A loooong breastfeeding opinion (sorry!)
I’d like to apologize in advance for the length of this. I was listening to some back episodes of one of my favorite podcasts (Baby Time-if you’re a parent, grandparent, or caregiver, check it out) and some of the things mentioned in the past couple episodes, maybe even further back, have pushed me to outlet my pent-up strong opinions.
The topic: breastfeeding. My background: I’ve been lucky enough to have had the chance to breastfeed my daughter since birth (15 and a half months so far and no, not still exclusively anymore). Please don’t judge me as some breastfeeding nut job until you read what I have to say. If afterwards you still think I am, please contact me about it. I knew nothing about breastfeeding before I got pregnant with my daughter, but, in the end, I decided it was the best thing for my situation. I’m not trying to force my choice to breastfeed on everyone else with all this. I’m only trying to get people to at least accept other people’s choices, and hopefully, in the end, try to make allowances for those decisions.
I’d like to start right into my issues now. I’m not insulting formula-feeding parents, but I’d like to use them as an example. If these parents were feeding their baby with a bottle, they’d be able to do so anywhere with very few exceptions. No one would bat an eye and actually would be more likely to see it as cute or beautiful. It’s not that it’s not, because any child being fed by loving caregivers, no matter the method, is a beautiful thing. It’s just unfair to let a child be bottle-fed anywhere and then turn around and banish a breastfeeding mother to the public restroom, where, I might note, most people would never eat anything or even think about eating anything. If a child eating is a natural thing, then why should breastfeeding, the purely natural way of feeding, be so different? Again, not bashing formula-feeding parents. I understand there are lots of factors that might push a woman to not breastfeed. Whatever the reason, be it personal choice or financial or physical considerations, whatever the woman decides is the right decision.
Topic change: breastfeeding is not nudity. When one goes to almost any public place, you are met with many women wearing hardly anything at all, yet this is accepted by most people. I’m definitely not accepting it, by the way. I’m very staunch about being modest in public. But breastfeeding isn’t nudity. It’s nowhere near nudity. And you don’t have to go by my word. Google "breastfeeding laws" and you’ll get lots of links to resources describing the various laws on the books of all the states (and some U.S. territories) supporting breastfeeding. Several states made laws stating that breastfeeding is not considered public indecency. I like the law for my state (Indiana) that says a breastfeeding mother has the right to breastfeed anywhere she has the right to be.
Today’s society is what has changed the breast from a natural source of food for babies to something that’s purely sexual. I’m not saying a bare breast is acceptable, again, I’m adamant that modesty is the way to go. I’m just saying we need to break out of our comfort zone and realize that a breastfeeding baby isn’t sexual. As a breastfeeding mother I, for one, would find it very disturbing to see my daughter’s nursing is something sexual. (Insert any joke about inbreeding families here.)
I do want to note I don’t support breastfeeding in a manner that’s not modest. I’m not talking about accidental immodesty. Many a time my daughter has squirmed her way off the breast and off my lap. And also, not every breastfeeding mother can use a blanket to cover herself up. Some babies, my daughter included, never last more than a few months before they’re pulling that blanket off so they don’t miss anything while they’re eating, a feeling I empathize with, as I don’t want to miss anything either. I’ve had to breastfeed in lots of places such as in our truck, a few public bathrooms-some nice and some not so nice, a few restaurants, and my two favorites-at the State Fair in a weird little shelter type thing as the lactation tents were too far away or full and on the ground only a little ways off the path at the Feast of the Hunter’s Moon, which is a cool festival near Lafayette or West Lafayette, Indiana I don’t remember which or exactly where-sorry all y’all Northern Hoosiers. In all of those places I was in public, well, not the restrooms, but I was discreet every time. At the Feast I struggled to keep my daughter covered and, with my husband’s help, I did.
Now to my strongest opinion: if you shelter your child from breastfeeding, especially a young child, then it’s very possible you may be setting them up for a hard parenthood. A girl taught that a breastfeeding mother is something disgusting or whatever, you’re setting her up for failure when she becomes a mother. She could very likely not be supportive of, let alone willing to try breastfeeding (if she’s able). You’ll have single-handedly deprived your future grandchild(ren) of one of the best things possible for them as a newborn. A boy taught the same thing could end up clashing with his wife over breastfeeding, not supporting her, or even forcing her to not breastfeed. In this case you have also deprived your future grandchild(ren).
