Oh, an update!
Ever feel like you're squandering your youth? It's friday night and I'm in the house. This is about the fifth friday in a row I've been in the house. Most of my friends have either moved or are too busy with whomever they're dating at the moment to hang out. I, personally, have gotten tired of scowling in the corner of my local pub. So as I sit inside my place on yet another friday night and watch the marathon of Walking Dead I find myself wondering if I'll regret pissing away the best years of my life because I'm too misanthropic to meet strangers. As I do this I count down the days for my inevitable transformation into "that guy" at the diner. You know the one. The fellow who is there on the same night every week by himself. The one who the waitresses know on a first name basis. Sweet Cthulu, I hope that won't be me.
So, my semester started awhile ago and there's a plethora of brand new specimens that some may call my peers. I use the term peers lightly because the majority of them are just oxygen thieves and mouth breathers who really don't do anything besides exist. The two that currently stand out in my mind are the Friend Zone Guy and the Quasi-Volunteer guy.
Friend Zone Guy, hereby referred to as FZG, is a curious case. How someone would ever want to be both a human door mat and deal with all the crap that comes with it is strange to this observer. You see, FZG and this girl are always together. At first I thought they were brother and sister. Not in the Osmond Family kinda way but the Luke and Leia kinda way (10 points if you got it.) Alas, there is no sibling blood between them. FZG follows this girl around quietly. Drives her to class, gets her sodas when she asks, etc. He has a broken look on his face. I can't describe it. It just looks like all the livelihood, hopes, and dreams have been sucked out of this poor bastard until this one girl he's been putting all of his hopes and dreams into returns the favor. When someone says something that is worthy of a laugh he looks to see if she's laughing before he displays any emotion. It's sad.
Quasi--Volunteer guy is a strange oddity. I'm sure some of you have seen his type. He volunteers when it's convenient for him, which is commendable. But he also likes to brag about how much he volunteers, making it not so commendable. Not only does he have this kind of sick, self-gratifying, sycophantic behavior but he the whole ordeal is a facade. He is the type of person who will work at a soup kitchen then spit on the homeless when he's not volunteering (Something he bragged about doing to his fellow popped collar friends) Does this, in fact, better serve mankind? No, my fair readers. You see, he thinks he is doing the world a service, helping mankind, etc. He could have better served mankind by being a specimen for stem cell research. There are plenty of people who volunteer. They are great people. There are even more people who volunteer that I hate on a molecular level. They're still probably good people. When you volunteer for something then walk out the door and do something that contradicts what you've been bragging about for weeks...You, sir, are a douchebag.
So, my semester started awhile ago and there's a plethora of brand new specimens that some may call my peers. I use the term peers lightly because the majority of them are just oxygen thieves and mouth breathers who really don't do anything besides exist. The two that currently stand out in my mind are the Friend Zone Guy and the Quasi-Volunteer guy.
Friend Zone Guy, hereby referred to as FZG, is a curious case. How someone would ever want to be both a human door mat and deal with all the crap that comes with it is strange to this observer. You see, FZG and this girl are always together. At first I thought they were brother and sister. Not in the Osmond Family kinda way but the Luke and Leia kinda way (10 points if you got it.) Alas, there is no sibling blood between them. FZG follows this girl around quietly. Drives her to class, gets her sodas when she asks, etc. He has a broken look on his face. I can't describe it. It just looks like all the livelihood, hopes, and dreams have been sucked out of this poor bastard until this one girl he's been putting all of his hopes and dreams into returns the favor. When someone says something that is worthy of a laugh he looks to see if she's laughing before he displays any emotion. It's sad.
Quasi--Volunteer guy is a strange oddity. I'm sure some of you have seen his type. He volunteers when it's convenient for him, which is commendable. But he also likes to brag about how much he volunteers, making it not so commendable. Not only does he have this kind of sick, self-gratifying, sycophantic behavior but he the whole ordeal is a facade. He is the type of person who will work at a soup kitchen then spit on the homeless when he's not volunteering (Something he bragged about doing to his fellow popped collar friends) Does this, in fact, better serve mankind? No, my fair readers. You see, he thinks he is doing the world a service, helping mankind, etc. He could have better served mankind by being a specimen for stem cell research. There are plenty of people who volunteer. They are great people. There are even more people who volunteer that I hate on a molecular level. They're still probably good people. When you volunteer for something then walk out the door and do something that contradicts what you've been bragging about for weeks...You, sir, are a douchebag.
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