Zero Cool? Crashed fifteen hundred and seven computers in one day? I thought you were black, man.
My mum called earlier to remind me of an appointment I have come Monday. Mid-jog, I paused to rest my tendons so she could read me my "busy" schedule and all that it entailed.
"What's VBS stand for, Jonny Lee?" She said.
"Vacation Bible School. And you've just reminded me I have a hiker's outfit to sort out."
As many times as my career has been down in the dumps, or let me rephrase - as long as my career has been absolutely shit, living in the shadow of my more famous friends/ex-wife/lovers/David Arquette, I always knew deep down that someday I'd find my calling. A chance meeting with a curious man dressed robes at the aeroport and suddenly, everything was clear. When you're an actor, you get loads of vacation time. Teachers get the entire summer off, I've always thought that was a little unfair until now.
BUT NOW, now I have a purpose. See, living with Jesus, both metaphorically and physically, made me appreciate things a lot more. So I thought I should give back. So when that man in the robes asked me to serve as a counsellor at a youth camp, and bring nothing material, only my wisdom, which has been pretty questionable at times, well I'd be hard pressed to pass that opportunity up.
I worried about Leigh, what would she think? Would devoting myself to Jesus, albiet temporarily, piss her off? Not likely. If I promised to come home on the weekends slathered in gimp necklaces and tales of children getting "accidentally" turned topsy-turvy in canoes whilst singing the Jeff Buckley version of Hallelujah, she'd definitely forgive me. I might even get another one of her handcrafted manbags out of the deal.
I couldn't do this alone though, well not with someone I want to lie naked with anyway, so I rang up Hugh Dancy, fellow thespian. "Hugh, come find Jesus with me." I said, gruffly. "Jonny Lee Miller, I was just watching Hackers, funny you should call." "Turn that shite off and service your country." "... I don't understand, I can't... James Blunt was in the army so their sissy policy is obviously lax but I'm Hugh Dancy and I ponce about, I don't understand what service I could be to Great Britannia, Dade Murphy!!"
I took some liberties there but that was the gist of it. So, long story short, off we go to Bible Camp. To live as vagrants, to serve and to continue finding wonder in everything unnatural. Between all the excitement over getting to craft macrame and macaroni crucifixes, I had to remember that I actually do have a career now. Eli Stone, season two - The Resurrection is coming this Fall to a TV near you. If you watch it, fantastic. If you don't, your mother's a hoor.
When we get booted out for trying to prove the Darwin Theory with humping My Little Ponies, chip us a pound or two towards bail, we'll definitely need it.
[Envision Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U" wailing in the background here. Change the opening line to "It's been several years (nearly six) and a million days........" since I first stumbled upon this crazy place. A lot's changed in that time. Some good times, some bad times, but I still hung on for reasons even I don't understand. Well, there were a few pretty good reasons along the way, and they know exactly who they are. I haven't exactly been active in oh, awhile now, but I've always thought of MBP as something I could fall back into whenever I wanted to. Brilliant plan, except it never quite worked out the longer I stayed away. There's so many people I owe huge shout-outs and thanks to for putting up with my insanity for so long, for humoring me when I was probably the only one who found humor in the situation and for making this overall, a pretty fucking cool experience. So thank you - to everyone who every played a former Natural Nylon, all 50 of you. To every Angelina, especially the first one :-*. To Amanda Latona for giving me my first dose of RP bitchiness and in turn making me man up, I forever adore you. To the Blurs, long gone but not forgotten and always secretly missed. To the Nannyfuckers, you crazy bastards, rock on with your bad selves. To Michelle "Hooter" Rodriguez, I never quite recovered from you leaving, but I'll definitely be drankin' with you up in MBP heaven. To everyone from the way early days; Elijah, Timmy, Kelly, MORRISSEY, Dan Estrin, Winslet, Joey Lauren, Natalie Pee, Rzez, Laura Prepon, Christina, Shakira etc. etc. how young and full of life we were back then, you guys made my insomnia so much fun. This is so fucking long, sorry. I'll wrap it up here quickly. Thank you fellow BWE mods for being seriously delightful and fun, no matter what anyone said. Thank you Justin Timberlake, you are my shining star. firewalkwithme, this is ultimately your fault, did you think it would last this long? Me either <3 To anyone I missed, and if I did, I promise it wasn't intentional, you know how pickled my brain is, I'm surprised I can still string sentences together: you're awesome and I miss you tons (most likely). It's been real and it's been fun, MBP but it's time to say peace out. I've never left and come back because I always promised myself when I did go, it'd be permanent. It's like giving one of my non-exisistent children up for adoption but alas, the spark is gone. Like Danny Glover said in Lethal Weapon, "I'm too old for this shit." I've made some of the best friends I have thanks to this place though, and I will forever be grateful for that.
OI Leighanne you get your own paragraph because I looove you. I can't even remember how long it's been total but I remember our first conversation perfectly. Well maybe not perfectly because I'm pretty sure both of us were plastered but you're so amazing and weird and wonderful and not to sound gay, but I'm seriously a better person to have met you. Okay yeah, that was pretty gay, but I'm so serious! I'll always love the Leigh Millers more than life itself, and this pains my soul but we will always have red dresses and creepy joggers and stains on the robes and everything else no one can take away from us!! I heart you so fucking much, man.