You may say "I’m not saying it’s disgusting." You may not actually tell your child that breastfeeding is disgusting, but every time you shoo your kids past a breastfeeding mother or cover their eyes or other such action meant to quickly distract their attention and when you make sure to avert your own eyes, you tell them there’s something wrong with what’s going on. If you’re anti-breastfeeding for everyone, first I’d ask why? Whatever happened with your kids, why can’t you allow other parents to make their own choices? You made yours. Why can’t everyone else?
Whatever your stance on breastfeeding, you can at least explain to your children that breastfeeding is a natural process, even if you didn’t breastfeed for whatever reasons, or something similar that’s acceptable for you. If your children are older, you should allow them to come to their own conclusion as to whether it’s wrong or not. You may act like it’s shameful out of shame from not being able to breastfeed. You may also feel teaching your non-breastfed kids that breastfeeding is okay that you’re criticizing your own parenting style. You’re not. You’re alerting them to everything that’s out there and allowing them to make the judgment, especially if your children are older (though a child’s range of choices is a parental choice as well, so take that into account). Parenting is all about doing what’s best for your kids, even if what you had done isn’t what’s best anymore.
I’m not advocating letting/having your children stare at a breastfeeding mother, since that’d be just weird for the mother being stared at, but just give them a short explanation of what’s going on to satisfy their curiosity. Breastfeeding is an individual woman’s choice. Breastfeeding mothers shouldn’t look down on formula feeding mothers and vice versa. We make our choices based on what’s best for our child(ren) and our family. Last I checked there’s not ever been any two families exactly alike, so no decision is going to fit every family perfectly. We just need to stop judging other parents and raise our kids with the mindset that every single thing we do to parent them is teaching them how to parent their children. It’s never too late to be a good parent and nowadays good parents are more rare a gift than gold.
As a quick aside: I’d like to take a moment right now to praise working breastfeeding mothers. My husband and I have somehow managed to survive with me staying at home, and I have no idea if I’d have breastfed as long as I have, or even at all, if I had had a "real job."
The topic: breastfeeding. My background: I’ve been lucky enough to have had the chance to breastfeed my daughter since birth (15 and a half months so far and no, not still exclusively anymore). Please don’t judge me as some breastfeeding nut job until you read what I have to say. If afterwards you still think I am, please contact me about it. I knew nothing about breastfeeding before I got pregnant with my daughter, but, in the end, I decided it was the best thing for my situation. I’m not trying to force my choice to breastfeed on everyone else with all this. I’m only trying to get people to at least accept other people’s choices, and hopefully, in the end, try to make allowances for those decisions.
I’d like to start right into my issues now. I’m not insulting formula-feeding parents, but I’d like to use them as an example. If these parents were feeding their baby with a bottle, they’d be able to do so anywhere with very few exceptions. No one would bat an eye and actually would be more likely to see it as cute or beautiful. It’s not that it’s not, because any child being fed by loving caregivers, no matter the method, is a beautiful thing. It’s just unfair to let a child be bottle-fed anywhere and then turn around and banish a breastfeeding mother to the public restroom, where, I might note, most people would never eat anything or even think about eating anything. If a child eating is a natural thing, then why should breastfeeding, the purely natural way of feeding, be so different? Again, not bashing formula-feeding parents. I understand there are lots of factors that might push a woman to not breastfeed. Whatever the reason, be it personal choice or financial or physical considerations, whatever the woman decides is the right decision.
Topic change: breastfeeding is not nudity. When one goes to almost any public place, you are met with many women wearing hardly anything at all, yet this is accepted by most people. I’m definitely not accepting it, by the way. I’m very staunch about being modest in public. But breastfeeding isn’t nudity. It’s nowhere near nudity. And you don’t have to go by my word. Google "breastfeeding laws" and you’ll get lots of links to resources describing the various laws on the books of all the states (and some U.S. territories) supporting breastfeeding. Several states made laws stating that breastfeeding is not considered public indecency. I like the law for my state (Indiana) that says a breastfeeding mother has the right to breastfeed anywhere she has the right to be.
