Stay classy, Bay Shore.

[jokerkevin]

Boys and girls of all ages. Gather around the campfire because I have a tale for you. I'll give you a brief summary for those who don't like discorded sentences from someone who's been up all night doing a mixture of reading A Scanner Darkly, playing Zelda, and watching old 70's exploitation movies. Friday night I went out with the crew. Bowled, had a few drinks, and...Ready, kiddies? Almost got fucking stabbed. Have I caught your attention? Yes? Wonderful. Let me tell the story from the start. One of my closest friends is engaged. The girl finally came to New York for a visit. What did we do? As the entire punk crew that we hang out with was coming down did we cause trouble in town? Get into nasty bar brawls in some dive in Queens? Nay, my friendly readers. We went bowling. In that little dump of an alley off the service road in Bat Shore. I'll get to the near stabbing in a moment, don't any of you worry. I'm going to run down the night. I picked up our protege, Ricky. He's 17. When we met him he was fucking up in school, drinking too much, hanging with the wrong crowd. We took him under our wing, brought him to some shows, he got to hang out with the older guys. Now his grades are up, his friends aren't scumbags, and he's getting over his fear of talking to girls. We affectionately call him either Young Blood or Boy Blunder. So him and I get to the bowling alley. I give him money to get his clown shoes so he can bowl and have fun. He meets up with people and I go to the bar. This bar tender looks like Sophia Petrillo from The Golden Girls. Yes, I'm a heterosexual man who just made a reference to The Golden Girls. Sue me. I order my pitcher for the night. I also ask for two mugs. I'm the only one drinking this pitcher tonight but there's no need for Sophia to think I'm a lush, right? I thank her for being a friend and head on a merry way. Cookie to you if you got the reference without having to read this sentence. The night goes on and we're all having fun. Laughing. Making fun of each other. Saying what we're going to do the other's mother if they get a gutter ball. Then out of the blue four of the tiniest little spanish kids come out of the wood work and started yelling at my friend. Not tiny as in young. Tiny as in 5'3'' at best. They start cursing at my friend in Spanish. Then they break into english. Apparently, my friend brushed one of ther shoulders when he was walking by. In the wonderful world of hip-hop, this is seen as a sign of disrespect and a completely good reason to cause a scene and nearly get arrested. They eventually leave when they realize that there's four of them and 15 of us. We think nothing of it and continue on our night. More drinks and fun. Horray! 15 minutes go by and my friend and I decide we should have a cigarette. We go outside and there are those four rebels without a clue. They'd been waiting in the cold Long Island weather for him. (Keep in mind, my LI readers that this was friday night. You all remember how cold it was.) So, at this point not only do they have us outnumbered 4 to 2. The head thug decides to keep his knife behind his back. At this point I'm thinking we're going to be screwed. I start sizing up how I can fight dirty and do the most damage I can do before being stabbed. They're getting our faces yelling "Pop off, n---a. Pop off." Yadda yadda. This continues for about 2 minutes with us just trying to walk away. We hear the electronic doors slide open behind us and...Cue the heroic trumpet. Half the bowling alley was outside having our backs. Not people who worked their...People who were there to bowl. My my how the odds have tipped. Amongst them all was the biggest soul brother I've ever seen. This guy looked like Kimbo Slice. At this point our would be assailants were halfway across the parking lot. But...They were still yelling. We went inside. Had a laugh. We all bought each other rounds. No one was stabbed. It was a fun night. Hip Hip Horray!

Afterthought: Ever watch Gangland? Ever notice that on that show the most wanton violence always happen at a bowling alley?

Aside from that I've been reduced to trying a dating site. I don't know why. I don't think it'll work. My friends assure me that it's worked for them. Whatever. I'll give it a go. Oddly enough, I've seen a bunch of people I know from my area on there. Joy. Let the experiment begin.

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Couldn't think of any better song to go with today's theme.