah is a little busy staring at his ceiling and trying to figure out where this aspect of Finn came from and why he was only just noticing it and if every little thing he'd ever done was going to be aired in front of Burt and Carole just to make Finn feel better about himself. So he just grunted in response to Kurt, giving him the go ahead for whatever question. "Mr Campbell?"

"You heard that, huh?" He totally knew that they were sitting listening, which meant it might be a few days before everyone at school knew if this little vindictive streak in Finn spread over to school. "There's not a lot to tell. Dude offered me three hundred to suck his cock, Ma had drunk her entire pay check that month so it wasn't like I could pass up three hundred." Kurt just stares at him, and yeah, Puck knows that he's scum, thanks very much. "Got four when he fucked me." He figures the ground will open up and swallow him some time soon.

He feels the bed dip as Kurt kneels beside him, hand reaching out somewhat cautiously before running over his mohawk. Noah just sighs, because he's not supposed to want comfort for the shit he's done, he's not meant to even care. But he does; he wants someone, anyone, to know that he doesn't do this shit for love of it, he doesn't constantly screw up because it's who he is, he just needs someone to look at him and see more than just his mistakes. He never imagined Kurt Hummel would be that person.

"When did you break without us noticing?" Kurt whispers it, not really a question and Puck snorts slightly, turning his head towards Kurt.

"When I was nine," before any of them really knew him, "when my dad stopped trying and my mom blamed me." Kurt just keeps stroking his hand over Noah's hair, not really talking, but comforting all the same.

For a few weeks, it feels like that's it, that's all his secrets out. School finishes for the summer, Finn spends a lot of his time with Rachel, Kurt divides time between Blaine, Mercedes and him, Sarah spends a lot of time with Jenna at the park -because they made up after the stupid boy said he liked both of them, but couldn't pick, so Jenna and Sarah picked for him. She goes out with Santana and Brittany sometimes too, which he thinks keeps her from feeling too much like a prisoner or something.

When Sam and Mercedes break up during the summer, Kurt and Puck are on ice cream duty with her in the Hudmel kitchen. When Quinn's dad shows up, Puck's the one at her house with her and her mom, boarding up the broken door while Quinn sobs into his back. When Rachel and Finn break up for the first time during the summer, Finn goes to Mike's, Rachel comes to Kurt's and Puck has his first ever 'girls night' -it doesn't suck. So when Blaine breaks it off with Kurt, Noah just happens to be the shoulder that Kurt sobs on while Mercedes and Rachel sit at the end of Kurt's bed and pretty much trash the guy. Noah's whole contribution to the night is to sit there and let Kurt sob on him, running his hand over Kurt's back all the while.

It takes Kurt a week to actually smile, it took him three days to care about his hair. And by the time Brittany throws a party in the middle of summer, Kurt's bounced back quite well. "What do you mean, you're not coming, you have to come. Even Rachel is going." Puck hasn't done the 'party' stuff since Juvie, and even though he's finished his community service and is officially off probation, he's still a little underwhelmed by the whole thing. Kurt doesn't take no for an answer -Finn did, and almost drags Puck out. They get to Brittany's and Puck takes Kurt's keys to the navigator, he's planning on not drinking, because Sarah needs picked up from Mrs Riley's tomorrow and Noah always does it, he's not going to miss it.

He takes the beer from Santana and passes it over to Mike in the kitchen, getting himself a soda from the fridge while he's there. It's Britt's party, so it's automatically an awesome one; she's got the big house, the pool in the yard, the booze around the kitchen, the social standing that means every kid in Lima is there. Glee sort of hangs around the kitchen and patio, drinking slowly and chatting quietly while the music blasts inside and Britt flounces from inside to out and back again to make sure none of her mother’s paintings get trashed. Puck loses track of most people, he sits by the pool, illuminated with the patio lights, and plays thumb wars with a semi-sober Artie just for something to do. When Artie's dad picks him up an hour later, Puck wheels him out and helps him into the car before going back to the party. He's designated driver for Finn, Rachel, Kurt and Mercedes, they're all staying at the Hudmel house, so they need to leave as a pack, and Puck's not worried, because he already has the keys so they aren't going anywhere without him.

