Natural History IV
Perhaps the most stimulating topic in the wider debate over prehistoric mysteries has to do with rodents. The good majority of the earliest mammals were rodent-like in general size and appearance, but not until the very late Paleocene are true rodents apparent. These are most likely derived ancestrally from the anagalids, a form of proto-rodent that also likely gave form to the lagomorphs, a group often mistaken for rodents which includes rabbits and hares. Today, the family rodentia is the single largest group of mammal species.
The greatest puzzle in the history of rodentia appeared in the Pleistocene, in the form of the giant beaver, Castoroides. Castoroides was not like beavers most of us have seen before - he was the size of a bear. Odd, to be sure, but not all that peculiar considering these were prehistoric times and there are many such examples of gigantic versions of modern animals. The problem arises when we consider the tale of the Lumberjack God of Endfield, Sasketchewan.
In 1922, a logging boss named Clelland Manby was traipsing about the woods near Endfield when he tripped over what he thought was a big rock. Closer inspection revealed that it was not a rock at all, but a huge skull! He consulted the local paleontology crew, who proceeded to uncover what appeared to be a complete skeleton of just the sort of giant beaver we discussed earlier. However, there was something odd about this skeleton in that it had indentations above the eye sockets much like a moose or elk, indicating that it may have bore antlers. To make matters stranger, there were two pairs of forelegs, in addition to the hind legs. A six legged, antlered Castoroides?
The Huctauw natives of the Endfield area have a legend about a twenty-foot-tall sort of "beaver overlord" who, supposedly, gave birth to all beavers. They call him the "Lumberjack God," and more than a few ancient Huctauw images portray him as having horns or antlers, and a few depict him with six or even eight legs. One terrifying image has the Lumberjack God with eight legs and goat horns, and shows him sitting patiently in a giant spider's web as a man writhes in terror beneath him! Could Clelland Manby have discovered the perfectly preserved remains of the Huctauw Lumberjack God?
Most leading paleontologists, both then and now, believe the skeleton to be a hoax planted by Huctauw elders to frighten loggers away from their sacred forest. I, myself, believe that to be utterly ridiculous, and think that a lot of these "scientists" are either a) complete fucking morons, or b) lackeys for the CIA. I find the latter to be the more likely, since it's a well-documented fact that the CIA stole the skeleton and is currently hiding it in a hangar at Area 51. I have a photocopied pamphlet that proves it. I'll show it to you!
THE END
The greatest puzzle in the history of rodentia appeared in the Pleistocene, in the form of the giant beaver, Castoroides. Castoroides was not like beavers most of us have seen before - he was the size of a bear. Odd, to be sure, but not all that peculiar considering these were prehistoric times and there are many such examples of gigantic versions of modern animals. The problem arises when we consider the tale of the Lumberjack God of Endfield, Sasketchewan.
In 1922, a logging boss named Clelland Manby was traipsing about the woods near Endfield when he tripped over what he thought was a big rock. Closer inspection revealed that it was not a rock at all, but a huge skull! He consulted the local paleontology crew, who proceeded to uncover what appeared to be a complete skeleton of just the sort of giant beaver we discussed earlier. However, there was something odd about this skeleton in that it had indentations above the eye sockets much like a moose or elk, indicating that it may have bore antlers. To make matters stranger, there were two pairs of forelegs, in addition to the hind legs. A six legged, antlered Castoroides?
The Huctauw natives of the Endfield area have a legend about a twenty-foot-tall sort of "beaver overlord" who, supposedly, gave birth to all beavers. They call him the "Lumberjack God," and more than a few ancient Huctauw images portray him as having horns or antlers, and a few depict him with six or even eight legs. One terrifying image has the Lumberjack God with eight legs and goat horns, and shows him sitting patiently in a giant spider's web as a man writhes in terror beneath him! Could Clelland Manby have discovered the perfectly preserved remains of the Huctauw Lumberjack God?
Most leading paleontologists, both then and now, believe the skeleton to be a hoax planted by Huctauw elders to frighten loggers away from their sacred forest. I, myself, believe that to be utterly ridiculous, and think that a lot of these "scientists" are either a) complete fucking morons, or b) lackeys for the CIA. I find the latter to be the more likely, since it's a well-documented fact that the CIA stole the skeleton and is currently hiding it in a hangar at Area 51. I have a photocopied pamphlet that proves it. I'll show it to you!
THE END