Trustworthy *chapter sixteen*
Pairing: HimDae
Rated: PG13
Length: 4K
“Your… Your what?” Daehyun’s heart crashed against his rib cage and he was sure everyone in the house could hear how short his breaths were.
“My girlfriend.” Himchan repeated softly. “We’ve been dating since Christmas.” He shook his head and sighed. “Dammit Dae, why’d you have to come back?”
The younger boy felt like he had been punched. “Christmas? When you texted me out of the blue for the first time in months?” He backed away, not wanting Himchan to see him so close to tears. “So were you hoping I would keep responding that night so you could bring her up? Throw her in my face and make me jealous?”
Himchan’s eyes darkened and before Daehyun knew it he was once again trapped between his arms. “Would it though?” He murmured, his fingers tugging against Daehyun’s messy hair, nails scratching over the sensitive scalp just the way he did so long ago. “Would it have made you jealous? Would you have come home? Did you ever even fight for me?”
Daehyun growled and pushed the stronger boy away. “I’m not thirteen anymore, hyung.” He snapped angrily. “Don’t talk to me like I’m too stupid to know what you’re doing.” His face crumpled and Himchan started to reach forward instinctually.
“Daehyun-ah…”
“No.” Daehyun slid his palm over his eyes and shook his head. “I have to stay here for two months. We’ve been apart for three years, what are a couple more months? Just… Just stay away from me, Himchan. I don’t want you even near me.” He turned and stomped off towards Jongup’s bedroom, not even caring that he was interrupting something that should have been private.
“Dae?” Jongup pulled away from his boyfriend with a frown. “Are you okay, buddy?”
“No.” He shoved his face in the carpet and held in a scream. “You could have warned me that your brother had a girlfriend, Jongup. A little heads up would have been great.”
Jongup winced. “Oops. Sorry. You said you were over him.”
“I lied.”
He felt Yongguk’s hand on his back, stroking across his shoulders soothingly. “Remember, if you want to leave with me tomorrow then you can, Daehyunnie. I won’t leave you here unless you really want to stay. I may have told your mother I’d force you, but I’m your brother above everything else.”
Daehyun rolled over and looked up into the older boy’s caring face. He knew Yongguk would gladly endure a rant from Rae-Ha just for him. “It’s okay, hyung.” He replied softly. “I’m sixteen. I should be able to get over things by now.
“I’m twenty and I still get mad when I don’t get my way.” Jongup snorted at his boyfriend. “That Himchan kid’s a brat anyways. He’s not good enough for my brother.”
“Hey!” Jongup glared for a second before shrugging. “You’re right. He isn’t. No one’s good enough for our Daehyunnie.” He cooed, smooshing his cheeks together. “You’re going to live with hyung and I forever and ever and ever!”
Daehyun waved his teasing hands away. “Like I’d ever want to live with a brat like you!”
Yongguk watched them bat at each playfully with a smile on his face. To be perfectly honest, the thought of the three of them (and Zelo, naturally) always being together was his idea of heaven. He couldn’t imagine for one second being without them.
They were his home.
---
Jongup looked at his phone for the tenth time that hour, the frown never leaving his face.
“What’s wrong?”
He glanced up at Daehyun with eyes filled with terror. “Yongguk never called to tell me he made it back home. He should have been back close to two hours ago.”
Daehyun shrugged. “He must have forgotten. Or he was exhausted and went straight to bed.”
“No.” Jongup continued to hold his phone and stare longingly at it. “He never forgets to call me. He’s called me every single night since we started dating. And he knows that I want to hear from him when he drives home. I like knowing he made it back safely. He knows this, Daehyun. Something’s wrong.”
The other boy wasn’t so sure that they should jump to that definite conclusion, but he had to admit, it was really strange for Yongguk not to call his boyfriend. They were always calling each other in their free time, and if they couldn’t speak then they texted.
“Have you tried texting him?”
Jongup opened his text window up and let out a breath. “I’ve texted him three times and called him six. He hasn’t replied and his phone only rings a couple times before going straight to voicemail.”
Daehyun whipped his phone out to call his mother, sighing when she told him she hadn’t heard from Yongguk since they left the house yesterday. “Maybe he went to visit some old friends from when he lived there.” She suggested.
“The only people he talked to were the ones he worked with.” Jongup informed him. “And I know for a fact he wouldn’t go seeking any of them out. Not after…” He trailed off, the both of them knowing exactly what he was referring to.
“You don’t think they would look for him… Do you?” Daehyun spoke up hesitantly.
Tears welled up in Jongup’s eyes at the thought of his sensitive boyfriend running into the men who brutalized his little brother and made their lives a living hell. “Mom.” He finally forced out. “She’ll know what to do.”
Daehyun ran to Jongup’s mother, shoving a surprised Himchan out of his way in the hallway.
“You haven’t spoken to him since he left here?” She counted on her fingers and grimaced. “That was six hours ago. He should have been home by supper time at the latest. And he’s not answering his phone?”
