Sleepless in Seat....Germany
Well, I decided to change around my background design. I am not sure which I like better. The other one was kind of cool. It looked like I was writing in pages of an old novel or something. This one's pretty cool too, the only problem is that I found it is hard to read sometimes because the difference between the background color and the font is not very big, so it causes my eyes to strain.
I have been have a pretty rough past couple of days. Nothing like severe depression or anything like that, its just that I have been having a hard time finding my place here in Germany. Its really difficult to find things to occupy my time with (that are wholesome and worth doing) so I just resort to sleeping and playing computer games (that is, in addition to going to class and eating and stuff like that). I guess that the Fachochschule is just so much different from Clemson. There are only about 3,000 students here or something like that. It is also an applied sciences school. There is no "campus" or student housing or student life for that matter. People kind of just live in and around the city and go to the FH, but they don't really claim any allegiance to it like I would to Clemson. So as would be expected, there is not much of a student life here. There are I think three clubs. The Catholic student group, the protestant student group, and choir. So it has been really hard for me to find something to get involved with lately. I have been speaking alot of German, and I feel like I can see myself improving as well so that is always good. I just need to find a group of friends and a couple of activities that I can keep myself occupied with. It is just really hard. It is harder than I thought it would be. I am now that foreign kid. The kid that everybody outwardly likes, but then secretly on the inside they think he is stupid because he can't speak their language without sounding clumsy or dumb. That is me. I know it. Anyway.
I was sitting around after I woke up today. I took a shower and then I was just sitting in my room. I put on some music from a CD mix that I made for Hannah. There are about 12 songs on there. All of the songs that I put on there mean something to me personally. Whether one of the songs is about an emotion that I experienced while falling in love with Hannah, or if it was a song that I felt defined a part of my life, I put it on there. There are rare moments when I listen to music when it is almost as though I am daydreaming, but I am not. I am listening intently to the music, truly enjoying it, but the distractions of the world are blocked out. It is that moment in between sleep and consciousness that sometimes with an outside catalyst can sometimes be a very fruitful and productive time of contemplation. Well anyway, I was lying on my bed, listening to these tracks. As I was in the "Dream" state, truly amazing experiences and memories crossed through my mind. The thing that music does for me is that it either brings up a specific memory, or it bring up a specific emotion that I felt at one time in my life. So I was sitting there on my bed, then suddenly I was speeding down the highway listening to Derek Webb's "I repent" My best friend Matt is behind the wheel of his Chevy Blazer. We got up that morning and were driving from his family's mountain cabin to Beasly Knob to go offroading. "I repent" is playing on Matt's ipod. This scene fades away and I hear Jamie Cullum's "All at sea" start playing as my dormroom from freshman year in college slowly materializes before me. I am sitting at my computer. It is probably around 7:00 in the morning. I need to be going to the shower soon. My roommate Curtis is in the process of waking up. The scene fades. The Beatles "In my life" greets a picture of me 4 years younger riding on a bus to Chicago, Illinois with my church choir group. I borrowed this cd from my brother. It was the first cd I had ever listened to. I fell in love with music because of this song. The scene fades into David Crowder's "Collision. All of my hopes and dreams and determination is wrapped up in this song. I cannot explain how but my heart beats faster when I hear this. My desire to do is strengthened. I want to go change the world for my Lord's sake. The song fades into Bob Dylans' "How many roads." This is the first song that I played in front of a group of people. I sit nervously in front of the microphone for the talent show night at he Methodist camp I went to as a kid, Camp Glisson. Bob Dylan's raspy voice is followed by U2 with Electrical storm. This song makes me nostalgic. Not because I have any particularly great memories while listening to it, but the only time I can remember listening to it was when driving to school last year early in the morning. It makes me remember all of the fantastic times I had last year with four of my best friends in the world. This fades into John Denver's "Annies Song" I first felt true love at the time that this was one of my favorite songs. John Denver fades into Sufjan Stevens. All I can think of was the times I would spend at the park with my girlfriend falling in love with her. It also makes me think of the first time that I kissed her. This fades into silence as the smile of my love remains in my mind's eye. The songs are over but the memories are still there. The time is gone but the songs that bring me back to them are still singing about love and heartache. It is funny how music works. And how it works in my life. A song is composed of many notes and sounds. I would like to view my life as this. It is a song. I am composed of many notes. The notes are memories that I've had, love that I've felt or friends that I miss. Sometimes songs can be discordant. When two notes that are not harmonic come together, they bring disharmony. This is the same way with life. When things aren't happening in our lives they seem discordant and ugly. But all things in life, all of the notes, serve a purpose. The Composer has a reason for every note that he writes on the pages. He has a reason for every tone, every drumbeat that drives you forward. He has a reason for every harmony. He has a reason for every flat and sharp. So though there are times that the notes of my life become wearisome for me, I push onward. In times like today I wonder where this melody is going. But I am comforted because I know that my song is supposed to be beautiful. Beautiful in the eyes of my composer: every note, whether discordant or harmonic, is coming together as He intended, making it beautiful , pleasing to my creator.
