Self Doubt is a Bitch
If I could afford therapy one of the big issues I'd work on is my tendency to doubt myself all the time.
I know where it stems from, and knowing is half the battle... but sadly, I can't quite pull off the other half. See, when I was really young (from ages 3 to 8 or 9) I was an only child with a very permissive mother and family. I ruled the roost, pretty much. Then, my dad came back and married my mom (long story) and that's when things went a bit wrong for me in the self confidence & assertiveness department.
See, Dad was a great guy in a lot of ways, but he did some things wrong. Like you do, as a parent. They're not perfect. They're just people. In my case, my Dad didn't believe anything I said that contradicted whatever he believed, even if I could show him where I got the information from, like school books, the evening news, Carl Sagan, etc. If it came out of MY mouth it was deemed false without due consideration, and even in the face of reasonable proof. The other issue was that he demanded full capitulation when we had a strong disagreement or I committed some act he felt was wrong (whether I agreed that it was wrong or not). I had to bend to his will and apologize whether I was in the wrong or not.
Now, as it happens, it's probably predictable that I've ended up dating a couple guys here and there who were not dissimilar. Mostly I've been really lucky and these issues haven't come up, but in a few cases they did and so these patterns were reinforced.
The result is that as the end of my 30s draws closer, I'm sitting here having a near-panic attack induced by self doubt over an issue with the local bus company. I'm absolutely right and they are wrong (and also pretty dishonest), but it's next to impossible for me to actually believe that deep down. Even though logically I know I'm right here, deep down in my psyche I'm convinced I'm wrong and being unreasonable. I'm so unreasonable that I'm asking them to follow their own schedule. That's super unreasonable, right?
It's really frustrating to feel like this. And I can't even work out any demons by telling my Dad about this problem he helped create. No amends can be made.
On the other hand, I am making a little progress. I recently stood up to one of the problematic Exes in a discussion about rape jokes, and he actually conceded the point. Of course, that made me super nervous, too. But I got over it.
Anyway, I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head, and it is actually helping me calm down so YAY! I just hope none of my friends raises their kids with these kinds of issues. Encouraging your kids to be confident and assertive, especially girls, is super important.
Edited to fix a few whopping errors.
I know where it stems from, and knowing is half the battle... but sadly, I can't quite pull off the other half. See, when I was really young (from ages 3 to 8 or 9) I was an only child with a very permissive mother and family. I ruled the roost, pretty much. Then, my dad came back and married my mom (long story) and that's when things went a bit wrong for me in the self confidence & assertiveness department.
See, Dad was a great guy in a lot of ways, but he did some things wrong. Like you do, as a parent. They're not perfect. They're just people. In my case, my Dad didn't believe anything I said that contradicted whatever he believed, even if I could show him where I got the information from, like school books, the evening news, Carl Sagan, etc. If it came out of MY mouth it was deemed false without due consideration, and even in the face of reasonable proof. The other issue was that he demanded full capitulation when we had a strong disagreement or I committed some act he felt was wrong (whether I agreed that it was wrong or not). I had to bend to his will and apologize whether I was in the wrong or not.
Now, as it happens, it's probably predictable that I've ended up dating a couple guys here and there who were not dissimilar. Mostly I've been really lucky and these issues haven't come up, but in a few cases they did and so these patterns were reinforced.
The result is that as the end of my 30s draws closer, I'm sitting here having a near-panic attack induced by self doubt over an issue with the local bus company. I'm absolutely right and they are wrong (and also pretty dishonest), but it's next to impossible for me to actually believe that deep down. Even though logically I know I'm right here, deep down in my psyche I'm convinced I'm wrong and being unreasonable. I'm so unreasonable that I'm asking them to follow their own schedule. That's super unreasonable, right?
It's really frustrating to feel like this. And I can't even work out any demons by telling my Dad about this problem he helped create. No amends can be made.
On the other hand, I am making a little progress. I recently stood up to one of the problematic Exes in a discussion about rape jokes, and he actually conceded the point. Of course, that made me super nervous, too. But I got over it.
Anyway, I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head, and it is actually helping me calm down so YAY! I just hope none of my friends raises their kids with these kinds of issues. Encouraging your kids to be confident and assertive, especially girls, is super important.
Edited to fix a few whopping errors.