Guide You Home *part five*
Pairing: DaeLo
Rated: PG13
Length: 5.9K
New Song!
Part Four
Junhong had always known deep down that he was more attracted to boys than he was to girls, but it wasn’t until he was seven that the idea changed from a tiny seed germinating inside of his head to a full blown fact that he knew to be as true as he knew his name was Junhong.
“This is Minseo. She lives down the street and wants to play with you.” His mother had pushed a slightly smaller than him child forward with a hopeful smile. “Her parents said that she gets excited every time you ride your bike down the road and has been asking to come over.”
Looking back Junhong wondered if maybe his mother thought this was it, this was the moment they would compare battle wounds and the entire world would stop and he would never be alone again.
“No thank you.” He politely smiled at Minseo, not wanting to hurt her feelings. “I’m going to meet Yonggukkie at the park after his basketball game. He promised to help me start riding without training wheels.”
Minseo’s face had fallen and even though he felt sorry that he didn’t have time to play he had been too excited about riding a big boy bike that he couldn’t force himself to apologize.
“Are you sure?” His mother’s eyes darted between the two, lips lifting into a smile that Junhong barely recognized. “Junhong, sweetheart, I’m sure your brother would understand if you rode together to-“
“Girls are gross.” Junhong interrupted. His mom had told him over and over that interrupting was rude but so was trying to make him play with a girl that would probably cry if her dress got dirty and might even try to kiss him like the last playmate that had been forced on him. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. Girl kisses made him want to puke. “I’d rather play with boys.”
The smile slipped off his mother’s face as he grabbed his bike off the front lawn. “I’m sorry, Minseo.” He could hear her consoling the now sobbing little girl. “In a few years he won’t think like that. All little boy’s say girls are yucky at this age.”
But Junhong knew even as he hurriedly pedaled away from his house that he would never want to kiss Minseo, or any girl for that matter. The boy who sat beside him at lunch had pretty eyes. Maybe he would ask to kiss him tomorrow…
---
“You need to dial back the creep a little bit.” Jongup elbowed him hard in the ribs. “You haven’t stopped staring at that boy for the last thirty minutes.”
Junhong was too busy watching the way Daehyun picked slowly and patiently at his food, all the while licking his lips and staring at it hungrily. His brain was screaming at him to buy more food, cut it into manageable pieces, and then shoo everyone away so that Daehyun could eat in peace, anything to take the look of starvation off the tiny boy’s face.
“He’s beautiful.” He mumbled under his breath. When Daehyun shyly lifted his eyes and looked over at him again through thick dark lashes Junhong had to bite back an unexpected moan. “I want to touch him.”
Jongup and Yongguk gave each other confused glances. They’d never seen Junhong act so out of character and if it wasn’t so odd they would probably be laughing about it.
“You’re starting to worry us, Junhong.” Lying his hand on his best friend’s leg Jongup tried to get his attention and pull his eyes away from the other end of the table. “Look at me.”
“Mine,” Junhong whispered. “He’s mine.”
“Do you think…?” Yongguk’s expression turned to one of excitement as he tried to discreetly look the new boy over, searching for any visible scars that would give him away but his long-sleeved gray hoodie hid all of the skin that would be their telltale giveaway. “What if he’s-“
A stomp on his foot made Yongguk hiss loudly and turn to his boyfriend in annoyance.
“He came with Youngjae.” Jongup muttered at him through his teeth. “They look like they’re already dating. Don’t get Junhong’s hopes up. It’s just his first crush.”
The realization that Daehyun might be already taken hit him like a blast of lightning to the heart. He felt jealousy and ferocity and the heaviest kind of sadness that weighs you down and turns the entire world to gray.
“No.” Junhong wouldn’t accept that because he knew, his soul knew, every cell in his bloodstream knew. Daehyun was finally home.
---
“You have to keep pedaling, no matter what.” At almost nine, Yongguk was small for his age and his brother was still packing a few pounds of baby fat on his belly so holding the bike up for more than five minutes at a time was starting to tire him out. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and helped Junhong back onto the seat. “If you stop then you’ll fall right over.”
“But what if I’m going too fast?”
Yongguk held onto the back of his seat and carefully pushed the bike forward. “You can coast with your feet on the pedals but you still have to keep yourself upright. Stop leaning to the side when you’re trying to turn. That’s what’s making you fall.”
Junhong loved spending time with his brother in the park. When his friends were around Yongguk pretended he didn’t know him, but when it was just the two of them and they were laughing and having fun Junhong never wanted to go home.
“You’re getting a lot better.” Yongguk leaned the bicycle against a bench before taking a break and rubbing his sore arms. “You should have it down in a few more practices.”
The sun was hot but at least the spot they had chosen to relax in was underneath a leafy tree, shading Yongguk’s exposed arms and giving Junhong’s covered ones some much needed relief. He pulled at the sticky sleeves over his wrists and grimaced. The sun would have felt so good on him if he could only pull them up just a tiny bit, just enough to dry the drops pooling in the corner of his elbows.
“Did you tell mom you were meeting me here?” Yongguk pulled a pen out of his pocket and started tracing stars and moon’s over the palm of his hand, a habit his mother had tried for years to break. “You got in trouble for not letting her know the last time we went riding.”
Junhong nodded with a tired yawn. “She was outside trying to get me to play with the new girl up the street.”
“Yeah?” Yongguk’s movements paused and he looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve seen her outside. Did you talk to her?”
Do you think she’s the one, Yongguk was actually asking. Everyone thought any new person who looked at him was the one, Junhong thought with a growl. What they didn’t know was that only Junhong would know who the one was. He would feel explosions and see colors that he’d never seen before and they’d both look at each other and everything would be perfect.
“Didn’t wanna.” He snatched the pen out of Yongguk’s hand and leaned over the bench to scratch his name over the other side. Junhong’s bench, he wrote with the shaky lettering his last teacher had worked so hard to fix. Everyone that sits here belongs to me.
“You’re such a seven year old.” Yongguk sighed. He ruffled the curls matting down his brother’s hair and smiled. “Let’s try the bike again tomorrow. I’m hungry.”
---
“You’re barely eating.” Youngjae’s voice was soft enough that no one else but Daehyun could hear him. “I told you I was paying so don’t hold back.”
“You always pay though.” Daehyun was bordering on starving actually. The barbeque and side items sitting in front of him were making his stomach growl and saliva to build up in his mouth. If there weren’t so many people watching he could probably bury his face in the plate and never come up for air. “My stomach’s hurting all of a sudden. I feel like I might get sick.” That at least was the truth. From the moment he sat down at the table he had been filled with such anxiety that his entire body was thrumming with something inside him. Something burning and needy and full of such want that he felt naked in front of everyone even though he was covered from his neck all the way to his toes.