Jongup shook his head, his grip on his phone so tight that Daehyun was worried he’d break it. “He wouldn’t ignore his phone, mom. Not if it was me calling.”
Mi-Ra didn’t seem fazed by her son's admittance that he was important to Yongguk. She just patted his shoulder and promised to make a few calls.
They waited with baited breath in Jongup’s room, his arm wrapped around Daehyun’s shoulders and fingers stroking through his hair. It probably should have been the other way around with him comforting Jongup, but his friend needed to take care of someone right now, his fingertips needed to pretend that the shaggy hair was his boyfriend’s shorter locks.
“What if they found him?” Jongup whispered suddenly. “What if they saw him driving and forced him to stop?” His voice was verging on hysterical but there was nothing Daehyun knew to do to reassure him. “They’d hurt him, Daehyun! Look at what they did to Zelo!”
Daehyun was just as terrified as Jongup was. It had now been close to seven hours since they had spoken to Yongguk. Anything could have happened in that time.
After two hours of waiting in silence while Mi-Ra made phone call after phone call she finally had a lead.
“There’s a boy in the hospital across town.” She informed them as she rummaged through her purse for the car keys. “He had no identification on him when he was brought in but his description matches Yongguk’s.”
Jongup held a palm over his lips and bit back a sob. “Why can’t he identify himself? What happened to him?”
She hesitated, obviously not wanting to tell him the full truth until she found out for sure that it was Yongguk. “This person is in pretty bad shape, Jongup. I don't think you need to know the details." At his glare she sighed and laid a hand on his shoulder. "They’ve put him into a medically induced coma until his body recovers a little bit.”
He shook his head, hand reaching blindly for Daehyun’s, the expression on his face just as terrified as Jongup’s was.
“M-My mom?” Daehyun's heart was racing in his chest, the whooshing in his ears so loud he could barely hear the answer.
Mi-Ra sighed. “I want to find out if it’s Yongguk before I worry Rae-Ha and his brother. Let me just go check things out and I promise that you two will be the first ones I call.”
“No.” Jongup stormed past her and grabbed his shoes from the entry. “Let’s go. Daehyun? You coming?”
He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to find out that the unnamed boy lying unconscious in a hospital bed was his big brother. The brother who had protected him and took care of him for the last three years. If he had to see him lying in a hospital bed completely broken he would never be able to forget it.
“I d-don’t-“
“He can stay here with me.” Himchan spoke up from behind them. “They don’t need two hysterical kids in the hospital. Just take Jongup and I’ll take care of Daehyun.”
He was too distraught to even feel the tiniest bit nervous about being alone with Himchan. All he could think about was Yongguk and how he could be lying hurt in a hospital bed right now.
Everyone knew already that it was him. It was too coincidental not to be. But a small part of him would hold out hope until the last second that his brother just lost track of time, or lost his cell phone, or maybe was stranded on the way home with a flat tire.
“I’ll call you, okay?” Jongup promised, wrapping Daehyun up into a tight squeeze. “The very second we see him, I swear.”
Daehyun nodded, pushing Jongup away. “Hurry up.” He tried to hide the crack in his voice.
The two left quickly leaving Himchan watching Daehyun closely. “You okay, Daehyun-ah?” His voice was gentle, almost as if he was afraid of setting the younger boy off. “You want to talk about it?”
“What do you care?” Daehyun was tired and heartbroken and all he wanted was to go back home to Busan and curl up on the couch with Yongguk’s arm around him as they watched a movie together. He didn’t want to be in this now unfamiliar home with the boy who both held his heart and had destroyed it. “I’m fine hyung. Just… Just go away.”
Himchan growled under his breath, refusing to move from his spot. “I'm not going to go away until we talk about what's going on with us, Daehyun. You're upset and it makes me upset, doesn't that show you that I care about you?.”
He turned around, expression incredulous as he stared at him. “Now Himchan? You’re really doing this now? When my brother could be dying in a hospital all alone? You really think I care that you’re willing to mess around on your girlfriend just because you miss me?”
“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have let her in if I’d known you were here.”
“I don’t care.”
Sighing, Himchan took a step towards him, ignoring the small one Daehyun took away. “Yes you do. Can’t we just talk, Dae? Please? We used to text for hours just talking about nothing. I miss that.”
He knew what Himchan was trying to do: distract him from thinking about Yongguk. But he wished he didn’t have to use something so personal to do it.
“Stop.” He demanded weakly.
Himchan took another step forward. “You miss me. I know you do. But I’m here. I’m right here, Daehyun. Tell me you don’t feel anything towards me. Say it to my face. And I’ll never ask again, I promise.” His eyes clenched shut. “And don’t lie to me.”
Daehyun studied him, watching as Himchan threw every part of him out there for him to do what he wanted with. He realized at that moment that even though he was older, Himchan wasn’t nearly as strong as he pretended to be. His slumped shoulders and tightly clenched eyes were all proving that Daehyun’s words alone could break him into a thousand pieces.
