Not that anybody gives a damn
So
I'm about to graduate.
cool, I guess? Graduating in the top tier in my class, regarded as one of the most talented young composers ever to stroll through the department at UCSD, capturing the attention of giants like Helmut Lachenmann, Ming Tsao, Lei Liang, Roger Reynolds, and the Vienna New Music Orchestra. Not bad I say...
Yet I feel empty. I got no plans, outside of fleeing over to Vienna/Salsburg/Stutgart for an extended period of time I want back into the composition world of UCSD. Nowhere else really lets me get away with the things I write... Music with no time, key, tempo, set harmony... it's even less discernible than Musique Concrete. It is really quite amazing how one single piece of music can change your life. I have the respect of faculty, the entire graduate body, international connections, all because of fifteen minutes of "The Grand Question Subliminal." So strange.
Now I have to follow it up.
shit
Its already nagging at my brain though, new things, new fields, new equations, structures, archetypes, algorithms, techniques. What is music? Is it merely organized sound structures? Does my music count as music if it exists in a space independent of time and said structure? No resolution, no harmony, no real melody, yet it still functions despite every part sliding over each other at different speeds and relationships. Its all too much math, too much out in the left field. When master composers come up to me and don't have words but, "I've never heard anything like that before,' is it to be taken as a complement, or criticism? Why in the hell am I still working and not getting commissions? damn it all to whatever bad place you can think of. I'm tired.
I'm about to graduate.
cool, I guess? Graduating in the top tier in my class, regarded as one of the most talented young composers ever to stroll through the department at UCSD, capturing the attention of giants like Helmut Lachenmann, Ming Tsao, Lei Liang, Roger Reynolds, and the Vienna New Music Orchestra. Not bad I say...
Yet I feel empty. I got no plans, outside of fleeing over to Vienna/Salsburg/Stutgart for an extended period of time I want back into the composition world of UCSD. Nowhere else really lets me get away with the things I write... Music with no time, key, tempo, set harmony... it's even less discernible than Musique Concrete. It is really quite amazing how one single piece of music can change your life. I have the respect of faculty, the entire graduate body, international connections, all because of fifteen minutes of "The Grand Question Subliminal." So strange.
Now I have to follow it up.
shit
Its already nagging at my brain though, new things, new fields, new equations, structures, archetypes, algorithms, techniques. What is music? Is it merely organized sound structures? Does my music count as music if it exists in a space independent of time and said structure? No resolution, no harmony, no real melody, yet it still functions despite every part sliding over each other at different speeds and relationships. Its all too much math, too much out in the left field. When master composers come up to me and don't have words but, "I've never heard anything like that before,' is it to be taken as a complement, or criticism? Why in the hell am I still working and not getting commissions? damn it all to whatever bad place you can think of. I'm tired.