Youngjae held his palm up to Daehyun’s forehead, a frown on his lips. “You don’t feel sick. Do you want me to take you home?”
He shook his head. The last thing he needed was for everyone to think he was being a baby.
When he even thought about leaving the table a searing pain threatened to destroy him, rip him apart, tear him into tiny pieces that would never make it home to his mother.
“Is it hot in here to you?”
Youngjae tugged on the sleeve of his sweater and smiled. “Daehyun, you’re wearing a hoodie a size too big in the middle of a barbeque restaurant. You’re going to be overheated. Why don’t you take it off and maybe your sickness will go away.”
And maybe everyone would see why he was so different. And maybe they would pull away from him and he would be left alone again.
“I’m fine.” He tried to smile and turned back to his food. When Youngjae resumed talking to Himchan across the table Daehyun carefully lifted his head to see if that boy was still staring at him. Every time he glanced that way he had noticed he was being watched with eyes that looked hungrier than his own. The way Junhong, at least he thought that’s what Youngjae had called him, was looking at him made his heart pound wildly. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like how out of control it made him feel.
Fingers braided between his own making Daehyun jump in surprise. He looked down to see Youngjae holding tight to his hand, thumb stroking along his knuckles.
“You look scared to death.” Youngjae murmured before laughing distractedly at whatever Himchan was chattering about across the table. “We can leave whenever you want. I’m sorry if something’s making you uncomfortable.”
Daehyun didn’t know why he was feeling so jittery and nervous. Every breath was pushed out through tightened lungs and trembling lips and for the first time in years he actually wanted to go back to his home. Being with his stepfather was a better alternative than this nauseous feeling that was crawling its way up his throat.
“I’m just tired. Honest.”
The obvious lie made Youngjae freeze. For the last week they had spent a lot of time together at school and Daehyun had always been tight-lipped and choosy with his words, but lying was something Youngjae hadn’t thought he was capable of.
“Okay. If you’re sure.” The hand holding reassuringly onto his own was just as quickly taken away and Daehyun was once again full of panic and anxiety.
He let his bangs fall over his forehead and carefully lifted his eyes for what was probably the hundredth time in the last twenty minutes. The boy at the end of the table was finally looking away so Daehyun had a few seconds to study him, to analyze why he kept wanting his eyes on him.
The boys black hair was wavy, curling under his ears and sticking to the nape of his neck with sweat. Daehyun noticed he also had his arms covered, but it was winter so that wasn’t unexpected, even if they had all known they were going to be crammed together in a hot restaurant. His lips were pursed together in what looked like annoyance and every time the smaller boy next to him tried to say something, he was waved off and the furrow between his brows grew even deeper. Daehyun watched a dimple appear and disappear in his cheek with every roll of his jaw and for a moment he wondered what the tiny indention would feel like under the pad of his thumb.
Arousal flickered low in his stomach, the flame licking the inside of his chest and causing a maroon flush to crawl its way around his neck and over his cheeks. He’d never looked at someone else and wondered what they tasted like and what their sounds of pleasure would feel like vibrating against his skin.
Junhong, Daehyun was sure now that was what Youngjae had called him because the syllables formed perfectly on his tongue as if it was made just to say them, glanced sharply at him as he mouthed the word to himself.
He wasn’t sure what the protocol was for being caught like this. His lips were still parted and the last part of Junhong’s name was surely visible in the air between them. There was no hiding the look of desire painted across his expression.
Hi. Junhong’s lips formed their own words in reply, a shy smile creeping across his face.
He glanced down at Daehyun’s hands but Daehyun didn’t want his eyes there so he pulled them into his lap. No one was ever supposed to look there. Near his hands were things he kept hidden and secrets that he never wanted viewed.
Daehyun blinked as the fog trying so hard to swallow him alive started to thicken around the two of them. It was too much and he was too scared. He watched Junhong’s face as he reached for Youngjae’s hand and circled his fingers around his friend’s wrist. This time there was no mistaking the thinned lips as mere annoyance.
Junhong looked murderous.
---
“It’s about time.” Yongguk groaned. He leaned over to put his hands on his knees and breathe deeply. “I don’t think I could take one more day hauling your giant butt around on that bike.”
“It only took three lessons.” Junhong pointed out, trying to crane his neck and look behind him. “And mom says I’m turning into a beanpole so you’re the one who will have the giant butt.”
Yongguk grabbed the handlebars away from his brother and turned towards the same path they had taken the day before. They had worked for two hours this time and Junhong had finally made it all the way to where the bike path curved in the trees and had even managed to turn himself once without falling.
“Isn’t this where we stopped yesterday?” Yongguk halted so suddenly that Junhong ran into the back wheel of his bike with a groan. “Where’s the green bench?”
They turned their heads and looked around the path to make sure this was the same place they had rested only the day before.
“Yeah cause look there’s your pen I dropped.” Junhong picked up the bright red pen and handed it to his brother. He could see the indentions in the grass where the bench had previously sat but there was nothing else there but a gum wrapper and a crumpled ball of paper. “Do you think it’s broken?”
Yongguk shook his head. “It was fine when we used it. Maybe they’re repainting or something. Let’s go find another one to catch our breath at before we go home.”
They left the shady area and found another one on the other side of the park and both decided they liked this one better anyways. It had a clear view of the street and the basketball courts and they could watch people as they strolled by.
A few blocks away another boy was sitting in his bedroom and excitedly making the new bed his mother had brought home for him with a cover that barely covered his feet but was his and only his.
Daehyun’s bed, he wrote across the top board with his black marker. Everyone who sits here belongs to me.
---
“You’ve been acting weird all day.” Youngjae’s lips quirked up in amusement as Daehyun distractedly jiggled his leg under the cafeteria table. “Everything good?”
“I’m exhausted.” Daehyun turned to him and blinked tired eyes that were rimmed with dark bags under them. “I can’t sleep and it’s making me feel drunk.” He scrubbed his face with his palms and yawned. “Is there a flu going around?”
Youngjae shook his head as he reached over to still the still wriggling leg. Daehyun immediately froze and if Youngjae wasn’t looking at his hand on Daehyun’s thigh he would have seen the surprise that crawled across his expression.
“You never answered any of my texts this weekend.”
The new phone his mother had slipped to him on his second day of school wasn’t anything special, just a cheap over the counter plan she had bought using tips she had hidden away from his stepfather. The last phone hadn’t lasted very long so she had made him promise to keep this one on silent and kept out of view while he was home.
“My phone died and I lost the charger.” Another lie added to the growing pile in his chest. He hated not telling Youngjae the truth but he wasn’t quite sure yet how friendships actually worked. Did they tell each other everything right from the get go or was he supposed to stay quiet about himself? Daehyun preferred quiet. He subtly moved his leg over so that Youngjae’s hand slipped off.