“Daehyun-ah?” Himchan murmured softly. He cracked open an eyelid, confusing marring his face as he spun around in the empty kitchen. “Dae?”
Daehyun curled up into Jongup’s blankets. There was no answer he could give Himchan that would make things right between the two of them. All he could do was slip silently out of the room without saying a word.
He heard Himchan’s door slam and he flinched at the loud sound in the quiet house. That was it, he told himself. You needed closure. You got it.
But his tears weren’t just for worry about his brother.
A few slid down for himself.
---
“It’s him.” Jongup’s broken voice told him over the phone an hour later. “It’s him, Daehyun. He’s… He’s hurt so badly, Dae.”
He buried his crumpled face in his knees, not able to reply. The phone slipped out of his grip, a hand catching it before it could hit the floor.
“Put mom on… What’s going on?” Himchan asked quietly into the line. “You’re positive? Is he going to make it?” He grimaced and glanced down at the sobbing boy below him as he listened to Mi-Ra. “Don’t worry about Daehyun, I’ll take care of him. Have you called their mom yet?” When he hung up, he sat down gingerly beside the curled up lump and rested his hand over Daehyun’s shoulder. “Do you want me to tell you the truth with no sugarcoating?” He got a small nod in response. “They found his car abandoned at a station a few blocks from their old apartment. Apparently he stopped to get gas on his way out of town and was attacked. The gas station attendant said two men grabbed him and dragged him down the street. He has a broken femur, three broken bones in his arm, his ribs are cracked and the coma is for the swelling in his brain from being hit too hard against something.”
With a deep cry, Daehyun launched himself at the older boy, wrapping skinny arms around his neck and burying a tear-streaked face against his t-shirt.
Himchan awkwardly patted his back for a moment before relaxing into his hold, pulling him onto his lap and resting his cheek against the soft brown hair. “It’s okay, Daehyun-ah.” He whispered. “Your hyung wouldn’t want you to get so upset. Just calm down.”
“He only came here because he had to drive me!” Daehyun’s fingers curled tighter into his shirt. “He should be at home with Junhong and it’s my fault, hyung!”
He scratched his nails across the younger boy’s scalp. It instantly relaxed him just like Himchan knew it would, Daehyun’s grip loosening just the slightest bit.
“Your hyung loves you very much, Daehyun.” Even if it annoyed him to say it, Himchan still knew it was true. “You could have thrown him from the car right into his old neighborhood with a giant neon sign pointed at him and he still wouldn’t be angry at you. This isn’t your fault.”
“Everything’s my fault.” Daehyun said angrily. “I’m the reason we had to move, I’m the reason Jongup and I aren’t best friends like we used to be, I’m the reason everything bad has ever happened to everyone I care about.” His breath was hot on Himchan’s throat and he had to fight to keep his arm from jerking against the smaller boy’s waist. “It’s my fault that you and I-“
Himchan tugged him tighter against his chest. “That was both of our faults. We both acted stupid and made mistakes.”
“Hyung, I-“
“Shh,” He rocked the worn out body against his chest. “Go to sleep. I’ll take you to the hospital in the morning, I promise.”
Even though he was so worried about his brother that his insides felt like they were tied up in knots and he could taste vomit coating the back of his throat, Daehyun still managed to fall into an uneasy sleep, Himchan’s soothing hums sending him straight to a night of restless dreams.
---
A shake of his shoulders had him jerking awake the next morning, Mi-Ra’s lined face staring sleepily back at him. “Daehyun? I just got home and I thought you’d want an update before I went to bed.”
He jumped to his feet, eyes searching the room for Himchan.
“He’s in the kitchen.” She told him, seeing his confusion. “I think he’s fixing you breakfast.”
“How’s hyung?”
She sighed. “Not good, sweetheart. But he’s toughing it out. Jongup refused to leave him. He spent the night screaming at the nurses and doctors so he’s probably going to be asleep when you get there.”
He felt a little better knowing Jongup was still there looking out for Yongguk. If anyone could keep him safe it was him. “Does my mom know?”
Mi-Ra nodded. “I called her when we got to the hospital. She’s supposed to be on her way with Yongguk’s brother. She wanted to wait until he got up to tell him.
“Is he…” He took a deep breath. “Is he going to die?”
Her eyes softened as she gave him a weak shrug. “Sweetheart, I want to promise you that everything will be okay but as soon as you see him you’d know I was lying. The doctor said that as long as the swelling in his brain goes down that he might pull out of this. But even if he does he might not be the same Yongguk you remember. We just have to wait and see, okay?”
That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted someone to tell him Yongguk was going to be fine and that he was just a little banged up. He wanted someone to lie to him.
“Himchan said he’s taking you to see him as soon as you eat.” When Daehyun opened his mouth to complain she held a hand up to silence him. “I’ve already got one kid refusing to eat or drink anything. I’m not going to have two of you. Go eat and then you can go. I’m going to sleep for a few hours and then I’ll head back to force Jongup to come home for a bit.”
