I sometimes get a kick out of some of my older shit. Here's one of those pieces, from May 2004
Top Five: Coolest Men on Planet Earth
5 - Chairman Kaga
What? They shan't allow me to sing once again? Outrage!
If you didn't already know, Kaga Takeshi is the eccentric 'host' of Fuji TV's sweet ass program of the nineties, Iron Chef. As an established star in Japanese movie and theatre, Kaga pretty much has first dibs into the rice bowl in much of that industry, not to mention the fact that he's arguably one of the most recognizable faces (at least, to my knowledge) makes him number five on this list.
Plus, who else can pull off the whole Liberace look and not have people laugh at him? Hmm? Can you? Thought so!
4 - Andy Lau
I've sold more albums than there are people in Mainland China.
Yes, I'm likely an Andy Lau bandwagoner, but honestly; how could you not like this guy? Granted, I have absolutely no idea what the hizzell he's singing about in his songs, but he probably has more money in his left toe than I do in my entire body. After convincingly playing an ex-con turned fighting-father in A Fighter's Blues, a ruthless corporate drone with a heart in Needing You and then taking away the crown of Ultimate Fat Guy away from Eddie Murphy's Nutty Professor in Love on a Diet I think this cat has definitely shown his strengths.
Oh, and did I mention that he got to actually kiss Sammi Cheng at the end of Diet?
3 - Jackie Chan
Forget about kicking your ass with a sword! I'll kick your ass using garbage cans, refrigerator doors, and the ever popular 'yell real loud into the microphone' gag!
Jackie Chan's been around a long time, and with good reason. This fellow has broken nearly everything in his body and he still comes back for more. A glutton for punishment? Maybe. A consummate professional? Probably. Awesome guy to be? Most definitely.
From those insane sit-ups in Half a Loaf of Kung Fu to the hilarious fight scenes in the original HK release of Twin Dragons*, most Asian folks I grew up with tried emulating him in the schoolyard, and mostly succeeding. By that, they did none of the cool stuff and got all of the injuries.
*If you can find this one, it's usually at Wal-Mart and retails for about $10 bucks. It's badly dubbed, but completely intact!
2 - Antonio Banderas
I played Tom Hanks' gay lover in Philadelphia, and chicks still dig me and my accent.
Whenever I see this guy, I want to pick up a guitar case full of guns and hunt down banditos in a ciudad pequeña somewhere in Mexico. But seriamente, you gotta admit that this guy has some sweet moves and an acento that makes young mujeres fawn and blush red with entusiasmo.
When he really busted onto the scene with Robert Rodriguez's Desperado every Latin student in my Junior High immediately started emulating his famous combat moves in the middle of the halls, throwing around books and bags and pens with reckless abandon. It wasn't exactly the prettiest sight when they and the Chan clan got together.
I've figured out that you can get the famous Antonio 'face' by looking at everything as if you are going to make love to it.
1 - Sean Connery
When I was your age, your parents thought I was the shit. Now, you and your parents think I'm the shit.
This dude has really withstood the test of time, and the cool thing is that while he hasn't been in any great movies lately (because LXG was pretty forgettable), people can still recognize him and comment on his sexiness.
I'll never really figure it out, but I think it probably goes beyond the rugged good looks and that bitchin' Scottish accent. Maybe he's the master of some sort of deep-seeded mind control, a la Rasputin of Russian royalty fame.
So that about wraps up this week's Top Five: Coolest Men on Planet Earth. Any q's, you know where to find me.