He doesn't expect them all to get completely wasted.

Mercedes is just as loud and happy as ever, Rachel is slightly less mopey and clingy, mostly because Finn is just as clingy and dopey when he's drunk. Kurt, however, is a cuddly drunk. Puck finds them all out at the pool, Mike and Tina are making out, Quinn and Sam are dancing, Britt and Santana are holding court in the kitchen doing body shots. Puck just sits himself down on the steps of the decking to watch and wait for someone to puke or declare that they need to leave. He doesn't expect Kurt to crawl into his lap, wrap his arms around Puck's neck and nuzzle in like a sleepy cat. It's not that Puck even minds, he just wraps an arm around Kurt's waist to keep him steady and lets him doze slightly. It'll probably be good for the hang over later.

It's when Kurt starts kissing at Puck's neck that he thinks they should start to get home. "Hey, drunk, quit it."

"Hmm, you're so warm," Kurt leans up, lips leaving Puck's neck, and nuzzles his nose against Puck's jaw. "So warm and so hard. It's nice." It's the first time that Puck's seen Kurt drunk, slightly amusing and not at the same time. Because Kurt's like open and shit, just right there and Puck hasn't ever seen Kurt as anything but composed and controlled -except when he was getting snot on Puck's shirt after getting dumped but Puck can understand that. "You know, you've gone further than me." He whispers it against Puck's ear, causing a slight shiver to run down Puck's spine at the cool breath against his skin. "I've only ever kissed another boy." Puck just sighs, because he doesn't exactly count whoring to Mr Campbell as 'experience' and more just a professional transaction. "I like kissing boys."

"I wouldn't know."

"He didn't kiss you?" Kurt asks it like he's surprised, like Puck's just told him that his mother never got him a puppy when he was a kid -which she didn't, but Puck never wanted one anyway. Puck just shakes his head, "But why wouldn't he?" A soft finger runs over Puck's lips, Kurt staring at them with drink addled focus and sighing, breath ghosting over Puck's face. "Your lips are so pretty. They're all soft and perfect," Puck has no idea why he doesn't push Kurt off his lap, doesn't untangle them and gather everyone up to get home so they can all sleep it off. But he doesn't, he just stares back at Kurt, even when he sees the boy move forward and connect their lips.

It's soft in this careful way, like Kurt's still a little hesitant, and Puck doesn't bother pulling away. He mostly lets Kurt kiss him; soft lips, careful pressure, gentle movement, until it gets to the point where Puck figures out that he wants to kiss Kurt, and then he presses back. It changes a little, still soft, still hesitant, but Puck licks at Kurt's top lip, deepening the kiss with an added pressure, pulling Kurt into it more until they're making out. Both of Puck's arms wrap around Kurt's waist, one hand spread over his pert ass, while Kurt's fingers dig into the back of Puck's head, tugging at the short strands of hair, gripping to his neck. He has no idea how long they stay there, exchanging kisses, coming up for air before going back for more. By the time Puck noticed the party was winding down, Kurt was nuzzled against his throat and Noah's lips were tingling in the best possible way while his pants were uncomfortable in one of the worst ways.

Kurt refused to stand on his own, so Puck was forced to drag the little princess to the navigator, strap him in, haul Mercedes and get Santana to lure Rachel and Finn out to the car. It was only slightly easier to get them into the house because they'd all mostly fallen asleep. Mercedes was wrapped up in Sarah's bed, Rachel in his bed while Finn sort of sleep walked to his own bed and Puck led Kurt up to his. "You should stay with me," Kurt whispered the far too enticing words against Noah's lips, his tongue just teasing slightly. "I gave you your first boy kiss, you should help me." Puck just shook his head, kissing Kurt softly before pushing him into his bed and under his covers. Kurt could bitch about sleeping in his clothes later.

