i don't want a career
i don't want to go to graduate school. i really fucking don't. i'm trying to write a personal satement on why i want to, but i can't say anything that isn't a lie. i don't have any accute obsession with one particular segment in art history, i love it all. but not enough to waste time and money on it. i have no drive to "spread the word" or rule the roost at the getty or get tenure at some university. the only reason i'm applying is because i have nothing else to do...no driving force in my life. i should look for a job that isn't waitressing or retail or office. do they exist? i don't even need the money right now. i need something to DO. i don't think i'll regret just not going to grad school. what do people fill their lives with? work and other people. i feel like shit because this is pretty much the hardest thing i've had to tell myself. you won't be happy doing this.