I have been have a pretty rough past couple of days. Nothing like severe depression or anything like that, its just that I have been having a hard time finding my place here in Germany. Its really difficult to find things to occupy my time with (that are wholesome and worth doing) so I just resort to sleeping and playing computer games (that is, in addition to going to class and eating and stuff like that). I guess that the Fachochschule is just so much different from Clemson. There are only about 3,000 students here or something like that. It is also an applied sciences school. There is no "campus" or student housing or student life for that matter. People kind of just live in and around the city and go to the FH, but they don't really claim any allegiance to it like I would to Clemson. So as would be expected, there is not much of a student life here. There are I think three clubs. The Catholic student group, the protestant student group, and choir. So it has been really hard for me to find something to get involved with lately. I have been speaking alot of German, and I feel like I can see myself improving as well so that is always good. I just need to find a group of friends and a couple of activities that I can keep myself occupied with. It is just really hard. It is harder than I thought it would be. I am now that foreign kid. The kid that everybody outwardly likes, but then secretly on the inside they think he is stupid because he can't speak their language without sounding clumsy or dumb. That is me. I know it. Anyway.
I was sitting around after I woke up today. I took a shower and then I was just sitting in my room. I put on some music from a CD mix that I made for Hannah. There are about 12 songs on there. All of the songs that I put on there mean something to me personally. Whether one of the songs is about an emotion that I experienced while falling in love with Hannah, or if it was a song that I felt defined a part of my life, I put it on there. There are rare moments when I listen to music when it is almost as though I am daydreaming, but I am not. I am listening intently to the music, truly enjoying it, but the distractions of the world are blocked out. It is that moment in between sleep and consciousness that sometimes with an outside catalyst can sometimes be a very fruitful and productive time of contemplation. Well anyway, I was lying on my bed, listening to these tracks. As I was in the "Dream" state, truly amazing experiences and memories crossed through my mind. The thing that music does for me is that it either brings up a specific memory, or it bring up a specific emotion that I felt at one time in my life. So I was sitting there on my bed, then suddenly I was speeding down the highway listening to Derek Webb's "I repent" My best friend Matt is behind the wheel of his Chevy Blazer. We got up that morning and were driving from his family's mountain cabin to Beasly Knob to go offroading. "I repent" is playing on Matt's ipod. This scene fades away and I hear Jamie Cullum's "All at sea" start playing as my dormroom from freshman year in college slowly materializes before me. I am sitting at my computer. It is probably around 7:00 in the morning. I need to be going to the shower soon. My roommate Curtis is in the process of waking up. The scene fades. The Beatles "In my life" greets a picture of me 4 years younger riding on a bus to Chicago, Illinois with my church choir group. I borrowed this cd from my brother. It was the first cd I had ever listened to. I fell in love with music because of this song. The scene fades into David Crowder's "Collision. All of my hopes and dreams and determination is wrapped up in this song. I cannot explain how but my heart beats faster when I hear this. My desire to do is strengthened. I want to go change the world for my Lord's sake. The song fades into Bob Dylans' "How many roads." This is the first song that I played in front of a group of people. I sit nervously in front of the microphone for the talent show night at he Methodist camp I went to as a kid, Camp Glisson. Bob Dylan's raspy voice is followed by U2 with Electrical storm. This song makes me nostalgic. Not because I have any particularly great memories while listening to it, but the only time I can remember listening to it was when driving to school last year early in the morning. It makes me remember all of the fantastic times I had last year with four of my best friends in the world. This fades into John Denver's "Annies Song" I first felt true love at the time that this was one of my favorite songs. John Denver fades into Sufjan Stevens. All I can think of was the times I would spend at the park with my girlfriend falling in love with her. It also makes me think of the first time that I kissed her. This fades into silence as the smile of my love remains in my mind's eye. The songs are over but the memories are still there. The time is gone but the songs that bring me back to them are still singing about love and heartache. It is funny how music works. And how it works in my life. A song is composed of many notes and sounds. I would like to view my life as this. It is a song. I am composed of many notes. The notes are memories that I've had, love that I've felt or friends that I miss. Sometimes songs can be discordant. When two notes that are not harmonic come together, they bring disharmony. This is the same way with life. When things aren't happening in our lives they seem discordant and ugly. But all things in life, all of the notes, serve a purpose. The Composer has a reason for every note that he writes on the pages. He has a reason for every tone, every drumbeat that drives you forward. He has a reason for every harmony. He has a reason for every flat and sharp. So though there are times that the notes of my life become wearisome for me, I push onward. In times like today I wonder where this melody is going. But I am comforted because I know that my song is supposed to be beautiful. Beautiful in the eyes of my composer: every note, whether discordant or harmonic, is coming together as He intended, making it beautiful , pleasing to my creator.