nothing to cry about
i'm having another panic attack.
i'm so scared right now about my life and what is. and where it's going.
what am i doing with my life....nothing.
and that's what scares me. honestly, what is the sense in my existence or in anyones if you don't experience anything. this is making me angry. i sit in my house most of the time going out every couple of days. and to what....nothing. nothing different, or enlightening, or just fucking new. what is this..how long am i supposed to sit here waiting for my gut to sag and mind turn to mush. this is pointless.
i'll get over it.
i'll go to bed and wake up only mildly depressed about my future.
new years eve, i kept leaving the party and barely spoke to anyone the entire night. at one point i was gone for 30 minutes walking around my friends subdivsion and i almost broke down in tears. why....i dont know. i forced myself not to on account that i had nothing to cry about other than my life which so far has amounted to a 2 star movie. it's not incredibly pointless, but definately not worth the 6.50.
by the end of the week i'll have over 3 thousand in my checking account. honestly i'm hoping i get a huge panic attack in a week so i can force my self to really get out of her and either fly across the nation or the atlantic.
i just need something tangible.
i'm so scared right now about my life and what is. and where it's going.
what am i doing with my life....nothing.
and that's what scares me. honestly, what is the sense in my existence or in anyones if you don't experience anything. this is making me angry. i sit in my house most of the time going out every couple of days. and to what....nothing. nothing different, or enlightening, or just fucking new. what is this..how long am i supposed to sit here waiting for my gut to sag and mind turn to mush. this is pointless.
i'll get over it.
i'll go to bed and wake up only mildly depressed about my future.
new years eve, i kept leaving the party and barely spoke to anyone the entire night. at one point i was gone for 30 minutes walking around my friends subdivsion and i almost broke down in tears. why....i dont know. i forced myself not to on account that i had nothing to cry about other than my life which so far has amounted to a 2 star movie. it's not incredibly pointless, but definately not worth the 6.50.
by the end of the week i'll have over 3 thousand in my checking account. honestly i'm hoping i get a huge panic attack in a week so i can force my self to really get out of her and either fly across the nation or the atlantic.
i just need something tangible.