“Do you want to hang out after school? We can go get ice cream or something.” Youngjae’s lips lifted into a smile. “Or you can come over to my house?”
He had managed to escape from all of the invites Youngjae gave him to come over but he knew his good luck was going to have to run out eventually. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with Youngjae. They were friends and he liked him. But after the dinner on Friday he felt his stomach churn every time Youngjae popped into his brain. It was as if he had developed an allergic reaction to him overnight.
The meal they had all went to together was all he had thought about over the weekend. Every second crawled through his brain thousands of times until he had picked over every breath and blink and movement.
When they had finished eating and Junhong, the memory of his name alone made Daehyun’s blood vibrate in his veins, had motioned for him to come to their side he had panicked. His brain and his body both fighting against each other until one defeated the other. When he had reached again for Youngjae’s hand, this time pulling him closer than he’d ever had before, the look of devastation on Junhong’s face had ripped him apart.
Daehyun crumpled the napkin on his tray into a ball and smashed it into his milk carton. “I’m not sure my mom will let me go anywhere. She doesn’t like it when I don’t go straight home.”
Youngjae’s smile fell off his lips but Daehyun thought it would take more than that to deter him. He knew as soon as he had taken Youngjae’s hand for the second time that evening that he would think it meant so much more than it actually did. But he had to do something to make Junhong stop looking at him like was a four course meal and he’d been starving more than a millennia.
---
The second Jongup stood up to excuse himself to use the bathroom he had grabbed for Junhong’s collar and jerked him up as well. “We’ll be right back. Junhonggie needs a timeout.”
“I think I’m ready to go home now.” Daehyun kept his eyes on the table in front of him and chewed nervously on his bottom lip, hoping he could get away before they came back. Every instinct he had was screaming something into his head but he had spent so many years ignoring his own needs that he wasn’t sure what they were saying. He just wanted to go home. “I’ll see you at school Monday, okay?”
“No wait, I’ll walk you to the subway.” Youngjae pulled his wallet out of his pocket and gave Himchan enough to pay for their meals.
As they headed towards the door Daehyun tried to nonchalantly glance at the eat Junhong had just vacated, he half wondered if he could feel the vibrations his body had left, but he noticed Yongguk staring at him with curiosity and anger.
“Did you have fun?” Youngjae’s fingers reached for his own again the second they were outside but Daehyun deflected them by pretending he was cold and shoving them into his pockets. “You didn’t eat much.”
“I felt a little sick all of a sudden.” Daehyun told him, hurrying as much as possible without making it too obvious. Something told him Junhong was the type of person to follow him outside and he had to stay on his guard until they were a safe distance away. “It was good though. You picked a great restaurant.”
Youngjae thankfully understood his need for distance at the moment and kept his hands to himself for the rest of the walk. “Next time you can choose. Where do you like to eat?”
A kitchen table, Daehyun thought sadly. A big table with a family and laughter and smiles for everyone. He’d only been to one restaurant with his mother. They had gone while his stepfather was away for a few days for work and they’d used the money she had been hiding for months in the broken step of the staircase. They ordered everything they wanted to on the menu and had eaten all of it in the two hours they’d spent there. It was one of his favorite memories and he felt guilty that he’d gone out tonight without her.
“I’m okay with anything.” He answered evenly. Youngjae had probably been to every place in the city and didn’t even think twice about what a privilege it was to be so well off. “I don’t really like soup though.”
Soups were cheap and easy to make. Soups were a daily staple in their home. Daehyun hated soup.
---
Junhong had spent the weekend in his bedroom and staring broodily at his ceiling. He wasn’t sure if he was more angry or letdown over Daehyun sneaking out while he was in the bathroom being yelled at by Jongup.
“You have got to stop making puppy dog eyes at him from across the table. We’ll figure this out, I promise you, but Youngjae’s going to climb across and punch you if you don’t lower the pathetic level a little bit.”
He rolled his eyes when he remembered Jongup scolding him. The threat didn’t matter anyways because the second they came back he realized Daehyun had slipped out and was gone.
“Are you going to sit in here and mope for the next year?” Yongguk leaned against his door and crossed his arms. “Because you’re worrying us.”
‘Us’ was a word that he couldn’t use. He had no ‘us’. He was just Junhong and he was alone.
“Daehyun.” His throat felt raw but he couldn’t remember crying, he couldn’t even remember if he had eaten all weekend. All he knew was the color of Daehyun’s skin and the way his lips shined in the restaurant every time he nervously ran his tongue across them. He wanted to reassure him over and over again that he had nothing to be scared of, that he would keep him safe. “Soulmate.”
Yongguk sighed at the state of his always optimistic little brother. No matter how much pain he was in or how worried he was for his unknown mate he always kept a smile on his face when they were in public and he never let anyone know how broken his heart was.
“I know you think it’s him but what if it’s not, Junhong? Shouldn’t he have been as drawn to you as you were to him? I knew from the second I saw that dumb kid go after Jongup that I was supposed to take care of him.” Yongguk’s phone vibrated in his pocket but he ignored it to take another step into Junhong’s room. “What if you’re wrong?”
“Then I don’t want my soulmate.” Junhong turned over so that his brother couldn’t see the agony on his face as he spit out the truth. “I want Daehyun. I just want him and no one else.” He could hear the buzzing go off again from his doorway. “Go answer Jongup. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine and I’m not going to leave you like this. We want to help you.”
Junhong closed his eyes and tried to connect himself to that invisible cord that attached him to whomever was on the other end. Maybe if he concentrated hard enough he would hear his thoughts, dream his dreams, fall asleep to the beating of his heart.
“I’ll talk to Jongup and make a plan, okay? We’ll find out where he is and talk to him so we can get to the bottom of this.”
Promises were worthless right now. He just wanted Daehyun.
---
“He’s getting worse.” Yongguk rubbed at the frown lines in his forehead. He was pretty sure they were becoming permanent. “Mom said he wouldn’t even come down for lunch today. I told her he was sick and to let him sleep but I can’t keep her away forever.”
Jongup sighed from the other end of the phone. “He really wants this boy to be the one. I hope he is, but why wasn’t Daehyun feeling the pull like Junhong was? He looked scared to death of him.”
“I don’t know.” Yongguk would gladly have shoved the two boys in a closet and let them work this out on their own but even he had noticed how frightened Daehyun looked every time he glanced at his brother. “Jongup… If it is Daehyun, then we know what’s happening to him. I can’t just sit here if that kid’s going home every night and getting beaten half to death. We have to find out for sure.”
The best option for finding Daehyun lied in the one person Jongup didn’t ever want to go to for help.
“You need to call Himchan.”
---
It took Youngjae two more hours and half a dozen more pleas to convince Daehyun to stay after school with him. He eventually wore him down with the promise of a movie and as many refills of popcorn that Daehyun could possibly want.