Noah spent the night on the couch, staring at the blank television screen and thinking. In the last six months, Kurt had turned into one of his closest friends, not like Finn was, better than Finn maybe. Because Kurt actually saw things, Kurt talked shit out with him. It wasn't like Finn because Kurt was like Finn's opposite or something. And let’s face it, Puck never wanted to nail Finn, ever. With Kurt, he's not sure when it came on, but he's openly admitted that Kurt and Brittany are tied for best ass in glee, and the kid is pretty hot, in a girly way, and kissing him definitely did things to Noah's body. So he's accepting that he's a little hot for Kurt, maybe more than a little because he actually likes the kid, and it's not weird or anything. Mr Campbell totally left him feeling sick and just a little sore, but making out with Kurt was nothing like that, and yeah, if Kurt wasn't drunk and likely to forget absolutely everything that happened, Puck would've happily shown Kurt a little extra. But he's done the drunken sex thing more times than he can count, and it's never nice being something that someone regrets. Least of all when it's someone you actually like. Case in point, Quinn.

So when Carole comes downstairs at seven, Noah's already in the kitchen with pancakes made, orange juice squeezed and a pot of coffee brewing. Finn starts to stir around about ten, there's no sign of life from the girls or Kurt and Puck leaves at the same time as Burt, going to pick up Sarah and visiting their Nana. It kept him busy for the whole day, even when Santana text him to ask if he had any clue how she ended up sandwiched between Mike and Tina and if anything had gone down between them. He just laughed at her confusion, because the idea that Chang squared had a threesome with Santana is amusing, disturbing and hot in equal measures.

He figured that the day would be a good start, wouldn't it? Giving Kurt that time to get his head around things or to work out what he remembered. And it wasn't like Noah was doing a spur of the moment ignoring him trick, everyone knew about his and Sarah's plans to see Nana Connie that day, even Finn had remembered. If anything, Noah was just giving Kurt the chance to figure out how to pretend it didn't happen and they could just ignore it all. Noah wasn't stupid enough to actually believe that anything would happen; Puck spent years tormenting Kurt, Kurt crushed on Finn and then dated Blaine, Puck was not Kurt's type, so there was no point in even entertaining the idea at all. Yeah, he's pretty sure that if Kurt had been interested, he'd be willing to try it, he wasn't put off by Kurt being a guy, because Kurt was, well, Kurt. Yes, the sexuality issue may be a bit of a thing, but Puck was comfortable enough to attest that he liked girls, sure, but there wasn't anything to say that he couldn't like boys just as much or whatever. Attraction was just chemicals firing in the brain, right? So that was just how he was wired.

It's not until half way through the day, in the middle of a trip through the mall with his sister and his Nana that he's doing a piss poor job of not thinking about Kurt. He's giving thought to relationships and sexual identity and he shouldn't be, because Kurt isn't going to suddenly want that from him. Last night was a booze fuelled almost rebound, that was all. So he focuses on his Nana and Sarah; listening to Nana Connie tell him that he'd better we saving up from this job of his, that he'd better be working hard at school, telling him that she's so proud and so grateful and so ashamed of her son and his stupid girl of a wife for leaving them. Sarah begs for a new backpack to go into the new school year with, since she did finish top of her class he can't exactly say no, then she wants to buy this weirdly shaped but oddly pleasant looking wind chime with little crystals hanging from the ends for the light to catch. Noah remembers Carole having them at her old house, so he gives in to that as well and Sarah's dancing around for the rest of the day. They get ice cream, take Nana back to her care home with hugs and kisses and her attempting to slip money into Noah's pocket without him noticing, but he does and she still forces it on him. For Sarah's school, she says, for his truck, just to help out. Puck may not think much of his parents at this point, but his grandmother is fucking awesome.

They arrive at the Hudmel home just as dinner is being cleared away and Sarah doesn't bother trying to hide any excitement. "Carole, look, look what we got for you!" She's bouncing on the spot as she hands over the carefully wrapped box, waiting for the woman that's turned into a surrogate mother to open the gift. Noah goes to the fridge for a soda and leans there to watch Carole. She tears up a little when she opens it. "D'ya like it? Is it good? I picked it all by myself, so you like it, right?"

