grrrrr
so itoday my speaker went out in my car except for my bass.pissed me off but it was funny.went to dude to fix it and he was having problems with his car sterio...hmm i see a patern here. so jimmy called to see if i wante dto go see whether tonight which is a buddy's band.i didnt wantt cuz i have so much shit to do here to get set up tp tattoo but i said fuck it ok.went had a couple beers. some dumb bitch tried to i guess set me up with some othe rdumb bithc form peru or something named paudia. pronounced.pout-ee-uh. i was shown pictures if her half naked an dtold se she gets prettier the mor eyou drink.which wa sodd to me cuz she wa s a pretty girl regardless.but she wasnt "the" girl so the admiration was more of a glance. she had the personality of a brick but was pleasantenought.we talked about tattoos and hse said i was witty and charming. i knew this already, but i played along.her friend told me i was adorable and that me and pouty head should hook up/ i sai that would be all find and dandy but her name doesntrhyme with smaytchel and i thought that it wouldnt be appropriate for me to try and fool myself.of course they looked at me in total bewilderment and just acted like i was completely retarded and walked away.i found it amusing. but as pretty as she was i had no interestwhat so ever. saw my buddies band play, they opened for us a couple nihts ago but [ayed much beter this time even though there were only a dozen people there. i had a good time dancin about and hen thier bass broke and they were tryign to fix it and requested a maurer gangsta rap session. so of course being an attention i was more than hapy to oblige. si i did a gansta rap set to the guitar riff of eminems 8 mile theme. i ran out of shit to rhyme abou tof the top of my head so then i broke into one of my deep vault of 2 jokes. they finally borrowed the other bands bass and carred on. i eneded up meeting a girl i tattooe dthere who wa shanging out with her 60 year old mom at a no name rock show. i thought that was cool.they swore they wouldt let anyone tattoo them but me and had gone into unity and found i was no longer there. but they will come see me soon so all is good. had an interesting conversatoion with jimmy on the way home. i never thought i would be a motivational speaker. i think jimmy wa screeped out. he was like dude you have never been inspirational as long as oi have known you. you were always more depressed than anyone i know. i was like wel i dont like that guy he sucked. this is who you get to deal with no wso suck it up asshole.so i got home and my laptop is dead i think my harddrive is fied so i have bno computer until i get it fixed or i borrow jimmys cpu like i am doing now. quite frustrating but there is nothing i can do about it at this point so fuck it. i refuse to let it get me down.now imgonna go to bed.and dream and think and tomorrow will be great.regardless/.i refuse to let itbe any other way.also i got home and found out a friend f mine wrote me a letter.i had written her and told her about how the girl ran away when i told her i loved her. and she told me that i have such a big heart and so much love to give that she could see it being scary for soem girls.idontknow if that wa s a compliment or an insult.but i laughed because its true.its rediculous sometimes how much i care about people.not just the girl but people in general.i made 3 different people smile tonight on the way to the show and jimmy was like why are you going out of your way to make random people laugh. i said because it feels good. i see someone down and i try to cheer them up in my own morbid smart assed way. its fun.i dont care whatpeople think. i never have and that will bnever change.but i like who i am becoming,and one day ill get to share.