“Hold on, I’m sorry.” Youngjae quickly typed out a text and turned his phone to silent before putting it back into his jacket. “Himchan wanted to know where I was. He must be in town. I’ll catch up with him another night.” He took Daehyun’s hand and this time he was allowed, Daehyun’s fingers curling around his own comfortably. “Are you feeling better?”
“A little.” After a weekend of being miserable and dragging himself through the motions of his every day routine, Daehyun had started perking up as soon as school was over. He was glad to get out of the stifling school and into the fresh air. As much as he enjoyed being a normal student he would still much rather be outside and alone where he knew he was safe. Youngjae was an okay companion though. He figured he should stop trying to separate himself from his only friend and embrace his clinginess. The dinner three days earlier had messed with his mind but as long as he ignored the feelings in his chest and told himself that Youngjae wasn’t a threat then he would be fine.
Youngjae came through on his promise to supply never ending amounts of popcorn and he even threw in a few boxes of candy, laughing when Daehyun clapped excitedly and reached for it.
“You’re easy to please.” He teased him, handing over one of the boxes.
Daehyun figured that as long as someone was nice to him that he would be appreciative and thankful of whatever was thrown at him.
So when Youngjae confidently wrapped his arm around his shoulder once the movie started Daehyun ordered himself to stay calm and left it there.
---
“You sure you won’t be in trouble tonight when you get home?”
He yawned and shook his head. “No, it’s fine. My mom is happy I’m making friends.” The trouble wouldn’t be with his mother anyways. It would come from somewhere else and he was already bracing himself for when he walked through the door.
“I had fun. Maybe we can go to another movie this weekend.” For the first time since he had befriended him Youngjae switched roles and sounded like the shy one. “Or something else. Anything you want.”
He opened his mouth to reply when he heard his name from behind them.
“Daehyun!” The sound of his name being shouted from across the street stopped them both in their tracks. He knew that voice. He had heard it laugh at his best friend, he had listened to it tease Himchan for no one wanting to sit next to him all night, he had tattooed the notes across his skin from where he had said hello to him five nights earlier. “Wait!”
“Is that Junhong?” Youngjae turned and squinted into the dark night. “And Jongup?”
They watched the two boys as they ran through the traffic, Junhong with relief and joy on his face and Jongup following nervously behind, his eyes wide and full of worry.
The closer he came the harder it was for Daehyun to force his breaths into his lungs. He thought that Junhong might come so near that he would crush him and there would be nothing left of him.
“Can we leave?” He tugged on Youngjae’s sleeve. “I don’t want to talk to them. Can we go?”
Youngjae smiled in confusion at Daehyun’s sudden panic. “Why don’t you like Junhong and Jongup? They’re really nice.” He waved at the two boys who were almost to them. “What are you guys doing in this part of the city?”
“Junhong wanted to talk to Daehyun.” Jongup’s eyes darted between the other boys, trying to figure out which was the biggest threat to his best friend right now.
Junhong stopped so close to him that Daehyun could see his chest heaving from the run and his cheeks were flushed as he stared at him. “You know it don’t you.” He took a step forward, shrugging off Jongup’s attempt to restrain him. “You felt it, I could see it. You’re him.”
“Are you okay, Junhong?” Now Youngjae’s protective side decided to reveal itself and he took a step in front of Daehyun. “You’re being a little intense.”
“We’ve been out here for hours trying to find you two.” Jongup spoke up, arms still trying to wrap around Junhong. “Himchan’s called you a dozen times.”
“Himchan?” Youngjae pulled his phone out of his pocket and frowned at the thirteen missed calls and three texts on the screen. “Is something wrong?”
The back and forth was meaningless, Junhong couldn’t hear a word they were saying. His sole reason for breathing, the person he was made to touch, was right in front of him he could feel it in ever nerve ending in his body. His eyes locked on to Daehyun’s frightened ones and now that they were so close he could see each individual fleck of brown in the irises, every line of his lips, the way his lashes touched the skin underneath with every blink. He had so many things to memorize, a billion cells of skin waiting patiently to come home to his.
“I waited for you.” He whispered, reaching a hand forward.
Daehyun jumped backwards so quickly that he would have fallen if Youngjae wasn’t there to hold onto him. He looked between the three boys and wondered if this was a joke they had been planning for weeks. Something else to torture him over and make him hate himself even more. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why are you saying these things?”
Junhong visibly crumpled in front of him, the hope starting to slide off his face. “I’m your soulmate, Daehyun. I belong to you, I know it.”
“Stop.” Daehyun shook his head and grabbed blindly for Youngjae’s shirt. He fisted the material in his hand and was glad the other boy was there to hold him up. “Please stop.”
“Come on, Junhong.” Jongup could see his best friend start to lose control of himself and he didn’t want to see what he would do if that happened. “Leave him alone and let him think about it for a while. Let’s go home.”
The adrenaline rolling through Junhong’s body had made him stronger than Jongup for the moment and he easily pushed him away. “No. No. I’ve never been more sure of anything. I can prove it!”
“Why don’t you listen to Jongup and-“ Youngjae tried to interject but Junhong’s eyes were crazed and he quickly shut up.
“Show me your arms.” Junhong reached for Daehyun’s sleeves but the other boy was quicker and snatched them away before he could touch him. “It will prove we’re soulmates!”
Daehyun felt fire burning throughout him, eating away his insides and leaving ashes and smoke and death behind. “Why them?” He asked, arms held tightly behind him. “Why do you need to see them?”
Junhong pleaded wordlessly with him to just listen and to stop pulling away. Sorrow and wanting coursed through Daehyun with every blink of his heavy lashes.
Sighing, Youngjae pushed in between them and motioned for Daehyun to comply. “He’s not going to leave us alone until you show him so just do it and get it over with so we can get out of here.”
He was still staring into Junhong’s wet eyes as Youngjae lifted one of his arms into the air and hastily pried the sleeves away from his wrist.
“No.” Junhong’s gaze finally unlocked from his own and he looked down to where Daehyun’s skin was barely visible from the dim light from the streetlamp. “No… You’re…” He shook his head. “But-“
“I’m sorry.” He wanted to say more but Youngjae was already smoothing his sleeve back down and trying to tug him away. “I’m so sorry.”
Junhong was still staring at his shirt, trying to burn a hole through the thin cotton to see what was actually beneath because he had been so full of knowing and hope that his tiring journey was finally over.
But Daehyun’s blemish-free skin was the only thing hidden underneath. Smooth and tanned with no marks or scars dotting the flesh like his own ruined body.
“I can’t be your soulmate, Junhong. I’m sorry.” Daehyun told him gently, the words hurting him more than he would ever admit. “I can’t be him because I’m not a soulmate.”
part six
Rated: PG13
Length: 5.9K
New Song!