Crazily enough, I'm leaving exactly as I came in all those years ago - on Dancy's coattails, and frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way. Take care of yourselves, you crazy wankers.]
"What's VBS stand for, Jonny Lee?" She said.
"Vacation Bible School. And you've just reminded me I have a hiker's outfit to sort out."
As many times as my career has been down in the dumps, or let me rephrase - as long as my career has been absolutely shit, living in the shadow of my more famous friends/ex-wife/lovers/David Arquette, I always knew deep down that someday I'd find my calling. A chance meeting with a curious man dressed robes at the aeroport and suddenly, everything was clear. When you're an actor, you get loads of vacation time. Teachers get the entire summer off, I've always thought that was a little unfair until now.
BUT NOW, now I have a purpose. See, living with Jesus, both metaphorically and physically, made me appreciate things a lot more. So I thought I should give back. So when that man in the robes asked me to serve as a counsellor at a youth camp, and bring nothing material, only my wisdom, which has been pretty questionable at times, well I'd be hard pressed to pass that opportunity up.
I worried about Leigh, what would she think? Would devoting myself to Jesus, albiet temporarily, piss her off? Not likely. If I promised to come home on the weekends slathered in gimp necklaces and tales of children getting "accidentally" turned topsy-turvy in canoes whilst singing the Jeff Buckley version of Hallelujah, she'd definitely forgive me. I might even get another one of her handcrafted manbags out of the deal.
I couldn't do this alone though, well not with someone I want to lie naked with anyway, so I rang up Hugh Dancy, fellow thespian. "Hugh, come find Jesus with me." I said, gruffly. "Jonny Lee Miller, I was just watching Hackers, funny you should call." "Turn that shite off and service your country." "... I don't understand, I can't... James Blunt was in the army so their sissy policy is obviously lax but I'm Hugh Dancy and I ponce about, I don't understand what service I could be to Great Britannia, Dade Murphy!!"
I took some liberties there but that was the gist of it. So, long story short, off we go to Bible Camp. To live as vagrants, to serve and to continue finding wonder in everything unnatural. Between all the excitement over getting to craft macrame and macaroni crucifixes, I had to remember that I actually do have a career now. Eli Stone, season two - The Resurrection is coming this Fall to a TV near you. If you watch it, fantastic. If you don't, your mother's a hoor.
When we get booted out for trying to prove the Darwin Theory with humping My Little Ponies, chip us a pound or two towards bail, we'll definitely need it.
[Envision Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U" wailing in the background here. Change the opening line to "It's been several years (nearly six) and a million days........" since I first stumbled upon this crazy place. A lot's changed in that time. Some good times, some bad times, but I still hung on for reasons even I don't understand. Well, there were a few pretty good reasons along the way, and they know exactly who they are. I haven't exactly been active in oh, awhile now, but I've always thought of MBP as something I could fall back into whenever I wanted to. Brilliant plan, except it never quite worked out the longer I stayed away. There's so many people I owe huge shout-outs and thanks to for putting up with my insanity for so long, for humoring me when I was probably the only one who found humor in the situation and for making this overall, a pretty fucking cool experience. So thank you - to everyone who every played a former Natural Nylon, all 50 of you. To every Angelina, especially the first one :-*. To Amanda Latona for giving me my first dose of RP bitchiness and in turn making me man up, I forever adore you. To the Blurs, long gone but not forgotten and always secretly missed. To the Nannyfuckers, you crazy bastards, rock on with your bad selves. To Michelle "Hooter" Rodriguez, I never quite recovered from you leaving, but I'll definitely be drankin' with you up in MBP heaven. To everyone from the way early days; Elijah, Timmy, Kelly, MORRISSEY, Dan Estrin, Winslet, Joey Lauren, Natalie Pee, Rzez, Laura Prepon, Christina, Shakira etc. etc. how young and full of life we were back then, you guys made my insomnia so much fun. This is so fucking long, sorry. I'll wrap it up here quickly. Thank you fellow BWE mods for being seriously delightful and fun, no matter what anyone said. Thank you Justin Timberlake, you are my shining star. firewalkwithme, this is ultimately your fault, did you think it would last this long? Me either <3 To anyone I missed, and if I did, I promise it wasn't intentional, you know how pickled my brain is, I'm surprised I can still string sentences together: you're awesome and I miss you tons (most likely). It's been real and it's been fun, MBP but it's time to say peace out. I've never left and come back because I always promised myself when I did go, it'd be permanent. It's like giving one of my non-exisistent children up for adoption but alas, the spark is gone. Like Danny Glover said in Lethal Weapon, "I'm too old for this shit." I've made some of the best friends I have thanks to this place though, and I will forever be grateful for that.
OI Leighanne you get your own paragraph because I looove you. I can't even remember how long it's been total but I remember our first conversation perfectly. Well maybe not perfectly because I'm pretty sure both of us were plastered but you're so amazing and weird and wonderful and not to sound gay, but I'm seriously a better person to have met you. Okay yeah, that was pretty gay, but I'm so serious! I'll always love the Leigh Millers more than life itself, and this pains my soul but we will always have red dresses and creepy joggers and stains on the robes and everything else no one can take away from us!! I heart you so fucking much, man.
Crazily enough, I'm leaving exactly as I came in all those years ago - on Dancy's coattails, and frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way. Take care of yourselves, you crazy wankers.]