"Oh, I love it honey, thank you." She holds it up for the boys to see and Burt gives Sarah a high five while she just beams with pride.

"I got a new backpack too, it's awesome. It's got Iron Man and Thor and Captain America on it." He's totally glad she's growing out of this Miley Cyrus and Hilary Duff and Selena Gomez phase. "Nana's going on a trip this week, so she won't be coming to Temple on Saturday, but I'm going to ask Rachel because she's really great like Nana and she's going to be my friend and Noah's friend too." Clearly, the ice cream was too much for Sarah.

"How do you know Rachel? Oh, right, your niece was adopted by Rachel's mom, so she's like sisters with her. Does that make you Rachel's aunt? Cause, that's weird." Sarah stares at Finn like he's just grown another head, and frankly, he's not the only person. Puck really wants to punch Finn for mentioning Beth in such a blasé way, especially as some kind of put down.

"Um, no. Just because Shelby is like, Rachel's real mom doesn't mean I'm Rachel's aunt. I'm Beth's aunt. Just Beth's aunt. D'uh." Sarah just walks away, because clearly Finn is stupid, and Deadliest Catch is on, which Sarah loves to watch with Burt. Usually she'll break out a fishing hat too. Carole gives Noah a tight smile, heading into the family room while Finn glares from beside the door frame and Puck promises himself he's not going to punch Finn.

"Dude, whatever lessons you've been taking from Santana, just stop." He knows that Kurt is just standing there watching them. "Get the sand out of your vagina and stop. Because if you bring up Beth like that again, I will break your teeth. I don't care if your mother is in the room." There are a lot of things he'll take from Finn, most of them he deserves, but using his daughter like that just isn't going to be one of them. He walks from the room, eyes meeting Kurt's briefly before he just locks himself away in his bedroom.

It's times like these he half wishes he still had his guitar, or his Xbox, or just some books. He can't even do school work because there is none, aside from annoying and useless textbooks to cover the work to follow this year. And Puck's not interested in getting that far ahead. So he just lies there, on his bed, like he's been doing on and off for the last three weeks. He has to seriously consider investing in a book at least. He doesn't bother looking up when the door clicks shut, because he already knows that it's Kurt.

"You called him on it."

"He was being a douche." Noah didn't know it if was because Finn was under the impression that Sarah wasn't smart enough to work out where and how Puck and Rachel started to become friends (before juvie, before his mom left, Rachel understood in ways that Quinn wouldn't open up enough to express; they bonded over the fact that her birth mother adopted his daughter and how Ricky Lake it all was) or if he thought Puck would have to sit down and explain it to Sarah and thus make him feel like shit. Most of the time, people just had to mention Beth and Puck felt like shit.

"He was." Noah didn't know if this would mean Finn would lay off, since Puck clearly knew what was going on and partially on the why, but he wasn't about to hold his breath to find out. "I um, I've sort of been hoping to talk to you today." That right there tells Puck that Kurt remembers what went on last night, or at least some of it. "I wanted to thank you. What I said, last night, after, you know. Well, just, thank you for not," Kurt's blushing. It runs from his high, feminine cheekbones down his jaw, over his neck and into his shirt. Noah wonders if it spreads over his chest too.

"For not being a complete asshole and taking advantage of you in your highly intoxicated state? Yeah, you're welcome." His annoyance at the insinuation must come across fairly clearly, since Kurt crosses the room, shaking his head.

"No, I don't mean it like," the smaller boy sighs, sitting down on the bed. "Mercedes says it's my own fault, that I laid it on too thick and I probably did." Noah is officially lost at this point, because he thinks they've skipped a whole conversation or something. "I realised after you manhandled me into bed that I might've played the drunk card a little too well. But I wasn't really sure if there was any other way to do it."

