The Waiting
Seems to me that there's no getting around the fact that it has been a discouraging year, and there's not much light in the tunnel just yet. But if you feel more positively about it, more power to you.
I have started my second semester of grad school (indeed I survived the first!) and I really need my energy to catch up and meet the moment.
I've recently all but given up on having a calm, thoughtful conversation on the state of the world with just about anyone. I've grown to really lament the way we talk to each other about the things that matter. The awful event a week and a half ago caused me to briefly re-engage, mostly just to kind of say WTF, but I've since stepped back again.
I made a foray into a more promising kind of engagement on Thursday. I logged in to the city's Environmental Quality and Sustainability Commission monthly meeting, and listened to exciting plans to increase the local tree canopy. The enthusiasm of the volunteer members is not quite there. At some point in the meeting enough tuned out that they lost quorum. I've thought about applying for a position like that, but first I want to make sure I'm in the habit of actually attending, lest I be just another flake. I'm going to check out a few other meetings that might be up my alley. As much as I dislike constant video communication (or otherwise screen-mediated communication), I know that anything I get involved in now will eventually be available in "flesh" format.
When this is all over, which my well-paid biologist brother seems confident will happen this year, I think we imagine a very festive mood, and yet... I don't know about anyone else, but I think I'll actually be pretty tired. I won't be back to my old self overnight. This kind of thing leaves a mark. It changes a person. I will put it behind me, but it may take time.
I have started my second semester of grad school (indeed I survived the first!) and I really need my energy to catch up and meet the moment.
I've recently all but given up on having a calm, thoughtful conversation on the state of the world with just about anyone. I've grown to really lament the way we talk to each other about the things that matter. The awful event a week and a half ago caused me to briefly re-engage, mostly just to kind of say WTF, but I've since stepped back again.
I made a foray into a more promising kind of engagement on Thursday. I logged in to the city's Environmental Quality and Sustainability Commission monthly meeting, and listened to exciting plans to increase the local tree canopy. The enthusiasm of the volunteer members is not quite there. At some point in the meeting enough tuned out that they lost quorum. I've thought about applying for a position like that, but first I want to make sure I'm in the habit of actually attending, lest I be just another flake. I'm going to check out a few other meetings that might be up my alley. As much as I dislike constant video communication (or otherwise screen-mediated communication), I know that anything I get involved in now will eventually be available in "flesh" format.
When this is all over, which my well-paid biologist brother seems confident will happen this year, I think we imagine a very festive mood, and yet... I don't know about anyone else, but I think I'll actually be pretty tired. I won't be back to my old self overnight. This kind of thing leaves a mark. It changes a person. I will put it behind me, but it may take time.