(no subject)
I read that last entry for a few sentences to see what I was thinking a month ago, and I don't like the feelings I was surrounded by then. There was a lot of rejection going on in my life, and a lot of upheaval. My life just keeps changing, and it doesn't seem like I'm ever going to get to a point where I understand clearly where I'm supposed to be. I get somewhere, and continue wanting to move forward, and onto the next thing, or the next thing, or the new-and-weird-thing-that-I've-never-tried-before-so-fuck-it-why-not thing. And it just keeps leading me further and further down the rabbit hole.
I get it, from the rabbit's perspective, and Alice's.
It just never seems to make any sense.
So you lose sight of the world, and learn to look at the more important things in life. It can't all be meaningless. It can't all leave you feeling defeated. You have to be willing to take a few punches if you want to step into the ring, but you still have to be able to stop and smell the roses in the other walks in life.
I get so busy sometimes, and I only find myself happy when I'm churning something out, or producing something to put out into the world that makes me feel like I've validated my existence. I keep feeling like I'm building toward my magnum opus, but I don't know if it'll be something I build toward over an ignorantly long period of time, or if it'll be something where I have an epiphany that hits me like a ton of bricks.
I just know I should be doing more to make myself a little happier along the way. And sometimes that means taking the road less traveled. Sometimes it means doing all the things that are obviously going to make your life better.
I just have this faith. This heart. This soul. This life to do with what I can, with the time I have it.. and to mean well by it.
I'm so proud of so many other people I've met in life's journeys. I want to begin to count some of my blessings, and be allowed to enjoy them.
Okay, that's the first step to recovery. Admitting that there's a problem. Or thirty.
Now, to fix them.
I get it, from the rabbit's perspective, and Alice's.
It just never seems to make any sense.
So you lose sight of the world, and learn to look at the more important things in life. It can't all be meaningless. It can't all leave you feeling defeated. You have to be willing to take a few punches if you want to step into the ring, but you still have to be able to stop and smell the roses in the other walks in life.
I get so busy sometimes, and I only find myself happy when I'm churning something out, or producing something to put out into the world that makes me feel like I've validated my existence. I keep feeling like I'm building toward my magnum opus, but I don't know if it'll be something I build toward over an ignorantly long period of time, or if it'll be something where I have an epiphany that hits me like a ton of bricks.
I just know I should be doing more to make myself a little happier along the way. And sometimes that means taking the road less traveled. Sometimes it means doing all the things that are obviously going to make your life better.
I just have this faith. This heart. This soul. This life to do with what I can, with the time I have it.. and to mean well by it.
I'm so proud of so many other people I've met in life's journeys. I want to begin to count some of my blessings, and be allowed to enjoy them.
Okay, that's the first step to recovery. Admitting that there's a problem. Or thirty.
Now, to fix them.