"Do what? Seriously, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I wasn't drunk last night," Noah just raises an eyebrow and Kurt waves his hand off, "okay, so I was drunk but I wasn't that drunk. I just, I thought it was the best way, I don't know, I just. I don't think I'd,"

"You wanted to kiss me but thought I'd punch you if you tried?" He's pretty sure he's reading this right, the way Kurt's blush only intensifies while he's trying to explain, the little fidget of his hands and the way he can't even look at Noah. Kurt just nods, taking a breath to start another ramble likely enough, so Noah scoots forward on the bed, one leg extended behind Kurt, the other crossed under him as he sits next to Kurt, facing the boy while he stares at the floor. "You know I was sober, right? Not a single drop of alcohol."

"Yeah, and I'm glad you didn't punch me, because I bruise easily, and my face is too perfect to bruise."

"Got that right," Noah sees the surprise register just as he runs his hand along Kurt's jaw. It's still soft and smooth, and seriously does the kid shave five times a day or something? Most girls don't even have skin as soft as Hummel's, so that moisturising routine he goes on about it's all smoke and shit. He has a point. "You're far too pretty to bruise." He's slow in leaning in, so that Kurt knows what he's about to do, with them both sober. Kurt gets it just as Noah tips his head up, leaning over and tilting his own head. It's just as careful as last night, just as soft, but Kurt sighs against Noah's mouth this time before pressing for more. There's no taste of alcohol from either of them, just cherry ice cream from Noah and mint from Kurt.

Even as Kurt shifts in place, turning and moving so that he's straddling Noah's thighs, they keep it from getting too hot and heavy. Noah's hands find Kurt's hips again, even as he's running them up the slighter boys back, pulling their chests together. It's a slow exploration now that both know the other is completely on board with the progression.

"You remember I used to make your life hell, right?" Eventually, they break off, lying long ways on the bed, side by side and facing each other.

"You remember I used to tell you you'd amount to nothing." Noah just smirks, because Kurt's probably right, but it's nice that he doesn't necessarily think that any more.

"Yeah," Noah runs his hand over Kurt's messy hair, trying to smooth it down so there's no hissy fit, "at least we've seen the worst of each other, right."

"Are you sure about this? I mean, you don't do relationships. I just, I just don't want us to start something if we're not both in it." Like with Blaine, who thought he loved Kurt but really didn't.

"I don't do relationships with needy, clingy girls who are going to panic if I don't call them every hour or who want me to walk, talk and act a certain way. You, Kurt Hummel, are not a needy, clingy girl." Although the make-up and hair product sometimes suggested otherwise. "You're smart, and self-sufficient, and I think if I called you every hour you'd stab me in the face with your Gaga platforms." That gets a laugh out of Kurt at least. "I might screw up, I might say the wrong thing, but I won't cheat, and I won't lie, and I really do like you a lot."

"I'm not sure if I'm really ready for sex. Despite what I said last night, I just,"

"Kurt, I'm not ready for sex either. I turned off that time, it was money, I needed it. I'm into you and stuff, that was fairly obvious," Kurt blushed at the mention their shared erections from the kissing. "But this is new to both of us."

"I get that, I do, and I think it's great that you're being honest about this with me. But, come on, you're Puck. When was the last time you went without sex?" That look, that embarrassed and unsure look, Noah officially hates it.

"Kurt I dated Zizes for three months without hooking up. I've been practically celibate since Sectionals." Sex just wasn't on his mind. "I'm doing this thing, where I actually have sex because there are feelings involved, not just for the sake of it, or for money. It's kinda new for me, but totally working out." Kurt just laughed, that embarrassed flush back, pressing his face into Noah's chest. "So, any more worries about dating me? Or was that really the big one."

"Will we be, like, hiding?" Closeted, that's probably what Kurt wanted to say, and sure this conversation was seriously awkward for him because he didn't do that talking about shit thing -although Rachel totally forced him into it one time and that was not fun, but might've helped a little on the whole Beth issue.

"I don't really do advertising." As seen in the nine week personal hell he put himself through just to keep up appearances, "But I'm not saying we'll be all secret and shit. Like, telling our friends, your dad and Carole should know since we live in the same house. Mercedes and Rach and the guys, sure."

