And once again...
Seriously, I should not be allowed online at 5 AM. It's bad.
I'm totally freaking out. I'm... thinking too much, and scared, and I feel gross, and I'm just remembering all kinds of things I don't want remembered. I'm just really unhappy and scared right now. And I don't know what to do.
I really wanted James to be it. I don't want this to end, especially not badly. But I'm such a stupid girl and a bitch to boot, and I'm probably going to ruin this one too. But I really don't want to. He's so amazing, and he's James, and I love him. It just seems like we're not meant to be. I think part of this weird tension is because both of us are at a point in our lives where we have nothing going for us - no jobs, no school, few friends, no money. It seems like our lives have both dead-ended. Hopefully we'll both find decent jobs and that'll take some pressure off. I'm worried.
And I'm scared. It's not here and I don't know if the stress did it or what, but I'm freaking out. I don't know how to fix it.
My mind is full of too many faces I don't want to see, too many memories I don't want to have... I can't feel all of this right now. I can't do it.
I wish I had someone to talk to.
I'm totally freaking out. I'm... thinking too much, and scared, and I feel gross, and I'm just remembering all kinds of things I don't want remembered. I'm just really unhappy and scared right now. And I don't know what to do.
I really wanted James to be it. I don't want this to end, especially not badly. But I'm such a stupid girl and a bitch to boot, and I'm probably going to ruin this one too. But I really don't want to. He's so amazing, and he's James, and I love him. It just seems like we're not meant to be. I think part of this weird tension is because both of us are at a point in our lives where we have nothing going for us - no jobs, no school, few friends, no money. It seems like our lives have both dead-ended. Hopefully we'll both find decent jobs and that'll take some pressure off. I'm worried.
And I'm scared. It's not here and I don't know if the stress did it or what, but I'm freaking out. I don't know how to fix it.
My mind is full of too many faces I don't want to see, too many memories I don't want to have... I can't feel all of this right now. I can't do it.
I wish I had someone to talk to.