Himchan had made him a large breakfast. A lot larger than Daehyun thought he could handle at the moment. He obediently took the plate Himchan handed him and sat down at the table only to push it around without even trying anything.
“You need to eat, Daehyun-ah.” Himchan’s authoritative voice spoke up from behind him. “Your hyung won’t want you to be worried and sick. Eat it for him.”
He took a small bite to appease the older boy.
“What if I don’t want to see him?” He asked quietly, his eyes downcast on his plate. “Would that be horrible of me?”
“Of course not.” Himchan’s hand reached over to squeeze his. “But sometimes the right thing to do isn’t always the easiest. Would Yongguk come to see you if you were hurt?”
“Yes.” He answered instantly. “Hyung loves me. He’d do anything for me.”
Himchan’s wince went unnoticed. “Then try and do the same for him. Come on, I’ll pack it up and you can finish on the way there. I made a box for Jongup, too.”
Jongup constantly complained that his brother was uncaring and cold, but Daehyun always had this version of Himchan in his mind. The one who did whatever he could to take care of Daehyun and keep him safe. This was his Himchan. And even if Jongup never got to see it, Daehyun still knew it was always there.
“Hyung?” He stopped the older boy with a hand on his arm. When Himchan turned to look expectantly at him he slid his hand down to tangle his fingers with Himchan’s long ones. “Thank you.”
With a bright smile Himchan squeezed gently over his hand. “Anything for you, Daehyun-ah.”
---
“Dae!” Jongup jumped up from the waiting room chair with tired eyes, the bottoms saggy with dark circles. “They’re taking him down to get scanned again. Said it would be thirty or so minutes more. Want to make sure the swelling isn’t getting any worse.”
Daehyun refused to let go of Himchan’s hand, his support being the only thing that was keeping him on two feet. He turned his head to catch Himchan's eyes, wanting to know he was okay being his anchor.
“Let’s go down to the cafeteria and wait.” Himchan squeezed his fingers in response, a smile trying to cross his face. “I brought you something to eat. You need to finish it or mom will force you home later, trust me.”
His best friend nodded reluctantly. He knew he had to keep strong for his boyfriend and couldn’t do that if he let himself get malnourished.
They sat quietly at the table while Jongup ate. He shoved the food in his mouth as fast as he could. “I want to get back up there and be with him.” He explained to Daehyun and Himchan’s wide-eyed stares at the wild way he ate. “They said that if his swelling has started to go down that they might wake him up for a few minutes to ask him some questions. I’d like to be there.”
Daehyun wasn’t sure what Jongup was expecting to happen. If Yongguk’s mind was damaged what was he going to do? What would happen to Junhong?
A beep came from Himchan's pocket and he blushed trying to fish his phone out. "Sorry." He mumbled, turning it off. "She won't stop calling unless I turn it off."
Daehyun wanted to ask why he didn't just answer her but Jongup was already cleaning his mess up and throwing the trash away.
“Come on.” Jongup wiped his dirty hands on his jeans and headed towards the elevator. “Your mom is supposed to be here soon and I know her and Junhong will want to go in there with him.”
Following him, Daehyun didn’t protest when Himchan’s fingers found his as they waited for the elevator to arrive. Himchan was the only thing he had to lean on right now. He didn’t want to burden Jongup with his pain. His best friend already looked close to cracking as it was.
“Are you okay?” Himchan whispered as they trailed along behind Jongup in the intensive care hallway. “You look a little sick.”
“Jongup said he looked really bad, hyung.” His wet eyes looked up to meet Himchan’s. “I don’t want to see him like that.”
Himchan didn’t know what he was supposed to say to make this easier for him. “I thought you decided last night you could do this?”
He shook his head. “I just don’t want to cry and make Jongup feel worse.”
“He would understand, Daehyun-ah. Jongup knows you’re upset. He might actually feel worse if you don’t show any emotion.”
They stopped at the doorway Jongup had already headed through. Daehyun could see Yongguk’s feet under the blankets but the rest of his body was shrouded by a thick curtain. He took a deep breath and let Himchan pull him into the room.
When he saw what was lying in the bed he was thankful for the warm body pressed against his back, and Himchan’s soothing words murmured into his ear as he wrapped a strong arm around Daehyun's waist to hold him in place.
“Hyung?” His voice was whisper soft as he reached towards the broken body. The only thing recognizable on Yongguk were his hands, those long delicate fingers that ran through his hair only just yesterday.
“The doctor said the swelling should start to get better in a few days and should be gone by a week or so.” Jongup could see the horror on his friend’s face and quickly tried to help. “He’s alive, Dae. That’s all that matters right now. The swelling will go down, the broken bones will heal, Yongguk will wake up. At least he’s still breathing.”
Himchan pulled Jongup away from the bed and towards the chair. “Just sit down. You don’t have to stand by his bed the whole time. He knows you’re here.”
“All we can do now is wait.” Jongup watched his boyfriend sleep, wondering what he was dreaming about.
