I am never going to sleep normally again. -_-
I just spent about an hour and a half re-reading all my entries in jolie_folie. It was really sad... I was completely obsessed with Paul and his friends and then Evan and stuff; but there were also so many happy things that made me sad. Things like a conversation with Jessica where she says she'll love me forever and I tell her she's one of my best friends. -_- Or the several several SEVERAL times I say how glad I am I'll never be without Kelsey. Or how much she means to me. Or that we're the same.
The last... threeish years have been simultaneously the best and worst of my life. 11th grade was probably the best school-wise, but not so great Paul-wise... although last year just really sucked all around. Some good memories, though, hidden in the bad.
At one of the book club meetings:
"Mrs. Kelsey's Mommy asked if we felt like we'd changed in the last four years. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And thrice HA."
Working with Aeron on our English project:
"So I've been at Aeron's for an hour now, working on our English paper... Annndd....
We have FOUR SENTENCES.
Four.
True, they are very long, very well written sentences, but still.
FOUR SENTENCES IN AN HOUR.
We're totally passing English this year. XDDDDDD"
Lying in Kelsey's floor one night listening to... something:
"Me: I'm confused.
Kelsey: about what?
[long pause]
[HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER]"
Good times we have had. ^_^ I love my friends, the ones that I have left... and I really loved Jessica, and that is why I tried so hard to fix things. I kinda wish we could go back to 11th grade, and if I could just have gotten over Paul and not been so freaking stupid, it would have been lovely.
Kelsey, I really miss you. You have no idea.
Aeron, I am so glad we're biffles now.
Sherri, I know you're one person who will TRULY stay with me forever. <3
Karen, I'm sorry if I ever hurt you in the past, but I love you so much. I'm glad you're in my life.
Christine, remember when we were friends? XDDD I love you, and I really miss you as well.
Liane, this is why I want you to stop being... me. ;-; I screwed up so much and you're so like me- ask Christine, she knows. XD I love you.
Kyle, I for one truly treasure our friendship, and I wish it was a bit stronger. <3
I love everyone (pretty much) with everything I have, and it's really sad when it's a) not returned, or b) unnoticed/taken for grnated. I'm not saying any of you do that, but it just sucks. I really truly love everyone I know, even Jessica and even Box... I love all of you because we have good memories and at some point you guys cared about me, and I know you're all such amazing people... I feel really lucky to have known all of you. No matter what happens to any of us and/or our relationships, just know that someone relaly honestly loved you for all that you are and aren't, with every ounce of herself, and that you really made a difference. <3
And I mean it.