Part Four
Junhong had always known deep down that he was more attracted to boys than he was to girls, but it wasn’t until he was seven that the idea changed from a tiny seed germinating inside of his head to a full blown fact that he knew to be as true as he knew his name was Junhong.
“This is Minseo. She lives down the street and wants to play with you.” His mother had pushed a slightly smaller than him child forward with a hopeful smile. “Her parents said that she gets excited every time you ride your bike down the road and has been asking to come over.”
Looking back Junhong wondered if maybe his mother thought this was it, this was the moment they would compare battle wounds and the entire world would stop and he would never be alone again.
“No thank you.” He politely smiled at Minseo, not wanting to hurt her feelings. “I’m going to meet Yonggukkie at the park after his basketball game. He promised to help me start riding without training wheels.”
Minseo’s face had fallen and even though he felt sorry that he didn’t have time to play he had been too excited about riding a big boy bike that he couldn’t force himself to apologize.
“Are you sure?” His mother’s eyes darted between the two, lips lifting into a smile that Junhong barely recognized. “Junhong, sweetheart, I’m sure your brother would understand if you rode together to-“
“Girls are gross.” Junhong interrupted. His mom had told him over and over that interrupting was rude but so was trying to make him play with a girl that would probably cry if her dress got dirty and might even try to kiss him like the last playmate that had been forced on him. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. Girl kisses made him want to puke. “I’d rather play with boys.”
The smile slipped off his mother’s face as he grabbed his bike off the front lawn. “I’m sorry, Minseo.” He could hear her consoling the now sobbing little girl. “In a few years he won’t think like that. All little boy’s say girls are yucky at this age.”
But Junhong knew even as he hurriedly pedaled away from his house that he would never want to kiss Minseo, or any girl for that matter. The boy who sat beside him at lunch had pretty eyes. Maybe he would ask to kiss him tomorrow…
---
“You need to dial back the creep a little bit.” Jongup elbowed him hard in the ribs. “You haven’t stopped staring at that boy for the last thirty minutes.”
Junhong was too busy watching the way Daehyun picked slowly and patiently at his food, all the while licking his lips and staring at it hungrily. His brain was screaming at him to buy more food, cut it into manageable pieces, and then shoo everyone away so that Daehyun could eat in peace, anything to take the look of starvation off the tiny boy’s face.
“He’s beautiful.” He mumbled under his breath. When Daehyun shyly lifted his eyes and looked over at him again through thick dark lashes Junhong had to bite back an unexpected moan. “I want to touch him.”
Jongup and Yongguk gave each other confused glances. They’d never seen Junhong act so out of character and if it wasn’t so odd they would probably be laughing about it.
“You’re starting to worry us, Junhong.” Lying his hand on his best friend’s leg Jongup tried to get his attention and pull his eyes away from the other end of the table. “Look at me.”
“Mine,” Junhong whispered. “He’s mine.”
“Do you think…?” Yongguk’s expression turned to one of excitement as he tried to discreetly look the new boy over, searching for any visible scars that would give him away but his long-sleeved gray hoodie hid all of the skin that would be their telltale giveaway. “What if he’s-“
A stomp on his foot made Yongguk hiss loudly and turn to his boyfriend in annoyance.
“He came with Youngjae.” Jongup muttered at him through his teeth. “They look like they’re already dating. Don’t get Junhong’s hopes up. It’s just his first crush.”
The realization that Daehyun might be already taken hit him like a blast of lightning to the heart. He felt jealousy and ferocity and the heaviest kind of sadness that weighs you down and turns the entire world to gray.
“No.” Junhong wouldn’t accept that because he knew, his soul knew, every cell in his bloodstream knew. Daehyun was finally home.
---
“You have to keep pedaling, no matter what.” At almost nine, Yongguk was small for his age and his brother was still packing a few pounds of baby fat on his belly so holding the bike up for more than five minutes at a time was starting to tire him out. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and helped Junhong back onto the seat. “If you stop then you’ll fall right over.”
“But what if I’m going too fast?”
Yongguk held onto the back of his seat and carefully pushed the bike forward. “You can coast with your feet on the pedals but you still have to keep yourself upright. Stop leaning to the side when you’re trying to turn. That’s what’s making you fall.”
Junhong loved spending time with his brother in the park. When his friends were around Yongguk pretended he didn’t know him, but when it was just the two of them and they were laughing and having fun Junhong never wanted to go home.
“You’re getting a lot better.” Yongguk leaned the bicycle against a bench before taking a break and rubbing his sore arms. “You should have it down in a few more practices.”
The sun was hot but at least the spot they had chosen to relax in was underneath a leafy tree, shading Yongguk’s exposed arms and giving Junhong’s covered ones some much needed relief. He pulled at the sticky sleeves over his wrists and grimaced. The sun would have felt so good on him if he could only pull them up just a tiny bit, just enough to dry the drops pooling in the corner of his elbows.
“Did you tell mom you were meeting me here?” Yongguk pulled a pen out of his pocket and started tracing stars and moon’s over the palm of his hand, a habit his mother had tried for years to break. “You got in trouble for not letting her know the last time we went riding.”
Junhong nodded with a tired yawn. “She was outside trying to get me to play with the new girl up the street.”
“Yeah?” Yongguk’s movements paused and he looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve seen her outside. Did you talk to her?”
Do you think she’s the one, Yongguk was actually asking. Everyone thought any new person who looked at him was the one, Junhong thought with a growl. What they didn’t know was that only Junhong would know who the one was. He would feel explosions and see colors that he’d never seen before and they’d both look at each other and everything would be perfect.
“Didn’t wanna.” He snatched the pen out of Yongguk’s hand and leaned over the bench to scratch his name over the other side. Junhong’s bench, he wrote with the shaky lettering his last teacher had worked so hard to fix. Everyone that sits here belongs to me.
“You’re such a seven year old.” Yongguk sighed. He ruffled the curls matting down his brother’s hair and smiled. “Let’s try the bike again tomorrow. I’m hungry.”
---
“You’re barely eating.” Youngjae’s voice was soft enough that no one else but Daehyun could hear him. “I told you I was paying so don’t hold back.”
“You always pay though.” Daehyun was bordering on starving actually. The barbeque and side items sitting in front of him were making his stomach growl and saliva to build up in his mouth. If there weren’t so many people watching he could probably bury his face in the plate and never come up for air. “My stomach’s hurting all of a sudden. I feel like I might get sick.” That at least was the truth. From the moment he sat down at the table he had been filled with such anxiety that his entire body was thrumming with something inside him. Something burning and needy and full of such want that he felt naked in front of everyone even though he was covered from his neck all the way to his toes.