And so they waited.
(seventeen)
Rated: PG13
Length: 4K
“Your… Your what?” Daehyun’s heart crashed against his rib cage and he was sure everyone in the house could hear how short his breaths were.
“My girlfriend.” Himchan repeated softly. “We’ve been dating since Christmas.” He shook his head and sighed. “Dammit Dae, why’d you have to come back?”
The younger boy felt like he had been punched. “Christmas? When you texted me out of the blue for the first time in months?” He backed away, not wanting Himchan to see him so close to tears. “So were you hoping I would keep responding that night so you could bring her up? Throw her in my face and make me jealous?”
Himchan’s eyes darkened and before Daehyun knew it he was once again trapped between his arms. “Would it though?” He murmured, his fingers tugging against Daehyun’s messy hair, nails scratching over the sensitive scalp just the way he did so long ago. “Would it have made you jealous? Would you have come home? Did you ever even fight for me?”
Daehyun growled and pushed the stronger boy away. “I’m not thirteen anymore, hyung.” He snapped angrily. “Don’t talk to me like I’m too stupid to know what you’re doing.” His face crumpled and Himchan started to reach forward instinctually.
“Daehyun-ah…”
“No.” Daehyun slid his palm over his eyes and shook his head. “I have to stay here for two months. We’ve been apart for three years, what are a couple more months? Just… Just stay away from me, Himchan. I don’t want you even near me.” He turned and stomped off towards Jongup’s bedroom, not even caring that he was interrupting something that should have been private.
“Dae?” Jongup pulled away from his boyfriend with a frown. “Are you okay, buddy?”
“No.” He shoved his face in the carpet and held in a scream. “You could have warned me that your brother had a girlfriend, Jongup. A little heads up would have been great.”
Jongup winced. “Oops. Sorry. You said you were over him.”
“I lied.”
He felt Yongguk’s hand on his back, stroking across his shoulders soothingly. “Remember, if you want to leave with me tomorrow then you can, Daehyunnie. I won’t leave you here unless you really want to stay. I may have told your mother I’d force you, but I’m your brother above everything else.”
Daehyun rolled over and looked up into the older boy’s caring face. He knew Yongguk would gladly endure a rant from Rae-Ha just for him. “It’s okay, hyung.” He replied softly. “I’m sixteen. I should be able to get over things by now.
“I’m twenty and I still get mad when I don’t get my way.” Jongup snorted at his boyfriend. “That Himchan kid’s a brat anyways. He’s not good enough for my brother.”
“Hey!” Jongup glared for a second before shrugging. “You’re right. He isn’t. No one’s good enough for our Daehyunnie.” He cooed, smooshing his cheeks together. “You’re going to live with hyung and I forever and ever and ever!”
Daehyun waved his teasing hands away. “Like I’d ever want to live with a brat like you!”
Yongguk watched them bat at each playfully with a smile on his face. To be perfectly honest, the thought of the three of them (and Zelo, naturally) always being together was his idea of heaven. He couldn’t imagine for one second being without them.
They were his home.
---
Jongup looked at his phone for the tenth time that hour, the frown never leaving his face.
“What’s wrong?”
He glanced up at Daehyun with eyes filled with terror. “Yongguk never called to tell me he made it back home. He should have been back close to two hours ago.”
Daehyun shrugged. “He must have forgotten. Or he was exhausted and went straight to bed.”
“No.” Jongup continued to hold his phone and stare longingly at it. “He never forgets to call me. He’s called me every single night since we started dating. And he knows that I want to hear from him when he drives home. I like knowing he made it back safely. He knows this, Daehyun. Something’s wrong.”
The other boy wasn’t so sure that they should jump to that definite conclusion, but he had to admit, it was really strange for Yongguk not to call his boyfriend. They were always calling each other in their free time, and if they couldn’t speak then they texted.
“Have you tried texting him?”
Jongup opened his text window up and let out a breath. “I’ve texted him three times and called him six. He hasn’t replied and his phone only rings a couple times before going straight to voicemail.”
Daehyun whipped his phone out to call his mother, sighing when she told him she hadn’t heard from Yongguk since they left the house yesterday. “Maybe he went to visit some old friends from when he lived there.” She suggested.
“The only people he talked to were the ones he worked with.” Jongup informed him. “And I know for a fact he wouldn’t go seeking any of them out. Not after…” He trailed off, the both of them knowing exactly what he was referring to.
“You don’t think they would look for him… Do you?” Daehyun spoke up hesitantly.
Tears welled up in Jongup’s eyes at the thought of his sensitive boyfriend running into the men who brutalized his little brother and made their lives a living hell. “Mom.” He finally forced out. “She’ll know what to do.”
Daehyun ran to Jongup’s mother, shoving a surprised Himchan out of his way in the hallway.
“You haven’t spoken to him since he left here?” She counted on her fingers and grimaced. “That was six hours ago. He should have been home by supper time at the latest. And he’s not answering his phone?”