Today’s society is what has changed the breast from a natural source of food for babies to something that’s purely sexual. I’m not saying a bare breast is acceptable, again, I’m adamant that modesty is the way to go. I’m just saying we need to break out of our comfort zone and realize that a breastfeeding baby isn’t sexual. As a breastfeeding mother I, for one, would find it very disturbing to see my daughter’s nursing is something sexual. (Insert any joke about inbreeding families here.)
I do want to note I don’t support breastfeeding in a manner that’s not modest. I’m not talking about accidental immodesty. Many a time my daughter has squirmed her way off the breast and off my lap. And also, not every breastfeeding mother can use a blanket to cover herself up. Some babies, my daughter included, never last more than a few months before they’re pulling that blanket off so they don’t miss anything while they’re eating, a feeling I empathize with, as I don’t want to miss anything either. I’ve had to breastfeed in lots of places such as in our truck, a few public bathrooms-some nice and some not so nice, a few restaurants, and my two favorites-at the State Fair in a weird little shelter type thing as the lactation tents were too far away or full and on the ground only a little ways off the path at the Feast of the Hunter’s Moon, which is a cool festival near Lafayette or West Lafayette, Indiana I don’t remember which or exactly where-sorry all y’all Northern Hoosiers. In all of those places I was in public, well, not the restrooms, but I was discreet every time. At the Feast I struggled to keep my daughter covered and, with my husband’s help, I did.
Now to my strongest opinion: if you shelter your child from breastfeeding, especially a young child, then it’s very possible you may be setting them up for a hard parenthood. A girl taught that a breastfeeding mother is something disgusting or whatever, you’re setting her up for failure when she becomes a mother. She could very likely not be supportive of, let alone willing to try breastfeeding (if she’s able). You’ll have single-handedly deprived your future grandchild(ren) of one of the best things possible for them as a newborn. A boy taught the same thing could end up clashing with his wife over breastfeeding, not supporting her, or even forcing her to not breastfeed. In this case you have also deprived your future grandchild(ren).
You may say "I’m not saying it’s disgusting." You may not actually tell your child that breastfeeding is disgusting, but every time you shoo your kids past a breastfeeding mother or cover their eyes or other such action meant to quickly distract their attention and when you make sure to avert your own eyes, you tell them there’s something wrong with what’s going on. If you’re anti-breastfeeding for everyone, first I’d ask why? Whatever happened with your kids, why can’t you allow other parents to make their own choices? You made yours. Why can’t everyone else?
Whatever your stance on breastfeeding, you can at least explain to your children that breastfeeding is a natural process, even if you didn’t breastfeed for whatever reasons, or something similar that’s acceptable for you. If your children are older, you should allow them to come to their own conclusion as to whether it’s wrong or not. You may act like it’s shameful out of shame from not being able to breastfeed. You may also feel teaching your non-breastfed kids that breastfeeding is okay that you’re criticizing your own parenting style. You’re not. You’re alerting them to everything that’s out there and allowing them to make the judgment, especially if your children are older (though a child’s range of choices is a parental choice as well, so take that into account). Parenting is all about doing what’s best for your kids, even if what you had done isn’t what’s best anymore.
I’m not advocating letting/having your children stare at a breastfeeding mother, since that’d be just weird for the mother being stared at, but just give them a short explanation of what’s going on to satisfy their curiosity. Breastfeeding is an individual woman’s choice. Breastfeeding mothers shouldn’t look down on formula feeding mothers and vice versa. We make our choices based on what’s best for our child(ren) and our family. Last I checked there’s not ever been any two families exactly alike, so no decision is going to fit every family perfectly. We just need to stop judging other parents and raise our kids with the mindset that every single thing we do to parent them is teaching them how to parent their children. It’s never too late to be a good parent and nowadays good parents are more rare a gift than gold.
As a quick aside: I’d like to take a moment right now to praise working breastfeeding mothers. My husband and I have somehow managed to survive with me staying at home, and I have no idea if I’d have breastfed as long as I have, or even at all, if I had had a "real job."