Youngjae held his palm up to Daehyun’s forehead, a frown on his lips. “You don’t feel sick. Do you want me to take you home?”
He shook his head. The last thing he needed was for everyone to think he was being a baby.
When he even thought about leaving the table a searing pain threatened to destroy him, rip him apart, tear him into tiny pieces that would never make it home to his mother.
“Is it hot in here to you?”
Youngjae tugged on the sleeve of his sweater and smiled. “Daehyun, you’re wearing a hoodie a size too big in the middle of a barbeque restaurant. You’re going to be overheated. Why don’t you take it off and maybe your sickness will go away.”
And maybe everyone would see why he was so different. And maybe they would pull away from him and he would be left alone again.
“I’m fine.” He tried to smile and turned back to his food. When Youngjae resumed talking to Himchan across the table Daehyun carefully lifted his head to see if that boy was still staring at him. Every time he glanced that way he had noticed he was being watched with eyes that looked hungrier than his own. The way Junhong, at least he thought that’s what Youngjae had called him, was looking at him made his heart pound wildly. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like how out of control it made him feel.
Fingers braided between his own making Daehyun jump in surprise. He looked down to see Youngjae holding tight to his hand, thumb stroking along his knuckles.
“You look scared to death.” Youngjae murmured before laughing distractedly at whatever Himchan was chattering about across the table. “We can leave whenever you want. I’m sorry if something’s making you uncomfortable.”
Daehyun didn’t know why he was feeling so jittery and nervous. Every breath was pushed out through tightened lungs and trembling lips and for the first time in years he actually wanted to go back to his home. Being with his stepfather was a better alternative than this nauseous feeling that was crawling its way up his throat.
“I’m just tired. Honest.”
The obvious lie made Youngjae freeze. For the last week they had spent a lot of time together at school and Daehyun had always been tight-lipped and choosy with his words, but lying was something Youngjae hadn’t thought he was capable of.
“Okay. If you’re sure.” The hand holding reassuringly onto his own was just as quickly taken away and Daehyun was once again full of panic and anxiety.
He let his bangs fall over his forehead and carefully lifted his eyes for what was probably the hundredth time in the last twenty minutes. The boy at the end of the table was finally looking away so Daehyun had a few seconds to study him, to analyze why he kept wanting his eyes on him.
The boys black hair was wavy, curling under his ears and sticking to the nape of his neck with sweat. Daehyun noticed he also had his arms covered, but it was winter so that wasn’t unexpected, even if they had all known they were going to be crammed together in a hot restaurant. His lips were pursed together in what looked like annoyance and every time the smaller boy next to him tried to say something, he was waved off and the furrow between his brows grew even deeper. Daehyun watched a dimple appear and disappear in his cheek with every roll of his jaw and for a moment he wondered what the tiny indention would feel like under the pad of his thumb.
Arousal flickered low in his stomach, the flame licking the inside of his chest and causing a maroon flush to crawl its way around his neck and over his cheeks. He’d never looked at someone else and wondered what they tasted like and what their sounds of pleasure would feel like vibrating against his skin.
Junhong, Daehyun was sure now that was what Youngjae had called him because the syllables formed perfectly on his tongue as if it was made just to say them, glanced sharply at him as he mouthed the word to himself.
He wasn’t sure what the protocol was for being caught like this. His lips were still parted and the last part of Junhong’s name was surely visible in the air between them. There was no hiding the look of desire painted across his expression.
Hi. Junhong’s lips formed their own words in reply, a shy smile creeping across his face.
He glanced down at Daehyun’s hands but Daehyun didn’t want his eyes there so he pulled them into his lap. No one was ever supposed to look there. Near his hands were things he kept hidden and secrets that he never wanted viewed.
Daehyun blinked as the fog trying so hard to swallow him alive started to thicken around the two of them. It was too much and he was too scared. He watched Junhong’s face as he reached for Youngjae’s hand and circled his fingers around his friend’s wrist. This time there was no mistaking the thinned lips as mere annoyance.
Junhong looked murderous.
---
“It’s about time.” Yongguk groaned. He leaned over to put his hands on his knees and breathe deeply. “I don’t think I could take one more day hauling your giant butt around on that bike.”
“It only took three lessons.” Junhong pointed out, trying to crane his neck and look behind him. “And mom says I’m turning into a beanpole so you’re the one who will have the giant butt.”
Yongguk grabbed the handlebars away from his brother and turned towards the same path they had taken the day before. They had worked for two hours this time and Junhong had finally made it all the way to where the bike path curved in the trees and had even managed to turn himself once without falling.
“Isn’t this where we stopped yesterday?” Yongguk halted so suddenly that Junhong ran into the back wheel of his bike with a groan. “Where’s the green bench?”
They turned their heads and looked around the path to make sure this was the same place they had rested only the day before.
“Yeah cause look there’s your pen I dropped.” Junhong picked up the bright red pen and handed it to his brother. He could see the indentions in the grass where the bench had previously sat but there was nothing else there but a gum wrapper and a crumpled ball of paper. “Do you think it’s broken?”
Yongguk shook his head. “It was fine when we used it. Maybe they’re repainting or something. Let’s go find another one to catch our breath at before we go home.”
They left the shady area and found another one on the other side of the park and both decided they liked this one better anyways. It had a clear view of the street and the basketball courts and they could watch people as they strolled by.
A few blocks away another boy was sitting in his bedroom and excitedly making the new bed his mother had brought home for him with a cover that barely covered his feet but was his and only his.
Daehyun’s bed, he wrote across the top board with his black marker. Everyone who sits here belongs to me.
---
“You’ve been acting weird all day.” Youngjae’s lips quirked up in amusement as Daehyun distractedly jiggled his leg under the cafeteria table. “Everything good?”
“I’m exhausted.” Daehyun turned to him and blinked tired eyes that were rimmed with dark bags under them. “I can’t sleep and it’s making me feel drunk.” He scrubbed his face with his palms and yawned. “Is there a flu going around?”
Youngjae shook his head as he reached over to still the still wriggling leg. Daehyun immediately froze and if Youngjae wasn’t looking at his hand on Daehyun’s thigh he would have seen the surprise that crawled across his expression.
“You never answered any of my texts this weekend.”
The new phone his mother had slipped to him on his second day of school wasn’t anything special, just a cheap over the counter plan she had bought using tips she had hidden away from his stepfather. The last phone hadn’t lasted very long so she had made him promise to keep this one on silent and kept out of view while he was home.
“My phone died and I lost the charger.” Another lie added to the growing pile in his chest. He hated not telling Youngjae the truth but he wasn’t quite sure yet how friendships actually worked. Did they tell each other everything right from the get go or was he supposed to stay quiet about himself? Daehyun preferred quiet. He subtly moved his leg over so that Youngjae’s hand slipped off.
