untitled
Stephanie said something to me last night that really made me step back and reassert who I am as a person. She said "Sarah Badders, you care too much about other people." I told her that it was in my nature to care about other people, but she said "No, I mean you care too much. You let everyone else's problems become your own and it's bringing you down so bad." She's not the only one who has said that. Kathryn says I put others before myself, which isn't altogether a bad thing, just that I do it to the point that everyone else comes before me.But I can't help it. I love my friends so much and all I want is to fix all their problems for them, but sometimes I can't, no matter how hard I try. I don't know if I'm just not saying the right thing, or if I'm not the right person to talk to, but sometimes it feels like some people just don't want to accept help, they refuse to change. I only realized last night that to a point, stephanie and kathryn are right. I guess I just have to try to sit back and let others work out their stuff in their own way. And I need to stop worrying so much about how everyone else feels, because it just ends up hurting me. Yesterday I was so concerned about how the people around me felt that I was stressed out and uptight all day, which is the exact opposite of my character. It's just going to be so hard for me to let go of this feeling that I have an obligation to make everyone around me as comfortable as possible, because (especially lately) it's been causing so much pain.
On another note, I am seriously debating whether or not I should do crew. I need to work and study and with classes taking up mornings and crew going 3-6 I can't have an on campus job, which is what I need. In fact, I don't think I'm going to do crew, at least not this year. I need to start prioritizing a couple things, and saving money is well toward the top as I have been so careless all summer and am generally careless now. There's always next year, and I'm just a coxswain. Even though they would pay for my tuition and books, my tuition is pretty much free anyway, and books won't be a problem once I've started working and saving. As much as I want to do crew, unfortunately this just isn't the right time. I hate tough decisions like this.
So, now it's time to study and get back on top of everything. I have a job interview that I'm not sure how I'm going to get to because ny dad is as unreliable as...well....he's really unreliable and it's causing more and more problems the more and more I need help from him. I guess that's life. But I still have my wonderful boyfriend whom I love very much and makes everything better just from hugging me and talking to me. I don't know what I would do without him right now. Probably go crazy. Because there are only two people in the world I tell everything, and that's jason and kathryn. I would go completely mental without the two of them.
On another note, I am seriously debating whether or not I should do crew. I need to work and study and with classes taking up mornings and crew going 3-6 I can't have an on campus job, which is what I need. In fact, I don't think I'm going to do crew, at least not this year. I need to start prioritizing a couple things, and saving money is well toward the top as I have been so careless all summer and am generally careless now. There's always next year, and I'm just a coxswain. Even though they would pay for my tuition and books, my tuition is pretty much free anyway, and books won't be a problem once I've started working and saving. As much as I want to do crew, unfortunately this just isn't the right time. I hate tough decisions like this.
So, now it's time to study and get back on top of everything. I have a job interview that I'm not sure how I'm going to get to because ny dad is as unreliable as...well....he's really unreliable and it's causing more and more problems the more and more I need help from him. I guess that's life. But I still have my wonderful boyfriend whom I love very much and makes everything better just from hugging me and talking to me. I don't know what I would do without him right now. Probably go crazy. Because there are only two people in the world I tell everything, and that's jason and kathryn. I would go completely mental without the two of them.