(no subject)
I'm really really tired of the noise. The traffic that never stops. The endless roar of traffic. The intermittent slapping of slippers of stupid people who drag their feet. The damned hammer drills going off. The screaming of the neighbourhood shrew. In the head, a jumble of noise and chaos.
I want to end it all. I want this to end. I want to stop feeling weak and vulnerable. I want to love life again. I want to love who I want to love again. I want to be free. But I suppose I cannot control the world around me, nor the people. And this struggle to control is the root cause of this all. I can't die. I don't even have a choice in that. How ironic. My life - zero control. But maybe that's it. Maybe that's the key... Zero control. Let it go and you gain control. But then maybe that's extreme. Maybe let go. Simply let go. Walk away and have faith that I have the strength and ability to work things out. Maybe that's my problem? That I don't have the faith I myself. That I don't believe in myself and therefore need affirmation. Maybe it's time to get the shields up and fight this, stone cold.
I want to end it all. I want this to end. I want to stop feeling weak and vulnerable. I want to love life again. I want to love who I want to love again. I want to be free. But I suppose I cannot control the world around me, nor the people. And this struggle to control is the root cause of this all. I can't die. I don't even have a choice in that. How ironic. My life - zero control. But maybe that's it. Maybe that's the key... Zero control. Let it go and you gain control. But then maybe that's extreme. Maybe let go. Simply let go. Walk away and have faith that I have the strength and ability to work things out. Maybe that's my problem? That I don't have the faith I myself. That I don't believe in myself and therefore need affirmation. Maybe it's time to get the shields up and fight this, stone cold.