Thursday Plantation
ok someone said my journal was boring today, so im gonna make it exciting. not that anyone cares, but maybe i'll get more comments this way. well i had a pretty nice day, we got to talk about the trip we're taking in june sometime that i might not be able to afford but i'll try my damn hardest. ok look lets make this really exciting in the only way i know how to. i used to be really exciting and stuff, before high school started and stuff. so ok let me just convey what was happened in the past week. first, my favorite cousin is diagnosed with cancer in the lower abdomen. hes 23 years old. he also happens to be my favorite cousin. and you know what? i'm sry if i've been neglecting someones cousins mothers brother having cancer or w/e, but look i dont need any sympathy from anyone, its just really upsetting to me. i mean its really sick when i tell someone that and they shoot it back with, " oh well my uncle's friend has cancer so i know what you mean". no you don't. i mean, if it was your mother or father or brother or sister or cousin or whatever, i would keep my tongue and respect what you had to say. all im saying is my cousin has cancer and im really fuckin depressed about it, and i think i would be a real shit if i brought up someone who doesnt really matter! no one really said that, but i think that's the major response i got today from the few people i told. some people are saying its like a fuckin test to see whos my friend and whos not, because i tell them my fucking cousin is sick. thats total bullshit, and i hate reassuring people that my cousin is really sick and im really depressed, so dont ask me why im depressed and expect me to test you whether you're my friend or not. it doesnt work like that, i dont work like that. so yeah that happened and obviously im stressed about that. im even stressed about my fucking 16th bday. my bday for christs sake. i dont know why, but im thinking i shouldve invited less people to the movies. i mean, think about it, really, how are like 15 people goiing to jsut get along, go see napoleon, and chill out? no possible way with a group of sophomores. i mean, parties aren't even parties anymore, they're just excuses to go out and not be bored. right? i mean, seriously, no teenager in their right mind cares about someone turning another year older. right? of course. look im not depressed anymore, im just comtemplating everything in a different way now. lol my stepmom called earlier and asked what kind of frosting i want on my freaking cake. who the fuck cares? i dont! i remember when i was a kid thye didnt tell me this shit. i guess what my point is that i miss my freaking childhood, or what little i had of one. i know that sounds really emo or whatever, but i really didnt have one for very long. i lost mine when my aunt died at the same time my parents divorced. my parents thought i was old enough to understand, and i was, but it was just too early to think about that stuff. it sick kinda. im watching the debate now, and i think im watching it just to know, im not sitting here with a bush or kerry banner, i mean, what does that do? nothing. i cant vote. i cant make a difference....yet. but im not going to reveal my political beliefs right now, because i think thats a serious way people judge you now is by your party or w/e, and im not in the mood to lose "friends" because of politics, because its just believing in someone i believe in. i think its all bullshit. but hey whatever im not going to discuss it anymore. last subject of discussion, my love life. lol what love life? look i could care less about a gf right now, i really could and i know sometimes i really seem like i need one, but i really dont and i really think im ok by myself. for gods sake, im still a teenager, none of us has really had major heartbreak yet. i guess this is why teenage angst is such a powerful subject today. i mean, think about it, all of us is in teenage angst more or less everyday. its totally sickening, but thats the way we're built. to be totally selfish one track minded kids with absolutely no care for one another, except for the ones who really look at the good in life. ok, well, i better go. im gonna make up a new name sooner or later, but for now, its just nick.