When the rope pulls tight you can feel the devil bite your ass
Lately I've been getting these cravings to drink. Most people who don't have a problem or never had a problem have no way of knowing or understanding. Alcohol is a monster. But you ask yourself.. "why?" "Is it really the booze, or is it that I want to change my state of mind?" They say the same thing to depressed people when they are feeling suicidal. "Do you really want to die, or do you just want to feel better?" Most of the time the answer is that they just want to feel better and they can't, so they want to die. Booze is very similar.
It's very discouraging that it never fully goes away. Like herpes. It's always there, though most of the time it's dormant. But it feels like it's just lying in wait. It's a predator waiting to attack me the second I let my guard down. I just wish it would go away completely, FOREVER. Just up and die. The only method I have of fighting is prayer and anger. And it seems like even when those work, it's only temporary. It sucks. And I hate to be a whiner about this crap, I'm ok, it just frustrates the hell out of me. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of fun. I know I'm not and everyone tells you that, but people act weird around you at parties. They look at you different if you aren't drinking. They treat you differently. Eventually people don't invite you places, and when they do, you really don't get the full affect of an evening.
The blessings of sobriety far outweigh the curses, no doubt about it. It's just a big bummer sometimes. People say "hey brad.. I really admire you for not drinking, what a great accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself! Now I'm gonna go to a party and get drunk and laid. LATER!" It feels like such a hollow victory.
God.. just a bottle of wine.. just to slug a jug.. Lose a weekend in wine and cigarettes. God help me, I need SOMETHING! Let me know what it is
It's very discouraging that it never fully goes away. Like herpes. It's always there, though most of the time it's dormant. But it feels like it's just lying in wait. It's a predator waiting to attack me the second I let my guard down. I just wish it would go away completely, FOREVER. Just up and die. The only method I have of fighting is prayer and anger. And it seems like even when those work, it's only temporary. It sucks. And I hate to be a whiner about this crap, I'm ok, it just frustrates the hell out of me. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of fun. I know I'm not and everyone tells you that, but people act weird around you at parties. They look at you different if you aren't drinking. They treat you differently. Eventually people don't invite you places, and when they do, you really don't get the full affect of an evening.
The blessings of sobriety far outweigh the curses, no doubt about it. It's just a big bummer sometimes. People say "hey brad.. I really admire you for not drinking, what a great accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself! Now I'm gonna go to a party and get drunk and laid. LATER!" It feels like such a hollow victory.
God.. just a bottle of wine.. just to slug a jug.. Lose a weekend in wine and cigarettes. God help me, I need SOMETHING! Let me know what it is