Jongup shook his head, his grip on his phone so tight that Daehyun was worried he’d break it. “He wouldn’t ignore his phone, mom. Not if it was me calling.”
Mi-Ra didn’t seem fazed by her son's admittance that he was important to Yongguk. She just patted his shoulder and promised to make a few calls.
They waited with baited breath in Jongup’s room, his arm wrapped around Daehyun’s shoulders and fingers stroking through his hair. It probably should have been the other way around with him comforting Jongup, but his friend needed to take care of someone right now, his fingertips needed to pretend that the shaggy hair was his boyfriend’s shorter locks.
“What if they found him?” Jongup whispered suddenly. “What if they saw him driving and forced him to stop?” His voice was verging on hysterical but there was nothing Daehyun knew to do to reassure him. “They’d hurt him, Daehyun! Look at what they did to Zelo!”
Daehyun was just as terrified as Jongup was. It had now been close to seven hours since they had spoken to Yongguk. Anything could have happened in that time.
After two hours of waiting in silence while Mi-Ra made phone call after phone call she finally had a lead.
“There’s a boy in the hospital across town.” She informed them as she rummaged through her purse for the car keys. “He had no identification on him when he was brought in but his description matches Yongguk’s.”
Jongup held a palm over his lips and bit back a sob. “Why can’t he identify himself? What happened to him?”
She hesitated, obviously not wanting to tell him the full truth until she found out for sure that it was Yongguk. “This person is in pretty bad shape, Jongup. I don't think you need to know the details." At his glare she sighed and laid a hand on his shoulder. "They’ve put him into a medically induced coma until his body recovers a little bit.”
He shook his head, hand reaching blindly for Daehyun’s, the expression on his face just as terrified as Jongup’s was.
“M-My mom?” Daehyun's heart was racing in his chest, the whooshing in his ears so loud he could barely hear the answer.
Mi-Ra sighed. “I want to find out if it’s Yongguk before I worry Rae-Ha and his brother. Let me just go check things out and I promise that you two will be the first ones I call.”
“No.” Jongup stormed past her and grabbed his shoes from the entry. “Let’s go. Daehyun? You coming?”
He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to find out that the unnamed boy lying unconscious in a hospital bed was his big brother. The brother who had protected him and took care of him for the last three years. If he had to see him lying in a hospital bed completely broken he would never be able to forget it.
“I d-don’t-“
“He can stay here with me.” Himchan spoke up from behind them. “They don’t need two hysterical kids in the hospital. Just take Jongup and I’ll take care of Daehyun.”
He was too distraught to even feel the tiniest bit nervous about being alone with Himchan. All he could think about was Yongguk and how he could be lying hurt in a hospital bed right now.
Everyone knew already that it was him. It was too coincidental not to be. But a small part of him would hold out hope until the last second that his brother just lost track of time, or lost his cell phone, or maybe was stranded on the way home with a flat tire.
“I’ll call you, okay?” Jongup promised, wrapping Daehyun up into a tight squeeze. “The very second we see him, I swear.”
Daehyun nodded, pushing Jongup away. “Hurry up.” He tried to hide the crack in his voice.
The two left quickly leaving Himchan watching Daehyun closely. “You okay, Daehyun-ah?” His voice was gentle, almost as if he was afraid of setting the younger boy off. “You want to talk about it?”
“What do you care?” Daehyun was tired and heartbroken and all he wanted was to go back home to Busan and curl up on the couch with Yongguk’s arm around him as they watched a movie together. He didn’t want to be in this now unfamiliar home with the boy who both held his heart and had destroyed it. “I’m fine hyung. Just… Just go away.”
Himchan growled under his breath, refusing to move from his spot. “I'm not going to go away until we talk about what's going on with us, Daehyun. You're upset and it makes me upset, doesn't that show you that I care about you?.”
He turned around, expression incredulous as he stared at him. “Now Himchan? You’re really doing this now? When my brother could be dying in a hospital all alone? You really think I care that you’re willing to mess around on your girlfriend just because you miss me?”
“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have let her in if I’d known you were here.”
“I don’t care.”
Sighing, Himchan took a step towards him, ignoring the small one Daehyun took away. “Yes you do. Can’t we just talk, Dae? Please? We used to text for hours just talking about nothing. I miss that.”
He knew what Himchan was trying to do: distract him from thinking about Yongguk. But he wished he didn’t have to use something so personal to do it.
“Stop.” He demanded weakly.
Himchan took another step forward. “You miss me. I know you do. But I’m here. I’m right here, Daehyun. Tell me you don’t feel anything towards me. Say it to my face. And I’ll never ask again, I promise.” His eyes clenched shut. “And don’t lie to me.”
Daehyun studied him, watching as Himchan threw every part of him out there for him to do what he wanted with. He realized at that moment that even though he was older, Himchan wasn’t nearly as strong as he pretended to be. His slumped shoulders and tightly clenched eyes were all proving that Daehyun’s words alone could break him into a thousand pieces.