“Do you want to hang out after school? We can go get ice cream or something.” Youngjae’s lips lifted into a smile. “Or you can come over to my house?”
He had managed to escape from all of the invites Youngjae gave him to come over but he knew his good luck was going to have to run out eventually. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with Youngjae. They were friends and he liked him. But after the dinner on Friday he felt his stomach churn every time Youngjae popped into his brain. It was as if he had developed an allergic reaction to him overnight.
The meal they had all went to together was all he had thought about over the weekend. Every second crawled through his brain thousands of times until he had picked over every breath and blink and movement.
When they had finished eating and Junhong, the memory of his name alone made Daehyun’s blood vibrate in his veins, had motioned for him to come to their side he had panicked. His brain and his body both fighting against each other until one defeated the other. When he had reached again for Youngjae’s hand, this time pulling him closer than he’d ever had before, the look of devastation on Junhong’s face had ripped him apart.
Daehyun crumpled the napkin on his tray into a ball and smashed it into his milk carton. “I’m not sure my mom will let me go anywhere. She doesn’t like it when I don’t go straight home.”
Youngjae’s smile fell off his lips but Daehyun thought it would take more than that to deter him. He knew as soon as he had taken Youngjae’s hand for the second time that evening that he would think it meant so much more than it actually did. But he had to do something to make Junhong stop looking at him like was a four course meal and he’d been starving more than a millennia.
---
The second Jongup stood up to excuse himself to use the bathroom he had grabbed for Junhong’s collar and jerked him up as well. “We’ll be right back. Junhonggie needs a timeout.”
“I think I’m ready to go home now.” Daehyun kept his eyes on the table in front of him and chewed nervously on his bottom lip, hoping he could get away before they came back. Every instinct he had was screaming something into his head but he had spent so many years ignoring his own needs that he wasn’t sure what they were saying. He just wanted to go home. “I’ll see you at school Monday, okay?”
“No wait, I’ll walk you to the subway.” Youngjae pulled his wallet out of his pocket and gave Himchan enough to pay for their meals.
As they headed towards the door Daehyun tried to nonchalantly glance at the eat Junhong had just vacated, he half wondered if he could feel the vibrations his body had left, but he noticed Yongguk staring at him with curiosity and anger.
“Did you have fun?” Youngjae’s fingers reached for his own again the second they were outside but Daehyun deflected them by pretending he was cold and shoving them into his pockets. “You didn’t eat much.”
“I felt a little sick all of a sudden.” Daehyun told him, hurrying as much as possible without making it too obvious. Something told him Junhong was the type of person to follow him outside and he had to stay on his guard until they were a safe distance away. “It was good though. You picked a great restaurant.”
Youngjae thankfully understood his need for distance at the moment and kept his hands to himself for the rest of the walk. “Next time you can choose. Where do you like to eat?”
A kitchen table, Daehyun thought sadly. A big table with a family and laughter and smiles for everyone. He’d only been to one restaurant with his mother. They had gone while his stepfather was away for a few days for work and they’d used the money she had been hiding for months in the broken step of the staircase. They ordered everything they wanted to on the menu and had eaten all of it in the two hours they’d spent there. It was one of his favorite memories and he felt guilty that he’d gone out tonight without her.
“I’m okay with anything.” He answered evenly. Youngjae had probably been to every place in the city and didn’t even think twice about what a privilege it was to be so well off. “I don’t really like soup though.”
Soups were cheap and easy to make. Soups were a daily staple in their home. Daehyun hated soup.
---
Junhong had spent the weekend in his bedroom and staring broodily at his ceiling. He wasn’t sure if he was more angry or letdown over Daehyun sneaking out while he was in the bathroom being yelled at by Jongup.
“You have got to stop making puppy dog eyes at him from across the table. We’ll figure this out, I promise you, but Youngjae’s going to climb across and punch you if you don’t lower the pathetic level a little bit.”
He rolled his eyes when he remembered Jongup scolding him. The threat didn’t matter anyways because the second they came back he realized Daehyun had slipped out and was gone.
“Are you going to sit in here and mope for the next year?” Yongguk leaned against his door and crossed his arms. “Because you’re worrying us.”
‘Us’ was a word that he couldn’t use. He had no ‘us’. He was just Junhong and he was alone.
“Daehyun.” His throat felt raw but he couldn’t remember crying, he couldn’t even remember if he had eaten all weekend. All he knew was the color of Daehyun’s skin and the way his lips shined in the restaurant every time he nervously ran his tongue across them. He wanted to reassure him over and over again that he had nothing to be scared of, that he would keep him safe. “Soulmate.”
Yongguk sighed at the state of his always optimistic little brother. No matter how much pain he was in or how worried he was for his unknown mate he always kept a smile on his face when they were in public and he never let anyone know how broken his heart was.
“I know you think it’s him but what if it’s not, Junhong? Shouldn’t he have been as drawn to you as you were to him? I knew from the second I saw that dumb kid go after Jongup that I was supposed to take care of him.” Yongguk’s phone vibrated in his pocket but he ignored it to take another step into Junhong’s room. “What if you’re wrong?”
“Then I don’t want my soulmate.” Junhong turned over so that his brother couldn’t see the agony on his face as he spit out the truth. “I want Daehyun. I just want him and no one else.” He could hear the buzzing go off again from his doorway. “Go answer Jongup. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine and I’m not going to leave you like this. We want to help you.”
Junhong closed his eyes and tried to connect himself to that invisible cord that attached him to whomever was on the other end. Maybe if he concentrated hard enough he would hear his thoughts, dream his dreams, fall asleep to the beating of his heart.
“I’ll talk to Jongup and make a plan, okay? We’ll find out where he is and talk to him so we can get to the bottom of this.”
Promises were worthless right now. He just wanted Daehyun.
---
“He’s getting worse.” Yongguk rubbed at the frown lines in his forehead. He was pretty sure they were becoming permanent. “Mom said he wouldn’t even come down for lunch today. I told her he was sick and to let him sleep but I can’t keep her away forever.”
Jongup sighed from the other end of the phone. “He really wants this boy to be the one. I hope he is, but why wasn’t Daehyun feeling the pull like Junhong was? He looked scared to death of him.”
“I don’t know.” Yongguk would gladly have shoved the two boys in a closet and let them work this out on their own but even he had noticed how frightened Daehyun looked every time he glanced at his brother. “Jongup… If it is Daehyun, then we know what’s happening to him. I can’t just sit here if that kid’s going home every night and getting beaten half to death. We have to find out for sure.”
The best option for finding Daehyun lied in the one person Jongup didn’t ever want to go to for help.
“You need to call Himchan.”
---
It took Youngjae two more hours and half a dozen more pleas to convince Daehyun to stay after school with him. He eventually wore him down with the promise of a movie and as many refills of popcorn that Daehyun could possibly want.