"If we make it through the rest of summer, if you're my boyfriend when we go back to McKinley," Noah cut him off with a quick kiss.

"When we go back, and we're still together, you will not be hidden or ignored or picked on at all, because everyone will get the message that you're my boy and I will end them if they even try it."

"I don't need public make outs like you and Santana had."

"How about holding hands, and waking to class and sneaking into deserted classrooms then?"

"I'd definitely be okay with that."

Out of everyone, it's not surprising that Finn takes it the hardest. Mercedes and Rachel actually squeal with some girly hand thing towards each other and Noah makes the mental note to keep Sarah away from them. Sarah takes it well, she's mostly just happy that she a, approves of his boyfriend and b, that he's happy. His little sister is growing up way too fast and he needs to take her to the paintball course stat. For a brief moment, he wonders if Burt is honestly okay with things, the way he looks between Kurt and Noah for a few moments before clapping Noah on the shoulder and saying, "I don't know who to tell not to hurt the other, so you boys just be careful." It's about as much blessing as he thinks he needs, but it's just as much an acceptance into this twisted kind of family. That Burt actually cares enough whether he's hurt by a relationship with Kurt or not.

And Finn said he was cool with it, he smiled his stupid smile and pretended to listen while Rachel said how great it was and everything. They actually survived two double dates with Rachel and Finn before both Kurt and Puck declared never again, because it was just horrible. "Do they realise how terrible they are for each other?" Kurt wondered out loud one time and Noah just fell off Kurt's bed laughing.

It wasn't until the week before senior year, when Burt and Carole went out for a date night, Noah took Sarah to the movies one last time to see the Avengers before she went back to school -she was super excited to be starting middle school, which he thought was weird, but Carole told him it was 'normal' for a girl to look forward to a fresh start. She still wanted the bunny to be her class pet and she still hoped to be best friends with Jenna so there wasn't too much changing for his tastes. They were just about to get back in the house when Sarah stopped him from opening the door, hearing yelling inside. Sarah had been witness to a few of his screaming matches with their mom, he'd had to listen to their mom and dad back when he was around, Sarah hated loud shouting arguments.

So they sat on the front step, hearing the muffled yells but not sure what it was about. Frankly, Kurt and Finn very rarely got to the yelling at each other type of fights; the snipped at each other, passed remarks and bitched, but Noah had never heard them all out scream at one another. And Puck had been on the receiving end of more than one of Finn's screaming moments. He gives Sarah his phone after a few minutes, letting her play the word game on it and wrapping an arm around her to help her keep warm while the shouts got a little more discernible. After that, it took him two seconds to figure out what they were fighting about.

"I can't believe you're falling for this! You know him, he's just having fun until school and then he'll dump you."

"You don't know anything, you're just making assumptions."

"I know Puck, okay. He doesn't do relationships. He does sex and dumping. That's it."

"Well, it's different for us. It's not about sex, okay."

"So what, you've not fucked yet?"

"NO!"

"Then there you go, that's the only reason he hasn't dumped you yet. Once he gets into your pants, that's all he wants. It'll be over the next day."

"God, you are such a moron sometimes."

"I'm telling you, you should dump him first, save yourself the heartache Kurt. I've seen him do this with so many girls."

Sarah stopped playing the game when she figured out what they were shouting about as well. "Can we go to Santana's?" He's pretty sure that's the best idea ever, so they head across town, show up on Satan's floor and get chatted up by two hookers before Santana's mom answers the door. There's a lot of Spanish thrown at them but Noah barely listens to Schue and he only knows when San is insulting him, she uses puta a lot. Sarah falls asleep on Santana's bed somewhere around about midnight and Puck fires a text to Mrs H. to let her know they're staying at Santana's place and not to worry.

"What happened?" Puck knows that as comfortable as Santana is with her roots, with where her mother and her are living, she's not exactly open to house guests. Sarah stayed with Santana a few nights while he was in juvie, which he was grateful for, because sometimes their mom just drank herself comatose and forgot that Sarah was still a kid and shouldn't have to feed herself. But when he shows up out of the blue, it's for a reason.