“Daehyun-ah?” Himchan murmured softly. He cracked open an eyelid, confusing marring his face as he spun around in the empty kitchen. “Dae?”
Daehyun curled up into Jongup’s blankets. There was no answer he could give Himchan that would make things right between the two of them. All he could do was slip silently out of the room without saying a word.
He heard Himchan’s door slam and he flinched at the loud sound in the quiet house. That was it, he told himself. You needed closure. You got it.
But his tears weren’t just for worry about his brother.
A few slid down for himself.
---
“It’s him.” Jongup’s broken voice told him over the phone an hour later. “It’s him, Daehyun. He’s… He’s hurt so badly, Dae.”
He buried his crumpled face in his knees, not able to reply. The phone slipped out of his grip, a hand catching it before it could hit the floor.
“Put mom on… What’s going on?” Himchan asked quietly into the line. “You’re positive? Is he going to make it?” He grimaced and glanced down at the sobbing boy below him as he listened to Mi-Ra. “Don’t worry about Daehyun, I’ll take care of him. Have you called their mom yet?” When he hung up, he sat down gingerly beside the curled up lump and rested his hand over Daehyun’s shoulder. “Do you want me to tell you the truth with no sugarcoating?” He got a small nod in response. “They found his car abandoned at a station a few blocks from their old apartment. Apparently he stopped to get gas on his way out of town and was attacked. The gas station attendant said two men grabbed him and dragged him down the street. He has a broken femur, three broken bones in his arm, his ribs are cracked and the coma is for the swelling in his brain from being hit too hard against something.”
With a deep cry, Daehyun launched himself at the older boy, wrapping skinny arms around his neck and burying a tear-streaked face against his t-shirt.
Himchan awkwardly patted his back for a moment before relaxing into his hold, pulling him onto his lap and resting his cheek against the soft brown hair. “It’s okay, Daehyun-ah.” He whispered. “Your hyung wouldn’t want you to get so upset. Just calm down.”
“He only came here because he had to drive me!” Daehyun’s fingers curled tighter into his shirt. “He should be at home with Junhong and it’s my fault, hyung!”
He scratched his nails across the younger boy’s scalp. It instantly relaxed him just like Himchan knew it would, Daehyun’s grip loosening just the slightest bit.
“Your hyung loves you very much, Daehyun.” Even if it annoyed him to say it, Himchan still knew it was true. “You could have thrown him from the car right into his old neighborhood with a giant neon sign pointed at him and he still wouldn’t be angry at you. This isn’t your fault.”
“Everything’s my fault.” Daehyun said angrily. “I’m the reason we had to move, I’m the reason Jongup and I aren’t best friends like we used to be, I’m the reason everything bad has ever happened to everyone I care about.” His breath was hot on Himchan’s throat and he had to fight to keep his arm from jerking against the smaller boy’s waist. “It’s my fault that you and I-“
Himchan tugged him tighter against his chest. “That was both of our faults. We both acted stupid and made mistakes.”
“Hyung, I-“
“Shh,” He rocked the worn out body against his chest. “Go to sleep. I’ll take you to the hospital in the morning, I promise.”
Even though he was so worried about his brother that his insides felt like they were tied up in knots and he could taste vomit coating the back of his throat, Daehyun still managed to fall into an uneasy sleep, Himchan’s soothing hums sending him straight to a night of restless dreams.
---
A shake of his shoulders had him jerking awake the next morning, Mi-Ra’s lined face staring sleepily back at him. “Daehyun? I just got home and I thought you’d want an update before I went to bed.”
He jumped to his feet, eyes searching the room for Himchan.
“He’s in the kitchen.” She told him, seeing his confusion. “I think he’s fixing you breakfast.”
“How’s hyung?”
She sighed. “Not good, sweetheart. But he’s toughing it out. Jongup refused to leave him. He spent the night screaming at the nurses and doctors so he’s probably going to be asleep when you get there.”
He felt a little better knowing Jongup was still there looking out for Yongguk. If anyone could keep him safe it was him. “Does my mom know?”
Mi-Ra nodded. “I called her when we got to the hospital. She’s supposed to be on her way with Yongguk’s brother. She wanted to wait until he got up to tell him.
“Is he…” He took a deep breath. “Is he going to die?”
Her eyes softened as she gave him a weak shrug. “Sweetheart, I want to promise you that everything will be okay but as soon as you see him you’d know I was lying. The doctor said that as long as the swelling in his brain goes down that he might pull out of this. But even if he does he might not be the same Yongguk you remember. We just have to wait and see, okay?”
That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted someone to tell him Yongguk was going to be fine and that he was just a little banged up. He wanted someone to lie to him.
“Himchan said he’s taking you to see him as soon as you eat.” When Daehyun opened his mouth to complain she held a hand up to silence him. “I’ve already got one kid refusing to eat or drink anything. I’m not going to have two of you. Go eat and then you can go. I’m going to sleep for a few hours and then I’ll head back to force Jongup to come home for a bit.”