“Hold on, I’m sorry.” Youngjae quickly typed out a text and turned his phone to silent before putting it back into his jacket. “Himchan wanted to know where I was. He must be in town. I’ll catch up with him another night.” He took Daehyun’s hand and this time he was allowed, Daehyun’s fingers curling around his own comfortably. “Are you feeling better?”
“A little.” After a weekend of being miserable and dragging himself through the motions of his every day routine, Daehyun had started perking up as soon as school was over. He was glad to get out of the stifling school and into the fresh air. As much as he enjoyed being a normal student he would still much rather be outside and alone where he knew he was safe. Youngjae was an okay companion though. He figured he should stop trying to separate himself from his only friend and embrace his clinginess. The dinner three days earlier had messed with his mind but as long as he ignored the feelings in his chest and told himself that Youngjae wasn’t a threat then he would be fine.
Youngjae came through on his promise to supply never ending amounts of popcorn and he even threw in a few boxes of candy, laughing when Daehyun clapped excitedly and reached for it.
“You’re easy to please.” He teased him, handing over one of the boxes.
Daehyun figured that as long as someone was nice to him that he would be appreciative and thankful of whatever was thrown at him.
So when Youngjae confidently wrapped his arm around his shoulder once the movie started Daehyun ordered himself to stay calm and left it there.
---
“You sure you won’t be in trouble tonight when you get home?”
He yawned and shook his head. “No, it’s fine. My mom is happy I’m making friends.” The trouble wouldn’t be with his mother anyways. It would come from somewhere else and he was already bracing himself for when he walked through the door.
“I had fun. Maybe we can go to another movie this weekend.” For the first time since he had befriended him Youngjae switched roles and sounded like the shy one. “Or something else. Anything you want.”
He opened his mouth to reply when he heard his name from behind them.
“Daehyun!” The sound of his name being shouted from across the street stopped them both in their tracks. He knew that voice. He had heard it laugh at his best friend, he had listened to it tease Himchan for no one wanting to sit next to him all night, he had tattooed the notes across his skin from where he had said hello to him five nights earlier. “Wait!”
“Is that Junhong?” Youngjae turned and squinted into the dark night. “And Jongup?”
They watched the two boys as they ran through the traffic, Junhong with relief and joy on his face and Jongup following nervously behind, his eyes wide and full of worry.
The closer he came the harder it was for Daehyun to force his breaths into his lungs. He thought that Junhong might come so near that he would crush him and there would be nothing left of him.
“Can we leave?” He tugged on Youngjae’s sleeve. “I don’t want to talk to them. Can we go?”
Youngjae smiled in confusion at Daehyun’s sudden panic. “Why don’t you like Junhong and Jongup? They’re really nice.” He waved at the two boys who were almost to them. “What are you guys doing in this part of the city?”
“Junhong wanted to talk to Daehyun.” Jongup’s eyes darted between the other boys, trying to figure out which was the biggest threat to his best friend right now.
Junhong stopped so close to him that Daehyun could see his chest heaving from the run and his cheeks were flushed as he stared at him. “You know it don’t you.” He took a step forward, shrugging off Jongup’s attempt to restrain him. “You felt it, I could see it. You’re him.”
“Are you okay, Junhong?” Now Youngjae’s protective side decided to reveal itself and he took a step in front of Daehyun. “You’re being a little intense.”
“We’ve been out here for hours trying to find you two.” Jongup spoke up, arms still trying to wrap around Junhong. “Himchan’s called you a dozen times.”
“Himchan?” Youngjae pulled his phone out of his pocket and frowned at the thirteen missed calls and three texts on the screen. “Is something wrong?”
The back and forth was meaningless, Junhong couldn’t hear a word they were saying. His sole reason for breathing, the person he was made to touch, was right in front of him he could feel it in ever nerve ending in his body. His eyes locked on to Daehyun’s frightened ones and now that they were so close he could see each individual fleck of brown in the irises, every line of his lips, the way his lashes touched the skin underneath with every blink. He had so many things to memorize, a billion cells of skin waiting patiently to come home to his.
“I waited for you.” He whispered, reaching a hand forward.
Daehyun jumped backwards so quickly that he would have fallen if Youngjae wasn’t there to hold onto him. He looked between the three boys and wondered if this was a joke they had been planning for weeks. Something else to torture him over and make him hate himself even more. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why are you saying these things?”
Junhong visibly crumpled in front of him, the hope starting to slide off his face. “I’m your soulmate, Daehyun. I belong to you, I know it.”
“Stop.” Daehyun shook his head and grabbed blindly for Youngjae’s shirt. He fisted the material in his hand and was glad the other boy was there to hold him up. “Please stop.”
“Come on, Junhong.” Jongup could see his best friend start to lose control of himself and he didn’t want to see what he would do if that happened. “Leave him alone and let him think about it for a while. Let’s go home.”
The adrenaline rolling through Junhong’s body had made him stronger than Jongup for the moment and he easily pushed him away. “No. No. I’ve never been more sure of anything. I can prove it!”
“Why don’t you listen to Jongup and-“ Youngjae tried to interject but Junhong’s eyes were crazed and he quickly shut up.
“Show me your arms.” Junhong reached for Daehyun’s sleeves but the other boy was quicker and snatched them away before he could touch him. “It will prove we’re soulmates!”
Daehyun felt fire burning throughout him, eating away his insides and leaving ashes and smoke and death behind. “Why them?” He asked, arms held tightly behind him. “Why do you need to see them?”
Junhong pleaded wordlessly with him to just listen and to stop pulling away. Sorrow and wanting coursed through Daehyun with every blink of his heavy lashes.
Sighing, Youngjae pushed in between them and motioned for Daehyun to comply. “He’s not going to leave us alone until you show him so just do it and get it over with so we can get out of here.”
He was still staring into Junhong’s wet eyes as Youngjae lifted one of his arms into the air and hastily pried the sleeves away from his wrist.
“No.” Junhong’s gaze finally unlocked from his own and he looked down to where Daehyun’s skin was barely visible from the dim light from the streetlamp. “No… You’re…” He shook his head. “But-“
“I’m sorry.” He wanted to say more but Youngjae was already smoothing his sleeve back down and trying to tug him away. “I’m so sorry.”
Junhong was still staring at his shirt, trying to burn a hole through the thin cotton to see what was actually beneath because he had been so full of knowing and hope that his tiring journey was finally over.
But Daehyun’s blemish-free skin was the only thing hidden underneath. Smooth and tanned with no marks or scars dotting the flesh like his own ruined body.
“I can’t be your soulmate, Junhong. I’m sorry.” Daehyun told him gently, the words hurting him more than he would ever admit. “I can’t be him because I’m not a soulmate.”
part six