"Finn and Kurt were having a screaming match when Sarah and I got home from the movies," they're sitting on her bedroom floor, Sarah curled up sleeping, both of them just leaning against the wall and chatting. "We heard most of it, Sarah asked to come here. Felt it was a little better."

"What was the fight about?" Puck only needed to give her a look and she got it, because Santana just knew all that shit. "Right, cause Finn has any right to talk about anyone's relationship. Let me guess, you're not good enough, you're just using him, it's just sex?" Puck nodded, and maybe this time last year, he'd be right. But this time last year Puck probably wouldn't have considered Hummel at all, because he wasn't interested in getting to know people before sleeping with them. Two months into things and both Noah and Kurt were perfectly happy with the progression of things; sure they fooled around, but there hadn't been actual sex. Neither were taking that step lightly, and Kurt wasn't ready for his first time, so Puck wasn't pushing him.

"Pretty much."

"He is such a two faced little shit." Whatever Santana had planned before, with sleeping with Finn and apparently attempting to ensnare him, that was long gone and done. Thankfully. "Him and Rachel are totally only together until the end of the year, that's their deal. They have no hope of going anywhere, he's with her for appearances. He only hooked up with me for sex. God, that cabrón." Yeah, Puck knew that word too.

"It's whatever right." He figured that Finn's whole 'we should be bros again' thing was pretty much bullshit, considering what he was playing with the club and what he was doing with Carole and Burt, it was like he had to point out how often Puck screwed things up. He'd never mentioned Beth again, but things like Vocal Adrenaline's tires and juvie and shit from middle school somehow worked into conversations. He even went to the point of mentioning the slushies and dumpster tosses to the glee kids, during a barbecue at Artie's place. Puck was surprised that it was Quinn that smacked him down that time, 'We've all done things to the first five, even you. We stopped after joining, but you still slushied Kurt afterwards, remember?' Quinn Fabray, defending Noah Puckerman, who would've seen it coming?

"I seriously am going to punch him in his stupid face." Noah just laughs, tugging Santana to the floor and wrapping himself around her back. "You and Kurt are gonna be like, out right? At school."

"Yeah, fuck everyone." Puck mumbles it against her neck, arms around her waist as she twines their fingers.

"I'm going to ask Brittany to be my girlfriend. I wanna be with her for real. I told my mom I think I'm bi. She was cool with it." He gives her a supportive squeeze, because they're two badasses and they can date whoever the fuck they want, and Santana is head over heels for Brittany, and Noah's not far behind with Kurt. So long as Finn hasn't convinced Kurt that it's just sex. Some part of him is just that little bit insecure -because everyone believes Finn, they always pick Finn. But another part, this Noah part that Rachel believes in, that Kurt cares about, it's sure that Kurt knows better than whatever bullshit Finn is spinning now.

When they get back to the Hudmel's, Sarah goes for a shower, because she feels a little gross and demands that Noah make her breakfast. It's almost noon, but she still demands breakfast. Kurt comes into the kitchen looking a little wary but still relieved, Noah gives him a smile, but drops it when Finn walks in. He's frying up turkey bacon for Sarah while she sings loudly in the shower, and Kurt just hovers around the sink while Finn sits down.

"Where've you been dude?" Finn still acts like they're friends, and Noah catches Kurt rolling his eyes. It's like Finn doesn't see that Noah can tell what the hell he's playing at. Like Noah's that stupid or something.

"Crashed at Satan's last night."

"Dude, what?" Finn's out of his seat again and Puck just raises an eyebrow. "You're seriously just saying that? No denying it or anything? You're dating my brother and you slept with Santana?" Kurt's eyes are on the floor and are you serious?

"Okay, one, I crashed at Satan's, as in, with my sister, dude. San and I slept on the floor but we're not fucking, Christ. You think I'm seriously going to cheat on my boyfriend with my sister right there, less than a foot away?" It's good to know what people think of him.