Himchan had made him a large breakfast. A lot larger than Daehyun thought he could handle at the moment. He obediently took the plate Himchan handed him and sat down at the table only to push it around without even trying anything.
“You need to eat, Daehyun-ah.” Himchan’s authoritative voice spoke up from behind him. “Your hyung won’t want you to be worried and sick. Eat it for him.”
He took a small bite to appease the older boy.
“What if I don’t want to see him?” He asked quietly, his eyes downcast on his plate. “Would that be horrible of me?”
“Of course not.” Himchan’s hand reached over to squeeze his. “But sometimes the right thing to do isn’t always the easiest. Would Yongguk come to see you if you were hurt?”
“Yes.” He answered instantly. “Hyung loves me. He’d do anything for me.”
Himchan’s wince went unnoticed. “Then try and do the same for him. Come on, I’ll pack it up and you can finish on the way there. I made a box for Jongup, too.”
Jongup constantly complained that his brother was uncaring and cold, but Daehyun always had this version of Himchan in his mind. The one who did whatever he could to take care of Daehyun and keep him safe. This was his Himchan. And even if Jongup never got to see it, Daehyun still knew it was always there.
“Hyung?” He stopped the older boy with a hand on his arm. When Himchan turned to look expectantly at him he slid his hand down to tangle his fingers with Himchan’s long ones. “Thank you.”
With a bright smile Himchan squeezed gently over his hand. “Anything for you, Daehyun-ah.”
---
“Dae!” Jongup jumped up from the waiting room chair with tired eyes, the bottoms saggy with dark circles. “They’re taking him down to get scanned again. Said it would be thirty or so minutes more. Want to make sure the swelling isn’t getting any worse.”
Daehyun refused to let go of Himchan’s hand, his support being the only thing that was keeping him on two feet. He turned his head to catch Himchan's eyes, wanting to know he was okay being his anchor.
“Let’s go down to the cafeteria and wait.” Himchan squeezed his fingers in response, a smile trying to cross his face. “I brought you something to eat. You need to finish it or mom will force you home later, trust me.”
His best friend nodded reluctantly. He knew he had to keep strong for his boyfriend and couldn’t do that if he let himself get malnourished.
They sat quietly at the table while Jongup ate. He shoved the food in his mouth as fast as he could. “I want to get back up there and be with him.” He explained to Daehyun and Himchan’s wide-eyed stares at the wild way he ate. “They said that if his swelling has started to go down that they might wake him up for a few minutes to ask him some questions. I’d like to be there.”
Daehyun wasn’t sure what Jongup was expecting to happen. If Yongguk’s mind was damaged what was he going to do? What would happen to Junhong?
A beep came from Himchan's pocket and he blushed trying to fish his phone out. "Sorry." He mumbled, turning it off. "She won't stop calling unless I turn it off."
Daehyun wanted to ask why he didn't just answer her but Jongup was already cleaning his mess up and throwing the trash away.
“Come on.” Jongup wiped his dirty hands on his jeans and headed towards the elevator. “Your mom is supposed to be here soon and I know her and Junhong will want to go in there with him.”
Following him, Daehyun didn’t protest when Himchan’s fingers found his as they waited for the elevator to arrive. Himchan was the only thing he had to lean on right now. He didn’t want to burden Jongup with his pain. His best friend already looked close to cracking as it was.
“Are you okay?” Himchan whispered as they trailed along behind Jongup in the intensive care hallway. “You look a little sick.”
“Jongup said he looked really bad, hyung.” His wet eyes looked up to meet Himchan’s. “I don’t want to see him like that.”
Himchan didn’t know what he was supposed to say to make this easier for him. “I thought you decided last night you could do this?”
He shook his head. “I just don’t want to cry and make Jongup feel worse.”
“He would understand, Daehyun-ah. Jongup knows you’re upset. He might actually feel worse if you don’t show any emotion.”
They stopped at the doorway Jongup had already headed through. Daehyun could see Yongguk’s feet under the blankets but the rest of his body was shrouded by a thick curtain. He took a deep breath and let Himchan pull him into the room.
When he saw what was lying in the bed he was thankful for the warm body pressed against his back, and Himchan’s soothing words murmured into his ear as he wrapped a strong arm around Daehyun's waist to hold him in place.
“Hyung?” His voice was whisper soft as he reached towards the broken body. The only thing recognizable on Yongguk were his hands, those long delicate fingers that ran through his hair only just yesterday.
“The doctor said the swelling should start to get better in a few days and should be gone by a week or so.” Jongup could see the horror on his friend’s face and quickly tried to help. “He’s alive, Dae. That’s all that matters right now. The swelling will go down, the broken bones will heal, Yongguk will wake up. At least he’s still breathing.”
Himchan pulled Jongup away from the bed and towards the chair. “Just sit down. You don’t have to stand by his bed the whole time. He knows you’re here.”
“All we can do now is wait.” Jongup watched his boyfriend sleep, wondering what he was dreaming about.
And so they waited.
(seventeen)