Beating Heart
Title: Beating Heart
Characters: Lester/Connor
Rating/Warnings: PG
Word count: 552
Spoilers: Some for seasons 2 and 3
Summary: Set just after 3.5. Lester feels swamped by his failures
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Primeval
AN: This was written for rusty_armour who pointed out the distinct lack or Lester/Connor hurt/comfort fics with Lester needing the comfort, and made me a fabluos icon. Hope this is okay.
Lester walked into the flat ahead of Connor and set his briefcase down in the hall with a weary sigh. He headed straight for the sofa and sat heavily on it.
Connor shut the front door and followed him in. He stood in front of Lester, a little uncomfortable and with a quizzical look on his face. The other man was uncharacteristically slumped in the seat. Lester pulled his tie loose, leaving it hanging off-centre and flicked open his top button. Tipping his head back he closed his eyes so he missed the expression on Connor’s face turn to one of concern.
“What is it?” he asked tentatively.
“Bad day.”
“Is this about Jenny?”
Connor was still standing awkwardly in front of Lester. He hadn’t seen him like this before and was unsure what to do, how to act, or what was expected of him.
“Yes it’s Jenny. She died today Connor. It was lucky we got her back. Luck and you.” He sighed and opened his eyes, looking at the younger man.
“I failed today. I should have been in there too with my team and I wasn’t. I’m paid to be in charge to make the decisions, but I didn’t, I couldn’t. But you did. You were strong enough and brave enough to make them wait and it worked. And I failed her. Failed her just like I failed Stephen and Cutter. They are both dead because of me and Jenny nearly died too. They were all my responsibility and I failed them.”
Connor knelt on the floor and placed his hands on his lover’s knees.
“They’re not dead because of you James, there was nothing you could have done for either of them. It was Leek and Helen, there was nothing you could have done.”
“They were my responsibility Connor!” Lester snapped at him. Connor tried to hide his recoil, knowing that it was only the emotions talking.
He tried again, fighting to keep his voice even.
“If you want to blame someone for what happened to Jenny, blame me. I got it wrong about the heat. Maybe we could have captured the other one sooner if I hadn’t got that wrong.”
“Oh shut up. I’m not going to let you blame yourself just to make me feel better. The lives of everyone in that place are in my hands and I’ve lost two already and today I nearly lost… I nearly lost…”
Lester’s voice became thick and trailed off, and suddenly Connor realised what this was really about.
Standing Connor climbed onto the sofa, so he was straddling Lester’s lap.
“What are you doing Conn?” Lester turned away, masking his voice with a tone of irritation.
“Look at me. Look, at, me.” Connor repeated, gently pulling Lester’s face back round to his, making him look him in the eye.
Connor picked up one of Lester’s hands and placed it in the centre of his chest.
“Feel it James. My heart is still beating. I’m still alive. I’m still here.”
Connor trailed his other hand down from Lester’s face to his chest.
“And so are you.”
As Connor leant forward to kiss the other man and show him just how alive they both were, he felt Lester’s heart start to beat faster under his hand, in time with his own.
Characters: Lester/Connor
Rating/Warnings: PG
Word count: 552
Spoilers: Some for seasons 2 and 3
Summary: Set just after 3.5. Lester feels swamped by his failures
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Primeval
AN: This was written for rusty_armour who pointed out the distinct lack or Lester/Connor hurt/comfort fics with Lester needing the comfort, and made me a fabluos icon. Hope this is okay.
Lester walked into the flat ahead of Connor and set his briefcase down in the hall with a weary sigh. He headed straight for the sofa and sat heavily on it.
Connor shut the front door and followed him in. He stood in front of Lester, a little uncomfortable and with a quizzical look on his face. The other man was uncharacteristically slumped in the seat. Lester pulled his tie loose, leaving it hanging off-centre and flicked open his top button. Tipping his head back he closed his eyes so he missed the expression on Connor’s face turn to one of concern.
“What is it?” he asked tentatively.
“Bad day.”
“Is this about Jenny?”
Connor was still standing awkwardly in front of Lester. He hadn’t seen him like this before and was unsure what to do, how to act, or what was expected of him.
“Yes it’s Jenny. She died today Connor. It was lucky we got her back. Luck and you.” He sighed and opened his eyes, looking at the younger man.
“I failed today. I should have been in there too with my team and I wasn’t. I’m paid to be in charge to make the decisions, but I didn’t, I couldn’t. But you did. You were strong enough and brave enough to make them wait and it worked. And I failed her. Failed her just like I failed Stephen and Cutter. They are both dead because of me and Jenny nearly died too. They were all my responsibility and I failed them.”
Connor knelt on the floor and placed his hands on his lover’s knees.
“They’re not dead because of you James, there was nothing you could have done for either of them. It was Leek and Helen, there was nothing you could have done.”
“They were my responsibility Connor!” Lester snapped at him. Connor tried to hide his recoil, knowing that it was only the emotions talking.
He tried again, fighting to keep his voice even.
“If you want to blame someone for what happened to Jenny, blame me. I got it wrong about the heat. Maybe we could have captured the other one sooner if I hadn’t got that wrong.”
“Oh shut up. I’m not going to let you blame yourself just to make me feel better. The lives of everyone in that place are in my hands and I’ve lost two already and today I nearly lost… I nearly lost…”
Lester’s voice became thick and trailed off, and suddenly Connor realised what this was really about.
Standing Connor climbed onto the sofa, so he was straddling Lester’s lap.
“What are you doing Conn?” Lester turned away, masking his voice with a tone of irritation.
“Look at me. Look, at, me.” Connor repeated, gently pulling Lester’s face back round to his, making him look him in the eye.
Connor picked up one of Lester’s hands and placed it in the centre of his chest.
“Feel it James. My heart is still beating. I’m still alive. I’m still here.”
Connor trailed his other hand down from Lester’s face to his chest.
“And so are you.”
As Connor leant forward to kiss the other man and show him just how alive they both were, he felt Lester’s heart start to beat faster under his hand, in time with his own.