"Yeah right, why'd you even go there? You said it was just you and Sarah going to the movies."

"It was. But Sarah hates listening to arguments, so we weren't walking in on that last night. Santana let us crash at hers." Sarah comes running from the bathroom, hair wet down her back and soaking her t-shirt but taking her seat at the table demanding food. Puck plates up her turkey bacon, eggs and toast and pops it down for her before tying her hair in a bun at the back of her head to keep from letting her get sopping wet. He spares one look at Finn before he leaves the room, falling back onto the sofa in the family room.

Finn doesn't follow, but Kurt does.

"You heard our fight?"

"Some of it. We kind of got enough of that at home, so, walking into it wasn't high on our priority list." He didn't want to ask Kurt if he believed Finn; Puck's record didn't exactly speak volumes for him. The most stable relationship he'd ever had was with Santana, and that was far from stable. But Kurt was all kinds of different. Because yeah, he liked going out, and sure he liked getting stuff, but he didn't cling or whine, there were no 'am I fat' conversations and Kurt never called him on looking at a girl’s ass or whatever. And Noah didn't feel like he was just an interlude, like he was runner up or just something to kill time with. There was something there and it was good. He didn't want Finn's opinion to influence Kurt, but if it did, Noah wasn't going to be a pussy about it. If Kurt didn't believe there was more, what was the point in trying to convince him?

"I don't believe a word he said. Well, okay, I know that some of it is true, I know that's who you used to be. But he doesn't know you, he knows Puck, not Noah. And you're Noah to me. Rachel's right, it's like you're two people. And Puck used to toss slushies at us, and throw me in the dumpster, but Noah holds my hand and takes me out, Noah's the one who kisses me sweetly and is waiting for me to be ready for the next step." Kurt wraps his arms around Noah's neck, pressing his forehead into Noah's temple while leaning against his arm. "Noah's the one I'm starting to fall in love with."

Noah turned his head to catch Kurt's lips with a soft kiss, his arm going around Kurt's waist to pull him closer. "He's right there with you." There was no point in denying it, he'd as good as told Santana, so it wasn't like Kurt shouldn't know too. "Santana and me, we're complicated, but if I go to hers and I stay the night, we're sleeping. Just sleeping." San knew his demons, and he knew hers, sometimes you just needed that.

"I trust you." And those three words held just as much weight as the other three.

They don't have sex until the day before they go back to school. Finn's out with Rachel for some pre-school date, Sarah's having a sleep over with Jenna and going from her house straight to her first day of middle school and Burt and Carole were kicked out of the house by Kurt and his frantic planning. Noah doesn't know what's weirder, the fact that Kurt makes him a 'happy three month' dinner or the fact that Carole totally knows what's going on and is fine with it. Whatever it is, Noah's more than comfortable with admitting that it's not just sex, they don't just fuck. He'll go as far as calling it 'making love' because it's careful and slow and so fucking meaningful that it almost hurts. Just the way Kurt holds to him, the stillness in the atmosphere and Kurt's low, gasping noises, the way Noah's name sounds from those lips when he climaxes. He can absolutely attest to it never feeling like that before.

When they wake up, they're still wrapped around each other in Kurt's bed, and Noah's never felt contentment like that.

Arriving at school, Noah's arm over Kurt's shoulder and Kurt's arm around his waist, they get a few stares, but neither honestly care. Britt practically attacks Noah with a hug and a 'thank you!' before darting off down the hall towards Santana where they pair of newly reinstated Cheerio's hug tightly and walk off hand in hand. "What was that?"

"Santana asked Britt to be her girlfriend, official and stuff." Kurt got this little look on his face and Noah just rolled his eyes, "Yeah, they're perfect for each other, c'mon." The kiss on Kurt's cheek was next to habit by then, just something that happened now.

"You know, they'd totally be better double dates than Finn and Rachel." Noah didn't agree, but hell, he wasn't going to start that argument at the start of the day.

"Whatever you say, dear." Whatever happened, Noah had a feeling that Senior year was going to be a hell of a lot better than Junior.